Life's crawling faster and faster...

I still have 1/3 of the whole lecture to go... better put in more effort.

Oh.. and looking at my friends' facebook pictures and saw the places they went around really makes me want to go "out" and see the world....

Norway looks so nice.... and with a great BUNCH of friends there, it looks ULTRA fun!

QY! Life's fun over there ah! :)

This post is super time wasting.....
but I really really want to remind myself of the great life I have in NTU.
Here's how I try to study my 4 slides, out of the MANY MANY slides I need to "eat".




Maybe I am really stupid or what.

Anyway......
Engineering slides in NTU rocks.

Today, my 可爱的 Grandma went up to heaven.
Shall visit her one of these days.

In less than a centuries time, I shall hear her say, in Hokkien....
"吃饱了没, 要喝水吗？" again.....

Provided that I am a good boy and I go heaven too :)
She's really a very very nice Ah Ma and I am glad for her presence around for my 23 years on Earth.

See ya Ah MA!!
(Anyway, I have dreams in HD quality every night since like.... dunno when. I wonder if I will see her tonight.... I hope so!! Too bad I can't "download" if it really happens. Anyway, I really think too much haha.... ok study for now bah!)

I keep "hai"ing through the afternoon, after a meal, and although I do feel the tiredness (standard feeling from digesting the food), I can still keep awake and continue to do my studying.

haha, it's all thanks to the 3/4 packet of coffee "combo" drink this morning.

"hai"ing most probably means I am "down"or "sad", or something to do with these feelings, as what I've understood while revision through super ??? topics and modules for the previous years. But I guess this "combo" drink is really able to remove the "emotions" part, which I still couldn't figure out why there's such a effect (didn't even hear anything about this from news or anywhere).

haha, maybe a breakthrough research piece of data from the "caveman" Lim here?

ha, no choice but I need to become a robot for today...
cos I can't afford to be inefficient like the past 2 days, trying to test without the combo drink....

一切顺其自然。
Through these years, it's interesting to note that some conclusions came to agree with the teachings of 孔子，庄子 and what other Mr 子s.
(Maybe I am 老夫子。。 哈哈）

never mind that for now.
Exams tomorrow!
Jia you :)

ha, today, I just found out that there's actually people who stalks "this" place too. Often or not, I don't know. But even if it's 1 time, it's still "stalking" if you see the defination below.

defination of stalker: Someone who prowls or sneaks about
and the defination of sneak: To go stealthily

I am not "stealthy" at all since I showed myself everywhere and left big hints around.

You know, most information (about me) is not available in the "market" easily, and compiled together. And this "stalker" happened to know a few things about me which "she" didn't realised when she told me. But then again, if the info is gotten from somewhere else, eg: some other stalkers, then she won't read this post.... Anyway, it's doesn't really matter haha :P
Hmm.. actually it's interesting to know how "information" can be "stalked" out from people nowadays, Facebook, friends, etc... :)
haha, now something interesting for me to think: Is there's another "Jiahe" stalking me? haha! It will be so fun to know if there is, but "stalking"... so I won't know. Sianz. No fun liao -_-
And to Ms Stalker if you are really here:
"ha, go stalk your boyfriend la haha :P"

haha, is Stressy standing?
It all depends on how we look at it.
I am learning to look at life from different angles, and to accept life from all these angles.
2 years ago, I would have died in piles of notes if I am left alone in my hostel room for just less than a day.
Good that after so long, I am "totally fine", and it's been almost 2 weeks, morning till night, then my roomie returns at night to entertain me haha :)

For the picture above.
I choose to believe that he is.....

still head standing :P

My energy's drained.. don't know if it's the result of being unable to recall much from my brain that affects my emotions, or it's the other way....

No matter which way, it's not good for studying. Nothing went in and nothing came out either.

Yesterday, I went down to shifu's Martial Arts' School's celebration at a restaurant in Tanjong Pagar complex, as he really hoped that we will be there to "give" support, knowing that we are having exams. Although I am very very tired, it was still a worthwhile and fun trip as they are really a bunch of entertaining people to be with. Hope it's a good "break" for me, I hope....
(am losing the "happy feeling" again.. don't know if it's the effect of not having the "combo drink"... which I tried not having for the past 2 days.)



