Yep...it's true...#2 is coming! I had been feeling nauseated and super tired for quite a few weeks but wanted to get past Jack's procedure before I even thought about it. Finally gave in and got the little plus sign and then the confirmation from the dr. on Wednesday. Kevin really really wants a girl but I am ok either way. I will be grateful when the nausea has calmed down. For me it's an all day thing.

So Jack is doing well...Kevin is actually convinced that they turned on a switch while they were in there because he is more active and entertaining than ever. It is true that kids are resiliant. His next check up was in the beginning of May to just confirm everything is still ok.

Signs of spring are showing up slowly here. There are still a few mounds of snow that are melting, but the grass is starting to get green, the "bulb" flowers are starting to push out through the soil, and our starter plants are prepared in hopes of a wonderful garden this summer. We moved the grill back to the porch and have started enjoying being able to grill out again.

I'm looking forward to being out and working the the garden and hoping to be able to do some landscaping around the house this summer.

We headed down last night and stayed with friend of my family. It was a blessing to catch up with them. I layed in bed that night trying to fall asleep and crying and praying. I was reminded again that he is not mine and as Abraham...surrender him to the Lord. My husband shared how he realized the same thing and told me that even if something happened tomorrow, we have had 19 wonderful months with him.

We headed out at 5:30 to the hospital and took him in for prep about 8 AM. He did not enjoy having to sit on a bed and have a monitor put on him but we found Handy Manny on TV and that helped to distract him. They finally were able to take him to the operating room after 9. Kevin went with them and helped them control him as they started to put the mask on his face to start sedating him.

We sat with Mom and Dad in a pretty crowded waiting room trying to pass the time with random conversation and finally, after 10, the Dr. came out to tell us he did very well and it was a success. I caught a glimpse of him going by, headed back to the post op. and lost it a little...his little body with tubes coming out...my little boy...

We were able to come into the post op and it took me a few moments to gain my composure and for the next 45 minutes we dealt with a melt down as he struggled with pain, exhaustion, hunger, thirst, and confusion as to why there was a big thing on his hand and a brace on his leg. They were finally able to move him to Ped's, he was able to have something to drink and eat and watch a DVD he settled down.

They had to continue to monitor him for 6 hours afterwards and for the most part he was somewhat out of it. We headed out about 5 and stopped for dinner and ended up home a little after 8.

He really did very well and we are praise God for his grace through it all. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster but it has been such a blessing to see how God has grown us through it all.

So, we are packed up and headed down to Albany. We will be staying with friends in Latham this evening because we have to be at the hospital at 6:30 AM. He is still diagnosed with Paten Ductus Arteriosis...a small vessel on the outside of his heart did not close after his birth.

The procedure id a catherization to place a stint in the vessel. He will be kept sedated for 6 hours after for observation and will not be able to walk that day. We will however be able to take him home after. If all goes well, this will completely take care of it and we will not have to worry about it again.

I was offered some perspective yesterday when someone shared with me about a 3 year old who has had 5 open heart surgeries and is thriving. It is scary but I am learning to trust. Mom and Dad are up and going with us...I'm thankful for the prayers and support of family and friends. I will keep everyone updated as much as possible.

I feel odd about this Easter season. I want to feel meditative and spiritual but I feel like my mind is clouded over with the foggy of not feeling well and the anticipation of Jack's procedure on Tuesday. I felt like I was doing fine about it. It is something that happens and at least it's only a cath. But, today I felt shook up about it as I played with him...I'm scared. I know all the logical stuff but I'm terrified and I'm not sure how to move past it at this point. I know all the spiritual platitudes I could quote and all the verses to turn to but right now I feel immobilized. It's my little boy...

Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel...I am a feeler. Although, I do not see life as a tragedy all the time, when others I know hurt...I hurt with them. My heart aches for them. I mourn with them. It is who God has made me and though at times it is hard, I am blessed to be given this gift. Today, I ache.

It's 6 AM and I cannot sleep. My thoughts race in a million directions and though my body cries for rest, my mind cannot stop. I don't know what will come of it. My soul and mind needs rest. I need time to think, to rest, to renew. I need to lay at his feet, pour out my heart, and find restoration.

I need Thee, Oh I need Thee, every hour I need Thee...I come to Thee...

I am so thankful for time with family. It was so wonderful. But, it is definitely tiring and it's good to get back into a routine. It was fun to go to the Maple Festival, take Jack over to Camp, visit with Kevin's sister and family, and then with Kevin's Mom and Dad. I treasure time with each. Great memories stitched into the fabric of my memory which will be treasured for years to come.