I know, I know... It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted. I have no excuse except that it's year-end at the job and Christmas-time to boot. So that means lots of last-minute reports to write and lots of last-minute shopping to do.
Here's the latest:
I had my post-op appointment with Dr. B. and she basically told me that all is well. She did say that the main 'roid that was causing all of my problems was the largest she'd ever worked on personally, and that she's really happy we were able to get it out when we did. For some strange reason, the actual size of the 'roid wasn't showing up accurately on any of the tests I've had, not even the MRI. That leads me to believe that the 'roid most likely grew between the time I'd had the tests done and the time the procedure was performed. So I, too, am elated that we got it out before it could grow any more.
In other news, I heart Christmas.
It's my absolute favorite time of the year. I love the tradition of it. The hustle and bustle. The extra energy in the air. I love picking out ornaments and shopping for presents. Visiting all the tree lots till you find that perfect tree.
I do miss the snow, though. Unfortunately I no longer live on the east coast where a white Christmas would be a distinct possibility. I now reside in sunny SoCal so snow is not an option. Not that I'd give up the sun. No thank you. I love it here and I'm never leaving. But there's something about having snow on the ground that justifies having that cup of cocoa, you know what I mean?
But the holiday is about more than just snow and shopping. It's so much bigger than tinsel and trees. There's more to it than cookies and cocoa. This holiday, more than ever, is about possibility. It's about potential. It's about what the future has in store. It's about miracles. And what would really make my Christmas perfect, is a little miracle of my own.
After all, it started with a child, right?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Not 1, But TWO...
I'm ba-a-a-ack.
Ok, so the hysteroscopy appears to have been a success. I remember nothing else but being wheeled into the OR and then waking up swathed in warm blankets in the recovery room, apparently 'roid-free.
YAY!!
I haven't posted till now because I was waiting to hear from the doctor on what exactly went down. I wasn't aware of the hospital policy but it appears that the surgeon doesn't usually come to speak with the patient directly. Well, not unless you're in for an extended stay. For an outpatient procedure like mine, they typically go out and speak with the spouse to let them know how things went.
Unfortunately for me, I had sent hubby home to wait. We don't live too far from the hospital and I figured it wasn't fair to have him sit there waiting on me to wake up. If I had had to have the myo, then I would have asked him to stay. But we had only had a few hours sleep before having to be at the hospital and I just couldn't see asking my 6'6" husband to catch a few winks in those itty bitty waiting room chairs. So, needless to say, there was no one there for the doctor to speak to after the procedure.
Then with Thanksgiving and all, I didn't hear from the doc until yesterday. She told me that she was really glad that we got in when we did because the 'roid was much larger than she had thought from all of the tests. AND, there was not just one large 'roid, but two.
I knew it!!
I knew there was more going on than just one 'roid. And in my heart I knew it had to be bigger than they were saying. It just goes to show that if you really listen, your body does speak to you.
But, I digress.
The doc said she didn't find any other surprises and that she'd be happy to show me the pics from the op when I go in for my follow-up.
Pics??
UGH!!
Of course, I didn't say that. I thanked her politely, hung up the phone, then proceeded to gag.
Again, UGH!
So that's it. I should be ready to start actually TTC by next weekend. All I need to do is brush up on my charting skills and see where the road takes us. Until then, I'm wishing for baby dust for all my TTTC pals.
Now, where's my BBT?
")
Ok, so the hysteroscopy appears to have been a success. I remember nothing else but being wheeled into the OR and then waking up swathed in warm blankets in the recovery room, apparently 'roid-free.
YAY!!
I haven't posted till now because I was waiting to hear from the doctor on what exactly went down. I wasn't aware of the hospital policy but it appears that the surgeon doesn't usually come to speak with the patient directly. Well, not unless you're in for an extended stay. For an outpatient procedure like mine, they typically go out and speak with the spouse to let them know how things went.
Unfortunately for me, I had sent hubby home to wait. We don't live too far from the hospital and I figured it wasn't fair to have him sit there waiting on me to wake up. If I had had to have the myo, then I would have asked him to stay. But we had only had a few hours sleep before having to be at the hospital and I just couldn't see asking my 6'6" husband to catch a few winks in those itty bitty waiting room chairs. So, needless to say, there was no one there for the doctor to speak to after the procedure.
Then with Thanksgiving and all, I didn't hear from the doc until yesterday. She told me that she was really glad that we got in when we did because the 'roid was much larger than she had thought from all of the tests. AND, there was not just one large 'roid, but two.
I knew it!!
I knew there was more going on than just one 'roid. And in my heart I knew it had to be bigger than they were saying. It just goes to show that if you really listen, your body does speak to you.
But, I digress.
The doc said she didn't find any other surprises and that she'd be happy to show me the pics from the op when I go in for my follow-up.
Pics??
UGH!!
Of course, I didn't say that. I thanked her politely, hung up the phone, then proceeded to gag.
Again, UGH!
So that's it. I should be ready to start actually TTC by next weekend. All I need to do is brush up on my charting skills and see where the road takes us. Until then, I'm wishing for baby dust for all my TTTC pals.