Now to think back, They always appear to be "smiling at me" so carefree-ly. I wonder if I am the only one placing myself in "my own world".
If I am placed together with them and someone else is taking a photo, can I do that?
Most probably can't I guess.... haha ._.

For now, I just tried to listen to some new instrumental music, hoping it will pull me back....
Jiahe ran out of tricks to make me happy already...

Being alone in a room is not good, but it's not a option either.
anyway, now I felt better because...

Jon Schmidt piano music is nice.

:)

The 1 cup "combo drink" per day, is making me "super charged". My brain feels like a "CPU" more than like a self controlled brain...

The good

I can feel and understand exactly every single emotion/ reaction from the body.

I know when it's bored, when it's drifting off or whether concentration level drop....
and the thing is: I can pull it back up just by a "command".
I make decisions fast, without emotions. I behave as if... I had enough sleep (which I have always wished for)

but....

The bad

I can feel everything, even the body's tiredness, but I couldn't fall asleep at nght for at least 1 hour too...

My hand is trembling...

I take in lesser amount of air per breathe, usually this will make me even more tired, but now I can just feel tiredness, but wide awake...

it feels like I am converting "health points" to "Mana Points" like some game.
Most probably it's because I don't used to drink coffee as I thought coffee will give such "side effects" and now it have a "maximum effect" on my body now.

Anyway, now since I can "think" at 100X faster. The decision that I make is faster and easier, and it's strangely "unaffected" by emotions this time. (it's the coffee's effect I think... weird..)

This would have been a tough decision when it's the normal me, but now...

for one of the modules that I am retaking: MC for Maths 4.

Reason: It's too near my core, and I haven't digested it yet, at all.
Initally the plan was to study it before this Semester even started. But due to my commitments, be it work, for my CAC's Orientation Camp, here and there.....

I didn't manage to study it at all.

And this sem: All Maths classes clashes with my Core, and I end up having no time to study on my own again.

So there's some problem with the "planning".

So now, I shall start a new "war" plan.

1) Every now and then in future, the "combo drink" can be used to quick charge up, so I can start doing a "summary" of the module, to be "recalled" for reading before exams.

2) Maths 4 shall be "conquered" again next Sem, with a properly decoded "Jiahe teaching style" summary ready, when my Sem 2 doing Industrial Attachment (IA) finishes.
And the summary shall be use in Yr 4 Sem 1.

3) The current war plan is to: Conquer all the rest of the "4" core modules. And I mean, conquer, not just attack. Point 1 will aid you... I hope.

Ok, and unlike last timeS...
the war plan shall be here even before the war finishes, to let me remember how come such a decision is made.








haha, it's not meant for others to digest it, but if you think my "plan" can provide some entertainment, then read loh :P

Ok, now to continue :)

The combination drink, for exams.




The chocolate, that's to "activate happiness". (180 ml of water)
And the coffee, which keeps up the length of concentration longer. (150 ml)

三碗水，煮成一碗水

Combine in a cup. ( about 330 ml?)

Still studying the logical theory modules for exams, so far so good. (if it works it's going to be used for next 2 sems in Yr 4)

Hope it still works when I switch to Maths 4 later in the evening.....

I'll just have to write out my problem.
and after a 10 min nap...
it's solved :)

New resolutions.

1. I shouldn't look down on myself because I can still see improvements ahead, just that it's out of reached.

2. we build on one another's success, that's what makes the world fun to live in. We don't have to be able to do everything just to complete a task. That's why we have friends and colleagues :)

3. my photography is not stagnant yet, I still have 2 more things missing before I can "try" taking the "intended" photos. And photography is good, and there's a reason why you had interest.
You shouldn't forget why you like taking photos: You wanted to preserve your memories remember? =)

so something to look forward to:

1) it's another DSLR, to be used together for events attached with
2) a AF-S DX NIKKOR 35mm f/1.8G (on 19/11, I may consider sigma 24mm f/1.8, but the size is -_-)

It's like a wishlist, but PLS DON'T BUY FOR ME by pooling as a present because this is my personal "motivational" list.

