hmm...

So says this article. I'm subscribed to 101 things and one of them is Change.org. I receive these updates from them regularly about the condition of our world and the difficulties that people around me face daily. I read it and exclaim and rave and rant to AB, come up with a blog post very rarely, do anything about it even more rarely. Actually do nothing. I know. I know its sickening. I've realized slowly over the years that I've moved away from the passionate activist on the road to a pseudo on-the-couch (literally!) activist. It irks me, yes. And that is all it does to me. Since this post is not about how apathetic I've become, I shall move on to the article mentioned earlier.

When I read that particular article, I was wild. I've always been a feminist and always fought, sometimes illogically, radically. But men haven't topped my list of favourites ever. This article reminded me of a particular colleague S. No one liked him. He was like this animal on a prey. I know it sounds harsh. But I felt that way every time he waited for a new batch of employees to join and sought out girls in that batch and offered to help them settle down in office/city. No one could believe that a highly educated man as S working in a company as big as mine was was a lech. He did not exactly harass sexually. But then, what is your definition of sexual harassment? Is it when men actually harass you physically? Or, do those 'come hither' comments, numerous attempts to make friendship, to take you out count too? I'm writing this post with great venom against the man. I was just fortunate that there were other people in my batch who were prettier, slimmer, ready to go out for late night parties and more importantly, girls who needed help settling down in the city/workplace. Thanks to my clumsiness, or my talkativeness or the fact that half my college was recruited that year, I did not really need to settle down. I also had very considerate cab mates who warned me. But I realized soon that this wasn't about one pretty woman. It was about women. Several people joined after me. In fact, we were hiring aggressively and new graduates were being hired. So, we had a batch for training every week. This person, S was someone who helped us understand the processes at work when we were new. It was a routine act for him. He'd come by to help us. Unfortunately, we'd call him for help, since we needed to get done with the work. He'd come by, stand close to us, talk to us, make us comfortable - there was a routine and a procedure to help a new employee. I've done it too. Only, I haven't ended the Q & A session with an already confused new employee with the question: "What you doing this weekend?" Or, "Saturday night is for letting your hair down. I can take you and you can get to know a lot of people in this office better!" Many unsuspecting girls said yes. Someone was willing to drive them, introduce them to some more nice people, some harmless fun and that is all. After all, he was their colleague, and they needed help, anyway. And they were new. Obviously, the wrong time to be assertive and say no. After one such conversation that my friend and I overheard, we decided to take matters in our hand. We inquired around and found that this was normal practice and everyone knew about it. Managers included. Perfect, we thought then. Only later did we realize that no one wanted to do anything about it, or that everyone thought it was extremely funny. You see, he was one of those popular people in the office. More importantly, he allowed people to laugh at hime. He'd say funny things, do funny things and belonged to a popular gang in office. So, ya, it wasn't important. Anyway, nowadays, the girls were smart and S was harmless, really - This was the response we received everytime we spoke up.

From then on, my friend and I took it upon us to talk to new employees casually - just like S. Generally talk about office, offer help with anything they might need, and in a sentence talk about how there were several nice people in the office to help. Somewhere in the middle, we did warn them about S. It was quite easy, coz S was always a step ahead of us. So, when we mentioned his name, the girls'd anyway double check ( in spite of saying yes to the outing btw) and then refuse to go out later. Which was fine. Finally, he seemed to have stopped. We only realized later that he was really senior in the company now, and he just did not have the time to interact with all the newer employees. Also our hiring rate grew so much that we did not know half the employees. Even later, during one of the times we had to give feedback on our fellow employees, he came by my desk and peered into my computer - something no one should be doing anyway, and more importantly, not during the time when someone is writing feedback about his/her peers since it is confidential. He even joked about the process and spoke of writing my feedback (a lie, I knew). I just lost it then, and spoke to his manager. The next day, the whole office received a warning about this in an email. Confidentiality was stressed on, and warnings in general were given. He shut up after that, and ignored me totally. Which was good, yes.

I dunno why I spoke so much about him. I'm no longer in touch with S. However, I read this article and my blood boiled, and I thought of how men all over the world just get away with what they do. To continue the human race? Is that why sexual harassment at workplace could actually be legal? So what about rape then? Is that legal too? I mean, after all, that could help in continuing the human race too, right? Only, these are considered 'crimes' against women. But then women need to understand that they should stop thinking selfishly and contribute to the human race.

