Living Life and Loving It

I have had very little ME time today. Normally that would stress me out, but today it was good.

9-6:40 = Work new job
6:40-7:25 = Get home, work on stuff for FHE meeting
7:30-7:55 = FHE meeting
8:00-9:00 = Old job and Psych
9:00-10:00 = Practice song for church on 12/11 and chat w/accompanist
10:00-10:45 = Finish document for FHE and send it out
Now = Blog then GO TO BED!

I can't believe Wednesday is already over. This week is FLYING, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Sure, I  haven't quite gotten everything done that I wish I had, but it's been a week filled with lots of worthwhile events, so I'm not complaining.

Tomorrow is going to be good. I'm hoping to be able to get some work done on the Christmas projects, but I might end up hanging out with my old roomie and her husband. Either way, it's going to be an amazing day!

Today has me double convinced that I'm going to LOVE my new job. I know there are going to be stressful days, but I really do love the people I work with already. They are all so willing to show me how things work and answer my questions. They seem to want to see me succeed as much as I myself want to succeed.

It seems like things are really going well these days, but do you ever feel like there's still just that ONE thing that isn't going your way and if it WAS, your life would be complete? Yeah...that's how I feel. BUT - I'm trying REALLY HARD to focus on all the amazing things that are happening right now. I have a great new job, I'm getting my Christmas presents done (slowly but surely...I hit a bit of a snag yesterday), I have great friends who I get to spend time with, and I'm overall happy with life. I could sit around and mope that "if just this one thing was fixed, I'd be happy" but instead, I'm living my life despite the fact that that one thing isn't fixed. It'll fix itself eventually and I just need to keep smiling and keep living :)

Today was AMAZING! My new job is going to be wonderful, I can already tell. I felt right at home from the get go. Great people, great place, great everything! There is definitely going to be a learning curve, being new to the medical field, but it's a challenge I'm up to facing.

To top it all off, this evening was great, too. We had a wonderful FHE getting to know our new Bishopric members and their families. I haven't known them long, but I already know I'm going to love having them all around :)

Life is good. It has it's ups and downs, but overall, life is good!

I spent the entire evening sewing. It was pretty crazy, but two of my five major projects are DONE (well, there is a final step left on each of them, but I'm waiting until the other 3 are done to do it all at the same time). It feels so good to know that I'm 2/5 of the way there and still have approximately 4 weeks left to finish the rest. That is a HUGE burden relieved since I'm about to start a new job and will be working a couple hours each evening at the old job on top of a full day at the new job until my replacement is hired. I can't wait to give these gifts!

Today was BUSY! Luckily, it was a pretty relaxing morning. We headed out shopping at 1pm (no crazy early morning Black Friday insanity for me!). Then it was Trafalga for a few hours. Laser Tag, Go-Karts, and watching kids rock climb (wish I was up on that wall myself, but no other adults were really doing it and I felt a little awkward). Then it was gingerbread houses and dinner at my brother's in-laws. We spent the rest of the evening hanging out watching YouTube videos and Doritos Super Bowl commercial contest submissions.

I WAS going to head back to Provo tonight, but it's 10:40 already and I'm BEAT! One more night here and then I've got to get back to reality and be productive.

For some reason, it does not yet feel like Thanksgiving today. There is no smell of turkey roasting in the oven, or pies baked and waiting to be sliced into. There are only a few people here, all getting ready to leave. We will be leaving soon for Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law's family. I think once we get there it will feel a little more like a traditional holiday.

I am grateful to have somewhere to go today instead of sitting in my apartment alone, that's for sure!

All the fabric for all but 2 of my sewing projects is cut and ready to go. I will be spending the next two days away from home though, so it will probably be Saturday or Sunday before I actually begin sewing. I'm REALLY hopeful that these projects will go by quickly so I can get the final 2 done in time for Christmas. With my new job, I'll only be working 3 days a week though, so that leaves lots of free time between now and December 21st (I leave at 3:30 AM on the 22nd) to get them done. I should take pictures of all my piles of fabric. Oh boy!

