Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Turning the corner, I think. How we are doing five months in...

It's been five months since we moved to Chennai.  It's a good time to do some reflecting and share how we're doing.  I'm gonna share the challenges and disappointments before I get to my growing grateful list. I usually give myself up to six months to whine as needed before I give it up and choose to love where I live. Bear with me, I'm almost there.

First of all, I don't feel super attached to Chennai yet. I could move away and miss little about it, that is, the place. I'd definitely look back with happy thoughts and memories but I'd be fine to move on. I am however attached to people here and for that I am grateful. Andrey's coworkers have been amazing and I'm really looking forward to getting to know some of them better. I've got a couple of solid friendships and several others that are moving in that direction. I have friends I can call on to hang out with Ella for an evening so Andrey and I can go out. I have a friend that I meet with weekly to share how we're doing and pray with and this has been a huge encouragement and blessing to me. I love that no matter where we live I end up with some amazing friends. Seriously this is the number one best thing about Chennai so far - the fact that I've made some genuine connections with some amazing women. Last week I had six women over for drinks and food and conversation. Reminds me of all the ladies' nights my friends and I would take turns hosting in Cebu. My first ladies' night in Chennai made me ache for my friends in Cebu. A few have moved on but many are still there and I keep in regular touch with most of them.

I often long for life in the US, which is really strange because I don't remember missing the US since I first moved to Thailand in 2004 when my intro to life overseas was HARD and I was grieving not living in Seattle anymore. I really haven't had the desire to live in the US for many years. I'm not sure why I do now. Maybe it's because we spent ten months in the US in between the Philippines and India, or maybe the novelty and excitement of moving around the world is wearing off, or that I'm not so rooted in India yet that it's easy to look back to the last place we lived and fantasize about how good it was. But this longing for the US has surprised me. I regularly daydream about what life would be like there. If I could choose I would live somewhere in the Pacific Northwest and do a way better job at getting out in nature than I ever did when I lived there for seven years. I crave the old growth forests and the fresh, cool air. Oh to have a neighborhood to walk in and open green space nearby to enjoy!

Writing of air, what to do about a physical incompatibility with the air where you live? I have never experienced a place so dusty in all my life. My sinuses and lungs regularly protest and I wonder how could live in a place where it is difficult to thrive in the physical environment. I seriously have to limit my time outside on the street. Thankfully I have a regimen that makes it tolerable: nasal rinsing, nasal spray, a heavy duty mask which I use if I have to take an auto rickshaw and an inhaler. Seriously, who wants to be this high maintenance?

I realized recently that my life and work in Chennai will never look anything like it did in Cebu. I'll never be as involved in street-level community life here as I was in Cebu. For example, the ability and freedom I had to get to know a pregnant woman living on the street and assist her in finding a safe place to deliver her baby and help her plug in to our amazing local church community because of my connections, my midwifery experience and understanding of the public medical system as well as my local language ability - I'll likely never have that here. I don't think I will ever speak Tamil which pretty much limits my interaction with the poorest people here. Plus foreigners just aren't welcomed in the same way. Tamil is such a difficult language and unless I am working somewhere where I need it to function like I did at the charity clinic in Cebu when I first arrived, I'm not going to learn it well. As long as I can navigate life here as easily as I do without it, I won't learn it. I am having a hard time accepting that but I think it's just something I will have to learn to be okay with.

I guess I am still grieving the loss of our lives in Cebu. I thought because we had all this time in the US in between the Philippines and India that I had done all the grieving there was to do but as I write this and the tears come I realize otherwise. I know this is the normal process and that helps me accept it for what it is. It usually takes a good six months or more to process and let go of a place - a life, a community. I'm so thankful that we are forever linked to the country and people of the Philippines, not only because of our seven years there and the lifelong relationships we made but because of our daughter and her heritage.

While I need to acknowledge how I feel, I can't dwell on the negatives. I have this recipe for joy and contentment which I've learned over 11 years of living overseas which I think is just a great way to live no matter where you are. Be thankful. Don't complain. Count the good things. Celebrate and enjoy them. This is where I choose to dwell.

Here is my growing list of good things worth celebrating:

(Please forgive the poor formatting. I can't seem to get the changes I am making in the draft to translate to the actual page. This must be why real bloggers don't use blogger.com!)

