As the title suggests…

I have been feeling like a totally different person since the beginning of the year.  In the past, the first thing i do is usually to imagine the worst possible outcome and will be all gloomy/negative for sometime. I thought positive reinforcement for the past few months was the first step to healing, but boy how wrong i was. I imagined that life will only get better if i start changing myself according to the law of attraction. However, nothing much have changed really.

Reality hits me real hard.. I practised… but its just not enough. Maybe i got overconfident.

Crying over spilled milk doesn’t work, as much as i know that.

But i shall take it as a learning experience to grow and fight courageously.

Be Strong.

I still have alot more to learn.

Having gained independence for the past few months, i came to realise:

1. Never take things for granted.
2. Counting my blessings and be grateful for what i have.
3. Look at things from different perspective.
4. Living in the present.
5. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as u learn from it and take action rather than procrastinating.
6. Not caring about others’ opinion.
7. Not to jump into conclusion and learn the whole story (from both sides) before commenting on anything.
8. Think before saying anything out.
9. Make deeper and meaningful connections with people whom u care and vice versa.
10. What works for me may not work the same for you.
11. Be rationale and keep your composure at all times.

and the list goes on. (knowing when its the right time to joke and be serious, respecting people, importance of self-care, being humble, be open etc)

If you never lose anything, you don’t realise the importance of it.

I’m grateful for having the chance to wake up everyday and still living (feeling alive) when others may not.

How things may not seem one-sided as you perceived, since it actually depends on many variables. It could turn out completely different as what you expect.

Being present in the moment and not live to regret when you reminisce back to the past.

So what if you make mistakes? If you learn from it, it could be valuable and precious when you redeem yourself.

Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind. It’s a problem if you care about every single thing every time.

Things may not be what it looks on the surface all the time.

Be careful of the words coming out of your mouth.  as the saying goes, “祸从口出”。

Finding time to bond with people who make you a priority.

We are all unique in our ways; different thinking leads to different actions and consequences.

Walk away from situations that keep you from thinking rationally.

Respect people for their privacy, refrain from joking at others at the expense of their misery.

can’t say i have fully grasped all these thinking, but being exposed to these thoughts is a small step to success. What follows next is just acting on it. and i think it’s very important on what you are open and explore to. everything is quite closely connected to one another i think. It’s never too late to start anything, as long as you start on the right direction.

(sidenote: what a difference the past few months has been. the above quotes have always been there but i only manage to grasp the gist of it lately.)

In my report card, i have 1 high O’s, 1 high D’s, 1 high A’s and 1 moderate P’s now.

At a range of 1- 10, i think i score probably 8 or 9 at all these.

I think im going for institution soon. Need help.

Time flew by really fast, sometime last year around this time i tendered and was preparing for a long vacation. And now its already almost a year.

But the memory somehow stays fresh like it was just yesterday when i had flew in thousands of miles to see grandpa santa. To venture out in the heavy snowstorm just to take picture with the ornament. To “exercise” (snow shoeing) and then having bad cramp. To have the nice warm salmon potato soup in a nice cottage. And finally the fav got to be snow mobiling for awhile( even though my gloves got scratched by ice when i tried to do the snow angel). Theres good and bad ones, no matter what they already became part of my memories.

This year i didnt get to travel except a short trip with hub&mil to vn. We didnt plan well and it ended up bittersweet. Hub kept saying it was a slum area which indeed it doesnt give a well off vibe. But hey, its still a decent place to go and visit once at least. I still want to explore the north part 🙂

Had to put off travel plan for now since theres more expenses coming. I dont like feeling cash trapped and being worried(who does? Zz) As much as i wanna be chilled about it i just cant. (I have chilled for too long early in the year)

Therefore i will try to hang it out as much as i can with my current job. The people are nice, but its messy. All last minute requests. changes. Special arrangements. I didnt want to regret leaving previously but i somehow do.. again. But just take everywhere new as a learning experience. With people. With work.

Or life. I guessed i got worse. More problems. It gets really hard at some point. People are sick of it but same for me. Going through same cycle is just.. tiring. I just wanna rest. Nice, nice, not so nice, nice, bad, worse, stop. never have i felt so powerless ever.

This year hope my small little wish come true.. for 1 day also happy.

You know what is most difficult? Trying to sleep with all e tv disturbance and computer games noises. And it doesnt help that you are a light sleeper who is freaking tired and in need of a gd sleep.

Telling people nicely already dont work because you have said like million of times before and inconsiderate people just dont care.

Woes of living under one roof. Zzz

It really sucks to be a light sleeper..

I have always treasured my sleeping time because i never know when i can slp well. By well i mean i dont wake up with headache due to lack of sleep (less than 6 or 7 hrs?)

Because i have no control of my own sleeping habits or the environment.

When “people” upstairs are jumping/dragging things at this wee hour and you think they dont need to sleep just to annoy people. To do it periodically and over every few span of hours. And you dont even know if “they exist or just lyin to say they have not been jumping. the ceiling is so thin to hear whatever shit they are doing and you dont even want to bother.

Or when people beside are listening to tv so loudly at this hour too because they always cannot sleep and needs to watch tv and cannot hear well. It doesnt matter how many times you have tried explaining yourself because it will left unanswered anyway.

So in the end i just end up with thick pillows which doesnt really help muffle out the noise and generate more heat even. or heavy eyes that simply doesnt sleep cos of the noise tv volume. Or sore back due to improper sleep habits when you did the above.

Im so pissed off.. at everything n myself. Most imptly i hate being such a light sleeper.

So many things happened since my last post..

Leading back taitai life.. preparing checklist.. research.. buying stuffs for the different processes.. then go through the processes..

No wonder people took such a long time to prepare. Mine is already simplified! Good thing was he did some stuffs.. although i had to nag most of the time. but it would be nice for a change that he would take more initiative and be more cooperative. Its not an easy feat becos everything seems so rushed due to lack of time and i know planning after work is tired.. thats why planning early is impt! And save early! Anw after much frustration i will say the work is probably.. 50% done? So still.. good work .. to me. Haa. For having pushed through the project and havent die of frustration yet.

But im not really excited for some reason.. and its complex. Not sure if i can persuade myself out of feelin this..