Now, where's my BBT?
")
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Silver Lining
The 26th is but a day away and there has been yet another development in the rollercoaster that is my life.
The 'roids are still coming out. Thank the Lord!!
But instead of having a full-on myomectomy, I'm now having a hysteroscopy.
The difference between the two procedures is that a hysteroscopy is much less invasive. The doc can go in through the cervix with a scope and get at the parts of the 'roids that are protruding into my uterus without having to make any incisions. So, no scar, no worries about being able to stop any excessive bleeding. The downside to me is that the parts of the 'roids that live in the walls of my uterus will remain.
I must admit, at first this was a problem for me. I've been dealing with this issue for at least a year, if not longer, and the thought of having even a piece of these suckas stay inside me really got to me, you know?
But I'm trying to stay focused on the positive. Removing the 'roids this way means I can start back on the journey towards having a baby of my own even sooner than expected. Weeks vs. months. That notion alone was enough to get me back on board with my doc's protocol.
So now my eyes are pointed upward toward the clouds that have been lingering over my head for the last 365 some-odd days and I know their days are numbered. ")
The 'roids are still coming out. Thank the Lord!!
But instead of having a full-on myomectomy, I'm now having a hysteroscopy.
The difference between the two procedures is that a hysteroscopy is much less invasive. The doc can go in through the cervix with a scope and get at the parts of the 'roids that are protruding into my uterus without having to make any incisions. So, no scar, no worries about being able to stop any excessive bleeding. The downside to me is that the parts of the 'roids that live in the walls of my uterus will remain.
I must admit, at first this was a problem for me. I've been dealing with this issue for at least a year, if not longer, and the thought of having even a piece of these suckas stay inside me really got to me, you know?
But I'm trying to stay focused on the positive. Removing the 'roids this way means I can start back on the journey towards having a baby of my own even sooner than expected. Weeks vs. months. That notion alone was enough to get me back on board with my doc's protocol.
So now my eyes are pointed upward toward the clouds that have been lingering over my head for the last 365 some-odd days and I know their days are numbered. ")
Monday, November 10, 2008
Grateful
On November 26th a change gonn' come.
On November 26th the black clouds hanging over my head will part and the sun will shine once more.
On November 26th my mood will lighten and my hubby will rejoice.
On November 26th I will be on my way back to normal.
On November 26th the 'roids come out and The Hammer goes home.
On November 26th I will get my life back.
And I will have a reason to give thanks.
On November 26th the black clouds hanging over my head will part and the sun will shine once more.
On November 26th my mood will lighten and my hubby will rejoice.
On November 26th I will be on my way back to normal.
On November 26th the 'roids come out and The Hammer goes home.
On November 26th I will get my life back.
And I will have a reason to give thanks.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Mr. President
It's official.
The very first African-American has been elected President of the United States.
Barack Obama.
PRESIDENT.OF.THE.UNITED.STATES.
I know there are a lot of people out there who did not vote for Barack Obama. They didn't vote for him because they don't think he has enough foreign policy experience, or because they think he'll be some sort of modern-day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. There are those who didn't vote for him because they disagree with his views on healthcare and those who feel he will turn the U.S. into a socialist society. There are those who feel that with no military experience, he will be ineffective as commander-in-chief.
Though I disagree with those arguments, they are arguments. They are perspectives held by intelligent people who could offer up examples of why they're right and Obama is wrong. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. That's what makes this country so great.
But there are also people who don't understand why Obama is such a big deal. There are people who feel that he won just because he's black, not necessarily because he was the best man for the job. To those people, I say the following:
Obama is intelligent, caring, understanding, receptive, approachable, organized, hard-working, persistent, and focused. If you don't believe that, just look at what he's done. He was the head of a $600 million dollar machine that organized and energized and inspired people to get out and exercise their rights as Americans. He got people interested in a system that so many of them believe doesn't take their opinions or concerns into account. He raised more money than his opponent and he did it on his own. He started out as a newbie senator 4 years ago, a virtual nobody on the political scene, and made his presence known above all the other candidates who threw their hats into the presidential ring. He rose above all the rest, not just McCain. He's smart enough to know what his weaknesses are and to surround himself with people who complement his skills. He has never said this is something he is doing alone. He knows it takes teamwork and his choice of vice president is a reflection of that.
Having said that, YES, there are for sure, absolutely, unapologetically people out there who voted for Obama because he is black.
AND there are for sure, absolutely, unapologetically people out there who DIDN'T vote for Obama because he is black.
The fact of the matter is that Obama embodies all of the possibility that has been denied not just blacks, but all minorities. He is the symbol of what America can be as we move forward - a place where opportunity is available to everyone, no matter what their creed, gender, orientation or race. No matter where they grew up or how much money they had. He represents hope and opportunity for a group of people who have not always had those things. He proved that even blacks can grow up and be whatever they want to be. He is in many ways, the light at the end of a very long tunnel.
