Carefully Orchestrated Chaos

We don't have Internet service yet. Sorry, I probably won't post for a long time. Sorry for the anticlimactic blog!

This is the earliest I've ever finished a Halloween costume! E has wanted to be a "mean witch" for the past three months. I kept waiting for her mind to change, but she is my determined little woman. I'm trying every chance I can get to encourage her independent decision making (since it's such a struggle for me). To be honest, I was really releaved that she wanted to be something out of the norm from our daily enactments of princess stories and Charlotte's Web. But, I also feared that she would change her mind as soon as I went to the effort of making a costume.

After testing her resolve in numerous ways, we finally buckled down to design/assemble her costume yesterday. I was trying to compensate for neglecting her with reading and packing. She was a great little helper. Still not sure the motivation behind her choice, but isn't she cute?!?! She wore the dress all day ; ).

Our (new) computer is dying so we must send it away to the hospital. I do NOT recommend Gateways. (We have already returned another one.) Sorry if I don't respond/post for a while.

It's been a nutzo month:

• Ben resigns.
• We go "home" to interview.
• Jobs offer... Offer from Job W (for wilderness) is 9K higher than offer from Job L (for LDS). Interesting thing is that the benefit package from Job L makes up for the gap.
• We lean toward L (which re-enters as a contender by offering a location closer to family - a given for Job W but unheard of for new-comers to Company L).
• Job W (knowing that they are loosing us) comes back with 10K more. L's benefits don't fill the now 19K gap!
• We pray, deliberate (for the fourth time), and bid adieu to thoughts of living "comfortably."
• We sign on with Company L - which appears to be better for Ben professionally and for our long-term goals.
• I cry - Me: Can't we have it all - the right job and the right pay? God: No, the other is dirt in the proverbial conference bucket. Me: Shucks
• I start to get over it.
• We pack.
• We move - at month's end.

I try to keep our whereabouts off of this blog, so I hesitate to say where we are moving. Let's just say we've gone a very circuitous route to end up 400 miles or so from where we began! We won't see much of the snow though. You can guess our whereabouts through "comments." I won't post your guesses but will respond via email. Sorry for the hassle.

Thanks for your prayers - though I may need them now more than ever as this is not a place of fond memories for me. Guess I'm going to get rid of some baggage. More than anything, we are grateful to have a stable job doing what Ben was meant to do.

PS In an effort to "unwind" in all of this, we've become addicts of The Office. But shhhh, we're still on Season 2! We love TV on DVD... now we have power over what/when we watch!

Well, we've had a great interview trip and have been able to visit with all of the grandparents and several "aunties" and "uncles". Life is good. But we don't yet have any answers. I feel as confused as ever, but we'll just wait to see what the final offers are and what feels right then (hopefully something will).
My brother got lost for several dark hours on the Alaskan tundra on his caribou hunt this weekend. I'm very grateful to have him home (especially since he was hauling oodles of raw meat and was a prime bear target). He relayed that the experience caused him to reflect on the uncertain aspects of his life and what he wants. I wonder... will he propose? ; ) Just teasing Ry. No pressure!

Well, my husband is unemployed as of yesterday (by his choice). Long story, but I'm proud of him for having and upholding his code of ethics. Surprising how many people think that's ridiculous though.

I keep remembering being at my stepgrandfather's funeral and how the first thing that every person said about him is that he had integrity. That's the first thing I associate with his memory. I'm learning that his brand of integrity doesn't just come, it has to be earned.

I'm sure things will work out from here, but it's kind of scary... especially with twins on the way! We're just grateful that we still fall under the student umbrella. There's great security here that we're a bit scared to leave.

I've got it (of course). Lost 18 lbs w/ E, 10 lbs w/ B, 8 lbs so far. Lovely. Gross. Arg.

Sweet Ben makes smoothies for me every night. Finally found one that soothes the savage intestines:

Soothie Smoothie
(Ginger Lime Apple)

1 sweet apple (mmm Fuji)
1 lime (cut peel off along one axis - leave some)
3/4" chunk ginger
1.5 c ice
1 c milk
1/3 c sugar

Put ingredients in blender in whatever form your blender can handle, zap 'em up, enjoy!

Mmmmm!

