First off, thanks to everyone for their calls and emails. It has been one of the longest weeks of our lives. We still feel like we're living in a really bad dream. Alex is staying busy with his friends which is helping a lot. Keith and I are just still in shock, I think. None of it feels real.
The viewing was Thursday night and, as Sabrina would have liked, it was a time for everyone in Cornelia, GA to get together and see each other. There had to have been hundreds of people that came through to see the family. We had a back room for the kids to hang out and play in. I brought some games up (have you ever seen 15 year olds playing hungry, hungry hippo??) and being in that room you would never have been able to guess that Alex and Kaylee had lost their mom.
Friday was the funeral and it was perfect. The minister did an amazing job and the service ended with some Jimmy Buffet playing. It was the perfect ending to such a rough week. Both of her brothers spoke during the service and one brother talked about "signs". Signs that Sabrina is okay wherever she is. Kaylee and I were in Helen, GA on Wednesday and we walked into a little shop. Hanging right in front of us was one angel. It had "Kaylee" on the front of it - the only one of it's kind. Coincidence? Maybe, but I like to think it was Sabrina's way of telling Kaylee that she's doing okay. During the viewing, Keith went outside and looked up - there was a double rainbow. We brought the kids outside and Keith told us of a time when he and Sabrina were driving to the Florida Keys and they saw a double rainbow and how excited she was. Another sign to those kids that she's okay.
Her brother's have been rocks and are trying to put puzzle pieces together to figure out what is where. Alex is being asked a lot of tough questions because he would know where papers are kept and things like that. Kaylee seems to be hanging in there, but she is weighing very heavily on our hearts. We still don't know what happened and it will be a while, but it's time for Alex and Kaylee to get back on a schedule and do what they can to get back into their normal routine.
We have a tough few months coming up. Mother's Day, Sabrina's birthday, their grandparent's 50th anniversary and then there are the 3 weeks that Alex was supposed to spend with Sabrina. Thank goodness for football and friends. Speaking of friends - let me tell you how overwhelmed we were with all of the phone calls and text messages Alex received from friends at both GAC and his old school. Some of the boys from his new school (about an hour and 15 mins away from where we were) came to the visitation and to the funeral. One boy even missed his last lacrosse game to be with Alex. The team won the game 18-6 (or something like that) and they dedicated the game to Alex. Makes me cry each time I think of it. Even his principal came to the viewing.
I still wish that our phones would ring with her complaining about something, asking me to fax a schedule (again) or just to tell us she is running late (again). :-) I would deal with anything to the tenth degree if it meant giving those kids their mom back. I may not have ever realized how much a part of our lives Sabrina was until she was gone. I will honestly miss chatting with her on the phone about people I didn't even know and listening to her or meeting her at McDonald's to drop off Alex.
All we can do now is help Alex remember his mom and remind him how much he loved her. I know he'll have good days and bad and I know we will as well. Thanks again to everyone for their support. We have some of the best friends and family in the world and we love all of you.
The next time I post, we'll turn this blog back to it's regularly scheduled programming and try to turn it a bit more upbeat... there is still a little Russian peanut out there somewhere with our name on it!
Love,
Becky
P.S. Although not quite so happy of a day, Happy Birthday to me!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
A loss
This morning, we received a call that no one ever wants to receive. The kind of call where you feel like you're living in a parallel universe and you want to get back to reality as quickly as possible. Sabrina, Alex's mom, passed away unexpectedly in her home this morning. We aren't sure what happened, how it happened, etc... all we know is that it happened after she fell back asleep this morning. Her daughter found her - which makes it even more devastating.
We spent the day with her family waiting for her parents to fly in from Phoenix. I can't begin to tell you how hard this has been. To watch Alex go through losing someone - his first loss ever - and for that someone to be his mom is one of the worst things I've ever been through. Having lost my mom, it became even more hard because I was forced to deal with some feelings buried deep inside.
Alex is strong and he knows it hasn't fully hit him. He's being a rock for his little sister who is an emotional basket case. He's being strong for his Nanny and Papa because he knows how devastated they are to have lost their daughter who was only 45 years old. We just need to be as strong for Alex as we can be because at some point it will be his turn to break down.