And though he is still just a man, he is THE man. THE.BLACK.MAN who was able to do what other black men before him could not - make it all the way to the White House.
Yes, there are many people who voted for Barack Obama simply because he is black.
Surely you can see the beauty and the pride in that.
The very first African-American has been elected President of the United States.
Barack Obama.
PRESIDENT.OF.THE.UNITED.STATES.
I know there are a lot of people out there who did not vote for Barack Obama. They didn't vote for him because they don't think he has enough foreign policy experience, or because they think he'll be some sort of modern-day Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor. There are those who didn't vote for him because they disagree with his views on healthcare and those who feel he will turn the U.S. into a socialist society. There are those who feel that with no military experience, he will be ineffective as commander-in-chief.
Though I disagree with those arguments, they are arguments. They are perspectives held by intelligent people who could offer up examples of why they're right and Obama is wrong. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. That's what makes this country so great.
But there are also people who don't understand why Obama is such a big deal. There are people who feel that he won just because he's black, not necessarily because he was the best man for the job. To those people, I say the following:
Obama is intelligent, caring, understanding, receptive, approachable, organized, hard-working, persistent, and focused. If you don't believe that, just look at what he's done. He was the head of a $600 million dollar machine that organized and energized and inspired people to get out and exercise their rights as Americans. He got people interested in a system that so many of them believe doesn't take their opinions or concerns into account. He raised more money than his opponent and he did it on his own. He started out as a newbie senator 4 years ago, a virtual nobody on the political scene, and made his presence known above all the other candidates who threw their hats into the presidential ring. He rose above all the rest, not just McCain. He's smart enough to know what his weaknesses are and to surround himself with people who complement his skills. He has never said this is something he is doing alone. He knows it takes teamwork and his choice of vice president is a reflection of that.
Having said that, YES, there are for sure, absolutely, unapologetically people out there who voted for Obama because he is black.
AND there are for sure, absolutely, unapologetically people out there who DIDN'T vote for Obama because he is black.
The fact of the matter is that Obama embodies all of the possibility that has been denied not just blacks, but all minorities. He is the symbol of what America can be as we move forward - a place where opportunity is available to everyone, no matter what their creed, gender, orientation or race. No matter where they grew up or how much money they had. He represents hope and opportunity for a group of people who have not always had those things. He proved that even blacks can grow up and be whatever they want to be. He is in many ways, the light at the end of a very long tunnel.
And though he is still just a man, he is THE man. THE.BLACK.MAN who was able to do what other black men before him could not - make it all the way to the White House.
Yes, there are many people who voted for Barack Obama simply because he is black.
Surely you can see the beauty and the pride in that.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Wonder Woman
Hallelujah!!!
As I type this I am waiting for the phone call that will send me on my way toward salvation. When the phone rings, it will sound like angels singing and the heavenly voice on the other end of the line will say the words I have been longing to hear ...
"Your surgery is scheduled for..."
Ay-ah-ay-men!
Yes, Dr. B. came through for me. Well, so far anyway. I do reserve the right to change my mind should some unknown factor come into play and turn my world upside down again.
But I digress.
I went in to meet with her and she confirmed everything I already knew. I need the surgery. My iron is still a bit lower than she'd like but there's no need to put it off any longer. As soon as a date becomes available, I'm in.
Cue Wonder Woman theme song.
She's a little short for a superhero but you get my point.
She was thorough and asked me questions and made sure I understood everything. I walked out of her office feeling like I knew where I stood instead of feeling like I was in limbo. And now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, like there's a reason to rejoice, a reason to sing even.
Did the Wonder Woman theme song have actual lyrics?
Who cares, I can hum.
As I type this I am waiting for the phone call that will send me on my way toward salvation. When the phone rings, it will sound like angels singing and the heavenly voice on the other end of the line will say the words I have been longing to hear ...
"Your surgery is scheduled for..."
Ay-ah-ay-men!
Yes, Dr. B. came through for me. Well, so far anyway. I do reserve the right to change my mind should some unknown factor come into play and turn my world upside down again.
But I digress.
I went in to meet with her and she confirmed everything I already knew. I need the surgery. My iron is still a bit lower than she'd like but there's no need to put it off any longer. As soon as a date becomes available, I'm in.
Cue Wonder Woman theme song.
She's a little short for a superhero but you get my point.
She was thorough and asked me questions and made sure I understood everything. I walked out of her office feeling like I knew where I stood instead of feeling like I was in limbo. And now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, like there's a reason to rejoice, a reason to sing even.
Did the Wonder Woman theme song have actual lyrics?
Who cares, I can hum.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Surgical Superhero
Dr. M. is old news.
I now have an appt. with Dr. B.
Dr. B.? Who's Dr. B.?
Dr. B. is the NEW new doc.
I knew there was a chance Dr. M. wouldn't be around to actually perform my surgery because she's leaving the medical group. But I thought I had about 6 weeks till that was going to happen. Some wiggle room, if you will.
No such luck.
