I was away this week. I stepped out of my normal, daily life, and spent some time trying to get some things figured out. For those of you who don't know where I was, we're going to keep it that way. It doesn't really matter, where I was, but what I spent my time doing.
While I was gone, I came to some conclusions about certain situations in my life, and I also came to some realizations about a few things I should be doing that I'm not.
I had a conversation with someone just the other night that, while I was saying it, I realized I should be saying this stuff to myself. I was telling this person that they weren't just angry for nothing. They didn't storm out of a situation "just because." There was something, some event, some words, some actions that caused their sudden change in moods from a happy, "let's all have fun attitude," to an "I hate the world and don't want to talk to anyone" attitude. I've realized this before, but I think it hit home even harder this time around that too often when I get frustrated with a situation, or I'm not happy with the way something has happened, that I "storm out" or I "shut down" or whatever the case may be. I've tried a LOT lately to change this behavior. I've tried talking to the people who I've become upset with, or disappointed in, or those who I've allowed to offend or hurt me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I know that I need to work harder on this.
I realized while I was gone that I do have an amazing network of support and love all around me, but too often, I overlook it. There are SO many people in my life who love me, and care about me, and want the best for me. They want to know that my life is going as well as it possibly can. I think we often forget how much influence we can have on those around us. I think we forget that sometimes, all a person needs to hear is "hey, I was thinking about you and I hope you're doing good." or "hey, I noticed you've been sick/down/gone/tired...is there anything I can do to help?" I had a friend do this recently for me (before I left), and it has been on my mind fairly often ever since. All they said was "Hey, I'm sorry you weren't feeling very good today. I hope you're feeling better. I haven't talked to you in awhile. We should hang out soon." Those few words were some of the most encouraging I've heard in a long time. When I received these encouraging words, it made me realize that you don't have to hang out with or talk to someone every day to consider it a friendship. Some of my best friends are people who I only get to talk to on occasion. But, what does make a friendship is knowing that no matter how happy, sad, frustrated, giddy, confused, or clear-headed as you may be, they will be there by your side, they will listen to all your woes and joys, they will rejoice in your gladness, and mourn with you in sadness. Friends fight. Friends offend each other. Friends sometimes don't want to see each other. But in the end, true friendship prevails. We all get over being hurt. Our arguments seem petty. Our misunderstandings are corrected. We apologize. Life goes on.
Life always seems worse when we're in the midst of trials. We often think, "I don't know if I can handle this another day." Then, we go to bed and get up in the morning to face another round. And guess what? We continue to get through it. After we've weathered the storm, we can step back and look at the rainbow. We can see that although it was tough getting through those things, it was definitely worth the end results.
I didn't find the solution to life's problems. I didn't find the key to any mysteries. I simply let life take it's course. I stepped back and saw how good things really are and how great they can be. I realized the the trials I'm facing right now - personally, socially, financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally - are "but a small moment" and eventually, everything will work out for my good.
The Lord has a plan for each of us. When we put our faith and trust in Him, we allow Him to lead us down the path He would have us go. When we're faced with the storms of life, He's there to take us by the hand and lead us toward the sunlight.
Years ago, I was on a rafting trip down the Deschutes River in Maupin, Oregon. I had been warned about not going. My parents were out of town and hadn't signed a permission slip beforehand. The family I was staying with also housed the missionaries in a small apartment in the back of their house. The missionaries heard of my desire to go, and tried to persuade me to stay. It was on a Sunday, and I would be missing church in order to go. One of them jokingly commented, "you're going to die." I wouldn't listen. I figured out how to get the permission slips signed by my mother (without my father knowing) and I was on my way.
It was an enjoyable trip until we hit a particular set of rapids. Things seemed to be going fine until we got right in the middle of the rapid. I was paddling along, trying to avoid an outcropping of rocks on my side of the raft, when suddenly, the next thing I knew, I was under the boat. I've never been a very good swimmer, and when I realized what was going on, even though I had a life jacket, I began to panic. I surfaced right as the boat was heading into an extremely rocky area of the rapid. I was screaming for help, and our trip supervisor (who happened to be on my raft) was trying to help me. I wanted him to pull me out of the water, right then, no questions asked. It was cold, and I was scared. He had grabbed my arm as soon as he could, but then passed me off to someone else, not to have them pull me out, but just to hang onto me so I didn't go back under the boat. I continued to insist on getting out of the water immediately, and our supervisor turned and looked straight at me and said, "I can help you out right now and risk the whole boat flipping over, or I can help steer the boat so you don't get hurt and keep everyone else safe, too." I snapped out of it. I realized he was right, and that although I was cold and scared, it was much better for everyone that I be in the water just a little longer. We got through the rest of the rapid and I was pulled into the raft. I was still cold, and somewhat scared, but I was alive.
I learned a lesson that day. Well, I learned a few. First off, don't pester your parents into letting you do things that you were warned not to do. Also, when you know something is not the right thing to be doing on a Sunday, don't do it (although, who knows? It could've been any other day of the week and the same thing could have happened). But most importantly, the lesson I learned that day was this:
Sometimes, our lives are the smooth calm waters that we find peaceful and enjoyable. Sometimes, our lives are a little bumpy, but we stick it out, we keep paddling and we get through. Sometimes, our lives are extremely rocky and dangerous. We get tossed out of the boat and into the cold and swirling waters. We think we're stuck and there's no way out. It's during those rocky, dangerous times that they Lord is there the most. And it is during those rocky, dangerous times that we realized He's been there all along. He's there to grab us and help us hang on while we get through the rough spots. He's guides others toward our paths to give aid when we need it. He gives us words of encouragement, peace in our hearts, and clearness of mind to be able to tough out the most awful situations we might find ourselves in. All He asks for us to do is to hang on for just another minute while He steers us onto a safer course.
The past month or so has not been easy. A lot of things have been happening, things I haven't really been able to share with even the closest of friends. I've been trying to figure it out on my own. I've been trying to survive without the help of anyone else as I so often do. I've realized once again I can't do it alone. I need my Lord and my Savior there by my side every step of the way. I need His guidance and love to get me through everything I face.
I've come to the conclusion that I need to work harder. I need to be better. I need to learn to put ALL my trust in the Lord, because in the end, He is the one who will get me through. He is the source of all I need to get through even the roughest moments in my life. The things I am facing now will be gone before I know it, and a new set of trials will come around. That's the way life goes. The only constants in this situation is that I will ALWAYS have trials, and the Lord will ALWAYS be there to get me through them. He will never ask me to carry more of a burden than I can handle. He will never make me go further than He knows I can. He will never ask me to give more than I am able. He WILL give me things to help me be stronger. He WILL give me things to help me go further. He WILL give me things to help me realize that I am able. And He WILL be there every step of the way.
It's time to go home now. It's time to face the rest of the trials. It's time to become a better person. It's time to make amends. It's time to work things out. It's time to rely on the Lord.
