Lately I've been reading the works of St Teresa of Avila - way of perfection and interior castles. Very insightful because it really taught me a lot of things. My mind and eyes were opened. I'm thankful that my dear Lord had instill that desire within me to read up and find out more on St Teresa.

A line that really struck me is this - never omit daily meditation/reflection/prayer for to do so, we would be casting ourselves in hell! She had really highlighted to me how important it is to pray, even when tired or weary, pray! For this world is filled with so much evil!

In the past, there was this period I consider it my "dark night". I gave up on God because there's a thought in me that says that I'm unable to fulfill his commandment. Love your neighbour-I just find it so difficult. Since I'm unable to do so, I'm unable to go to heaven too. But now as I look back, I've come to realise how warp that mentality was! I had fallen prey to the evil one! Thank you Lord for St Teresa who have guided and taught me so much! This is the work of the evil one! At times you feel that you are so unworthy to receive God and that it would have been better if you could hide away from him. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! It's all deception! For our God is a loving and merciful one.

It is true that to draw closer to God is a difficult task because the evil one is at work trying to pull us away. Even more trials will come along the way. Some people will think since being close to God, we'll get more trials then maybe it would be better to stay away from him. But no! We shouldn't! For those who associate with danger/the dark will eventually perish with it! Therefore, it would have been better to go through trials than to burn in hell forever.

Wonderful works by St Teresa and what an amazing God we have!

Labels: God

I was having a bad day earlier on. Feeling so grumpy, frustrated and annoyed. I think is because I didn't have a good sleep yesterday night. Had like my school project bugging me through the night and I slept with great difficulty. I woke up in the morning not wanting to say my prayers. (How could I have such thoughts!) Cancelled my plan for attending novena because of how I felt. Human feelings-what a difficult thing to fathom. I'm very much that kind of person that lets feeling take control of the things I do. There's pros and cons but at times I see it as a weakness because feelings could cause me a downfall. However, I asked the Lord for such detachment so that in difficult times I could still stand strong and praise him.

Attended STS and mass, the day somehow have become better but over dinner the topic on exorcism and evil spirit arise. I didn't know why but there's this sudden sense of fear that came over me. It just scares me alot to know how evil can really be. At the thought of it, it stirs up fear. I came home and prayed to God but my mind just couldn't keep focus on him. The fear was overwhelming. It even came to a point where I was afraid to shut my eyes while praying for the fear of _____ images flooding my mind. I really had no idea why I reacted in such manner. That very moment I feared about almost everything. Feared speaking in tongues, feared the gift of prophesy and I even feared praying to God because that closeness is scary too. Like too upfront and up close to God. I was shaking and wanted to hide. But in his own gentle ways, he came and comforted me. It felt so much peaceful to have him around. How nice it is to know that our God is love.

Labels: fear, God, thoughts

A very Happy Birthday to you! I hope you'll have a great time celebrating this significant day of yours. May the Lord shower even more love and blessings on this special day so that it will be made more memorable for you!

I'm very happy and grateful to God for giving me this wonderful gift of friendship. Someone who shared a great deal of my joy, thoughts and nonsense with. Most importantly, I'm even more thankful to have you as a great senior/leader who've played such a big role in my life, inspiring me to deepen the faith and serving God. Thank you for showing me how to love God even more.

As I began to type all these, the past memories have started to flood my mind and I'm glad that our friendship have grown so much and may it continue to grow deeper in the years to come! Hope you have a great day ahead! Cheers and love ya many! =)



Ps: You know what? We should take more photos together!! Felt like our photos are so limited and outdated!! Yes and I still remember that I promise you of a video but due to time constrain and limited images to use...it will be held back once again. I'm so sorry about that and please kindly remind me again sometime later. (Just in case I forget.)

Labels: celebration, friend

Alright, here's my long overdue entry on my YISS experience. I think I'll just shorten it and cover the main parts because I've got other things I wanna share about our awesome God too.

I decided to go for this YISS because I wanted to experience God's love and be renewed by him. For the past 6 months or so, I just felt myself "floating", being a Sunday church go-er and living day by day with a pile of school work to be busy with. The camp had a typical structure of healing > outpouring > empowerment. I felt my load was being lighten immediately after I went for the sacrament of reconciliation and I could feel a sense of peace during the praying over session. During the outpouring night, I wasn't particularly desiring for any gifts from God but I went in with a heart desiring to experience his love and his touch. As I rested in the spirit, he appeared to me and he comforted me with the story of footprints in the sand. Then as I spoke to him in a conversation, I made a request saying,"Lord, could you amplify your voice within me". My heart desires to hear him so that I may live my life accordingly to his will and not mine. More of him and less of me. So he replied me with 2 bible verses. One that says "Ask and you shall receive seek and you shall find". The other was "my sheep recognises my voice". Jesus is willing to give me what I've asked for and I thanked him. Then a group of facilitators suddenly came up to me and one of them said," Your gift of tongue is not clear, let us help you to make it more clear". My mind went into a confused state. I was questioning what exactly did the person mean by that? It's not as though I've just acquired that gift and was struggling to burst out in tongues. My mind was filled with lots of questions. Anyway, I let them prayed over me. While they prayed over me I had a vision. A vision of heaven with Jesus siting on the throne and angels were bowing down to him. Suddenly the facilitator said to me," I have an impression that you can see images and words". So I said yes and she said I had the gift of prophesy. Wow! I thanked God for that gift and another vision appeared. It was a close up image of Jesus smiling. He was so happy!! As much as I thanked him for the gift but that night, I was doubtful. Some parts of my logical side wants take control and I kept questioning myself, how sure was I that it wasn't my sub-conscious mind that made up everything? Then there's the other side of me that tells me to have faith. I even had someone telling me what gift the Lord has given me as a sign of confirmation so why am I doubting? The last day during the last session, I heard the Lord speaking again and he said," My child I am very pleased." Then I had my last vision of a garden filled with many people. Jesus was sitting at a spot with people at his feet. They were laughing and talking to Jesus. Yup, so that roughly sums up my YISS experience.