The nurse in Dr. M's office called me a couple of days ago with some "good news". My iron levels had gone from a mere 8.9 to a whopping 10.4! I was so excited because I had done that all on my own, taking only 1 iron supp a day, while struggling to push AF and her luggage out the door.
Great!! Less than a point away from the goal of 11 so I could get on the calendar for surgery, right?
WRONG!
The nurse went on to say I was doing great and should continue with my current regimen of 3 supps per day and come back to see a nurse in Dr. M's office in 6 weeks.
Exsqueeze me? A nurse?
What about Dr. M.? What about my surgery? What about my getting to 10.4 all on my own? Where was my gold star? Huh? Huh?
"Well, today was the doctor's last day seeing patients", she told me. "So she won't be performing your procedure. We'll happily discuss who can take over for her once you come back in December."
We interrupt this program for a short sidebar - During a brief, (very brief), bout of lucidity, I decided not to cancel an appt. I had made with Dr. B. back before all the drama that led me to Dr. M.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
OK, so, um, this is where I turn into a weeping damsel in distress and I travel back through time to the days when all a lady had to do to get some assistance was yell, "HELP!" and superheroes from near and far lined up to right my wrongs.
Could Dr. B. be that superhero, er, heroine?
What will happen next week when I show up at Dr. B's office with my medical file and all my test results and through my tears, ask, "Can you help me?"
At that point she will don a shiny red cape and some cool WonderWoman-type wrist bands, put both her hands on her hips, superhero-style and say, "Have no fear. I can fix this."
Then the announcer's voiceover will say, "Stay tuned for next week's episode when Dr. B. battles this fibroid fiasco."
WOW.
I watch way too much tv.
UGH.
I now have an appt. with Dr. B.
Dr. B.? Who's Dr. B.?
Dr. B. is the NEW new doc.
I knew there was a chance Dr. M. wouldn't be around to actually perform my surgery because she's leaving the medical group. But I thought I had about 6 weeks till that was going to happen. Some wiggle room, if you will.
No such luck.
The nurse in Dr. M's office called me a couple of days ago with some "good news". My iron levels had gone from a mere 8.9 to a whopping 10.4! I was so excited because I had done that all on my own, taking only 1 iron supp a day, while struggling to push AF and her luggage out the door.
Great!! Less than a point away from the goal of 11 so I could get on the calendar for surgery, right?
WRONG!
The nurse went on to say I was doing great and should continue with my current regimen of 3 supps per day and come back to see a nurse in Dr. M's office in 6 weeks.
Exsqueeze me? A nurse?
What about Dr. M.? What about my surgery? What about my getting to 10.4 all on my own? Where was my gold star? Huh? Huh?
"Well, today was the doctor's last day seeing patients", she told me. "So she won't be performing your procedure. We'll happily discuss who can take over for her once you come back in December."
We interrupt this program for a short sidebar - During a brief, (very brief), bout of lucidity, I decided not to cancel an appt. I had made with Dr. B. back before all the drama that led me to Dr. M.
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
OK, so, um, this is where I turn into a weeping damsel in distress and I travel back through time to the days when all a lady had to do to get some assistance was yell, "HELP!" and superheroes from near and far lined up to right my wrongs.
Could Dr. B. be that superhero, er, heroine?
What will happen next week when I show up at Dr. B's office with my medical file and all my test results and through my tears, ask, "Can you help me?"
At that point she will don a shiny red cape and some cool WonderWoman-type wrist bands, put both her hands on her hips, superhero-style and say, "Have no fear. I can fix this."
Then the announcer's voiceover will say, "Stay tuned for next week's episode when Dr. B. battles this fibroid fiasco."
WOW.
I watch way too much tv.
UGH.
Friday, October 17, 2008
My Horizon
Ok, so it's been an eventful week.
To review, I'm struggling with fibroids right now and can't move forward with any kind of fertility protocol until they're removed.
Lil suckers.
I fired my gyno so I was all set to put the idea of surgery on hold until I had my new patient appointment with the new doc in November, and I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that, until I have the procedure, AF is most likely always going to be bringing The Hammer along for her visit.
But 18 days!?!?
I gotta be honest - 18 days of playing host to anyone is tough, let alone to the likes of AF and The Hammer.
I mean, come on!!
Here's the long & the short of it:
I've been having increasingly more painful cramps along my lower abdomen and AF was clearly in no hurry to vacate. It got so bad that on Monday I called my medical group and got my appointment pushed up to yesterday instead of waiting until November. I would have to meet with a totally different doctor than I had initially planned but by this point I didn't care. My symptoms told me I was having an ectopic pregnancy and I needed help.
I saw the new doc, Dr. M., yesterday and she was really cool. I had sent a fax to her office ahead of time just outlining a bit of my patient history with this fibroid issue, my symptoms, the tests I've had, and what I was hoping to get out of meeting with her.
Then I went in.
She confirmed what I already knew - I need surgery. She told me I am not pregnant, so no ectopic pregnancy. Great!! She did tell me however, that I would need to up my iron intake to 3 times what I've been taking. Instead of 1 supplement a day, I need to be taking 3, and I need to stop taking garlic every day.
