I am continually grateful for my upbringing.  There are some very significant values that were instilled in me that are far more valuable than any material possessions.  I have come to realize one of the most powerful values is faith.  I am not necessarily referring to saving faith, though that was eternal value. 

The faith I have recently come to see as so essential in my life is that of the daily grind, down and dirty faith that supersedes the tangible and shakes the foundation of what is humanly possible.  I remember watching my parents live out that faith, so opposed to human logic, in the midst of circumstances that seemed at times insurmountable.  I also saw this faith vividly in the lives of the community of people God placed around me both at church and at camp.

This logic defying faith was once so much a part of my life.  However, in the midst of "growing up" and settling into to life as a wife and mother, I feel as if it has slipped away amidst my comfortable daily grind.  I found myself very comfortable living without it.

Then, my husband asked me to help him widdle away at the stack of must read books he had begun to accumulate.  Seeking to be a helpful and supportive wife, I conceded, not realizing that this philanthropist act would have such an impact on me.  I planned on reading through these books, making some notations, and giving him a summary much like a neatly packaged school assignment.  God however had other plans.

I began by picking up The Forgotten God by Francis Chan, all the while balking at the need to read it because he had become the new it man in some Christian circles and I tend to want to run from any bandwagoning.  By the second chapter I no longer remember this as I saw God begin to shake up my very comfortable existence.  But, after finishing the book, I silenced these rumblings of discontent with doing more and moved on.

My husband then handed me Radical  by David Platt and in the midst of traveling for Thanksgiving, I was able to put it off for awhile.  But, repeats of show started on TV and evenings were getting boring, and my husband was asking how far I had gotten into it so I started to read and I am pretty sure God started chuckling.  I think He figured if I wasn't going to get it the first time, He was going to hit me over the head with it again.

So, I am now into chapter 3 and getting punched in the gut again.  I have realized how easy it has become to go through my life many days without any "need" for God.  I am comfortable, satisfied, and filled with my own self-indulgent prideful existence.  I have no need for any radical reliance on God because I have got everything pretty well organized. 

Sure, I am a pastor's wife, I minister, I do my devotions and pray but when was the last time I really depended on the Holy Spirit?  (You know, that one part of the Trinity God saved just for the Pentecostals because us good Baptists were too afraid of Him)

Then my husband has the audacity to talk about mourning over our sin of pride!  OK God...I hope I am starting to get it!  We'll see where this takes us.

He has taken it like a trooper, but it's been hard on Mommy.  I have really had to evaluate my perspective.  I was struggling with being self conscious for him.  I knew it was not that big of a deal.  There were kids out there with ten times worse problems.  But, I still struggled.

God and I had some big discussions.  It took awhile.  But, I realized I just needed to let go of these petty fears and enjoy my son for who God has made him to be.  I had to let go of caring so much about what other people were going to think.  And now, I don't even really notice any more.  I see his humor, energy, joy for life, and loving personality.

He'll have his hair back soon enough, but I know that looking back on it in later years, I can share with him what God taught me through it.

I have been struck lately by the profound truth of 1 Corinthians...some plant, some water, but God brings the increase.  Six years ago we left Ohio, yet as we visited a few weeks ago, it is amazing to see what God has grown in the hearts of some of our youth group!  Here are some thoughts I penned awhile ago on the subject.

The last week has been a blur of craziness but a ton of fun and blessings!  Part of the reason we hit so many spots was to break the trip up, especially with two little ones.  The other reason was the opportunity to see friends and family.

The first night we stopped off at Mom and Dad's and took the kids up to my old elementary school to play on the playground.  It was so much fun and there are so many memories from my childhood that were created there.  Dad would take us up there every once in awhile to play and it was fun to watch Jack enjoy playing there with Mom and Dad.

Then it was off to Ohio.  Brooke, a wonderful girl from our youth group in Ohio, contacted Kevin and asked him to officiate her wedding ceremony.  It was a blessing to see her continued love for God and meet her now husband, Craig.

In the midst of Wedding events, we were able to catch up with quite a few people from Ohio.  I has been six years since we ministered there and many things have changed.  However, the renewal of relationships with people who were special to us while we were there was so exciting!  We were also able to stay at Pine Lake Camp and see the many changes that had taken place there.

