my life would sucks without you

Actually wanted to download a new skin but they don't describe my feeling right now..

HAHA. So here's the real thing..

Currently, I can't sleep.. My dream shoes is giving me a hard time :( but i still ♥ it anyway. Heh. Will get used to it.. ONE DAY! :) Almost stuck outside for the night.. T.T

Suddenly got the temptation to write something that consists nothing by lyrics.. Hmmm.. I bet only me will understand what I'm actually trying to say? Who knows.. Just waiting for my hair to drryyyyy~~

I'm over your lies
And I'm over yours games
And I'm over you asking me when you know I'm not okay
Oh, that's why your eyes I'm over it
So sure I'm over it
Realised, I'm over it, I'm over it
Wanting you to wanting me
No that's ain't the way to be
How I feel, read my lips
Cause I'm so over
Moving on it's my time
You never were a friend of mine
Hurt at first, a little bit
But now I'm so over
I'm so over it~

I'm not your anchor so don't hold on
I'm not the answer, you got me wrong
I'm not your savior, save your energy
To find out who you are, who you are without me

I'm not a mirror look inside yourself
I'm not a hero you know too well
I'm not your savior save your energy
To find out who you are, who you are without me

And I still believe in happy endings
But this just isn't where I wanna spend mine
I believe in now I just said it

You'll be mine, forever and almost always
It ain't right to love me when you can, yeah
I won't wait patiently
I won't wake up everyday just hoping that you still care

We started as friends, but something happens inside me
Now I'm reading into everything but there's no sign of you hear the lightening baby

You don't ever notice me, turning on my charm
I wonder why I always where you are
I made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I'm not so good with words
But since you never noticed
The way that we belonged
I'll sing it in a love song

I'm not the girl that you see in the magazine
Perfect face and perfect body
Never be anything but what I am, what I am
I can't bend to your expection
Look to fulfill any fantasy
But if what I am is what you need

Love me for me
And not for someone you wished that I could be
Cause what you get is what you see
I can't be anymore that what I am
Love me for me, or don't love me

According to you I'm stupid I'm useless I can't do anything right
According to you I'm difficult hard to please, forever changing my mind
I'm a mess in a dress can't show up on time
Even if it saves my life, according to you

According to you I'm boring I'm moody, you can't take me any place
According to you I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away
According to you, according to you

But according to him
I'm beautiful incredible, he can't get me out of his head
But according to him
I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Everything is opposite
I don't feel like stopping it
Baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

Oh no, don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you were something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect and I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect, just all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't want to pretend so this is the end for you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything everything I'm not

She can't see the way your eyes
Light up when you smile
She'll never notice how you stop and stare
Whenever she walks by

You can't see me wanting you the way you want her
But you're everything to me
I just wanna show you she don't even know you
She'll never love you like I want to
You just see right through me
If you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable
Instead of just invisible

WOW. Just realised all emo songs :/ oh well.. What else do you expect from a emo kid?
But I haven't reach what I really wanna post though x.x and it's like 1.46am already.. Not tired but nothing else left to do.. Except to continue to blog and rot or go roll and sleep. D: Either way I'm stuck with emptiness.. All these songs are seriously tempting me to go SING :D But my voice sucks :( T.T SAD.

Start at 10, today very slow don't know why.. Maybe cause I didn't have enough sleep the previous night cause I was too unhappy..

Service flow was alright.. People came to borrow things, come and go.. Finished mise en place for the day and weekend quite fast..

Lunch received bad news. Waited for nothing. Had lunch come back, still nothing much to do.. Clean up the kitchen....

Then we talked and make fun of each other.. Relaxed abit more.. Nothing much to say..

I practically emo the whole day..

At night panic and worried like crazy but I don't feel like explaining here.. Kinda pointless cause it won't help..

I'm really disappointed nowadays.. Disappointed with myself.. & the fact that I'm not even as important as your _______ & your_____. Sigh. What can I say?

Recently mood very bad.. Hence didn't write much.. Grandpa stuff, mum stuff, work stuff, school stuff, relationship stuff.. Driving me insane.. Sigh. Really don't know what to say anymore..

Not in a good mood today. Very unhappy.

For some reason, I told my mum to wake me up at 8.45 when I'm supposed to leave house at 9.. -.-" Reached there around 9.40+ I thought I will be late but in there I reached there before anyone else did.. Stuck outside for quite some time..

Haven't been updating again.. So tired in school.. Been busy with projects and service :( Hardly have any time for anything else..

I am so disappointed with myself.

New year day.

Seriously need to be more productive and yeah, stop playing so much games.. Stop completely is impossible, its a way of reliving stress :D But then.. Half of my holidays was spent on computer, not sleep or anything else.. Its kinda become excess..

Wonder why dream and reality are always so different.. In dreams, you always get what you want, do things exactly the way you want to.. You might have nightmares sometimes, but its not often.. Usually you dream of what you want..

But in reality, its different.. What you dream, is totally opposite of what you wanted.. And what you dream, you can never have it.. A dream will remained as a dream.. If it comes true, you're very lucky.. But most of the time, they don't..

Reality is cruel. They gave you things that you don't want to face, tell you things that you don't want to know.. And you can't reject them.. You have to face the truth and think of solutions which are hard to find sometimes.. Truth hurts..

Used to think that I've everything.. Friends that I can always depend on, family who will always be there for me, my studies are good, my health is good, my love life is great, my work is fine.. But.. That was in the past.. Things are no longer the same.. I'm tired of how things are going now.. Things don't make as much sense to me now.. I'm tired of doing things that nobody bothers.. If everybody don't care, there's isn't any point in me caring so much right? Will that make any difference? I don't know..