I swear by garlic. UGH!
Unfortunately, because AF has refused to leave, I'm not getting the full benefit of my iron regimen and the garlic will thin out my blood (or something like that). She said she can't operate until my iron levels are elevated to at least an 11 or I could basically die on the table. She gave me a prescription for Provera to stop the bleeding and help shrink the fibroid some and then we have to wait for my levels to go up. Once the levels reach 11, she can schedule me for the procedure.
But what would my life be like without some drama?
It turns out Dr. M. is leaving this medical group in December. What that means is that if I don't get my levels up and have my surgery scheduled prior to her departure - YUP, you guessed it - gotta start all over again!! Technically she said another doctor in her office could take over from that point but it would still mean having to do the new patient appointments & procedures again.
I'll say it again - UGH!
The good thing is that I feel like I now have a plan. I don't feel like I'm just riding it out, taking it as it comes. There's a goal. It's sitting on the horizon. I can see it and everyday I'll get a little bit closer to it. Every day I'll be able to make out another small detail, maybe a toenail or an eyelash, until at last I'll make it to the horizon and finally be able to touch my destiny.
To review, I'm struggling with fibroids right now and can't move forward with any kind of fertility protocol until they're removed.
Lil suckers.
I fired my gyno so I was all set to put the idea of surgery on hold until I had my new patient appointment with the new doc in November, and I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that, until I have the procedure, AF is most likely always going to be bringing The Hammer along for her visit.
But 18 days!?!?
I gotta be honest - 18 days of playing host to anyone is tough, let alone to the likes of AF and The Hammer.
I mean, come on!!
Here's the long & the short of it:
I've been having increasingly more painful cramps along my lower abdomen and AF was clearly in no hurry to vacate. It got so bad that on Monday I called my medical group and got my appointment pushed up to yesterday instead of waiting until November. I would have to meet with a totally different doctor than I had initially planned but by this point I didn't care. My symptoms told me I was having an ectopic pregnancy and I needed help.
I saw the new doc, Dr. M., yesterday and she was really cool. I had sent a fax to her office ahead of time just outlining a bit of my patient history with this fibroid issue, my symptoms, the tests I've had, and what I was hoping to get out of meeting with her.
Then I went in.
She confirmed what I already knew - I need surgery. She told me I am not pregnant, so no ectopic pregnancy. Great!! She did tell me however, that I would need to up my iron intake to 3 times what I've been taking. Instead of 1 supplement a day, I need to be taking 3, and I need to stop taking garlic every day.
I swear by garlic. UGH!
Unfortunately, because AF has refused to leave, I'm not getting the full benefit of my iron regimen and the garlic will thin out my blood (or something like that). She said she can't operate until my iron levels are elevated to at least an 11 or I could basically die on the table. She gave me a prescription for Provera to stop the bleeding and help shrink the fibroid some and then we have to wait for my levels to go up. Once the levels reach 11, she can schedule me for the procedure.
But what would my life be like without some drama?
It turns out Dr. M. is leaving this medical group in December. What that means is that if I don't get my levels up and have my surgery scheduled prior to her departure - YUP, you guessed it - gotta start all over again!! Technically she said another doctor in her office could take over from that point but it would still mean having to do the new patient appointments & procedures again.
I'll say it again - UGH!
The good thing is that I feel like I now have a plan. I don't feel like I'm just riding it out, taking it as it comes. There's a goal. It's sitting on the horizon. I can see it and everyday I'll get a little bit closer to it. Every day I'll be able to make out another small detail, maybe a toenail or an eyelash, until at last I'll make it to the horizon and finally be able to touch my destiny.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
All mine ....
Hubby is not perfect.
He never closes a drawer. He never puts the seat down. He leaves wet clothes in the washer so long they have to be rewashed.
Yeah... He's a man.
I did not have the best day yesterday. The Hammer was hittin' hard even though, technically, AF left 3 days ago. Fortunately I got caught up in a blur of paperwork at the job so I didn't realize just how bad it was until I got home and was able to sit down for a minute. Almost as soon as I sat down, my evil twin, M-squared, showed up. M2 doesn't think Hubby is perfect either.
Maybe it was his constant pausing of the DVR so he could not only pick up his celly, but also engage in a 10-minute conversation about nothing while I waited for him to hit the "play" button. Or maybe it was the rewinding that he resorted to once he saw that I wasn't digging the pause scene so much. Who knows? But M2 wasn't having any of it.
So I decided I needed some "me" time and went to take a shower. I felt so much better when I was finished but M2 was still peeking around the corner and I was sure she'd show herself as soon as I left the sanctuary.
But then I heard something.
Yes, there it was again.
It was Hubby. And he was laughing.
Not his everyday chuckle. Not the "I'm only laughing cuz I'm gonna want something from you later" laugh. But his full-on, whole-hearted, right-from-the-gut laugh that lets me know he's genuinely happy.
And it hit me.
I want to have babies with this man. I really, truly, with all my pink puffy heart want to make lil sugar-babies WITH. THIS. MAN.
