Ross: September 2007

Monday, September 17, 2007

Happy pregnant women suck

Seriously. Who with any sense would be happy about, yet again, getting fat, leaking from... well everywhere really, sweating non-stop, clipping nails every two days, and having their breasts become the size of watermelons. I don't even need to go on to other less than pleasant things which only Jenny McCarthy is nasty enough to actually put into writing. Then of course there is morning sickness, which every woman who has experienced this knows very well was dubbed "morning sickness" by some ignorant man. Which confuses me. All the Ob's I've ever been to who are men have been gentle, kind and understanding. The women I've seen, I've only seen once and with good reason. Funny how all the women Ob's I've ever met don't have children.
Heart Burn sucks. I have gestational heartburn only. I didn't even know what was wrong with me for the longest time because I had never experienced this before. Thank goodness my chiropractor recommended Zypan which helps out a lot.
I've got 8 more weeks left. Just two more months. I swear next week at Yellowstone I'm going to hike the summit and carry a child the whole way. And I won't drink any water all day. That should do it. Okay, so maybe I won't. Thirty-three/ thirty- four weeks is too soon, but wow is it getting tempting! Sadly, I would feel too guilty and my kids tend to like baking a little longer than usual. E-man decided to hang out for 16 days past his due date. If I were only an inducing kind of girl I'd be all over the pitocin!
This birth experience should be interesting. As I barely made it to the hospital bed before having to push Lauren out, I'm thinking I might want to prepare a bit for a home birth, just in case I sneeze and a baby comes flying out. First birth: 9 hours 2ND birth: 1 1/2 hours So logically my 3rd birth will be lets see... 25 minutes. That will at least give me enough time to run the kids next door to Sarah and Emily's house, get home and have Brett arrive. Now if only it weren't so messy. The only reason I go to the hospital is so I don't have to clean up the mess. Totally gross. Last time it looked like a murder had taken place. The nurse carrying the nasty placenta away slipped and sloshed the stuff everywhere. Blood was splattered across the floor and blood and tissue were hanging off the curtain hiding the bed from the door view. I just like to be able to leave it all behind a few hours later and go home to my own sanitary living space. Clean baby, clean mommy and a comfy bed. That's what I'm looking forward to. That, and not being pregnant!