Sabrina's mom said it best tonight. "She may not have been easy to get along with and she may have been difficult at times, but she sure did love those kids". And she did - with everything she had. We may have had our ups and downs with her, but it doesn't make this any easier. I've cried, I've gotten angry and then cried some more.
Please keep Alex in your thoughts and prayers. And his sister Kaylee. Being 15 and 10 years old, they have a long way to go in their grieving process. There will be so much that Keith and I can't answer and there will definitely be a void that we can't fill. I hope that Alex and Kaylee have nothing but great memories of their mom and that stays with them forever.
Life is short. Go hug your family and friends and tell them you love them.
Love,
Becky
We spent the day with her family waiting for her parents to fly in from Phoenix. I can't begin to tell you how hard this has been. To watch Alex go through losing someone - his first loss ever - and for that someone to be his mom is one of the worst things I've ever been through. Having lost my mom, it became even more hard because I was forced to deal with some feelings buried deep inside.
Alex is strong and he knows it hasn't fully hit him. He's being a rock for his little sister who is an emotional basket case. He's being strong for his Nanny and Papa because he knows how devastated they are to have lost their daughter who was only 45 years old. We just need to be as strong for Alex as we can be because at some point it will be his turn to break down.
Sabrina's mom said it best tonight. "She may not have been easy to get along with and she may have been difficult at times, but she sure did love those kids". And she did - with everything she had. We may have had our ups and downs with her, but it doesn't make this any easier. I've cried, I've gotten angry and then cried some more.
Please keep Alex in your thoughts and prayers. And his sister Kaylee. Being 15 and 10 years old, they have a long way to go in their grieving process. There will be so much that Keith and I can't answer and there will definitely be a void that we can't fill. I hope that Alex and Kaylee have nothing but great memories of their mom and that stays with them forever.
Life is short. Go hug your family and friends and tell them you love them.
Love,
Becky
Friday, April 20, 2007
The Reward: A restful weekend
It's over! We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned all for a 30 minute visit in which the social worker stayed in each room for less than a minute. :-) If I would have known that, I would have shoved everything under the bed and in the closets! Needless to say it went wonderfully and she is going to begin to type up our report in the next few days.
Keith also went and was re-printed. This time, electronically. He passed with a 95% (the clarity of the prints - they still need to be processed by the GBI) and as soon as he got home I ran to the post office and got them in the mail. Every day counts, you know!
In honor of these little milestones, I think I'll live like a Mixon dog this weekend. Sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, sleep, sleep, sleep. It's something I won't get much of once the Peanut is home so better take advantage of it now! I might get some scrapbooking done too... oh and some homework!
So what are the next steps? (this is more for me, but feel free to read along!)
Keith also went and was re-printed. This time, electronically. He passed with a 95% (the clarity of the prints - they still need to be processed by the GBI) and as soon as he got home I ran to the post office and got them in the mail. Every day counts, you know!
In honor of these little milestones, I think I'll live like a Mixon dog this weekend. Sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, sleep, sleep, sleep. It's something I won't get much of once the Peanut is home so better take advantage of it now! I might get some scrapbooking done too... oh and some homework!
So what are the next steps? (this is more for me, but feel free to read along!)
- Review home study report, wait for Keith's GBI report and then send to USCIS.
- While waiting for USCIS approval, complete dossier docs
- Find a few daycares that will allow me to put an unknown child of an unknown age with an unknown social security number and an unknown name on a waiting list for an unknown date.
- Contact and interview a few IA doctors and contact Marcus Institute for information on referral evaluations
- Determine if we want to fly a Moscow Dr to meet the Peanut (if our region/baby house allows it)
- Take the 10 hours of training required by the Hague Treaty
That's a big enough list for now... If I add anymore I won't be able to sleep all weekend because I'll feel like I should be doing things! For those of you in the middle of the process or that have been through the process - let me know if I'm missing something major!! I'm still hoping to get my dossier all buttoned up over the summer - hopefully as early as July, depending on USCIS approval, of course!