Tried my best but was treated like a ghost invisible to naked eye.. My health now is not as good anymore.. After that fall, I realised, my body is actually very weak.. I won't be surprised if my life span is very short.. Who cares about this? Nobody does.. Not anymore..

I should be happy.. Should be happy now.. Especially when I'm cooking.. But all I felt like just now is crap. I don't have to die from sickness, accidents.. Cause words are powerful enough to kill me..

Nobody try to know me.. In the end.. I'm still a stranger to you..

Its too late for me to give up now.. And I don't want to.. But I'm stuck.. In confusion.. I'm falling apart.. Cry out for help but no one can hear me.. Who cares? No big deal.. I'm just a stranger..

Since tomorrow don't have to wake up so early, I decided to practice for commis challenge.. Just came back from purchasing ingredients.. And I'm already falling asleep.. Oh my.

I sure hope I'll be awake soon..

It started out to be a good day. Got a surprise wake up call.. Almost missed the bus but caught it in the end..

This is definitely not one of my best days.. School is tiring and wrong.. I mean things kept going wrong.. And I kept getting scolded for things that wasn't done by me.. Just my luck to be standing there when the things when wrong. Sigh..

Today's just like another other day I had recently, I just felt like crying.. If only there's a place where I can hide and just let it go.. If crying can make me feel better, I think I'll do that..

My current mood playing: Forever & Always - Taylor swift
Once upon a time
I believe it was a Tuesday when I caught your eye
We caught onto something, I hold on to the night
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me
Were you just kidding cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down we almost never speak
I don’t feel welcome anymore, baby what happened please tell me
Cause one second it was perfect and now you’re half way out the door
And I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothin at all
And you flash back to when he said forever and always
Ohh ohhh
And it rains in your bedroom everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
Was I out of line did I say something way too honest
That made you run and hide like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes; thought I knew you for a minute now I’m not so sure
So here’s to everything coming down to nothing
Here’s to silence that cuts me to the core
Where is this going, thought I knew for a minute
but I don’t anymore
And I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothin at all
And you flash back to when he said forever and always
Ohh ohhh
And it rains in your bedroom everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn’t mean it baby, I don’t think so
Ohhh ohhhh
Oh back up, baby back up, did you forget everything
back up, baby back up, did you forget everything
Cause it rains in your bedroom everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
ohhh I stare at the phone and he still hasn’t called
And you feel so low you can’t feel nothin at all
And you flash back to when we said forever and always
And it rains in your bedroom everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn’t mean it baby, you said forever and always..

This whole day this song and touch my hand keep getting stuck in my head..
It kinda applies to me too..
Its just kinda strange and hard to understand..
When my F&F sucks, my S is average, my LF is like WOW.
Now my F&F is good, my S is great, my LF is.. Sigh..
Why can't I have the best of all world?
Then I can really die with no regrets..
Is that too much to ask for?
I just hope that you can..
If only that wasn't so hard for you to do..

To be loved - westlife
The song of a little bird
The joy in three little words I know it's real
That's how it feels
To be loved by you
The stars from a midnight sky
The melody from a lullaby
There's nothing real
That I wouldn't steal
To be loved by you
To be loved by you
If everybody knows
It's only 'cause it shows
A smile to put you on a high
A kiss that sets your soul alight
Would it be all right if I spent tonight
Being loved by you
Your love is released
And you move me with ease
And you rescue me time after time
Oh Oh you give your all
And you take it all in your stride
Oh with all the power of a symphony
That's how my heart beats when you're holding me I can't conceal, this is how it feels
To be loved by you
Oh yeah, to be loved by you
If everybody knows, it's only 'cause it shows
Because I take your love,
Everywhere I go I know what it is I need, it's clear as a shallow stream
It's as it seems, my only dreams
To be loved by you

I'm so tired and stressed recently..
Gets irritated and frustrated easily..
Tears can't control themselves..
For no reason? Am I crazy?
Not necessarily.. Only I know..
There're things that I didn't say..
And most probably..
They are the things that I will never say..

Sick.. Keep having weird fever and headaches..
Life is short..
I think mine is shorter..
Its doesn't matter how long life is..
Cause when you're alone by yourself..
Time passes very slowly.. Its is long.
You also have more time to put a lock on all those things that nobody listens..
Put on a mask that everyone want to see..
But I'm only me, when I'm with you..
If only you will take a look at me..
Then you'll know that's where I wanna be..
To be in your eyes..

That's the way I loved you - taylor swift
He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing
And I'm comfortable
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh
Never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you..

If only you knew..
Things wasn't this way before..
What happened?
So suffocating..
So tired..
Empty.

When will my reflection shows who am I inside?

Losing grips - avril lavigne

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real..
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why'd you turn away?Here's what I have to say...
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Grinnin' with a lost stare,That's when I decided...
Why should I care?
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared
I was so alone...
You,
you need to listen!
I'm startin' to trip,
I'm losin' my grip
And I'm in this thing alone...
Am I just some chick you placed beside you,
To take somebody's place?
When you turn around can you recognize my face..?
You used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn't the case,
Everything wasn't okay..
I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinnin' with a lost stare,thats when i decided...
Why should I care?
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared,I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I'm startin' to trip
I'm losin' my grip
And I'm in this thing alone
Cryin' out loud I'm cryin' out loud
Cryin' out loud I'm cryin' out loud
Open your eyes Open up wide
Why should I care
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone
Why should I care
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone
Why should I care?
If you don't care, then I don't care
We're not going anywhere
Why should I care?
'Cause you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone
Why should I care?
If you don't care, then I don't care
We're not goin anywhere