A Way of Living with the Range

Life has such a range of emotions within it. They can bombard and they can ease in slowly.
I think our life can feel more chaotic when this is happening often.
When yesterday I was just flushed with intrusive thoughts of my past choices, ( once again ) and then today
feeling an overwhelming of acceptance and beauty of the future. It can be confusing.
It can feel that we aren’t in touch with self.

So okay, step one: Being aware of the fluctuation.
And whatever the steps, I’m sure one of them is asking oneself why.
Are we able to redirect, to prepare, to divert altogether before certain feels come up?

Yes, we know habits make for great foundations. I think frankly, we can just all be too lazy to stick to something.
To be methodical and write down when the feelings come up, or to make ourselves deep breathe or go for
a walk.

But let’s face it, life is the only thing we’ve living and if we don’t try and get ‘ better ‘ at it, it really isn’t
going to do it on it’s own. We’re the power in the boat, the steering wheel behind the SUV. If we want to be
proud of this one that we’re living, we could really use to put the work in to make it inevitably a better
way of living for this one beautiful life.

After An End, Comes The Other Part

I set my coffee mug down on my new table.
I’ll spruce this place up with some new paint, some new pictures, and arrange some rooms around.
A refresh like this every once in awhile does do wonderfully.

I’ve been in a decent state of mind. I can’t tell if my head is too down. That I should be prepping more. Emotionally, I know I cannot. But as for building the case? It’s just a daunting project that keep me awake when I start work on it.
I suppose it’s gotta be done and is going to be better for me if I tackle it bit by bit.
It’s just reality on my table. It’s reality through my printer. It still makes me feel sick and hurt and harmed. Still makes me feel unsafe and used.
I shall say though, time has went on and the knife edge is less impactful. I don’t crumple into tears so much, I don’t write rageful things all the time, so, it is quietening..
I know the scars will be with me for forever. But I also know, the lessons will be too.

Solid Prompt

What is something about life or people that took you a really long time to understand?

The ebb and flow in life/ relationships. For the longest time I thought, ‘ why the heck does there gotta be an ebb? Why can’t the whole thing just flow? ‘

In particular moments of ebb, it’s not comfortable to rest, to sit, to be positive with patience. To go about light spirited. Thoughts can spiral and it takes habit to lean into this ebbness.

So, what makes the ebb? what is the purpose?
Somehow I’ve learned the human complexities make up ebbyness and that is unique and special to the relation you are in. With self, with parents, with partners.
It can still take convincing, but there is a beauty in the way relationships breathe, utter and stutter and whisper and shout.

Ebbs mean the thing is alive. Fast heart, slow heart, it beats.

Daily writing prompt
Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?
View all responses

I Was going to say a panda, but I’m not that black and white – I grey-think mostly. Younger me would choose a toucan. I’d wear bright colours and eat fruit loops for every meal. As much as camels are my favourite animal, they look more noble then I do on a good day, they’re 24/7 unenthused and spit on people. Not me.
I guess I’d boil it down to comparing myself mostly to a human.

Perusing a Build

Do we struggle with the impact other peoples’ actions or words have on us?
I know I do.
How does one get to the point where peoples words or non words, roll off of us? Do we become more engulfed and inflamed with ourselves? We use the let them theory? feel confident about who we are so that it is harder for others insinuations to effect us?
How do we go about building this empire?
I’m leaning in.

Childhood Gratitude

I grew up in the country. A log house with 16 acres of forest, a creek running through the property and fields all around.
Still to this day I get frequent stills of me, stopping in the middle of the fields while on a walk or laying on the roof staring at the country stars or the forests’ reflection in the muddy waters of the creek. Those, calm peaceful moments still live within me. The conscious decision to take in the surroundings and all the beauty that it is. There still lies a gratefulness and the desire to continue these small moments. Keeping them alive help keeps the gratitude alive. And gratitude is very very beneficial to practice. To make habit. To make mindset. For being thankful for what you have, what you see, what you can feel. The list goes on.
I am grateful the gratitude of me as a child has a lingering fulfilling purpose.!

The Best I Can Do

I feel sad after 2pm. There is no specific when I first look at it. I can’t see anything that has happened that has portalled me into this space. I feel heavy. Weighted. I surrender to the dishes in the sink and I just dance along to the song that is playing and that feels like the best thing i can do. So instead of worrying about the 8 things on my list, about calling this or making a big deal about my dissatisfaction, I just dance. I let the heavy go, I tell myself I’m living now and I, my dead self will be happy that I’m dealing like this. Because dead me will be happy I’m living. I’m living right now in the moment. And that’s the most I can do.

Living While Learning How To

Do you notice certain change about yourself every once in awhile?
I’ve found this one the last few weeks.

Since I’ve been quite clear headed as of late, the overthinking, the replaying conversations, the things I wish I didn’t say or shouldn’t have elaborated on or should have said it this way instead, or waited until this or … well. the list goes on…
It is a deep active space that comes to the surface without the numbing choices.
I respect and see it as part of being alive and all though I am not yet leaning into these spaces, I am not running from them. They are uncomfortable to walk through; I am losing sleep, even though the conscious decision to push through uses energy. It’s tiring.
But on the whole of it, I do feel like I’m getting sound blocks under my feet. I continue to remind myself it is a learning curve, it is development and it will have stages. I can use the repetitive nature of information I’m gathering, to become more of the person I desire to carry out in life.