Today has been long, but productive. 8 1/2 hours of working for my roommate followed by lots and lots of cutting of fabric. Whahoo!

Today has been an interesting day to say the least.

I didn't sleep much or sleep well last night or the night before. It was quite unfortunate, as I had to be up early this morning to get ready for church.

I spoke in sacrament meeting. It went pretty well. I was nervous, as the entire stake presidency was there, as well as a new bishopric, but...it went well.

After church, I went immediately to my brother's house. I hadn't been up there for 2 weeks and it was about time! I had lunch with my sister in law and the kids (brother was still in church meetings). Then we all watched "Cars 2" (which in reality turned into nap time for the majority of us). After the show, we just hung out for awhile, then made dinner - Homemade individual chicken pot pies. YUM! After dinner, it was more chilling until my brother got home, then chatting w/him for awhile, and then I headed home.

I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally. My life has been such a roller coaster the past few months and especially the past few weeks. I was standing in the kitchen this evening and I was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming feeling of...I don't even know. All I know is that everything kind of hit me at once. I had to go sit down on the couch and eventually ended up crying. It was just a little (mostly because the kids were in the room and I didn't want to freak them out), but the emotion was there. I was scared. I was confused. I was hurt. I was hopeless. I was...so many things I can't even name them all. I have only recently found an accurate description of this feeling that I can only label as fear of the unknown. I get on this path and think I know where it's headed, and then something changes unexpectedly and it throws me off course. I thought things in my life were going one way, and then Friday, they took a turn in the complete opposite direction. It's been hard to deal with. I thought I knew where I was going, and now, I don't have any idea where I'm going to end up. I don't know how things are going to turn out. I KNOW that right now, they are not headed the way I thought or wanted.

But, as I spoke about in my talk this morning, I know the Lord will direct me where He would have me go. I know He has a plan for me, and although it is difficult to bear, I know He will help me through my trials. There are times I just want to give up, but He has told me very specifically that I need to hang on and be patient because everything will work out. It takes a LOT of patience and even more faith, but it will all be okay. Of this I am sure.

Today has been long and somewhat stressful, but relieving in ways as well.

I'm not up to giving all the details right now. I'm still trying to figure out how to put into words all that has been going on the past few months.

What I will share is that it is amazing what faith and prayer can do. I have been stressed with a situation, thought I had the answer and things were working out, only to find that things were getting screwed up again. I think things finally came to a conclusion last night. It's not one I'm super happy about, but it's one that I know is best. I am learning to live my life instead of hanging onto "what ifs". It's a process, but I know it's going to work out just fine. For now, I have found that the answer to my prayers is "let it be. It's done and that's how it has to be right now." I know that holding onto a glimmer of hope for a different outcome is dangerous, so I'm trying to ignore all the signs that point to that hoped for outcome and just live life as it is now. RIGHT NOW, there is nothing I can do. RIGHT NOW, this is how it has to be. RIGHT NOW, I know I still have friends and family who love me and care for me. RIGHT NOW, that's all I need.

Pretty sure I almost died today. I went climbing with Rob once again. However, this time he wanted to try rappelling off a spot he'd never rappelled before. He thought he knew the way to the bolts, so we started making our way up the side of the rock slab.

Sidenote: Neither of us were wearing actual climbing shoes at that point.

We got pretty far up, far enough there was no going back down, when he realized the remainder of the route was a) not safe to climb without a rope and b) not safe to climb with regular hiking shoes.

We were in quite a predicament. Fortunately, he was carrying the rope in his backpack and he's a pretty smart and resourceful guy. We stopped on a small (maybe 5 inches wide) ledge. I was holding onto the mountain for dear life. It was cold and extremely windy. All I could do was hug the rock and hope my knee or arms didn't give out.

Rob draped the rope around a protruding rock and assured me it was sturdy enough to rappel from there. I took about 5 minutes after hooking the rope onto my harness to trust it enough to step back and over the ledge.

I honestly couldn't tell you how far down we had to go. In my mind, it was 100 feet or more. In reality, it was probably 30-50. I kept my head up and focused on Rob above me, instead of Rock below me.

