Dear children,

It's okay. It's okay to read their complaints, their evidence, their viewpoints. It's okay if you feel scared right now. It's okay if you think life might never be the same again for you. 

Take a deep breath. Say a prayer (because God is very real). 

There are a few things I want to tell you.

1. I have read the CES Letter. All of it, pretty much - they might have added more since then. I was teaching seminary at the time and I wanted to make sure I understood what was in it.  It did indeed make me anxious and panicky, like it is supposed to.  Other things I have read: lots of ex-mo reddit threads that talk about everything under the sun, from Joseph Smith to the salamander letters, to polygamy (that's kind of an old school concern that was really emphasized and whispered about during my BYU days), to tithing concerns, sexual abuse by church members, and whatever is hottest at the moment.  I don't enjoy reading these things, but I have been - since said days at BYU -very concerned with truth and with making sure I have truth.

2. I'm not the only True Believing Mormon or "TBM" who has read all of this stuff. I am also not the most educated one to have done so.  I promise you that you don't even have to listen to just your mom here.  There are many very wise, very experienced, very educated individuals who have read just as much, experienced just as much, and have thought just as much as anyone on reddit, or Mormon Stories or the writer of whatever anti-mormon TV show is currently a hit. I promise that my decision, and their decisions to stay in the church, are not because we are willfully blind or ignorant. These aren't secrets that, if you and your dad knew about, we would leave too. There is a 99.9% chance that I have all the information anyone you interact with has - I have just reached a different conclusion than those who have left. Panic is not truth. Unanswered or cleverly asked questions are meant to make you afraid of digging deeper or giving up, or they are meant to make you think you already have the answer. 

3. Look some more. There are many public responses to the CES Letter that are full of better research than that document.  Here is one of them.  You will find that the CES Letter is not intellectually honest. It takes a shallow dig into "issues" - just enough to make them seem unsolvable. It doesn't actually keep digging to find the answers.  I have found that many many sources cited by Ex-mos are the same way. They are full of passion, anger, and fear, and claim to be more truthful than they really are. I think some are intentionally deceptive, but others are not. I think some ex-mos are intellectually honest, while some think that it is fair game to use whatever methods they can use to bring down what they have come believe is a cult.  By this point in your life, you have probably seen that loyalty-to-a-cause can illicit that kind of response - I have seen it when people defended our old adoption agency, I have seen it in the filmmakers of The Traffickers, I have seen it in politicians and their followers, I have seen it in patriots. You will see it on reddit because it is most often an echo chamber for like-minded individuals. They are no longer loyal to my religion, but they are extremely loyal to their own, and will (justifiably, in their minds), use anger and imbalance to prove their new religion. 

4.  On that same note, many many people are not being honest about why some people are excommunicated or why they chose to leave.  John Dehlin, the master story-teller himself, told the public at the time of his excommunication that he just wanted "truth." He was an honest truth-seeker, living all the commandments but not seeing the truth. He admitted years later that he was, at that time, completely addicted to porn, had been for years, and had hidden it from his wife. Does that mean his motives were completely false? I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that his motives and reasons for disconnecting from the church were complex. I don't know that he purposely kept things out of his narrative to make it more compelling, but well, I have seen plenty of people who leave things to make their point stronger. People will argue that what they left out wasn't relevant, but well....why did they then? Again, I have seen people do it over and over again, and you probably have too. Excommunication stories can be super compelling because the person who had their membership revoked can say whatever they want. It will always be one-sided because of confidentiality policies in the church. 

4.  I am not ignorant, blind, or a sheep for following the living prophet despite not understanding everything. Everyone, whether they realize it or not, is choosing to follow someone.  One time I was on a blog that questioned everything gospel-related, and they were asking everyone how they would re-do the plan of salvation to make it more fair and beautiful.  They all, sitting behind their computer screens, gave input about what the plan got "wrong." Some sounded really inspiring and loving, and my heart got that racing feeling that maybe I had been wrong all along to trust modern prophets....maybe there was something I had "missed" in my thinking. Then I realized I was putting faith in strangers. Strangers who had the gall to believe that they understood the eternities, the whole point of life, the way we should treat other.....  strangers who thought they had the intellectual, far-sighted, compassionate depth to create laws for all mankind that would be better than the ones given to us by God, through the authorities of the church. STRANGERS - I didn't even know if they were just trying to screw people up or actually believed it. I didn't know if they were people who actually tried to lead good lives or criticized others on the computer all day long. I didn't know if they were better-educated, more "spiritual," more interested in doing good than me. But I certainly knew they were less humble.  I could not claim to understand all of it better than the prophets, but they did so without hesitation.  Being humble... acknowledging that you might not totally get what matters for ALWAYS....isn't being blind, it's being self-aware and honest.

5. You can talk to me about these things. I might have some insights you haven't considered. Yes, I have come to my own conclusions, and they might be different than your own, but I'm not going to kick you out of the family, I'm not going to disparage you to others, I'm not going to treat you with less love.  I believe that truth is truth, and I believe that if what I have is truth, whatever you believe isn't a threat to it. If it's uncomfortable, we will still get through it. I will love you just a dearly and truly if your conclusions are different than mine. 

6. If you don't want to talk to me about these things, that's fine too. Many people don't want to talk to their moms or dads about it because there is such emotional weight behind it. It's scary.  Plus, Dad and I aren't perfect. We have our own baggage. We've screwed up many times and you doubtless carry the baggage of those screwups.  I try really really hard to make things right, but I know I might not feel like the safest person to talk to. But if you do talk to others, give them at least the same level of scrutiny that you give us, please. We really really really do care about you.

7. I already stated this, but God is real. I have experienced Him over and over again in my life, and I would be a lying liar who lies if I told you differently. You really can pray. You really can accept knowledge from the Holy Ghost.  It's a legitimate way to learn. If you haven't turned to Him for help on this yet, please do. Please kneel down and talk to Him about your fears. Please ask Him how He feels about you. Please give the scriptures at least equal time to the ex-mos. Please give God a chance. He is real. His Son is real. This isn't about me wanting you to follow me. This isn't about my control over you. This isn't about making family gatherings more comfortable, or carrying on the traditions I was raised in. This is about a God who knows you and loves you, who I am trying to give you a connection to - a connection greater and more powerful than the one I have forged with you. I want you to trust HIM more than me. His love is pure and perfect. 

I love you (however imperfectly) and always will. -Mom