Hubby's not perfect. He's a man. But he's MY man.
And I Love Him.
")
He never closes a drawer. He never puts the seat down. He leaves wet clothes in the washer so long they have to be rewashed.
Yeah... He's a man.
I did not have the best day yesterday. The Hammer was hittin' hard even though, technically, AF left 3 days ago. Fortunately I got caught up in a blur of paperwork at the job so I didn't realize just how bad it was until I got home and was able to sit down for a minute. Almost as soon as I sat down, my evil twin, M-squared, showed up. M2 doesn't think Hubby is perfect either.
Maybe it was his constant pausing of the DVR so he could not only pick up his celly, but also engage in a 10-minute conversation about nothing while I waited for him to hit the "play" button. Or maybe it was the rewinding that he resorted to once he saw that I wasn't digging the pause scene so much. Who knows? But M2 wasn't having any of it.
So I decided I needed some "me" time and went to take a shower. I felt so much better when I was finished but M2 was still peeking around the corner and I was sure she'd show herself as soon as I left the sanctuary.
But then I heard something.
Yes, there it was again.
It was Hubby. And he was laughing.
Not his everyday chuckle. Not the "I'm only laughing cuz I'm gonna want something from you later" laugh. But his full-on, whole-hearted, right-from-the-gut laugh that lets me know he's genuinely happy.
And it hit me.
I want to have babies with this man. I really, truly, with all my pink puffy heart want to make lil sugar-babies WITH. THIS. MAN.
Hubby's not perfect. He's a man. But he's MY man.
And I Love Him.
")
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Hi, My Name is M and I'm a ...
BABY TV JUNKIE.
There. I said it. It's true. I won't deny it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right? But what if I don't want to get better?
Like any other red-blooded obsessive-compulsive, the way I see it, if I want to get a BFP I have to totally immerse myself in all things Baby. Therefore it is my job, no, my duty and responsibility to watch every conceivable (pardon the bun, er, pun) baby-related program on tv. Period.
And I don't just mean Jon & Kate plus 8. No people, this girl needs more baby than that. She's got to get right in the mix. This girl, who weeps when she stubs her toe, has to see it all. And by all I do mean everything.
Who knew having a baby could be so graphic? Not that it's keeping me away mind you. But let's just say I think Hubby will be rethinking how far south of the border he's willing to travel if and when we ever make it into a delivery room.
It's must-see tv, I tell ya! Here are some of the shows I'm currently following:
Birth Day
Special Delivery
Maternity Ward
A Baby Story
Adoption Stories
Runway Moms (yes, this is a show all about beautiful models who get pregnant, have beautiful model babies and then continue to have a beautiful modeling career with said beautiful model babies!)
Who knew there were so many baby-related shows for your viewing pleasure?!
Oops, gotta go.... Deliver Me is about to start. ")
There. I said it. It's true. I won't deny it. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery, right? But what if I don't want to get better?
Like any other red-blooded obsessive-compulsive, the way I see it, if I want to get a BFP I have to totally immerse myself in all things Baby. Therefore it is my job, no, my duty and responsibility to watch every conceivable (pardon the bun, er, pun) baby-related program on tv. Period.
And I don't just mean Jon & Kate plus 8. No people, this girl needs more baby than that. She's got to get right in the mix. This girl, who weeps when she stubs her toe, has to see it all. And by all I do mean everything.
Who knew having a baby could be so graphic? Not that it's keeping me away mind you. But let's just say I think Hubby will be rethinking how far south of the border he's willing to travel if and when we ever make it into a delivery room.
It's must-see tv, I tell ya! Here are some of the shows I'm currently following:
Birth Day
Special Delivery
Maternity Ward
A Baby Story
Adoption Stories
Runway Moms (yes, this is a show all about beautiful models who get pregnant, have beautiful model babies and then continue to have a beautiful modeling career with said beautiful model babies!)
Who knew there were so many baby-related shows for your viewing pleasure?!
Oops, gotta go.... Deliver Me is about to start. ")
Monday, October 6, 2008
A Lil' Info ...
So, since I have no baby-making news to report until my appointment in November, I fugured it might be fun to post a lil something about hubby and me. We've been together almost 10 years. Wow! That just sounds long, huh? We got married in the spring of '07 in a beautiful courtyard ceremony with over 200 of our closest family & friends in attendance, and like most other blushing brides, it was the happiest day of my life.
We've always wanted to take the traditional route to babydom ... love, marriage, baby carriage, etc.. which is why we didn't start trying sooner in our relationship. We did, however, decide to stop preventing once we were engaged, so technically we've been TTC since Feb of '06.
Here's a pic from our wedding. Enjoy!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I'm strugglin'...
As you know, I fired my doctor so my plans to remove the blight in my uterus have been pushed back until I can meet with the new doc in November.