Both twins are still there. No vanishers! Yah! What are we going to do!?!?!? People watched us juggling Benjo in church last week and laughed at the thought. (Hopefully they'll stop laughing and start helping come March. ; ) And yes, once again.... this was a deliberate decision... or so we thought. Heavenly Father just had to thicken the plot with two!

Any suggestions on a great 8 passenger vehicle with excellent fuel efficiency*, reliability, and whatever else is desirable in a ride? Of course, the Sienna comes to mind, but I keep thinking there has to be some angle on this decision that I haven't thought of (BTW: Suburban's out - too gasy and I'd be too big a hazard behind that wheel).

I'll post photos again someday when we have a full-functioning computer... maybe November? = {

PS In lieu of the book I know I must write but fear I never will, I've started an additional blog. It is something I feel strongly about but is definately a large work in progress. It'll be accessible under "projects" in the sidebar.

*I do realize that at this point "8 passenger" and "fuel efficient" are mutually exclusive, but I have to dream!

Took off for lunch with a couple of fantastic moms and Governor Romney (well, we just heard him speak and took a photo -which my camera- lost with him). Very charismatic man... and I think very excellent in some important regards. For me right now I think my biggest concerns are: health care (a mess!), sustainable use of natural resources (atrocious!), and the Iraq situation (all of the above!). Of course, there are other pressing issues (the family), but right now these are the three that I deliberate at length. Unfortunately, I have not heard him address the second. In fact, the only related "issues" section on his website is "energy." Important yes, but it MUST be couched in a much larger paradigm to management of natural resources. Sigh.

Are republicans really just going to continue pretending that the issue doesn't exist; that we're not at a point in world civilization when these issues must be addressed? Arg. It's ok if they're not scientists, can't they just get some non-big business funded science advisers? Arg! Ok, but this is a tirade for another blog (I actually have one reserved that I'm gearing up to launch whenever I get brave enough).

I love what he's done for Massachusetts's health care though. News flash: THE CURRENT SYSTEM IS NOT WORKING! Something needs to change, and socialized medicine -the model which many other top candidates seem to be promoting- is NOT the answer (in my humble opinion). I have lived in a country where that is the system. Sure, I could always see a doctor, but here's what it entailed: having a whole slew of student observers for an exam of a rather private nature; calling in the morning with bronchitis to be assigned a general time slot at which to show up to a clinic where I then waited for an hour only to be called back with ten other people who all watched one another other as we one-at-a-time filed to the chair to be swiped, swabbed, and prescribed. Nuts! The system is awful for both patients and doctors! Though our system right now isn't much better -with only insurance bureaucrats and malpractice lawyers truly profiting. But back to Governor Romney... his approach flushed out a major foundational flaw that I hadn't really pinpointed... so many people who don't have insurance drive up health care costs because they receive treatments for which they can never pay. His solution was to implement compulsory insurance (everyone must have coverage) but to offer different levels of assistance based on income so that everyone could afford it. This actually decreases the cost of both medical services as well as insurance premiums. It makes perfect sense to me... Many states require all drivers to carry insurance coverage. Yet, so many people are living on the brink of medical need without any coverage. Hospitals are required by law to treat everyone regardless of ability to pay, so it makes sense that everyone should be required to assume some level of responsibility for their health... and to make that attainable through affordable insurance is all too necessary. Anyway, this is such a big deal for me. Governor Romney took a mess and emerged with an out-side of the box/realistic solution.

On to the war. Admittedly, I don't have much of an idea of what needs to be done here besides that we're there and must not leave things in a lurch... and that while we're there we must be providing adequate resources to those laboring there.

I like Governor Romney. I feel like he has a demonstrated ability to assess difficult situations and turn them around (that's how he made his bucks as a professional). And I think our nation desperately needs that. Though many would blow him off, I think he is a strong candidate. I admittedly need to investigate other candidates more though.

Gov. Romney came to Atlanta. I didn't make this poster... was just holding it for a friend.

So, you don't know how far along you are in your pregnancy? An early ultrasound is one method of clearing some of the confusion. Here is a synopsis of our experience with one yesterday:

Nurse Practitioner: So here's the first one.
Me: Oh. (Unspoken: What does she mean first one?... She must mean first angle.)
NP: So baby's measuring about 7 weeks. That puts your due date at March 28th.
Me: March? Great. I was figuring April. Ok.
NP: Ok, now here's the second one.
Me: What?.... Are you talking about twins? Are there two in there!?!?
NP: Yah, I was wondering how long that would take you.
Me: What? I'm having twins?!
NP: That's what it looks like.
Me: What?
Ben: [laughing in a hysterically joyful way] We're having twins!!! [read in super animated gleeful male voice]
Me: What!?!?!? Oooops, I think I prayed for this when I was younger. I guess you really do have to be careful what you pray for.