When I reached the bottom, I finally felt safe enough to start breathing again. Rob came down after me and then we started the task of getting the rope down (since it was around a rock instead of through chains or bolts, it was stuck up there pretty well). It took us so long to get the rope down, I didn't get a chance to do any climbing. Rob started a couple routes, but didn't feel like finishing them.

As soon as we were back on solid ground (yes I suppose the rock is solid, but it doesn't have the same sturdy feeling as being on a pathway instead of on a rock face), the wind died down and it was actually a beautiful day.

Lessons learned? Make sure you know where you're heading before starting the journey. We didn't know that we were taking the wrong route up to the bolts. We needed to go around the back of the slab and drop down to the bolts. Wear and carry the right gear. If we hadn't had the rope, or if we had been carrying our harnesses instead of wearing them while we climbed up, I'm not sure how well things would have turned out. Trust your instincts. I started getting extremely nervous right before we stopped and realized we were somewhat stuck. The wind was bad, the rock was slick, and we weren't secured to anything. It just FELT bad.

I'm glad to be safe and sound. I'm glad Rob was smart enough to recognize my extreme discomfort and didn't try to push me to climb further or do something stupid. He knew we were stuck and fortunately, he knew how to get us out of the situation.

That being said...I can't wait to go again!

This evening, I was at my friend Rob's house and noticed a large paper "Gratitude" chain hung around his dining room and kitchen. I inquired about it and found out it had been years in the making. Each year, his family adds links listing things they are grateful for. He told me I could add a link if I'd like. Plenty of friends had in the past. I hesitated though, not knowing which of the many things I am grateful for to put down on paper. I thought for awhile and finally decided upon something that has been very apparent in my life lately. I wrote "Discovering new talents and abilities". I was particularly thinking of the few hours preceding the writing of that statement.

Today I went rock climbing for the 4th time ever. This was the 1st time I went on real rock outdoors. It was also the 1st time I did any sort of rappelling.

When I first went climbing, I was nervous and got embarrassed that I couldn't make it very far up the wall. I had practically begged to go, and then I ended up being not so great at it. It was uncomfortable, but I was happy to be there.

The next time, I made it all the way up the route. I didn't redline it (go all the way up without resting on the rope), but I made it. It was a 5.6 (The routes at this gym go from 5.4-5.13). Not a difficult route, but not the easiest either.

The 3rd time, I didn't get a top-roping route done. I was getting frustrated with myself because I was trying too hard to do it exactly like I had done it before instead of trying new things. After getting to the point I didn't want to try anymore, Rob took me to the bouldering room. We had been there the first 2 times, but I had never made an attempt at a route. It was too intimidating. Most of the routes start at a negative incline (is that even a thing? All I know is you're leaning back and hanging from the rock instead of leaning forward into the rock or at a 90 degree angle). I had determined early on that I am just not built to do stuff like that. And no...I hadn't even tried. Well, this 3rd time, Rob finally convinced me to at least TRY. He found a V0 for me to climb (different rating system. They have V0-V13 at this gym). I started it and found myself almost immediately addicted. I HAD to figure it out. I HAD to try it one more time when I got stuck. I HAD to get to the top. It was amazing. I ended up making it to the last hold before hitting the top of the wall. I made the mistake of looking down and realizing I was about 10-15 feet off the ground with nothing holding me onto the wall except my own arms and legs. Yeah...I panicked. But, we considered it a victory anyway. Rob had told me he'd be impressed if I made it to a certain hold on the wall. I made it and passed it by two more holds :)

Today's climbing experience was just FUN. I didn't get frustrated. I wasn't scared (too much...rappelling was a bit crazy). I just went with it. I found myself figuring things out on my own, finding holds I'd never think of in a gym (mostly because the routes are marked in a gym and outdoors, you grab what you can), and moving in ways I didn't know I could. It was an amazing feeling to know that I could do this stuff. No, I didn't go up any super difficult climbs, but I expanded my talents, I tried new things, and I had fun.