  •  Friends - some from our church, some from Ella's school. So great to find natural friendships with parents of Ella's buddies at school. Great for coordinating play dates and mommy lunch dates during the school day. 
  • Good health - I've had some challenges and discouraging days and weeks but it seems I have turned a corner and am feeling so much better. 
  • I am virtually anxiety-free! This is huge. In my last post I shared about the breakthrough I had emotionally and spiritually in letting go of worry and control that brought my anxiety from an 8 down to a 4. And then soon after I decided to go caffeine-free for the first time in longer than I can remember, ten years? With caffeine out of my system the anxiety has gone down to a 0-1. I can't tell you how happy this makes me. I have been sleeping great and only have trouble sleeping a couple of times a month (compared to a couple of times a week before). Yay yay yay!!
  • With my new way of approaching health challenges and health-related worries, I am finding such joy in the new level of closeness I have with Jesus.  Where I used to fret before and spend a lot of energy on how I am going to fix whatever thing I perceive as a problem (because I was taking on the burden of my health) I am now inviting God's wisdom and praying for guidance and healing and then settling into the peace that comes because of it. Such a better way to live!
  • With the better health I have been exercising more. I have been setting goals and have reached them two weeks in a row. This includes 3x yoga, 3x cardio with lower body strength and 2x upper body strength workouts each week. With the regular yoga my back is feeling so good. 
  • More time with Andrey. His workload is full but it's not like it was in our last years in Cebu (which was crazy!).  He doesn't need to travel regularly and often doesn't need to bring his computer home. He's more physically present and emotionally available, which has been great for our marriage. Not that it's only been him who needed to grow in this area. Both of us certainly did but the more sustainable work load is helping a lot. 
 

  • A great church community with lots of girls Ella's age.  


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  • A great home group where we love eating together. 
     









  • Sandy beaches in the city! 
 
















  • Organic milk delivered to our door every morning.  I would have never guessed that was an option!
  • Green Goblin - a company that brings green vegetables that aren't available in grocery stores like kale, sprouts, crisp lettuces, baby spinach, microgreens, and Swiss chard to Chennai from Mumbai every week. I have missed fresh salads and am now getting my fix. 
  • Paperman! A recycling program that comes to pick up your recycling and forwards proceeds to the charity of your choice. I mean, that is cool. 
  • Our cats. They are so cute and healthy and we love them.  

 
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  • Some awesome Aunties (and great friends) who love to hang out with Ella.



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  • Some meaningful work. I have had the opportunity to support several pregnant and breastfeeding women in Chennai. I completed my midwifery license recertification and I have enjoyed doing some online courses for that and learning lots of new things and then getting to use the info with the women I'm working with. I LOVE THIS WORK! Since on-call midwifery is not really an option during this season in my life I am looking into doing a Lamaze childbirth educator training. I found one I can do within India by traveling to another city for a workshop then the rest can be done online at home. There is such a need for childbirth education here and I really enjoy teaching and would love to get good at it. At some point I'll write a post just about all I've been learning about common birth practices in Chennai. So much to tell. 
  • Networking with other midwives in India. I have had the opportunity to connect with seven fantastic midwives living and working in India. Two of them are Indian, the rest are foreign. We are united in our desire to see pregnancy and birth experiences as well as outcomes for mothers and babies improve in India. It is not an easy birth culture to interact with as a midwife. 
  • Signs that I am beginning to feel settled here. One of which is feeling ready to start exploring other parts of India. (I was so sick of packing and moving around after our ten months in the US that I didn't want to go anywhere for a while after we arrived in India.) We went to Kerala last month and will be visiting Jaipur in Rajastan end of this month. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  • We have visitors coming! Andrey's parents will be here one month from today. Andrey's aunt and uncle are coming in January. Our guest bedroom is slowly shaping up. 
  • Ella really likes school. She is learning so much and has made some good friends that she talks about all the time. Seriously, the school is awesome.



  • We are finally getting a car! Our bank account took over three months to process and that has felt like a really long time. I have many taxi driver friends now but the convenience of having our own car is going to cause a great spike in our quality of life here. And my sinuses. :-)
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Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Journeying through Anxiety to True Security

It's been a stressful month health-wise.  Respiratory problems, heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat, dizziness, fatigue and gastric problems have had me on edge.  I have been struggling with anxiety on a level I've never experienced before and it has effected my ability to fall asleep more significantly than usual.  What the heck?  Is it India?

And then I realized that anxiety has been gradually ramping up for years and I need to figure out where it's coming from, so I've been praying and reflecting and have discovered a few key underlying thoughts and beliefs that I think are to blame.  But first, let me share a little history.