Here's the problem - The Hammer got in a couple days early and she is on a rampage. It's like she knows her days as a maniacal mangler are numbered so she's making the most of it, you know? How I long for the days when she would breeze in and breeze back out. When she would drop by just to say hello and then be on her way again, a friendly reminder that all is well and good. Honestly, it's like this fibroid is a really bad influence on Aunt Flo. You know, like the kids your parents used to warn you about. Stay away from them, they'll only get you in trouble. Well, the fibroid is like that. So now, instead of a friendly little visit from my Dear Aunt Flo, I get The Hammer. UGH!
What to do? What to do?
I tried getting my new patient consultation moved up since I'm strugglin so badly but there haven't been any cancellations. They did promise to call me if anything opened up so I've got my fingers crossed for that, but in the meantime, I'm stuck. The good thing is that the harder it is for me to get in to see the doctor, the better I feel she is. I didn't find any negatives about her in my research and she seems really popular from all the reviews I've seen. Great bedside manner, highly accredited, truly respected & she works for one of the best hospitals in the country. All of which I'm taking as good signs. The bad thing is obviously that I have to suffer through all this till I get to meet her. Again, UGH!
Here's the problem - The Hammer got in a couple days early and she is on a rampage. It's like she knows her days as a maniacal mangler are numbered so she's making the most of it, you know? How I long for the days when she would breeze in and breeze back out. When she would drop by just to say hello and then be on her way again, a friendly reminder that all is well and good. Honestly, it's like this fibroid is a really bad influence on Aunt Flo. You know, like the kids your parents used to warn you about. Stay away from them, they'll only get you in trouble. Well, the fibroid is like that. So now, instead of a friendly little visit from my Dear Aunt Flo, I get The Hammer. UGH!
What to do? What to do?
I tried getting my new patient consultation moved up since I'm strugglin so badly but there haven't been any cancellations. They did promise to call me if anything opened up so I've got my fingers crossed for that, but in the meantime, I'm stuck. The good thing is that the harder it is for me to get in to see the doctor, the better I feel she is. I didn't find any negatives about her in my research and she seems really popular from all the reviews I've seen. Great bedside manner, highly accredited, truly respected & she works for one of the best hospitals in the country. All of which I'm taking as good signs. The bad thing is obviously that I have to suffer through all this till I get to meet her. Again, UGH!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Can you fire your gyno?
I don't know if that's the right way to put it but that's basically what I've done.
I've been with Dr. L. for the last 7 years and our relationship has been good. She's got a directness, a certain 'je nai say whatever the hell she feels like saying' that I'd really come to appreciate. While I was fibroid-free, her attitiude was fine. We even joked about her bluntness and mine and how ours was a good patient-doctor fit. Once we discovered those nasty little things though, all that changed. All of a sudden AF was rearing her ugly head in ways she never had before. Now she had a hammer and had commenced to bludgeoning my insides with cramps the likes of which I've never experienced in my life. And the good doctor went from being blunt to being downright mean.
When I started having issues, Dr. L. sent me for a bunch of tests - BW, a couple of U/S's. Then she referred me to a specialist, Dr. S., who was going to figure out whether or not we could take the fibroids out since their placement seemed a little iffy. Dr. S. suggested I have some additional BW done, another U/S and an MRI which showed the exact location of the fibroids and would dictate our next course of action. Oh and let's not forget the lupron to shrink the fibroid before surgery AND a visit to the hematologist since "the hammer" sucks about a pint of blood out of me every month so now I'm hyper-anemic. Nice.
Anyway, as a lot of you can attest to, insurance has a way of throwing a wrench in the works and it did so in this case for me.
Because of insurance restrictions, Dr. S. is unable to do the actual op to remove the fibroids so he referred me back to Dr. L. so she could do the procedure and he would assist. This is the only way insurance will cover him being in the room. Don't understand it, don't really care. Bottom line - he can't be the primary on the procedure. Some back and forth between the offices about who would be performing the procedure commenced, but I hadn't been directly involved in it. When I had spoken to Dr. L. about my MRI results, she'd mentioned that she wouldn't be doing it but she didn't answer me when I asked her why. In subsequent calls from Dr. S.'s office, she did the same thing to them.
In the meantime, my PCP, Dr. M., requested a referral for the procedure with Dr. L.'s name on it as the operating doctor. I didn't ask him to do it. He did this on his own. Again, don't understand it, don't care. Bottom Line - Dr. L. almost lost her mind and asked me if I asked him to do it. When I told her no, she said "Oh well, we'll get it changed so it shows Dr. S. as the primary." So I told her that Dr. S.'s office told me he can't do it. She yelled into the phone and said "Well, he'd better do it, cuz I'm not", then basically hung up on me.
HUH?!?
In that moment I realized a few things:
1) I've had it with her attitude. I don't want to deal with a doctor who's going to treat me like that. I'm a woman who's TTC. I'm fragile. Handle with care.
2) If she's that adamant about not doing the operation, I don't want her anywhere near me with a scalpel.
and 3) She's Fired.
I didn't call her back and get verbal on her butt but as soon as she hung up on me, I did call my medical group directly and get hooked up with another, more accomplished, better-rated, more popular OB/Gyn. The only downside to this is that I have to wait until November to meet with the new doc and then the process has to start all over again. New tests, new referrals, etc. - all of which will push my goal of TTC back until after the start of the year instead of in January like I'd hoped.