Apparently, I'm not making dinner tonight since it's 5:55 and Keith is sleeping and I have nothing defrosted. I swear, I think I could afford 20 adoptions if I just stopped eating out so much... and probably lose some weight as well! Hmmm... Maybe PF Chang's. YUM!
Have a great weekend everyone! I may be quiet for a while since we're in a holding pattern. Wait... me? Quiet? HA! Even I can laugh at that one!
Miss everyone!
B&K
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Our first major setback
Well, folks! I knew there would be at least one if not many, but we had our first major setback today. Our social worker received the report from the GBI (Georgia Bureau of Investigation) and unfortunately (no, neither of us have rap sheets!) Keith's prints came back unreadable. BUMMER!
So what does that mean? It sets us back at least 3 weeks because the home study cannot be submitted without the GBI police report, costs us another $15 and we have to find somewhere that does electronic printing to be on the safe side that this doesn't happen again. This is the start of the domino effect... delaying the home study 3 weeks, delays our USCIS approval by 3 weeks which, in turn, delays sending our paperwork to Russia. Can I get a big ol' "UGGGHHHH!!!"????
It's okay though, I'm taking it in stride - really am. As Keith would say "ain't nuttin' but a thang" :-) Such a wise man he is!
Mandy came over tonight and helped clean - it went surprisingly fast. All I need to do tomorrow morning is vacuum the kitchen, clean up any lingering dog slobber, light a bunch of candles so it over powers the eau d' dog and make my bed. Oh, and go disinfect Alex's room. Teenage boys SMELL!!!!!!
Well, I have to go finish up last minute home study paperwork for tomorrow. On a happy note, Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy are NEW tonight! Gotta love tivo! I'll post a little something tomorrow after the home study visit is complete. As long as she doesn't look in drawers, closets and under the bed, I think we'll be good to go! :-) :-)
Love to you all!
B & K
So what does that mean? It sets us back at least 3 weeks because the home study cannot be submitted without the GBI police report, costs us another $15 and we have to find somewhere that does electronic printing to be on the safe side that this doesn't happen again. This is the start of the domino effect... delaying the home study 3 weeks, delays our USCIS approval by 3 weeks which, in turn, delays sending our paperwork to Russia. Can I get a big ol' "UGGGHHHH!!!"????
It's okay though, I'm taking it in stride - really am. As Keith would say "ain't nuttin' but a thang" :-) Such a wise man he is!
Mandy came over tonight and helped clean - it went surprisingly fast. All I need to do tomorrow morning is vacuum the kitchen, clean up any lingering dog slobber, light a bunch of candles so it over powers the eau d' dog and make my bed. Oh, and go disinfect Alex's room. Teenage boys SMELL!!!!!!
Well, I have to go finish up last minute home study paperwork for tomorrow. On a happy note, Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy are NEW tonight! Gotta love tivo! I'll post a little something tomorrow after the home study visit is complete. As long as she doesn't look in drawers, closets and under the bed, I think we'll be good to go! :-) :-)
Love to you all!
B & K
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Friday is the day!
2 more nights to get my house in shape. 2 more nights for my husband's office to be cleaned. 2 more nights until this home study is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippee! My house was clean on Sunday - I swear it was. Somehow the past two nights have turned it into a pigsty again!
Monday night Alex had a lacrosse game (they tied 5-5!) and then tonight everyone just dropped everything when they came in, namely me! I do have a bit to do but thanks to my WONDERFUL SISTER WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW (Happy Birthday, Mandy!), I will have some help Thursday night. I've promised her food and a warm bed in exchange for mopping. Who could pass that up? Obviously, not Mandy!
This weekend is the first non-running around weekend in forever. Alex will be at his mom's, no lacrosse games, no cleaning to do, nowhere to be! Of course it'll probably be 80 degrees so I'll feel guilty staying in my pj's all weekend. Whoops! I just realized I have my accounting project due Sunday... that I still haven't started... guess I'll be in my pajamas doing accounting work. In between naps of course!
