Patsy - Blog

The trumpeter in one of the Miles Davis numbers I’ve been listening to has inspired me to write this. I make no assurance that this will be a perfect piece, but albeit so, this is how I feel.

I need a piano here, badly. Music has always been my refuge. A shoulder to cry on. The only one avenue that allows me to really express how I feel. Just when I thought everything was okay, there was something that will distort this. I thought I had no worries. I thought there was nothing that could affect my emotions. How wrong I was.

Being a performer under the tutelage of Teacher Jasmin has changed my perception towards music. For once, I really enjoyed playing. I enjoyed performing. I somehow could feel what the music is about. And why it was written in such ways. There are infinite ways of defining a piece. My one and only definition of a good piece of music - freedom. It isn’t about playing in a rigid rhythm accurately in every measure. It isn’t about following accurately the f, ff, sfz, ppp, accents and the phrasings. It is about understanding the music you’re playing. How well a music is played could be judged by the expressions and the message the player is trying to convey. Perhaps this is why I shifted to jazz despite years of studying classical pieces.

Jazz is something one might not understand, but enjoyed it anyway. At first I thought jazz was something incomprehensible, carries no message, just pieces made up of dissonant harmony and awkward chromatics. But that changed after I started playing. For once I felt so free. Free to play, free to just discover what I feel within. The ad libitum - my favourite section in a jazz piece - allows me to play what I want. How I want to. My own chords, my own notes, my real style of playing. And each time I play, it differs according to my feelings. And the beauty of jazz lies in this section. Michel Camilo’s ad libitum are played with dynamics and is often very, very technical. Miles Davis’, however, includes rubato to pull back the music a little just so to allow the listeners to feel the depth of the piece.

There is so much I want to express. Those words just couldn’t come out of me. I somehow find it difficult to spill out my feelings. I’m always finding for a piece that I can express myself with. And then I realized how foolish I was. All pieces and songs written reflects the songwriters themselves. Their messages. How can I express myself through emotions and feelings of other people? And then I found another alternative - to feel. I feel that I can ‘live’ in the song or piece itself. And perhaps that was how Brahms’ First Symphony moved me.

*

The trumpeter was independent… Independent of the piano accompaniment. Independent of the Bossanova rhythm of the drummer. He was independent… the trumpet was singing for him. His heart… his thoughts… the moment which belonged to him…

I was a little down today, so I searched for remedies online. And I found this!





:)

I just have to post this up. It was really a priceless moment.

I can't crawl out of the window. My jeans are too tight! - Nigel Ng

I'm currently enjoying a highspeed and mysterious wifi connection which is accessible in my room. It has been ten days since I came back and now my time here in Penang is up. I can proudly declare that I've utilised my time well. :) I got to spend time with my favourite people and most importantly, my parents. I'll miss them dearly when I go back there - though they're just a phone call away.

I realised that I've changed my perception towards life since I left Disted. I somehow couldn't find my real 'self' when I was there (in Disted). I wasn't happy, to say the least. There wasn't something that I could do to bridge my thoughts and what I was doing. I lost determination. I was deprived of motivation. I persisted for nothing. Partly because I was ignorant of the fact that college is different from highschool.

What I detested most about college is the students. Some of them are just so apathetic about whatever that is happening around them. Ignorance - is definitely not a bliss. I would somehow love to direct this question to them: Why do you go to college? I remembered once a student answered my ESL lecturer that he came to college because his father wanted him to, and it's not his will to do so. I find this response appaling. Right to the core of my heart. It took me months to persuade my parents to send me to college because I want to learn. Differently. I don't want to be tied to our Malaysian education system, which requires us to learn things and take subjects which are unnecessary. I thought somehow I can learn more.

Yes, I did learn a lot of things from there. Partly because I've had wonderful lecturers for the subjects which I took. However, I was disgusted (still am) by some who didn't do things seriously. And it's quite obvious that they didn't put in their effort in doing so. It's none of my business to care about all these things but I hated the fact that their parents send them there in hopes of them being able to achieve something in this phase of tertiary education. Shouldn't they feel blessed to be sent there instead of being thrown to study the gruesome Sixth Form? Yet, they were not making good use of this opportunity which I almost lost hold of.

I somehow share the common beliefs with my friends in Uniten. There's Billy, who is (according to himself) bellicose, smart, SAT 2400 achiever etc.. He may seem like a braggart but he has taught me a lot of things. He taught me how to think big. Although it's rather annoying to talk to him especially early in the morning when you had a late night last night, with him talking about the most random things under the sun, he is able to feed you with some food for thought. He likes to do things in a big scale, exaggerating things. You might sometimes need to drag him back to Earth when he starts talking or planning things. But at least those thoughts gave him new ideas.

Most of my friends in Uniten are from humble family backgrounds. Some of them have 10 siblings! But they have a purpose in life, they want to do their families proud. I guess the best achievement in life would be self-actualisation, according to Abraham Maslow in the hierarchy of needs, which I can rememberly clearly from doing my last Psychology presentation which I never had the chance to present, anyway. It doesn't matter what you achieve, how much you've achieved. It's about whether you've found yourself in the process of achieving it.

Also read: This.

From G.I. Joe

Man #1: It's really hard to find 'em. It's like finding for a needle in a coal mine.
Man #2: It's haystack.
Man #1: Alright. Haystack in the coal mine.

:D That made me happy.

- It's such a bliss to listen to Brahms' Symphony No. 1. Especially the one conducted by Herbert Von Karajan. Bliss!

