mercy. metamorphosis. grace. eternity.

it was a whirlwind tuesday. meeting was so blessed and favoured, i came out feeling so much more love from Daddy God. i have lovely colleagues who left notes of love, and that sms to remind me i was “battle scar free”. ( :

You will deliver

You will provide

Your arm is mighty to save

best of all today, my l my l my o popped by to pass me colourful gum balls from across the causeway. its the best feeling in the world, to be able to see your friend right after work i realised. that short htht session was super in quality and i thank You Jesus for her ((: You will make all things work for her, You will turn her disappointments to trophies of Gold! amen!

and how can i forget this? i got my results today! all i can say its all by Your grace Lord. thank  You Jesus. i know now, its not me but You. (:

i have started on the high notes and i find it hard to come down the low ones. but i guess i will choose to look beyond what was all said and done. because i know, in the future, it will be in the light why do these things happen. i have many questions tonight. no. wait. i dont. i just have no answers to the many questions tonight. who are we to know why our hearts feel this way? can we control our feelings? i believe now that we can, love is a choice, and will always be. it is not about wrong timings, misunderstandings, it is afterall all about the heart. i have come to see, that what men try to pull apart, the heart will always come back full circle. and what men try to join, cannot be joined unless hearts are involved. what is it about forever we are fascinated about, what is it about the future we speculate about? i just know that to me, what matters is the present, and the Lord says His mercies are new every morning. i am going to sleep now and know that the Lord has taken care of this and will show Himself to us.

goodnight world.

got home and immediately checked my emails to see if any changes with regards to tmr. but wow Jesus You surprised me with much more. thank you for sending her to encourage me in that way. somehow reading it makes me want to cry because that was exactly how i felt during the first draft. i felt little and most of all incompetent. but everything had a 360 degrees change around once i allowed You to come into the picture. thank You for such wonderful colleagues. for the skills shared, for the lovely note, for the edifying email and most of all for blessing us with such a wonderful ministry.

it shall be blessed for Jesus You have gone before us and You said it is good. Your favour shall surround us like a shield and it shall be highly blessed and favoured. amen amen! (:

looking forward to tomorrow! OH. and i have a new colleague tomorrow too! hahaha.

okay since i am not asleep as of 2.31am.

i have decided to do a mini research on names to find out their root meanings in hebrew/greek(all are hebrew or greek origins unless otherwise stated)!!

hee.

sarah – princess ( whoa. ahems!!!! all hail princess sarah! HAHAHA)

selina – moon ( heh heh the first thing i thought of was “yue liang dai biao wo de xing”! )

charlene – (english/germanic/french origins) freeman (err. not very free la, attached mah!! HURHUR 😛 )

eva – life or living one ( whoaaaa!! cool!!! not bad eh cow friend.)

faith ( wingman’s baptism name) – kinda self explanatory la.

andrea – man (but my lovely sister is anything but manly. (((: )

okay i admit i researched a few more here and there but already at 2.44am im a little bit sleepy so i shall stop here. (: have fun reading everyone. hee. goodnight world.

that’s my name in hebrew!! “Yoḥanna” means “God is gracious”.

wow i can really see that manifested in my life, seeing how undeservingly favoured i am.

being reminded of His grace always in the work i do, the precious ones i’ve come to love, and how old friends who never gave up on me.

i had a REALLY busy week. you know how i gauge how busy i am? by the amount of food i eat. i think its the least i have ever eaten in a week this year. ahhaha!!! gosh preparing everything was no joke, sleep was sacrificed, last minute cancellation of gatherings etc. but i love the work i do which is why i am able to stay up till so late and yet feel excited about what i am doing even though i am already half asleep. the Lord never fails to remind me to rest in Him and He will work out the rest for me. how many times have i “complained” in my head but yet You never failed to bring all things to past. the mountains i faced this week was conquered because You were the one fighting the battle for me. (:

i am so blessed. really. my dad amazed me with a statement as he came home the other day. stunned my mum and i for awhile, and we proceeded to listen to his testimony. praise God! he was supposed to be going somewhere to deliver some goods but he said that he prayed that morning, and somehow someone else took his place and he was deployed somewhere else. anyway as much as it was a tragic event, my dad was protected! amazing! i just kept thinking about psalms91 as he was sharing with us. you would marvel with surprise if you knew how much spiritual warfare was going on in my family especially with my dad. AMAZING GRACE! Jesus You never fail to answer my prayers. thank You Lord for answering this prayer. (((:

even as i see my brother rubbing my dad’s back for him is such a miracle in itself. i believe their relationship will be restored. amen! i secretly took a photo of this scenario so that i could always look back and give thanks to Daddy God who made this all possible. oh the love of God who can move even the hardest heart, who can comprehend the ways of You Lord? no one, no one at all.

pastor’s message today was once again an answered prayer. thank You Lord for revealing to me the answers to the question i asked 2 weeks ago. You are so faithful Lord ((:

just got home from fen’s birthday dinner. so happy to see the gang again although we just met after a year’s gap on friday night. and funnily, dan’s grandma called when i was eating with them. oh Lord, i really wonder why. i guess, i just see Your favour on me is abundant indeed. i thought i lost the friendships and relationships formed once mine ended with dan. but Daddy God you showed me so much more grace, that even right now after more than a year, the friendships and relationships are in tact. i really missed their company. all the nonsense and the laughter. fen’s funny giggles. alf’s rodent imitations. shaun’s “boon ah”. derrick’s random funny comments. and how they just readily accepted me to their “elite” club aka legends. hahaha!! they’re still the every same people whom i used to hung out till the wee hours with, and i am still the same joanna, the only thing that’s changed, is ironically the very reason why we are still very much at home with each other.

