I now life in the world of IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) in the form of Ulcerative Colitis. Right now this means that I have alot of anti-inflammatory drugs to take and I never know when something I eat will disagree with me. It has knocked me off my feet some days and I have had to rethink my eating. I am afraid that what I eat is going to upset my system later on so I am leary of everything. Some days I forget that I have it and other days I am miserable all day long. I have had a ton of tests and procedures and am going to be meeting with a nutritionist to help me map out a safe eating plan. I have about 8 books from the library I am reading to begin to understand what I am facing. I truly am learning to rely not only on God but on the body of Christ. I can't keep up with everything and I can't do it all the way I want it and I have had to let that go. I am thankful for a husband who is so supportive and looks out for me. I could not face it without God's grace and my husband's support.

How often have I heard about doing great things for God.  I feel as if the necessity of greatness, fame, and popularity that so inundates our culture has seeped into the modern Christian world in the form of doing great things for God and being all that we can be for him.  I feel as if I spend so much of my time looking for those great and wonderful things that have an incredible impact on the world.


I began to wonder if I was missing something.  Why can't I find this elusive greatness?  Then I remembered a poem my Dad often shared with his staff called Ordinary Days.  Life is filled with ordinary days.  It reminded me that God talks about being the servant of all, doing things unto the least of these, and humbling myself.

What if it's the small things that truly are the great things?  What if scrubbing my kitchen floor or changing  a dirty diaper are the great things?  What if taking a few moments to teach my children to pray or  how to resolve a conflict is the greatest thing I could do that day?  What if I am missing all the great small things  because I am too busy looking for large and mighty monumental events.  What small things am I investing in today?

I am sitting here listening to Jason Grey's "Remind Me Who I Am", I have honestly been feeling like I can't keep my head above water. I feel like I just get on top of things and there are ten more things piled up behind me. I have struggled to even put to words what has been going on because I don't feel like I've had time to feel or think. It feels a lot like a desert. It is dry, I am parched, and the only thing I know to do is keep trudging along. I usually try to take time in the new year to think back on the year before. As I did this, I honestly had a hard time finding how the year had been so wonderful. Yes, there had been some moments of sunshine but as I reflected I realized it had been a much rougher year than I realized. Last year we were hit with multiple health issues. We found out Emma had a heart problem as well and went through her surgery, it was confirmed that Jack had alopeica, and in December we found out I have ulcerative colitis. Kevin jokingly said it is now his turn...I disagree. Mom also has been struggling with high blood pressure and has had mutliple appointments to try and figure out what is causing it. We also experienced loss in various ways. Some of it was the loss of some dreams. Other losses were family, my Grandfather passed away this summer and Kevin's aunt this fall. On top of all of this I have a preschooler and a toddler who are both very active and verbal and we ended up doing a lot of traveling. As I looked over all of it, I realized..."wow, no wonder I am exhausted." I am grateful for many things this last year. My brother became a daddy as the first Warner namesake was born. Jude is a sweetie and I can't wait to meet him in person. My Aunt and Uncle and their family were able to come up to the Adirondacks to visit and it was so much fun to have them here! We also had a visit from Kayli and Liese and it blessed my heart. In the midst of all the reflecting, I have been able to refocus and find rest in knowing that though the desert at times feels lonely, I am never alone. I just need to be reminded of who I am.