I realized after climbing today that I'm good at it. I'm not an expert, but for me, the girl who never does anything that might make me stick out or embarrass me when it comes to physical activity and who doubts her ability to even DO the physical activities, I'm good at it. I've been 4 times and I can climb routes with a rope and harness, I can boulder without a rope and harness, I can rappel, and I can have fun while doing it. Every time I have gone climbing, I have learned to do something new. I have increased my abilities and I think with a little more time and effort, I could be doing some pretty difficult routes. Today I discovered that I have a talent of determination. I have more physical abilities than I thought. I can do hard things...

We're climbing again tomorrow. It makes me wonder what new things I'm going to learn this time.

Today has been crazy busy!

9:00-1:00 - Work
1:00-1:30 - Lunch/Visit roomie at work (take lunch to her)
2:00-3:30 - Walking and visiting w/old neighbor
3:30-5:00 - Planning and shopping for MORE supplies for Christmas presents (what I had didn't end up working out. Grrr!)
5:00-6:45 - Work on said Christmas presents (4 down...so many to go)
7:00-7:45 - FHE Council meeting
8:00-9:00 - Psych w/friends
9:00-9:40 - Friend's mission call opening and visiting w/old neighbors

It's now 10:15 and I think I'm actually going to be able to be in bed by 11:00. WHAHOO!

The rest of this week is looking to be equally busy. Tomorrow is work and then rock climbing. Friday is work and then rock climbing, and then dinner with friends, and then movie night with other friends. Yeah...crazy! Saturday is probably going to be filled with temple and Christmas presents. I swear, pretty soon the things are going to be sprouting out my ears. Although, I must say I'm pretty proud of the fact that the living room FINALLY looks semi-normal compared to the tornado it's been the past few days. Yay! It's the little victories in life :)

The 2nd interview went well. It was more informative than inquisitive, which makes me think I have a good shot at making it. I should know by Thanksgiving whether or not I got the job. That would be FANTASTIC! Happy Thanksgiving present to me perhaps?

On Friday, I had a job interview at a doctor's office. It went well, but my limited experience in a medical office seemed to hinder me. They told me I'd hear back around the middle of this week about a 2nd interview. I wasn't holding my breath though. I was with my friend who first told me about the opening and she said I was lucky to have even gotten the FIRST interview. Her neighbor is the one who told her about it (the neighbor works there). They had over 60 applicants and only 4 or 5 were interviewed. That made me even less hopeful of getting the 2nd one. We were hanging out when I got a phone call...

I GOT THE SECOND INTERVIEW!

My interview is tomorrow at 2pm and I'm SUPER excited! I've NEVER gotten a 2nd interview before and realized, I always wear the same thing to interviews because the same people are never going to see it. Haha! Well...I decided it was time for a new outfit, or at least a new blouse. I went and bought a really cute top. I decided against buying new slacks. I don't want to spend all the money I have now in case I DON'T get the job.

I assume with only 4 or 5 interviews, they called back maybe 2 or 3. This is an EXTREMELY good sign! Can't wait for 2pm tomorrow!!!

On Tuesday, my Bishop asked me if I'd be willing to speak in church on the 20th. I accepted immediately. I haven't had the opportunity for a couple years now and it's about time! I think the last time I spoke was Mother's Day 2009. Yikes!

He assigned me to speak on 2 talks regarding personal revelation and testimony. They can be found here and here. I REALLY enjoyed Sister Thompson's talk when I first heard it, but had a hard time following President Packer's. As I sat here this afternoon and read through them again, I was hit very strongly by the Spirit that there is a reason I was asked to speak on this Sunday when these talks had been the planned topic. Both of these talks apply to me directly at this time in my life. I have been learning a LOT lately about following the promptings of the Spirit and allowing things to work in the Lord's timing instead of my own. I've also been through some trials lately that seemed to take me to the breaking point, but through faith, prayer, and a LOT of patience, I've been able to get through these difficult times intact and ready to face the next challenge.

I am excited to have the opportunity to study these talks and these principles further throughout this week. I set the goal to have my talk prepared by Thursday night, so that gives me 4 more days of studying, pondering, and praying to get it all put together.