so anyway enough of emo nemo talk,

HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY FEN (((:

btw selian, why your blog no chatterbox! i feel so sad i cant comment!! i miss the girls!!! (((: let’s go ikea for food soon. YUMMY CHICKEN WINGS!! hee.

getting names wrong, has never been this funny before. be it 1 letter or 3 letters! ((((:

((: thank you mummy! me love you many many. ❤

we are but sowers and not saviour to anyone, for Jesus is the one and only Saviour we will ever know.

today i have been so blessed. (:

last night i slept really late, i think it was closed to 3am. and i actually slept without setting my ALARM. OMGOSH okay. but praise the Lord! i had Holy Alarm! i woke up on the dot of the time i would have set the alarm and my goodness it was just so shocking to realise that i actually forgot. but after the initial panicking, came peace. such peace. (: when its effortless, thats when you know its really fully God, and none of self. that makes me so glad. ( : Thank you Jesus.

secondly, i was blessed with shaker fries!! ( : so happyyyy happyyyy joy joy!

and today i was expected to be dropped off at the bus stop but instead was sent right home!! ((: Thank You Jesus for the favour!!!

this week of all weeks, is going to be so busy and so many over booking. but like what pastor said, it shall be a week filled with His favour and it shall be exciting indeed. amen!

i did the silliest thing ever.

woke up and got ready to get out of the house for work, only to realise that i didnt have my keys.

i panicked and tried to recall where on earth could it be? OMGOMGOMG. then it dawned on me that i left it at my work place along with the keys to my drawer!!! THE HORRORS.

the first thing that went through my head was (HAHAHA) to jump down from my kitchen window. never mind abit of injuries as long as i can get out. but!!! alas even my kitchen windows were locked too. -.- !! then i started calling my mum but she didnt pick up. called my bro and he picked up! but he couldnt get out of school. ): dad was at work too.

so with no ideas albeit i still wanted very much to just bash down my door with my mighty arms(ahhahaa), i decided to finally give my manager a call.  and gosh such favour! she was completely understanding and so nice about it. (: she even asked another colleague(another super nice person!!!) to come and fetch me to rescue me from my own home. although i heard they called it “operation save the damsel in distress” i was too happy to be able to get out to complain. wahhaha (: anywayyyy praise the Lord, it all turn out to be good. and really such unearned favour (: thank you Jesus.

took this when i walked the streets of chinatown a few months ago with my mum.

few may know, chinatown speaks not only of my childhood memories, it is also a place i visit often in my nightmares.

the sunset backdrop softens the real focus which is the building itself, stealing all the limelight. or at least thats the way i see it. another reason why i loves skies, especially during sunsets and sunrise. it takes away the attention and what’s left dwelling on is only the beauty of the colours and clouds.

which is what i needed today, if i could brand today, it would be an off day. besides watching sunrise because i havent slept all night. it was today i felt that i needed that breath of life from Jesus. i hate pms and what it does to me. but yet somehow i know at the end of the night, what’s left is the beauty of the cross. the beauty of His sacrifice. and i am captured once again by Your love.

goodnight world.

i am at the toa payoh library sitting at a very uncomfortable hard bench while waiting for my mum to get off work. but yet so preoccupied in trying to be preoccupied. HAHA.

its been an hour since my elusive mole sister left me but her words stayed. our little time spent fellowshipping is worth so much more than sleeping till 3pm. (: revelations were caught and there is just something special about sharing which just builds the spirit man. amazing that when we share and not shy away into our little shell, more hidden treasures and nuggets of precious moments were formed. i never knew that being so open can be so liberating and assuring that God will work His miracles as we just share. i can be really difficult especially when things happen out of the blue, everytime i am shock or taken aback by bad news, my first reaction is to run away or pretend everything is alright. i know that sometimes my defense mechanism can be so strong and hurtful, but somehow i cannot retract them once it is released. and it has been a thorn in my heart for the longest time, more so with the friends i now call family. i now know that it was the way i was brought up that made me the way i was. imagine not having anyone at all to share all your emotions as you grow up. imagine feeling alone even in the most crowded places. imagine waking up knowing that you will still be alone at the end of the day. imagine the ones you call friends, dont even know that you are hurting so deeply inside that every smile you pull was only a facade. that was what i was last time, a long long time ago. the unique family situations i grew up in, made me think i was inadequate and so undeserving of any love or laughter. it was so difficult to even bring myself to speak up. being able to express myself properly like that in a post would be an impossibility in the past, but yet God made it all possible. slowly but ever so surely, i was transformed from the inside out. im just amazed at the wonders of His love which can save even those who are in the deepest pit of hell. Jesus is yeshua(salvation), that is how i have first come to know of Him. and that is also how i have journeyed so far to where i am today to be able to sing songs of worship and be a joyful woman who is so blessed by her family and friends. so what i am saying is there’s no harm in wanting to retreat to a shell of your own, but just await the glorious wonder of the amazing love of God as you leave behind that shell to embrace a life which He has called you to live out in this world.

you said “joy” suits me.

me think so too ((: