Thursday, March 25, 2010
今天和一位朋友用华语在msn聊了一会儿。突然发现好久好久都没用华语和朋友说话了。也许习惯了英语，很多朋友也不适应说华语，所以渐渐地我也很少用华语说话了。有时，我还是觉得有些情感或感受，只能用华文才能真正的抒发出来。因此我也偏爱华文歌曲。就像以下两首歌。
a shooting star flew past at
Sunday, March 07, 2010
dear diary,
a shooting star flew past at
张惠妹 - 平常心
街道静的刺耳 夜被路灯染色 趁感伤醒来前先上车 不会不舍 承认我是弱者 不敢再对爱假设 我真的累得 不想再拉扯 我寻找的平静 是我将来看电影 带着一颗平常心 不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛 我需要的平静 是敢回头看曾经 那些为爱患得患失的情景 我选择忘记 我不懂得取舍 才让心痛堆着 找得到前些年的快乐 只是偶尔 回忆是个诱饵 是来叫我回去的 要伤能愈合 我非走不可 我寻找的平静 是我将来看电影 带着一颗平常心 不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛 我需要的平静 是敢回头看曾经 那些为爱患得患失的情景 我选择忘记 我寻找的平静 是我将来看电影 带着一颗平常心 不必为谁心碎闭上眼睛 我需要的平静 是敢回头看曾经 那些为爱患得患失的情景 我选择忘记
A-Lin(黄丽玲) - 现在我很幸褔
他的手掌有种粗糙的体贴 他在我需要时候出现身边 被你伤的那些 崩溃眼泪 多亏他无私的奉陪 哪天要是和你真的再见面 谁都不要再提醒那一段从前 有些事不面对 反而安心安全 你无权再动摇我的世界 现在我有了幸福 有人照顾 应该知足 你不像他 从不让我哭 可是我越想投入 越是生疏 抱得再紧 依旧止不住那流失的温度 现在我不停忙碌 不断让步 想看清楚 你不像他 把我当成全部 可是爱有时善良 有时残酷 我要如何 爱他像爱你那样义无反顾 哪天要是和你真的再见面 我不会提到最后和他的一切 面对不爱的人 我终于谅解了 曾经你用无言画的句点 现在我有了幸福 有人照顾 应该知足 你不像他 从不让我哭 可是我越想投入 越是生疏 抱得再紧 依旧止不住那流失的温度 现在我不停忙碌 不断让步 想看清楚 你不像他 把我当成全部 可是爱有时善良 有时残酷 我要如何 爱他像爱你那样义无反顾 现在我有了幸福 有人照顾 应该知足 你不像他 从不让我哭 可是我越想投入 越是生疏 抱得再紧 依旧止不住那流失的温度 现在我不停忙碌 不断让步 想看清楚 你不像他 把我当成全部 可是爱有时善良 有时残酷 我要如何 爱他像爱你那样义无反顾 现在我不停忙碌 不断让步 想看清楚 你不像他 把我当成全部 可是爱有时善良 有时残酷 我要如何 爱他像爱你那样义无反顾
歌词一针见血，把人的心痛描述得非常透彻，美丽。我喜欢抒情歌曲，因为它能触动我的内心，有时也能疗伤。但这不待表我是一个难过，不开心的人。我只是爱用歌发泄心里的情绪。
今天我也做了个决定。我不想自私再浪费时间。原来真的，有些事，有些感觉一旦过了，就找不回来了。我不想说“也许”因为我也曾因这两个字，执着了很久。对不起。
10:34 PM
i've so much so much to say. school has finally ended officially on last thurs. this 3 years had been a great one with a great bunch of people. things are much easier and bearable because of them. we have all grown up. grown to be stronger emotionally and physically. they saw and shared my ups and downs. thanks everyone for everything. will kept these great memories we shared deep in my heart and brain. now we are heading to a new phase of our life, let's jiayou and keep the happy PT0702 spirit up (:
next, my ah gong and ah ma, please do stay healthy. both of them have been admitted to hospital one after another at the same time. now ah gong on NG tube because he cant really swallow. ah ma's health is under monitoring and her memory is failing. recalling 3 years back when ah gong went missing and found injured in the hospital later and ah ma's health was bad, i actually cried and felt helpless. now, when i visit ah gong again in the hospital this time, seeing him with the tube, i was sad i think, but this time, i no longer cried. same for ah ma, i saw the bleed, i no longer felt helpless and cried. i wonder has my heart grown colder? or i have seen too much that i no longer feel the need to be emotional. or perhaps i am just better in coping and hiding my emotions. pardon my selfish thoughts at time. sometimes i would rather life is kinder to them. instead of making them go through all these pain and sufferings, why not let them go peacefully. seriously, i think sometimes when i was young, i didn spend enough time to talk to them to understand them. I was physically there all the time but no effort was made to understand them. now ah gong cant understand and talk to me anymore, ah ma dont really make sense anymore. perhaps this was the little regrets we will all have in life. thus, i tell myself, when i have my own kids next time, i will let them talk to their granny and grandpa more. at least they wont end up like me... for now, i guess the only thing i can do for them is to visit them more often and be more patient.
and there is one more thing on my mind. i really don't know if i can make up my mind. but i sort of know my answer already. perhaps it took too long and suddenly i realise maybe i dont need one at all. things may change but i guess it wont be anytime soon.
no more looking back. the future is waiting, the present is here.
with love,
gin
9:39 PM