Today has been filled with friends. First, I went to a bridal shower. Then, I headed to that girl's fiance's house to help them stuff wedding invitations with a bunch of people I hung out with the entire summer. After stuffing envelopes, I headed a block up the street to visit another friend and drop off an autographed photo from the rock climber I met last night. I expected that visit to last about 15 minutes, but it ended up being nearly an hour. It was great. After we chatted, I headed back down the road, stayed there for a little while, then got in my car and headed home. I hung out at home for an hour or two, then headed to the home of a couple who were in my ward before they got married. Several other friends came over there to watch the BYU football game.

It is so wonderful to be surrounded by so many good people. I went through a few rough patches the last few weeks (things are 100% better now!) and it was most definitely my friends who got me through (I include family members as friends...because they were definitely a big part of it too). I know that no matter what happens in my life, I will always have an amazing support system of friends. I am grateful for each and every friend who has crossed my path.

Tonight, my roommate, my old roommate, and an old neighbor went on an adventure to Salt Lake City. We set out with the purpose to collect prizes we won from the new North Face store. 2 of us got beanies, 1 got a jacket, and 1 got a duffle bag. Well, he traded the duffle bag for a beanie in the end.
We were able to meet a rock climber who climbs for TNF which was pretty rad. He signed pictures for us. This was definitely a little kicker for me to keep working on new skills and hobbies. I've only climbed 3 times, but it's something I have improved at each time I've gone and it's something I definitely want to continue exploring in the future. I'm even considering getting a climbing gym membership once I have full-time employment again!
After TNF, we headed to Crown Burgers. Yet another item on my "27 things to do while I'm 27" list - try 6 new restaurants. I'm 1 restaurant closer to finishing that goal (I think it was only my 2nd or 3rd one...got a few more to go before February 1st!).
It was an enjoyable evening. I sometimes forget how much I love hanging out with the people from my old ward until I spend time with them again and then I think "why don't I hang out with these people more often? They're rad!"
I am so grateful for good friends and the fun we're able to have doing simple, silly things like getting free hats and eating burgers.

Tonight we had a Relief Society activity where we decorated composition notebooks to make gratitude journals. I turned mine into a "Blessings of Service" journal instead. I had mentioned a few days back that I wanted to start keeping a record of service done for me and perhaps service I was able to provide for others. I thought of it because I wanted to start recognizing those things more in my life. I want to be able to see what people are doing for me and others. I've never been very good at seeing those little things that people do and so I thought by keeping a record of it, I'd be more aware of what is going on around me.

I'm excited to start using the notebook!

It's 5:30. Between now and midnight, I intend to:

Eat dinner
Clean for clean checks
Watch "Psych"
Clean more for clean checks
Work on Christmas presents
Read scriptures and a book
Write in my journal
Go to bed

Tomorrow, I intend to:

Stay home from work
Finish cleaning if needed
Go to IKEA
Go to the temple
Work on Christmas presents
Hang out with friends

I'm sure there's more...but I'm not sure what else my day will bring.

This week has been great already. I'm really looking forward to what else is in store :)

It is a monumental day. My Christmas shopping is DONE minus a few small things. DONE! That means I have just over 6 weeks to MAKE everything that I just bought supplies for. I would post updates and pictures of these items, but I'm not sure who of the recipients read this blog and I don't want to ruin the surprises :)

Today was a SUPER hectic day! I worked from 9-1:30, then ran errands from 3-6. FHE was from 7-8:15. After that, I headed with my roommate and a friend to Trafalga for some go-carts, mini golf, and 4D movies.

It was a whirlwind day but I got a lot accomplished. I purchased everything I didn't already have for one of the gifts I'm making for Christmas and I'm excited to get started on it tomorrow!

Last night I sat down and made an extremely long "to do" list for today. I felt that since I didn't have any specific plans for the day, I should probably make it a productive one. I started with 16 items. Some were urgent, others were "it would be nice if I got around to it". I was able to cross off 3 - deposit paychecks, pay rent, and finish unpacking boxes from my move 2 months ago. Yeah...not so productive.