I read somewhere that there was an ad agency in Mumbai whose manager actually marked his women employees' menstruation dates on his calendar, so he could not give them important work during their PMS days. I will not be surprised if everyday is PMS day for us with such men around. I do not want to start a whole feminist rant here. But really, are we progressing at all? We are not willing to give a woman her rights to her own body aka Niketa Mehta's case, we say sexual harassment is necessary, and there are men who feel we won't perform well thanks to a natural cycle which is why they are here. And we are talking of Sarah Palin and women leaders? I do not care if Sonia Gandhi is a strong woman or if Sarah Palin wins. Coz it does not really seem to make a difference, does it?

I know the above written piece is written horribly, with no beginning or end or anything in it. I'm facing a blogger's block and not written in long. However, this just got me wild and I did not want to take it out on the only man around me, my husband who is one of those men who gives a good name to men. So, this post. Bear with me, like you bear with all those men.

Sometimes when you are so down, so depressed, so upset over the trivial things in life, you get a shock, a slap on your face telling you how unimportant your so-called problems are, how unimportant it is to scream in frustration for not having a job, how unimportant you are because some people, some very talented people, some good people just lose everything they have, everyone they love.

Two of my colleagues Hari and Roshni are missing after this incident. In fact, they are assumed to be no more. One other colleague and a friend, Ashok escaped in the nick of time. I know all three of them fairly well. Its not like someone who worked in the same office as me and I did not know them, is no more, you know? Hari was a jolly man. Very talented with music and photography, he only recently married fellow photographer, fellow ornithologist, fellow wildlife enthusiast, Roshni. I know Roshni as my junior during my CIEFL days. A very talented actor, she was quite a star and very well-known in CIEFL. Roshni, we may never have interacted as much or even noticed each other as much, but you being no more feels dreadful.

Ashok is someone I admire and adore. Very quiet, very unobtrusive, super talented again, patience personified, Ashok is a fellow Bangalorean, fellow Yosemite lover. How I remember those treks along Yosemite. Thanks Ashok for all those memories. I'm glad you're still around. I'm here to give you all the strength and hope I can from this far off, to help you come out of this tragedy a better person, a stronger man.

I watched the Dark Knight last night. Yes, good movie, Heath Ledger was fantastic and all that. However, my blood boiled every time the joker won. Every single time. Yes, it could be due to the marvellous acting by the late Heath Ledger. However, I was an angry woman when I walked out of the hall. I was raving and ranting and was uber-passionate about how hard it is to fight evil. It only seems to get harder. I felt the length of the movie was symbolic of the struggle it takes to overcome evil. I came out thinking of how only good people suffer. Always. Hari, Roshni, Ashok, their families - what fault of theirs led them to this tragic incident? I'm still not willing to call it an end. It hurts. I'm shaking as I write this post though I hardly knew them well enough to cry copious tears. But something bonded us. In concrete terms, it could be Google, it could be CIEFL theatre club, the B-wing of the Ladies Hostel, however, I think what binds me to these three is the inherent goodness in each of us. Such circumstances make Harvey Dents of us. Here I am, being a Dent wishing it wasn't these three who were affected. I'm a Dent when I get jealous seeing all those people having jobs, perfect figures, all that I want. So, do I want others who I do not know being affected?

The joker was right. It is when you do not plan, that the most common of things/incidents make you lose your mind. No one certainly (hopefully) planned this fire. However, we did plan that attack on Kashmir or on Saddam Hussein or the Darfur tragedy. Didn't we all accept them? A lot of us wrote a couple of posts on our blog but the pain hasn't stayed on forever. Atleast for me, it hasn't. I personally am very sensitive to world politics and to people around me. But, it still does not make as much difference to my life as much as not having a job does.

Sometimes, you do not like some things/ some people and we make such a big issue of it. And when that person/thing is no longer available, it hurts. We wish we'd been nicer with the person, and not made a big issue of nothing. When someone you know is no more, this is how it is. I start beating myself thinking of how I should have been nicer to them. This time is no different. I'm sorry Hari and Roshni. I did not particularly take interest in what you did. I certainly wish I did, now. I did not particularly try to know you guys better. And I'm sorry about that. This is turning out to be hollow and so I shall stop.

Rest in peace, you guys. Ashok, take care. I haven't ever been in your position and hope that I will never be. However, I do know that whatever happens, this too shall pass. Keep faith.