Nearly 21 years ago at the age of nineteen I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma, stage II.  My mom recently recalled how calm I was when the mass was found on my chest x-ray and the cancer word was mentioned.  She says she asked me if I was worried and I said, "Let's just see what it is and then we'll deal with it."  She recalls me being strong and calm throughout the whole thing.  I was a bit worried while waiting for those results, the unknowns and the possibilities were just so scary but I really didn't let my mind get very far with the what ifs until I knew what I had.  Once I was diagnosed I remember feeling pretty confident that all was going to be fine.  I don't remember feeling afraid or anxious.  After all, the prognosis was good.  The radiation therapy nurses often remarked at my positive attitude and said it played a big part in me going into remission just four months later.  I look back and think of how pragmatic and emotionally out of touch I was.  I was also quite young and naive.  While I stayed in remission and was eventually deemed cured after I remained cancer-free five years later, I had no idea how the experience would impact me for the rest of my life.

When recovering from radiation therapy and the damage it did to my body I discovered nutrition and natural health practices that drastically improved my immune system function and overall health.  For the first time I began taking an active role in my health.  After passively following along during cancer diagnosis and treatment, I received no guidance from my doctor regarding recovery - after all he had sent me off to go live my life and be happy; so after dealing with numerous upper respiratory infections, a constant cough and a life-impairing lack of energy,  I began to take charge.  I read everything I could get my hands on and experimented with herbs, homeopathic remedies, vitamins and mineral supplements, fruit and vegetable juicing, a vegetarian diet; anything that I could find that made for a healthier immune system.  I became obsessed with health and hygiene and staying well.  I remember getting really upset when I saw a woman in a public bathroom leaving without washing her hands.  Ugh!  Doesn't she know some of us are more sensitive to germs and could get sick?  I nitpicked about ingredients and read every label.  It was now up to me to prevent illness from ever happening again.  

After you experience a serious illness, your outlook on everything changes.  Every little symptom or feeling you have in your body is a clue to what might be wrong.  Every food or lifestyle choice, every known chemical exposure in the products you use, carries with it a potential negative outcome.  Every new bit of information or knowledge you pick up about what causes illness is cause for anxiety, especially when some choices or exposure is out of your control.  In my 20's I thought I could control a whole lot.  In my 30's I realized I can only control so much and now in my 40's I wonder if anything is in my control.  No wonder anxiety has been creeping up and digging in so effectively for so long.

One thing no one told me is that all the radiation I had to my neck, chest and abdomen would shrink my thyroid, damage my stomach, create lots of scar tissue, and make me at a higher risk of heart problems and breast cancer.  I now have to undergo not only annual mammograms but annual "high-risk" breast MRIs.  I had my first one earlier this year and they found an unidentifiable "area of density," which led to a breast biopsy.  I managed not to freak out too badly with that because I know that tests like these often show things that end up being no cause for concern.  Well all was well and I sighed relief.   

Truth is, I am shit scared of cancer, of plane crashes, of highway car accidents and some other things but those are the main ones.  And having cancer in my past or not, there is a hellofa lot of stuff to be afraid of in this world.  And I've known for some time that I have to be careful and not let fear take over.  And for the most part I am able to keep fear at bay with God's help - by putting on Truth and choosing the peace that Jesus offers me.  But the undercurrent of anxiety has been there for years and lately has been threatening to just bowl me right over.   If only I could view health challenges with the same emotionally-detached pragmatism as I did when I was 19.  In that case, ignorance was truly bliss!

Over the years I have come to believe that there is just no guarantee that we will make it through this life unscathed.  Hard things happen to people all the time.  I believe that God is good and loving and powerful and that he works all things together for the good of those who love him and trust him and sometimes even those who don't.  I don't believe God makes people sick or punishes people with hard things.  I believe that we live in a broken world where evil forces are at work.  I believe humans have been given the responsibility to care for the earth and each other and we are given free will.  And because of how we humans have screwed things up, we have created for ourselves this toxic world we call home.  I believe God will make the earth new and redeem all things.  I believe God does often protect us from things but I also believe that God does not always shield us from pain or sickness or suffering because he cares so much about the quality of our faith and relationship with him.  Besides, what is joy when you haven't experienced suffering?  And isn't it just a beautiful thing to learn to be thankful and content in any situation?  I believe that God's specialty is taking really hard things and creating good out of them.  Like when I had cancer.  I could write a whole post about all the good that came out of that.  Man did I need a wake-up call when I was 19!