Well, she thought we were idiots for not getting it sooner, but I was half expecting her to tell us that we were wrong and that I'm not really pregnant. The last thing I EVER thought I'd hear was this.

My initial reaction was "How will we do this?!?!" But now after reading up on things a bit, I'm really confused and don't know whether to plan on two babies or not. She didn't mention any of the following, but as I've read more on fraternal (dizygotic, nonidentical, each with their own placenta) twins, I've learned some interesting news....

The Vanishing Twin
An interesting phenomenon has been noticed now that ultrasound exams are available for most pregnancies, facilitating detection of pregnancy at earlier and earlier stages. There have been many cases in which early-pregnancy ultrasound exams showed twins, only to have a subsequent ultrasound show only one fetus, with no sign of the other having been present. Sometimes the mother had experienced mild vaginal bleeding or cramps, and at other times she had no symptoms. This is the vanishing twin phenomenon.

Charles E. Boklage, M.D., and others have studied the vanishing twin, and it has been found to be more common than first realized. In one study, 325 twin pregnancies were identified very early by ultrasound exam and followed through the entire pregnancy. The study reported that 61 (18.8 percent) ended as twin births, 125 (38.5 percent) ended as singleton births, and 139 (42.8 percent) ended as a complete loss of the pregnancy.
Generally, the vanishing twin fetus is absorbed back into the uterus or degenerates as pregnancy advances. The likelihood of survival for the other co-twin is good.

There may be more twins than we realize. Boklage has concluded that the "true" twinning rate is closer to one in eight at conception. He feels that for every live-born twin pair, there are at least six singletons that have lost a twin without anyone ever knowing it. Some feel that the survival of just a few more of these twin conceptions could increase the twinning rate remarkably. This could be another explanation of why the rate of twins has recently increased.

Anyone may have had an undetected twin in the womb. It is conjectured that since twins are more likely to be left-handed than the normal population, left-handed singletons may be surviving co-twins of a vanishing identical!

So now I'm not sure how to feel. After the initial overwhelming "What?!?!" phase, I found myself becoming excited for twins. Now, I'm nervous to get my mind too fixed on two babies. Hmmm... I guess we'll see what happens. The NP did prepare me for the idea that there might be some spotting, but not that I might not have twins or that there was a strong statistical probability of loosing both babies. I don't know anything about the design or accuracy of the above study, but those look like pretty crazy odds. Anyway, yet another roller coaster on the ride that is prenatal life. She also informed me that they'd be planning on an early C-section. What?!?! Is this not my body?!?! I may be finding a new office.

I'm joining the Pay It Forward Craft Exchange (if you knew the talent of the person I've responded to, you'd understand why). Here's the schpill:

"I will send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on my blog requesting to join this PIF exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you WILL receive it within 365 days. That is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog."

Our computer drowned. It didn't actually come in contact with the flood waters that Maintenance sent into our apartment, but the added humidity was too much for it. It just died.

Bet you all thought it was just another failed attempt at blogging - eh OhhMamma ; ) ? Me too. I wondered if this and other set-backs with previous efforts were just signs that I shouldn't be sending too many thoughts out on the web... Or maybe we're just back to the whole entropy thing! See?! It's out to get me!

To be honest, until I started blogging, I had tons of posts swimming in my head. But now that the forum is in place, the brainwaves don't seem to be. Could it be pregnancy brain? Oh, did I say that? Well, all of you know, I'm an absolutely awful secret keeper... it's easier to live in an open book. I'm not very far along... actually don't know how far yet, but we'll be welcoming Baby #3 in spring! Who'd 'a thunk? I've been asked if we are trying to go for the twin effect (Benjo is 9 months now). I certainly never thought we'd have babies 19 months apart, but then it just started feeling like someone was ready... and we started realizing that we were too. Of course, we feel immensely blessed... and have a healthy dose of nervousness.

