Sunday, January 19, 2014 @ 7:42 PM
It doesn't make sense to feel this sad when my brother left for Melbourne. I mean, in a month, I'll be just a two-hour plane ride away from him in Sydney. I think maybe his departure brought upon us a heavier significance. He's the last child in our family and he just flew overseas to study. Our family is breaking apart. I know we are strong in family ties but the physical bonds between us will never be the same again. We may be home only once a year or maybe even none at all due to future work and assignments. And we might not even come home at the same time so it won't count as some sort of family reunion. Some time after, we'll settle down somewhere else and leave behind what was once our only home. The house will echo with only my parents' voices along with my grandpa's and the maid's but that's it. All youthfulness would have seeped away to some foreign land, leaving behind a lonely hum of silence in a house that might only become lively again on special occasions.
My parents are the greatest and most sacrificial people in the world, no joke. Although they may miss us dearly and feel lonely without us around, they don't mind us leaving them and obtaining a better life somewhere. I know most parents who are filthy rich and can easily send their kids overseas to study/learn some special skills but they'll definitely not let them stay there. They want them home by their side until they die. My dad thinks this is such a selfish act because of they tie their children down for their own happiness. They don't want to feel lonely so they'd rather deprive their kids of a possibly better life elsewhere than to let them go free. My parents want us to pursue our own life as long as we are happy. If we are contented, so are they. I think that was the most touching/selfless thing I've ever heard but I didn't express it because it's not really how I react to emotional stuff in our family.
My parents work extremely hard to support us so go screw yourself if you think/tell me that we get rich easily because of the job they do. Even if that's true, they have spent half their lives working hard to reach that position so if you think their job is easy, feel free to rot far away from us. I am sick of hearing such nonsense from some people. Unlike some families who have inherited wealth/land/some sort of valuable property from their ancestors, both my parents earned absolutely everything they own now from scratch. And yet they're willing to throw all their money away to us. My mum has never once bought anything branded in her life whereas my dad has never spent his money on any luxurious items till this day because they'd rather spend it on us. Every single cent is for us. A Chanel handbag, a Rolex watch, a BMW as some sort of reward for themselves for working so hard everyday? None. They believe all their money is our money. Money for our education, education and more education and perhaps a little bit left for us to buy stuff we like once in a while.
I know money can't buy love but the way my parents spend all their time just to make enough money to give us such a good life is enough to prove that yes, money can buy love if it is done right. I always feel wrong to study Medicine because just to study that is already so damn freaking expensive, let alone taking up that course in Australia. They can easily spend that amount of money on stuff they like as some sort of reward for working so bloody hard everyday or go on multiple vacations around the world to relax. But no. My dad rather drives his lousy ten-year-old van around that always breaks down than to even get a new car just to save money for my education. And my mum rarely spends money on luxurious clothes and expensive skincare products to pamper herself like most of my friends' mothers. Some people their age have already retired but not them because they need to pay for our education. As I type, my dad is still working his ass off just to cover my tuition fees, not to mention other expenses. I want to take up some cheaper and easier course but I know my parents won't allow me because they want me to have the best. They'd rather suffer first than I suffer later. Their selflessness is absurd.
I do believe that there's a possibility that my parents may not have a single cent left to enjoy life when they retire and I feel rotten about this because their whole life is just a series of work - work hard for a better life for themselves when young, work hard for a better life for children when old. My life goal is to return everything they've ever spent on me with interest and whatsoever as long as I am capable (I will make sure that I am) but what makes me feel extremely in debt to them is that I can never return them their wasted youth which was spent on us by working hard to support us.
I admit that I'm the most rebellious one in the family and perhaps the most disobedient/disrespectful one, too. I always will myself to mature faster in order to understand my parents better and to make their lives easier. I guess old habits die hard but I am trying everyday to put myself in their shoes and express love and gratitude more (although I'm not very good at doing so). I've never told them this in person (I don't think I ever will) but deep down, I vow that I will give them a smashingly fantastic life next time so that they won't regret putting so much of their time, effort and money in me. After all, it was them who gave me such a smashingly fantastic life first.
It's not even a day since he left but his absence is already anchoring deep and I feel empty without him. Sigh, I miss my brother.
0 Hullabaloo(s) : contribute
Whisk me away