Whew!! That was a mouthful, huh?
All right. So now you have the backstory and we can get back to real time.
I've been with Dr. L. for the last 7 years and our relationship has been good. She's got a directness, a certain 'je nai say whatever the hell she feels like saying' that I'd really come to appreciate. While I was fibroid-free, her attitiude was fine. We even joked about her bluntness and mine and how ours was a good patient-doctor fit. Once we discovered those nasty little things though, all that changed. All of a sudden AF was rearing her ugly head in ways she never had before. Now she had a hammer and had commenced to bludgeoning my insides with cramps the likes of which I've never experienced in my life. And the good doctor went from being blunt to being downright mean.
When I started having issues, Dr. L. sent me for a bunch of tests - BW, a couple of U/S's. Then she referred me to a specialist, Dr. S., who was going to figure out whether or not we could take the fibroids out since their placement seemed a little iffy. Dr. S. suggested I have some additional BW done, another U/S and an MRI which showed the exact location of the fibroids and would dictate our next course of action. Oh and let's not forget the lupron to shrink the fibroid before surgery AND a visit to the hematologist since "the hammer" sucks about a pint of blood out of me every month so now I'm hyper-anemic. Nice.
Anyway, as a lot of you can attest to, insurance has a way of throwing a wrench in the works and it did so in this case for me.
Because of insurance restrictions, Dr. S. is unable to do the actual op to remove the fibroids so he referred me back to Dr. L. so she could do the procedure and he would assist. This is the only way insurance will cover him being in the room. Don't understand it, don't really care. Bottom line - he can't be the primary on the procedure. Some back and forth between the offices about who would be performing the procedure commenced, but I hadn't been directly involved in it. When I had spoken to Dr. L. about my MRI results, she'd mentioned that she wouldn't be doing it but she didn't answer me when I asked her why. In subsequent calls from Dr. S.'s office, she did the same thing to them.
In the meantime, my PCP, Dr. M., requested a referral for the procedure with Dr. L.'s name on it as the operating doctor. I didn't ask him to do it. He did this on his own. Again, don't understand it, don't care. Bottom Line - Dr. L. almost lost her mind and asked me if I asked him to do it. When I told her no, she said "Oh well, we'll get it changed so it shows Dr. S. as the primary." So I told her that Dr. S.'s office told me he can't do it. She yelled into the phone and said "Well, he'd better do it, cuz I'm not", then basically hung up on me.
HUH?!?
In that moment I realized a few things:
1) I've had it with her attitude. I don't want to deal with a doctor who's going to treat me like that. I'm a woman who's TTC. I'm fragile. Handle with care.
2) If she's that adamant about not doing the operation, I don't want her anywhere near me with a scalpel.
and 3) She's Fired.
I didn't call her back and get verbal on her butt but as soon as she hung up on me, I did call my medical group directly and get hooked up with another, more accomplished, better-rated, more popular OB/Gyn. The only downside to this is that I have to wait until November to meet with the new doc and then the process has to start all over again. New tests, new referrals, etc. - all of which will push my goal of TTC back until after the start of the year instead of in January like I'd hoped.
Whew!! That was a mouthful, huh?
All right. So now you have the backstory and we can get back to real time.
1st comes love, then comes marriage...
then comes me and my ever-expanding medical file under one arm as I enter the doctor's office for yet another flippin' test.
Ok, so here's the deal:
I don't know if I'm an actual IFer just yet. What I do know is that I went in to my gyno's office way back in March to see why it was taking so long to get pg and I came out with a womb-ful of issues. In a nutshell, I have fibroids. Not too many according to the MRI I just sweated through, but one large enough to protrude into my uterus, effectively blocking the lil guys from getting anywhere past my cervix. Oh, and let's not forget the notorious AF, (or The Hammer as I like to call her), who, in my world, shows up packing lotsa luggage and is always in for an extended stay.
UGH!!
I know what you're thinking. It should be ez enough to have these suckers removed and get on with the business of frying my eggs. But I'm also AMA - "advanced maternal age" for those of you who're just starting out - and I just fired my gyno.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's backtrack a bit...
Ok, so here's the deal:
I don't know if I'm an actual IFer just yet. What I do know is that I went in to my gyno's office way back in March to see why it was taking so long to get pg and I came out with a womb-ful of issues. In a nutshell, I have fibroids. Not too many according to the MRI I just sweated through, but one large enough to protrude into my uterus, effectively blocking the lil guys from getting anywhere past my cervix. Oh, and let's not forget the notorious AF, (or The Hammer as I like to call her), who, in my world, shows up packing lotsa luggage and is always in for an extended stay.
UGH!!
I know what you're thinking. It should be ez enough to have these suckers removed and get on with the business of frying my eggs. But I'm also AMA - "advanced maternal age" for those of you who're just starting out - and I just fired my gyno.
Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's backtrack a bit...
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