One thing that I'm trying to ensure amidst the nausea is that I don't step back on meeting Elisabeth and Benjo's needs. Right now, Benjo is elated if I'll just follow his clapping leads. He just starts spontaneously clapping and is delighted when we pick up on the cue.

Elisabeth is such an amazing person. She's doing really well in our new locale and is settling back into life as a TV-starved child. She is ready for a more structured learning/socialization experience though. Some mothers and I are talking about starting a Joy School group for our children. I would appreciate advice from anyone who has done one (one thing I'm wondering is if anyone has experience in creating your own curriculum based on the principles and categories of the established program). I love the tenants (that kids are sponges and could learn multiplication tables if you taught them -my preschoolers in China with math skills better than mine proved that-, but that the Pre-K time is really the best time to explore and lay a foundation of joy in their lives). I was a bit daunted by the start-up costs until I spoke with my aunt (who knows home-education options backward and forward). She told me that the cost for the closest curriculum of which she is aware starts at $400. Yipes! I guess we'll just see how this goes.

Life here is wonderful. I'm surprised that more people aren't flocking here. Our town is a wonderful mix of elements. We enjoy the perks that typically come with liberal college town atmospheres (incredible gourmet restaurant's, health food stores, art-zy venues, yoga studios, recycling) within a faith-friendly culture. In our prior experience, the two have unfortunately seemed mutually exclusive. There is a very comfortable urban/rural mix as well. The weather is the biggest thing that everyone warned us about, but to be honest, mid-day is devoted to napping in our house, so the kids and I don't really experience the brunt of it. There is tons to do when we do get out though. And, the people are spectacular. Southern life is good.

Why can't I commit?! (... to a blog that is.) I started this four days ago and haven't been able to make myself let anyone know that I have entered the blogging world. Confession... I did this once before. I must not let this blog too fade into the shadows. So here goes... welcome to my blog! Please know that I am at a very emotionally vulnerable stage of life right now. Ben and I have been noticing strange ways in which this move has shaken us (but it'll all turn round right, we know). I decided that I'd better start "talking" here more - where people can choose whether or not to listen - before I nip our budding southern relationships through my incessant verbosity.

I looked through the blogs/albums of many of our dearest friends tonight and felt remiss for being so bad at keeping in touch. We know some of the world's most amazing people! It was nice to see y'all (even if it kind of felt like spying since you didn't know I was there - Wymountites and others, I'm watching you ;).

So, as for my blog style... I've seen many different ways of approaching this. Some bloggers keep very introspective/inspiring blogs. Others give snapshots of their lives and thoughts. I'll probably do both (well, at least I'll aspire to inspire). Honestly, I don't know what you'll get here, but I hope you'll feel your time was well spent. If not, or if I offend you, you may later come to find that it was still time well spent. I don't have all of the answers, but unfortunately, I always talk like I do ; ). Maybe as you disagree with me though, you'll come to your own epiphanies.

Well, this is the spontaneous cap-stone to my chart creating frenzy. In the last two weeks, I have generated a chart/loose schedule for nearly every aspect of our lives. (Is it ok to chart pottying?) I'm so visual that this is my only hope for finding an order that lasts more than three minutes.
I've heard of motherhood-onset ADHD and feel that I suffer (happily) from this phenomena. Each time I put a metaphorical pan on the burner, something draws my attention away and I forget what I was making - until it's smoldering (my husband and brother will laugh knowing that unfortunately, this metaphor isn't purely theoretical). It's hard to finish a sentence let alone a task. I've noticed E. leaving sentences trailing with the word "so...." I was forced to recognize that I am the source of this new development. When did I start doing that?! (Please don't answer.) Anyway, starting things - sentences, projects, tasks, laundry - is fine, but I hope to get more things finished in this phase of life.
Our move has been wonderful for us. A new beginning is exactly what we needed (though we LOVED the old life). As we enter our third decades, it's time to start laying foundations that can abide for more than three years (if we want them to). We're even starting to build on those foundations now too.
Through all of this, I keep longing for a board on which to sound, but have been refusing to blog the "easy" way. But, with yet another phase ending, I find that I still have made no progress on my made-from-scratch/do-it-myself family website. Hence, I am succumbing to the Blogger call. Thanks for the inspiration Lor!
PS Sorry for all of the illustrative talk, I guess I get even more visual after midnight.