I spent the majority of the day hanging out with a friend and looking at various aspects of Christmas present projects. I set a goal this year to make all my Christmas presents - or at least the major parts of each present. I spent most of the evening looking up ideas, making lists, and going store to store in search of the materials I will need for certain projects (I can't say what I'm doing yet because some of my gift recipients read this blog and I don't want to spoil the surprises!).

I realized that even though I did not accomplish this great task list, I still got a lot done today. I did the important things and I guess that's what matters. Tomorrow will be a great day for planning and perhaps getting started on some of the wonderful gifts I have in mind, as well as figuring out what to do for others. I'm at a loss for some of the guys I'll be giving presents. How do you do homemade for guys? My nieces? Already figured it all out. My sister-in-law? Perfect idea. My female friends? I think I've got something really meaningful in the works. But the guys? My brother? My guy friends? My best friend? What the heck do I make for them that's not edible?!?

It's now 9:30. I'm going to head out to one more store (I forgot I was going to go there before I headed back home) and then head to bed. Thank goodness for an "extra" hour of sleep tonight!

I'm leaving to go rock climbing in about 10 minutes. It's the 3rd time I've gone. I'm hoping this time I can make it up at least 2 routes. Last time, I made it up 1. The first time, I made it up 1/2. I'm getting better :) I just hope I can continue doubling my success rate!

Making it up that route last time gave me this AMAZING rush and I felt that if I could do that, I could do ANYTHING! This is definitely a hobby I want to continue pursuing in the future. I just hope I will continue having friends who are willing to go with me :)

Today has been a good day...especially when compared to recent weeks when things have been overly stressful.
I woke up and got ready at a very leisurely pace. I left home shortly after 9 to go to my roommate's office. She is leaving town tomorrow and I will be filling in for her at work in the afternoon. She trained me for about 2 hours, and then I headed to my own office where I worked for another 4 hours. After work, I came home and FINALLY sorted through the last few boxes remaining from my move back in September. It's ridiculous that those boxes are still sitting on my floor. It's nice to have them sorted. There are just a few things left to put away and my room will FINALLY be the way I want it!
At 5:15, my roommate and I left to go to IHOP and get tables for her birthday dinner. We had a nice group of 15-20 people there to celebrate. It was nice to see old friends and eat good food.
Now, it's almost 8:30 and I'm EXHAUSTED! The rest of the evening will be spent vegging on the couch, watching shows, or perhaps reading a book.
Tomorrow will be  along day. Work my job 9-1, then the roommate's job from 1:30-5:30. After that, it's a quick drive home to get dinner and get changed before my friend comes to pick me up to go rock climbing. After climbing, it's a movie and then...? I dunno. It should be a good day, but it's definitely going to be a long one!
Maybe in all of this, I'll find time to write about the past few months. We'll see...

I am so grateful for service - receiving and providing.

The past 2 days I have been the recipient of service from my wonderful visiting teachers. I have been stressed lately which has led to not grocery shopping or preparing food much lately. They were very kind and brought 3 meals so that I wouldn't go hungry as I go through these stressful times.

Yesterday, I realized that as stressed as I am, what makes me relax is to get outside myself and serve others. I took a trip to the temple yesterday afternoon and it was great. Then today, I was able to spend time with family AND help them prepare for an upcoming trip.

I am so very grateful for service opportunities in my life. They truly do help me forget what is going wrong in my life and focus instead on helping others have something go right in their own lives.

I've decided to start keeping a list somewhere - perhaps a notebook or even here on this blog - of all the acts of service done in my behalf. I know I can be more outwardly grateful for the help others give me. I figured this would be a good starting point.

So it begins...another November.

In the past few years, I have participated in "NaBloPoMo", where I write a post every day in November. I woke up this morning, not registering the fact that today was November 1st, but thinking "I haven't blogged in awhile and there's a lot on my mind. I'm sure I could sort a lot of it out if I just wrote a blog about it all."

This is not that post. That post is yet to come. It's been both an emotionally challenging AND emotionally rewarding few months. Good thing I have all month to get it all out!