Years ago I decided I was not going to make my faith in God or my contentedness dependent on me getting what I want - a husband, children, pregnancy, and a life free of illness for me and those close to me.  For years I have in faith released the future to God in regard to our family and our desire for children (and specifically my desire for pregnancy), trusting his plan is good.  It is time I also release the burden of my health to God and trust him to take care of it.  God is so much more concerned with the development of our characters and faith and our relationship to him and because I have come to know and experience that he is good and powerful, I trust him completely. 

But do I?

In my search to find the root of my anxiety I have discovered some wrong thinking and beliefs that I believe has led to the anxiety I have been experiencing for years.  Here they are:
  • If I have all my health needs met, I will be well and I have security.  This includes the right kind of eating, exercising, the right doctors, the right medicine and supplements, avoiding certain toxic chemicals, getting enough sleep, etc...
  • I am happy/okay/secure when I am well.  
The problem with this is that anytime anything threatens "my health needs" or when I fail at doing everything right or am exposed to something out of my control I become anxious.  Yep, that's pretty much all the time, right?

The other problem is that at some point I have taken on the burden and responsibility for my health and instead of trusting God completely have trusted in my own understanding, wisdom and ability to take care of myself - something I fail at all the time! This is a burden I am not meant to carry and my body is letting me know that enough is enough. 
 
I read recently that anything that we look to for wholeness, worthiness or happiness other than God can easily become our master.  An idol.  I have become enslaved to the need to stay well and what I feel I need to stay well.

I'm ready for a new way.  I have given back the burden of my health to my God, the only one with the power to protect and save me even when I'm not getting it all right and whom I can trust has my best interest at heart and promises to be with me through any difficulty or tragic event.  The only safe place and true wisdom is with the Creator of the magnificent micro-world that is our body and the magnificent macro-world that includes innumerable solar systems and galaxies.  It's time to stop looking to other things.

I'm reading a booked called Addiction & Grace by Gerald G. May, M.D.  This paragraph really resonated with me:
Freedom and security have always been uneasy together; the things that secure us tend to bind us down, and those that free us often feel like risks. We are meant to be free enough to really love God and one another, but true freedom can happen only if we completely trust in God's ultimate care for us.  And to really trust God, we must begin to relax our grip and ease our concern about all the lesser sources of security to which we have become attached.  This can feel risky indeed. 

For years I have grown so accustomed to researching and tackling my health issues head on, seeking to understand what's going on so I can solve it quickly.  I do my research, make adjustments to my diet and lifestyle and supplements and consult with doctors to validate my theories and gain necessary testing and treatment so that I can have some feeling of control and security.  But I must not be so quick to seek help without first going to God through prayer.  Am I missing a miracle by running about it all based on my own strength and limited understanding?  Am I missing an opportunity to walk with God through the challenge?  Or am I saying I got this God, I know what's best for me?  As I navigate my health care and consult with doctors, I must remember who is ultimately responsible for my health and trust in God to guide me and lead me to what I need, regardless of whether it comes through a doctor, medicine, or some wisdom about a way of eating or living.   Can I live out of a place that acknowledges my Creator as my very breath and life source and not only invites him into but depends on him for my need for peace and security?

I want to be like the righteous described in Psalm 112...
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord. Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear.
 And in Jeremiah 17...
 “Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”
 Then there are these classic verses, Proverbs 3: 5-6...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths.
 After twenty years of walking with Jesus, I still have so much to learn; so many areas for growth.  

I'm thankful for the signals my body gives me to show me how to take care of it better.  I am thankful for resources to do it.  I am thankful for how my recent health challenges are teaching me to rest in the only safe place, in the security of knowing I belong to God and he promises to guard my life. 

Since making some changes to my thoughts and laying down the burden to control outcomes related to my health, I am finding freedom and peace and much, much less anxiety.  

God my breath
God my peace
God my security
God my safe refuge
God my strength
God my wisdom
God my healer
God my physician
God my life source

Let my mantra be this line from a song by Hillsong called I Will Exalt You:

Because you are with me, I will not fear.

I'm loosening my panicky grip on man-made sources of security.  What a relief. 
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Thursday, July 30, 2015

Super-Awesome First Beach Vacation in India

We had such a nice time the past few days!  And to think this place is just an hour and a half drive away.  I am pretty sure we will be back many times over the next few years. 