Yesterday and the day before I attended a rally at Risen Christ too. Was invited by my facil to go for it. The day before I went alone because none of my group mates and facils were free. The rally was very much structured in the manner of our church's charismatic meeting. However, I have to specifically highlight one part. During the prophesy segment, I heard the Lord speaking again. "I have love you with an everlasting love." But I just decided to test it out by holding back that message. Immediately, after 2 people had proclaimed their messages, I heard the similar message as mine being proclaimed. At that moment, I was dumbfounded. The gift is real and had no mistake about it.

Yesterday at the rally, I manage to experience God again. As my group mate Matthew laid his hand and prayed for me. I felt as though Jesus had put his hand around my shoulder saying,"I will be with you always, through the end of time." Matthew also shared with me that he had a vision of Jesus' light shining over me and I was glowing. Wow! Amazing God! Deep down I know and could sense that greater things await for me and it's going to be revealed to me soon. If you follow Jesus, you have nothing to lose.

Labels: God

Met up my cutesy lil friends to attend mass at the cathedral yesterday and it was such an eye opener. Sunday mass was so much different from Saturday's. It was so grand! The choir and music were great and the celebrant was the archbishop himself. The experience was simply amazing!



Oh yeah and I totally had a great time out with my cutesy lil friends too. We had such a windy picnic outting! The pictures that we took were super sharp because I brought my dslr along! However, at the start, we were whining and complaining because mm forgot to bring her cam and it seems impossible to take a 3 person photo with my dslr. We even have to resort to camera phone. But surprisingly, we manage to take group shots with my dslr because the angle was wide enough. The only concern was the weight of the camera but after awhile we got used to it. The 2 of them seem to enjoy hearing the shutter sound and their fingers go snap snap snap.

School's starting tomorrow and I'm feeling nervous and scared about it. This holiday I didn't even touch my school work at all - so dead! Guess I have to do something about it soon.

I drop by the catholic bookshop this afternoon but a lot of them were closed for stock take and I ended up attending mass at IHM instead. Once again, the priest mentioned about the bright shining star that appeared to the wise men in his sermon. My mind seem to have captured that line over and over from the different masses I've attended over the weekend. How nice if there is a visible star that would lead us to Jesus. What exactly is that star in your life that would draw you close to Jesus? Hmmm...what an interesting question to reflect on.

Labels: friends, God

It felt so God-filled today especially with the S.T.A.G-ers. Half the time they were passionately talking about God and Mary. It made me feel as though I've attended an input session where I start to learn new things about the faith. It also made me wonder what was I doing when the leaders were giving input sessions. Maybe I was really "sleeping" every Saturday. Oh man...what a waste!! But nevertheless, I'm thankful for being blessed with this group of people to journey with and help me grow in faith. In one way or another, they've motivated me. I don't want to be a loser that lag in zeal and in faith.

We visited Love the world bistro and bar too, even though the band weren't that fantastic but they were playing praise and worship songs. Something new and suitable for such gathering.

On my way home, I was also listening to a moment in time and whenever I hear it at the "appointed moment", I could feel some kind of connection being made with God. I am always left feeling thankful and grateful to him.

Labels: friends, God

My eyes are seeing stars. All thanks to the web form codings and up till now, I still have not figured out how to create a web form! *Headache* Anyway I spent the whole of last night completing a flash animation clip. That's how I spent the last bit of 2008-doing work. I'm not complaining because I'm pretty much happy with what I'm doing. In another few hours or so I have to drag myself out of the house to meet the girlies. Help! I'm having a I-want-to-stay-home mood at the moment.

Anyway, I manage to meet Cheryl over the weekend, to catch up and share about my YISS experience too! Like finally...because she's dying to hear the stories. Thank you also for sharing your side of story to me too! I'm glad that I'll be seeing her more often now at amplify fridays.


It's so funny because she keeps trying to take emo shots of which many were unsuccessful. Haha and she kept randomly asking me to pose for this and that. See the last photo on the left. She asked me to pose but in the end, the focus went to the bridge.(-_-") (What the heck??)

On top of that, accompanied tm to attend her hairdresser's house warming party. What a nice penthouse that's well designed by the owner himself! However, I like the ground level view most-the swimming pool looks cool!

In the coming weekend I'm gonna meet S.T.A.G = St Theresa of Avila Group (Looks like we're gonna meet real often now, especially with amplify fridays, events, cellgroups and outtings), JYM (My all time favourite cutesy lil friends!! Happy to be seeing them soon) and tm(again?!? haha! But I enjoy her company though!) The last few days of holiday is going to be jam packed. My last day of work officially ends tomorrow too! Thank God! I so need to be back on track with my work-out plans. The new workplace just didn't allow me to do my jogs at all. Which explains why I've been putting on a lot of weight. Especially with all the Christmas feasting and chocolate goodies. Maybe I should start giving away the chocolates at home!

And the most beautiful gift I've received in 2008 is the gift of companionship of the wonderful people in my life that have shown me a piece of God's love.

Labels: people, update