Owl and Leaf

Godzilla baby can't leave anything alone!

Wow, 6 months. We made it half a year. Those first 3 months were hard but these last 3 months were easier. And Eleanor is so much fun now. She's sitting up pretty well on her own. She really only falls over if she's reaching for something far away or, having gotten that something, tries to get back to sitting up and over shoots it. I didn't realize how much I would like just being able to sit her somewhere, rather than lay her down. Of course she doesn't want to sit for long. She much prefers to "walk" She likes to grab your hands and with help stand up and walk around. I've tried to show her she can grab the ottoman or even just my leg and pull herself up but she doesn't have the strength yet. She loves walking. She hones in on what she wants, usually the dog, and starts going in that direction. It's so cute.




The dog's toy is more fun than mine!

And we're on food now. It took a while for her to understand what she was supposed to do!  She thinks it's play time. As soon as you put a spoon full of food in her mouth she puts her hands in and scrapes it all out and then smears it on the tray and on her face, in her eyes, in her hair, on my arms, etc. She is finally now after maybe 3 weeks eating a decent amount of food. The newest "thing" is that she much prefers jarred food to the stuff I make at home. The only way to get her to eat something homemade is to mix it with jarred prunes. Yeah, this baby loves prunes. So weird but at least she's regular.

She has a lot of "things"!!
I think the biggest accomplishment recently has been no swaddle! She seemed to be getting more frustrated being in it than comforted. Have I mentioned yet how much she moves?! I swear she does laps in her crib all night long! We're doing a sleep sack now and she's doing fine.

But it's really that once we get one thing down and feel good she changes on us. The past week she's back to wanting a bottle at night. My theory is that now that she's eating dinner she doesn't always finish her bottle before bed so I think she really is hungry in the middle of the night. Sigh.

A big milestone for us this month was Eleanor's first trip with Daddy and my first night (actually 2) to myself. R went to New Jersey to visit his family because his brother was visiting from Miami. There was MUCH conversation about what days to go so I could go-blah, blah,blah- it turned out easiest if R went without me. Honestly I was glad to not have to go and deal with the in-laws and have to take care of Eleanor. I did much better than I thought I would being alone. I cried a little when they first left but then I had to focus on getting ready for work and taking care of the dog. The next day, after a night of not getting up for anyone else...I still had to pee, I went for a hike with the dog, went to see a movie, got a pedicure. I also did errands and chores around the house but it was the perfect mix of relaxing and getting things done. And they were back the following day. I really needed it. I felt recharged. And I trusted R with her. Honestly he is awesome with her when it's just the two of them; he is totally 100% on daddy duty. It's only when it's the 3 of us I get frustrated because then he seems to pay attention to her only like 40% of the time!

Our other milestone this month we reached was Stella's 18 month birthday. I can't help but think of how our lives would be different if she were here. We wouldn't have Eleanor but we wouldn't have the sadness in our hearts all the time.

Next big milestone, Eleanor's first airplane trip at the end of August. Baby's first jet-lag! It's going to be a long vacation on the west coast. There are sure to be stories. Stay tuned!

I'm annoyed with technology. I had this whole post written and with one click it was all gone. I hate giving it all for nothing. But I guess I should just be pleased that I got the words out of my head in the first place.

I have a post about Eleanor being 6 months old that I've been writing for weeks now and still not posted. Perhaps this evening.... Funny thing is I'm at work writing right now, just like this blog started.

I've been having a hard time finding the time or energy to write. I'm having a great time at home with Eleanor and I can't pull myself away. And at night I just don't have the energy to blog. I think I've been feeling a little blue lately. I am overjoyed with my little chickie but it's hard to redefine who you are around another person. I want to be a strong positive influence and keep my interests but sometimes it's hard to and then I feel guilt and annoyance that I'm not being a super mom. I like to sew and do crafty things but I haven't since E came around. I thought I would and I get mad at myself because I could technically make the time I suppose. But I don't.

Same with blogging. I want to write about my experiences with Eleanor but I feel blank when I sit to write. Even when writing in my own personal journal, I find it hard.

I feel stuck. It's part not knowing this new person that I am. This new mom. It's part that I want to move. I'm sick of our house. I want a little more room; something new or different. I want to be in a town I really like and take E to a park I really like. I don't know how we're going to be able to sell our house. Nothing in my town sells. Especially the little houses like mine.  Then where do we move? Do we move acorss the country? R can't give up his job. It's a great job. He sells chocolate. He works from home, makes his own hours, and, come on, sells chocolate! He obviously makes enough for me to stay home. How can he quit for us to pick up and move somewhere completely new? But we don't know where to move around here.

R doesn't seem to understand. Did anyone else have a hard time with the transition? And it feels worse somehow because with a rainbow baby I feel like I should be over the rainbow. But life isn't perfect and I feel like I need to come to terms with that.