As soon as we arrived both Andrey and I became aware of how tired we were.  After talking and reflecting we realized that this transition is definitely the hardest one so far.  Not in terms of challenges because those were similar with each transition but in terms of energy levels.  Maybe it's our age; maybe it's that we've been at this for 11 years; maybe it's doing it for the first time with a child.  Who knows?  But we are grateful for time away in a beautiful place and the chance to slow down enough to be present with how we are really doing.  Such an important part of life.  My lungs and sinuses were also very happy to get some fresh air.  I developed some asthma-like symptoms a few days before we left and needed an inhaler for a few days.  I'm hoping that won't become a chronic thing.

We had three days spent mostly in water between the ocean and the pool but also had a good bit of lounging time reading and talking.  We all swam in deep ocean waves and Ella grew in her love of the ocean.  We had some long sleeps and a couple naps and came back feeling very relaxed and rested.  We are gearing up for Ella to start school in just one week! 




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Sunday, July 19, 2015

This Current Season: The Challenges and Good Things

Another week down in this strange season of long, wide open days with my daughter, being so new to India, before she starts school.  Just two-and-a-half weeks left till she starts first grade.  After four weeks of aimless-feeling days and struggling with a lack of options of things to do, I wanted this week to be different.  I started out the week choosing to view the week with endless mother-daughter time not as something to be dreaded but something that is fleeting (because it is) and should be treasured.  I've tried and mostly succeeded at enjoying these days with no schedule and have tried to make things fun.  It's amazing how the right attitude can change your experience.  I have really enjoyed my daughter this week.  She is amazing and I love spending time with her.  It's just that too much of a good thing isn't always as fun.  Like my life currently with too much free time.  Too much blank space.   Too much one-on-one time just the two of us and it feels a little lonely but this too will soon be changing as we make friends and find more things to do. 

There are many good things to count in this season.  We can sleep in.  I have time to exercise.  I have one goal in the morning and that is to exercise and shower before noon.  Rough life!  I have time for activities Ella loves like baking (which I also love) and doing crafts (me, not so much).  We had three outings together this week.  One was a playdate with a friend from church.  Next we discovered a mall we haven't yet been to and went for lunch and to buy craft supplies.  We came home with lots of fun craft activities and that kept us busy for several days.  Third, we checked out the beach not so far from us.  Ella played in the sand and waves and we got rained on and we ended up having a great time.  We have met a couple of wonderful people whom I can ask to watch Ella for an evening so Andrey and I could go out for our anniversary last weekend.  We also got out for a night earlier in the month to celebrate 4th of July at the American Consulate.  We have plans next week to take a beach day with a friend. 

Challenges these days include (allow me to whine here a bit):
  • Not knowing any kids at Ella's school yet so there aren't any play date options with kids who aren't in school right now.  Well, there is one gal we know but she and her family are in the US for the month of July.  Ella does have a few friends from church but by the time they get home from school and get their homework done (there's a lot of homework for young kids in the Indian system) then it is nearly 5:00, but this is merely afternoon snack time for Indian families who tend to eat dinner around 8 or 9pm, so we'll enjoy the days when we can eat dinner late too and be thankful for a play date even late in the afternoon.
  • Finding ways for Ella to get some exercise.  There is a small park about a ten minute walk away but it's too hot to go before 4pm.  There aren't any pools that we've found so far that are affordable for a couple-hour visit.  There just isn't much outdoor space that we can hang out in much besides our small balcony or the rooftop of our building.  We do have a gym with a tin roof on the top of our building but it's only bearable in the early evening.  Sometimes Ella and I go up there to try to move our bodies and we're glad for it.  Last week I took her to check out a tumbling class I had discovered but it was disappointing for both of us and Ella refused to participate.  I didn't force her because it frankly didn't look that fun.  Kids were forced to be quiet and stand in line while the one instructor spotted one kid at a time in things like handstands and kartwheels.  We came home deciding we'd just try some of that ourselves at home. 
  • The pollution.  We don't have a car yet so we do a lot of getting around by taxi or auto-rickshaw.  For daily groceries/errands I take auto-rickshaws or walk because there is so much very close by but my sinuses and lungs can really feel the effects navigating the traffic-filled streets of Chennai.  I either get sinus congestion that leads to bad sinus headaches and/or this heavy feeling in my lungs that leaves me coughing at night.  Thankfully I was able to consult with an allergist while in the US who's advice has helped me keep much of the sinus headaches at bay.  I do a sinus rinse twice a day and use decongestant nasal spray daily.  Turns out I don't have allergies to dust like I thought, just non-allergic rhinitis which means my nasal/sinus passages get irritated and congested easily. 
  • My stomach!  Thankfully I haven't had any food poisoning yet but the stomach condition I've had for years is finding it hard to handle more than just occasional spicy food.  Or tomatoes, or citrus, or alcohol.  It's so sad.  I'm finding it very challenging to determine what is my limit for each of these things because there are times when I feel fine and then other times like this week, when I can become suddenly very sick to my stomach with burning and feeling very nauseated and I have no appetite or have to eat only very mild foods.  I've also struggled with some anxiety and insomnia this week.  My body just feels out of whack and that gets my mind worrying about my health and how horrible it would be to have cancer again - something I really need to stay on top of or it can quickly ramp up into full-blown fear and I just can't live like that.  I had a full and thorough check up while in the US and there is no reason to believe I am unhealthy.  I just need to be thankful for the good health I have, choose the peace offered to me in Jesus and pray for wisdom so I can take good care of myself and my family.
  • No trained chiropractors in Chennai.  I love going to the chiropractor, have seen chiropractors regularly for years and believe that regular adjustments prevent larger problems with my neck and back.  Thankfully with regular exercise and my bed which is almost uncomfortably firm (I decided to forego the foam pad when I read how toxic foam is), I am not in much pain but I can tell my neck is less flexible than it should be.  There are lots of physical therapists here I may give a try once Ella's in school.  
  • Andrey's work schedule.  The Indian work schedule is very late.  They start around 10 and work till about 7 or 8.  Andrey goes in by 9 which makes it very difficult for him to get home by 7.  Most days he's home by 7:30, we end up eating dinner very late and then I go to bed with indigestion.  Goodness!  I hate being so high maintenance!!  And it's been an especially busy few weeks for him at work which has had him away for five evenings over the past two weeks.  But this is what I signed up for!

