Had fun trying to organise 2 outings. Although only 1 went through.
Been rushing around doing things here and there, but in the end, there's still a load of stuff that's still left...
1. Appealing of results (was still wondering why my grades was so much below expectations..)
2. Studying (maths 4 and CAD not done)
3. My photography page doesn't seems to get anything in for me despite all the effort, but suddenly there's 2 lobang coming in. Although not from the page, it's still something to be happy about :)
IA starting next week Monday, and first day, I will report to Toa Payoh for training. Then thereafter, it's Jalan Ahmad Ibrahim for the rest of the 6 months to come. 8am - 5.35pm daily during weekdays. (and I hope there's not OT for weekend, cos it mentioned in the email that it won't be paid)
Ok, tomorrow I am going for my first full day wedding actual shoot. Going to travel to and fro from Singapore to JB.
And I realised that I have problems handling my overflowing friendship problem.. not that I always try to make friends, but it's the activities that I want to go through (and learn from it) that's resulting in this.
I first took on the role of GL (group leader) after my camp.Actually I was hoping that I will be able to learn how to talk to bigger groups of people, cos I've been a introvert most of my life.
2nd, I became a photographer, and many people came to know me because I always "happen" to be around for all CAC activities.Memories are important. Since I am there, I shall also help them take photos if they want.
For now, I have 991 friends in Facebook...
about 500 from NTU...
But...
I have been rushing around, meeting different groups of friends, and feeling no "close" friends to stick with.
Now that I realised this problem, I think I came to understand that there's a "need to cut down social circle" thingy, and this was what I heard about when I was in JC.... and to think that, that time I thought this is lame.
Who wouldn't like to have lots of friends? More friends means you have more help everywhere too.
I shall add on 1 more line to remind myself about something that I always tell myself.
I must not become popular, because having the whole school with people here and there knowing you, comes with a big problem:
everyone knows you, and it feels like you are being observed and there's no privacy.
And because of that, I am sure about the jobs that I won't be doing.
Minister, MP, Actor, Singer, some famous photographer with face known everywhere like "
Willy". etc
I am not a "extrovert" to begin with. Although I am trying to learn the skills as one.
And the difference between me and "others" becomes more clear now (to me), in Facebook.
My pictures are made up of group photos.If I observe even more closely, there's no group of people who keep repeatingly appearing.
And this is "the problem".
I was too busy rushing around to learn new stuffs, to even have a friend (or group of close friends) to continue interacting.
I keep too much stuff to myself, and I am overflowing alone.
Let's just say my time is 100%.
人自出性本善
So all humans are good.
And when people try to be nice to me, let's say they give 50% of their time for me (let's say)
But if I have 100 friends who are like that, I can only give 1% to each.
So this analogy tells me that there's a need to "cut down on social circle" if you want to have time for you to "share" with them.
It's not the quantity, but the quality.
And whatever stuff I am trying to learn and experience now, is indirectly making me "lose" my friends even when the number is, unintentionally increasing.
_______________________________________________________
Ok so now the options available for me....
1. Be more versatile with the ever changing groups of friends. (Agree with the feeling that friends come and go, and when they go,
it's okay....okay it's not.)
or.
2. Cut down on the group of friends.
So for now, I have resigned myself as a GL of FOC.
It's sad for me too, but if I continue to be a GL, the "friends" problem is just going to go out of hand and I really won't be able to handle it. Imaging going for outings... how many outings should I go for in a semester break?
now that on Facebook, I have to resort to "auto replying" mode in response to anything that's happening. It feels like I have a default "library" of response. I've just analysed my own wall of posts. Is there anyone who "repeatingly" comment or post rubbish on my page?
None.
That's something to rethink about for me.
I also realised that I have less photos nowadays. And I am taking longer to compose a photo.
This means that...
I do not "feel" enough to know how I want my picture to be
preserved.
With these new thoughts for the new year, I wish myself all the best.
I hope I am stronger than I think, and know how I want to live my short life on Earth.
Oh ya, talking about short life, I finally finished watching the drama series "a Song to the Sun". My friend keep saying "must watch" and it's has been lying in my house since dunno when.
It's about a 19 yr old girl who suffers from XP, so she can't be in the Sun, and with this disease, she won't live past 20.
I thought the script writer had it very well thought out, cos I made sure I don't miss a single line of translated Japanese.
I will learn....
to treasure life just like the main character herself :)