For almost 2 weeks Emma has been battling a fever.  We have gone to the Doctor numerous times and still they think it is only a virus.  However, since she has not been able to kick it, they chose to do blood work.  We won’t hear back until this week about the blood work and so we had to wait and keep an eye on her fever.  It has finally broke to the relief of both Mommy and Daddy but it was a tough two weeks.

Last week my wonderful girl Kayli from Beauty from Ashes came with her beautiful daughter Liese to spend a few days with us.  Not only did we have a ton of fun but I was so blessed by their visit!

Kayli was actually one of my students my first year teaching at Cortland Christian Academy.  Kevin and I had the chance to chaperone their Senior Trip and really bonded with them.  She often came to my room even after graduating to chat about life, love, and other mysteries.  She quickly became one of my girls!

 But my sister and I arrived at the line with our numbers on our shirt and butterflies in my stomach...and headed out.  I was familiar with parts of the race course but was not aware of how many hills I would end up having to run.  In the back of my mind I was aware of the last and final hill I would have to overcome to reach the finish line.
 Having only been on the running horse for about 2 months, I had no illusions of trophies or amazing times.  My one and only goal was to run the whole race.  I did not want to stop and walk.  To me that would mean defeat.  I have to say that having my sister beside me (and often just in front of me), really helped to motivate me to keep going even when I was feeling tired and aching all over.  She even helped me push myself to the finish line.  We ended up coming in 47th (Mel) and 50th (Me) out of 86 women who ran the 5k. 

So it's finally here.  Tomorrow I will be running a race for the first time since the beginning of my freshman year of college.  I used to like running but it gradually fell by the wayside of life.  I would pick it up intermittently but that all changed when my sister signed me up to run a 5k.  I picked up Couch to 5K and got going.  Tomorrow is the culmination or is it?

I am going to run tomorrow but I have realized that I don't want to just be done.  This has actually been the re-start of something that I have found enjoyable.  It has also given me something outside of being a wife and mom.  To me, it allows me to develop and challenge myself in the midst of the sometime mundane tasks of a stay at home mom.

I have about a week and a half to go before I "graduate" from my Couch to 5k program and I'm hoping to at least do one more 5k before winter.  I'm a little scared about tomorrow (my goal is just to run the whole thing) but I'm also really excited!  I'll definitely have some pic and a story to come!

As I have stated previously, I am not a seamstress and actually pretty much have a phobia towards sewing machines due to a bad experience with a plaid skirt in Jr. High Home Ec. class.  So, finding a non-sewing tutu pattern was glorious.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from running cross country and track in high school was the importance of stretching.  It was not something to be taken lightly.  We took time to stretch both before and after a run because both were essential.  It was important to prepare the muscles for the run but also to continue to take care of them by stretching after the run.  If time wasn't taken to stretch well, or certain muscles were ignored, the impact was evident the next morning.  It needed to be a priority.

Somehow I failed to remember the importance of stretching until I started running again.  The interesting thing is once you start to work on one part of your life, the impact is felt on many parts of your life.  Running has been a lesson in discipline and stretching for me.  It has helped me to put things in to better priority and create a greater balance in my life.  It has taught me once again to push myself in ways I have avoided.

But for me it wasn't just about the pie...it was about the memories it brought back.  The realization that these little things are part of an heritage I can continue to pass along to my children.  It is an amazing heritage that I am very thankful for.

I have a friend that comes to visit every once in awhile and though uninvited, barges in and takes up residence unannounced.  I don't like this at all.  I seek to avoid his presence and keep active but I cannot escape it.  I try to put on a smile and pretend that I enjoy he is here but inside I hate it.  I try to kick him out and yet he stoically sits and refuses to move.  He invades my space and refuses to leave until I have actively engaged him. 

He has gained many nicknames in my lifetime...a low, being down, a funk, but his real name is just depressed.  I don't deal with him very well and wish I never had to encounter him but he comes anyways. 

Sometimes I can explain why he is there and other times there is no explanation.  I have learned to deal better with his visits and they no longer last as long or cause as much harm but they are still hard to deal with, especially as a wife, mother, and pastor's wife.  I am still learning how to be through these times and not just act how I feel I should.  Today, I want to just crawl up in my bed and cry.  He'll go away soon and I will be glad for him to leave but until then I will keep being where I am...