And I will "try" to win the 1st item when I am more free, and buy the 2nd item when I've got it.
(or I will just buy the 2nd item and start shooting, to increase my chance of "winning" the 1st item)

Whatever you are going through now, just do whatever you can. Try your best and see what happens :)

(zzz monster I hope you can wake up your idea too and leave my emotions alone)

I will be a happy human being once I can sleep properly again... so I will try all means and ways to sleep properly and become a stronger person.

And being happy, you will get a "bigger brain". So you'll be able to remember more stuff. Isn't that good?
And being able to remember more stuff = higher chance of passing exams, and you should be happier!!
so study whatever you know first, and ask whatever you dunno.....
Simple :)



I say: forget about this curve.
It's never easy to be able to control "stress".




this will be much easier to understand :)

So 加油 Jiahe!
(haha, crazy self talks again from the crazy jiahee =P)

Last night, the plan was to sleep at 2.23am, then wake up at 9.30am.

A total of 7 hr, 7 min. (that's shown on my hp alarm just before I slept, nice number so easy to recall)

Then when I woke up for the first time, it was to stop the alarm clock.
And I went back to sleep "a while" more.

Then the 2nd time I woke up, it was 11.44 am.
This means I have slept for another 2 hr 15 min.

Of course this "long" timing means that I have been "trapped" in dreams again.
But this time, I'm thinking if there's any meanings behind it.....

Inside the dream, many people appeared, but I can only remember the last person, it was Mr Ham in my hall, going in and out of my block's level 5 (girls level) door, and I was at level 6 (I used to stay there) when I saw him. The "fact", that I manage to bluff myself is: his gf is studying in NTU and he's here to visit. (totally false).

But through this, I am guessing that... my inner Jiahe really wished.....
to go out and see some friends...
But I am using "physical" strength to trap him in NTU... and do something that is seriously.... antagonizing.
Most of the modules is turning him off slowly because the sheer amount of "facts" to remember is simply, too much.
(at least, not the type which is easily adsorbed by him)

I hate looking down on people, no matter what. Unless it's their character that has problem.
But now, I think I am looking down on myself... and that's pathetic....
I've heard many times before, that there's people who's not good with studying, but are excelling out there. So grades doesn't determines everything.

But that doesn't seems motivating or even assuring to me.... I keep linking myself to some failures that I couldn't do in life.
Even with the stuff that I can do, like I manage to entertain myself with a another video creation, I will end up putting a wet blanket over myself and come up with stupid conclusions on my "things I enjoy doing" like....

1. The video is nice, not because of me. The reason why the video is good is because, the composer of the music is good, and the video programme which is made by other, is powerful. You have no credits. Anyway, it's a useless skill....

2. you think you photos can earn you a living? It's just that the camera is good. Anyway, it's still a question mark if anyone would "really want" to hire you as a photographer, even if you just want it to use it as a part time job if you really think it can be done... have you managed to compare your pictures with other professional "photographers" yet? How do you know if yours standards are enough to work?
you might as well just play with your camera and take pictures for your own, forget about this "job" thing.

I can't believe that I actually believe these at some point of time. Why will I "look down" on myself like that when I will not do such a evil thing to others....

what the hell 林家禾.

Have always been trying to remind my friends to endure through these 4 years, it will be good training despite the stress. But now I am losing faith as well... although I'm trying to motivate myself too with what I say to others..

Maybe after today, I shall study with some friends, and talk a bit to humans.
I realised that most thing I've written here, no one else would know about it because I won't say.

And now, I dunno if I am like living in this stupid world of my own.....
bluffing myself that I am happy, when I am not, and I actually believed that I am happy.
I am so tired now, although it's like 9 hours on the bed.



whatever.
I shall continue my reading alone.

I am someone who likes to learn everything.
It all comes from this saying, passed down from my Ah Gong, to my mum, then to me....

拿起手，就会做。

these words have been really useful, and I will pass this on.

Some people can learn faster, some learn slower....
but now I've realised that there are some things which can't be learnt...

Limit breaking...
been 叹气ing many times a day while I study...

shall just endure and hope you don't die on me Jiahe...
there's still many other stuff that's waiting to be done... after the exams so jia you!!!
(ha.. the self talk thing is back....)

You have woken up your idea, so now the new direction is.....
"not fall asleep".

Be stronger Jiahe....
You need to.