- I'll be going out with Audelia (jordan, in my cbox) and Chee Lee tomorrow! Which means, talk time! I really miss those days when we were in 5 Arif :( When we can just get together and talk anytime. *sniffs*

- Doing SAT made me realize how ignorant I am of the English Language. And I appreciate its (English, not SAT) beauty more than ever now. SAT is still as excruciating as ever.

- The song 'I Should Have Known Better' by the Beatles is stuck in my head. No thanks to Nicholas, the #1 fan of the band. -___-

- I'm halfway through packing my clothes and other things which will be brought back to Selangor this Sunday.

- I've printed a supplementary SAT vocabulary list. But I'm not utilizing it well. Laziness.

- I'm contemplating whether to bring empty files back to Selangor. I'm not sure if I need it. Perhaps I will in the future. But my luggage is already full. Forget it. I'll have reasons to go shopping if I don't bring my files. :D (Die, H1N1, die!)

- The 1812 Festive Overture by Berliner Philharmoniker is ringing in my head for 3 days.

- I went back to college today. Observed some business presentations by my accounting classmates and I realized I've missed out on so much when I was away. :( Those brownies looked delicious, Adelene! *wide grin*

- I won't be back after the Raya holidays until Chinese New Year (I think).

- I want to eat Maggi Mee! :O

Patsy
really! hahahaha
it's really hard to find someone like you

Nicholas
im just an average guy..lol..it's easy to find average people..

Patsy
no you're not!
trust me i can write an essay about you

Nicholas
i just only see average abilities which everyone has..

Patsy
I see something else :)

Nicholas
wat..the back of my head?..lol..

Patsy
there's always something about you that u cant see that others can

Nicholas
yea..the back of my head..lol..

Patsy
=.= yes.. the back of your head. im sure you cant see your eyes too without the mirror

Nicholas
yea..lol..
the boy who couldn't see the back of his head
just like everybody else..lol..

I'm going to write an essay on how good he is to boost his self-esteem. I mean it. :)

Time flies. I haven't been home since I left for Uniten 5 weeks ago, unlike some human being named Vin Harng (I hope he doesn't read this). It feels really good to be back! Besides being pampered by both my parents, what I really enjoy is the fact that... I'm in Penang! And it certainly feels good to blog here. Faster internet (as compared to what I have there), so no complaints!

I came back on Thursday night, with Vin Harng and Chin Chon. Wait, only Vin Harng 'cause the bus dropped Chin Chon off at Juru. The journey back to Penang was... uneventful. I never enjoyed bus trips, really. Well, the reason I'm back is that Uniten is closed for ten days due to the H1N1 outbreak. I don't think I need to further elaborate on that. So... all of us were required to evacuate by 6pm that afternoon.

What saddened me is that I did not have the chance to say goodbye to everyone. :( I really do miss my classmates (Section 03 rules!) and others as well!

SAT is killing me. Horrible thing.

I noticed that the main idea of my blog posts, particularly those which I posted since I came to Uniten, were pretty scattered and muddled. (I still have this tendency to unconsciously type Uniten as United).

For those of you who do not know what on earth Uniten is, it is the combination of the full name of the institution, Universiti Tenaga Nasional. Uniten is indeed a large university. It has around 3 to 4 lakes (do not ask me whether the lakes house living organisms or many organic matter because nobody knows). Uniten has a few remarkable buildings to name: College of Engineering (COE), College of Information Technology (COIT), The Admin Building (The nicest building in the whole of Uniten, it is also the building featured most on the internet, brochures, adverts etc.), The ITMS Building (Secretly known as the Cyber Cafe, Internet Place etc. amongst students) and the coolest building which happens to be where my classroom is, IKAL (Institute of Liberal Studies). Mind you, all the buildings names are not centred and gathered in one place, they are scattered ALL OVER THE WHOLE CAMPUS, which is very, very, very huge. It is just impossible to walk from my apartment (which is in the campus itself) to COIT, but COE is just a 5mins walk away from my apartment.

How do I get to class, you may ask? I take the shuttle bus, I don't walk. Unless it's a Saturday. By the way, I do have a class on Saturdays. IKAL is also the furthest building from my apartment. There's always one good alternative: Cycle. That's a very eco-friendly idea. But before you even think of cycling here in Uniten, do consider the fact that the campus is not built on a flat ground. Do eat alot before you cycle because it will definitely be arduous to cycle uphill (which you may come across quite often I might say).

One interesting thing that I want to highlight here is that PPOU students generally walk faster than all other students. And we get into class an hour before the lessons start. An there's this common area whereby all student gather before class:- The ChitChat Area, the Newspaper Place, whatever. And there's this class-hopping habit inculcated in us, whereby we visit each other's classes before of after lessons.

I've made a lot of new friends ever since I came here. Let me first start off with my housemates. Shing Huei is my roommate and she's the only Engineering student in our house. She sleeps at 10pm every night, earliest among the four of us and wakes up before everyone. And then there's Yan Yun, who's very quiet, but recently became quite chatty and witty. She loves vegetables so much so that I've to give my portion to her (Just kidding, I didn't like veges so I gave it to her). She's also the only one who eats all the food on her plate! Spotless, I tell you! Last but not least, we have Cindy, who's meant to be with me, but recently we broke up due to some random reason. Cindy is a very nice person, easy to get along with. We generally share the same interest in everything. Except when it comes to boys maybe. She likes boys with big eyes. :) According to my friend, Billy, whom I'll talk about later on, Cindy is the 'hottest' girl in our class, or rather, among us scholars!

Okay, gotta run!