Some wins this week!! (Lots of exclamation points because I find each of these things very exciting.  Ahh, my life is so exciting.) 
  • I got a driver's license this week!  Well, a learner's permit that I'm required to have for 30 days before I can drive on my own.  If I were to drive now I'd have to have a licensed driver with me and have a large red "L" on the front and back windows of my car, which I think is hilarious.  I may as well go ahead and put a sign that says Lady Driver, which I have seen in Asia more than a few times - as if that is to warn people of the danger that is only worse if it's a female behind the wheel.  But that's fine seeing as how we don't yet have a car, I am just getting a head-start on the 30 day wait period before I get my legit license.  
  • We hired a driver!  This is a big win as I was quite discouraged when the few driver leads we had fell through and Andrey and I had no idea how to go about finding someone.  We didn't want to hire anyone without a referral or some connection to someone we know.  Thankfully our helper took initiative and found us an option.  We interviewed him last week and he's great!  Goal is to have a car by end of the month and a driver to get us around during the day beginning on August 1st, just a few days before Ella starts school.  Yay!  
  • We have identified a car for purchase!  We are having it inspected tomorrow and if all looks good we'll go for it.  It will take a week or so to get the funds and title transferred before we can take possession but it's looking very good for having the car ready to go by the time our driver starts. 
  • We have photos and art on our walls!  This is great as our flat is really looking great now.  Feeling more like home.  I only have a few minor things left to do in the house like get curtains and find bedding for the guest bedroom and put up a few more shelves in the bathrooms - stuff I'll do once Ella's in school.  
On a separate note, it has been exactly ONE YEAR since we left the Philippines.  Oh how I miss my friends there and to be honest, my life.  I am still grieving that loss and want to cry as I type this.  Special special people, times, community, fulfilling work there.  I do believe I will get to a similar place in Chennai where I can say the same but it will take some time.  For now I will take it day by day, vent when I need to, feel what I need to feel, commit to doing a better job at putting myself out there and making friends, and ultimately choose to be thankful and present with what is and find the treasure in each day.

Now for some photos from the past few weeks...

The park not far from our place

Consulate party to celebrate American Independence; it highlighted food from four regions of the US
Making bread

Pork tacos - Ella's especially glad we can find pork here
Last playdate with Zoe before she moved back to the US
We love these two more and more every day

This one LOVES to put on make up for fun at home
Kangaroo care
On our way out for a date on our anniversary; we love our cool elevator
We had a fancy (spicy!) South Indian meal at the Taj Hotel
Cuddle time with the kitties when I was feeling sick

Our outing to Elliot's Beach


I'm here too

She got soaked, found some treasures and was very happy

Shots for Daddy! She loves inflicting this on others after having a few shots herself recently
Ella's debrief art after she had to have a shot (she was FURIOUS and tried to bite me)

My debrief art after Ella had a shot
Playing in the rain on our balcony
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