Oh - an update on the medical debacle. The drs office doesn't want to give me copies of the doctor's license but thankfully the adoption agency said we can get around it if I can't charm them into giving me copies. They also wouldn't give me his license # so I can type it into the form. Why? Who the heck knows. It's not like I'm never going to see it - they are going to hand write it on the medical form. Whatever floats your boat! A side note - Keith and I got our blood test results back and yeppers! We both have high cholesterol - only a little high. Guess I need to cut back on that butter and mayo, huh? (Do you think the brownies I have in the oven now will help lower it?? What's the logic, Col? Chocolate has cocoa in it, cocoa is a bean, beans are veggies?? AMEN!)
Lynnda.... if you want to fly in and mop just let me know when you'll be here! :-) To all of you following the Katy/Alex marriage plans, they are well on their way. Not only did they both decide to join the swim team this year, but they both won the Coach's Award - in two separate states (CA and GA). Destiny, isn't it?
Off to my brownies.... Love to all!
Monday night Alex had a lacrosse game (they tied 5-5!) and then tonight everyone just dropped everything when they came in, namely me! I do have a bit to do but thanks to my WONDERFUL SISTER WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW (Happy Birthday, Mandy!), I will have some help Thursday night. I've promised her food and a warm bed in exchange for mopping. Who could pass that up? Obviously, not Mandy!
This weekend is the first non-running around weekend in forever. Alex will be at his mom's, no lacrosse games, no cleaning to do, nowhere to be! Of course it'll probably be 80 degrees so I'll feel guilty staying in my pj's all weekend. Whoops! I just realized I have my accounting project due Sunday... that I still haven't started... guess I'll be in my pajamas doing accounting work. In between naps of course!
Oh - an update on the medical debacle. The drs office doesn't want to give me copies of the doctor's license but thankfully the adoption agency said we can get around it if I can't charm them into giving me copies. They also wouldn't give me his license # so I can type it into the form. Why? Who the heck knows. It's not like I'm never going to see it - they are going to hand write it on the medical form. Whatever floats your boat! A side note - Keith and I got our blood test results back and yeppers! We both have high cholesterol - only a little high. Guess I need to cut back on that butter and mayo, huh? (Do you think the brownies I have in the oven now will help lower it?? What's the logic, Col? Chocolate has cocoa in it, cocoa is a bean, beans are veggies?? AMEN!)
Lynnda.... if you want to fly in and mop just let me know when you'll be here! :-) To all of you following the Katy/Alex marriage plans, they are well on their way. Not only did they both decide to join the swim team this year, but they both won the Coach's Award - in two separate states (CA and GA). Destiny, isn't it?
Off to my brownies.... Love to all!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Medical Forms
Just a quick little post to update you on our drs appts today... What a blast that was!
In my mind it's very simple. I need 2 forms - one for my home study (hand written, no biggy) and one in a specific format, written a specific way, signed a specific way, etc... I have that document all typed up and ready to go, just need to email it to someone or give them a disc. Easy, right?? Not quite.
My nurse filled out my home study form with no issues at all. Keith's nurse (same practice)won't fill his out until his labs come back. These forms should only contain information that will prohibit us from being able to parent. Ugh. Is it a really big deal? No. His labs will be back next week and we just need the form prior to next Friday. Just a mini inconvenience.
I spoke to my nurse about the Russian medical form (the one that needs to be exact) and she suggested I talk to the office manager because she doesn't think they have email or a disc drive (huh??). I decided that rather then try to get the office manager while I was there I would call and leave a message to see if she can help me out with that form. Hopefully she'll call back and we'll be able to work something out.
The problem with these forms are that if one little itsy bitsy thing is wrong, your dossier (pile of Russian paperwork) will be rejected and back to the drawing board you go. The idea is to have all i's dotted and t's crossed before it hits Russian soil. I'm anal-retentive about these things anyway, so I really only want to do it once.
Thanks to everyone I emailed/called today in a panic over these forms. I really will relax. I promise!
In my mind it's very simple. I need 2 forms - one for my home study (hand written, no biggy) and one in a specific format, written a specific way, signed a specific way, etc... I have that document all typed up and ready to go, just need to email it to someone or give them a disc. Easy, right?? Not quite.
My nurse filled out my home study form with no issues at all. Keith's nurse (same practice)won't fill his out until his labs come back. These forms should only contain information that will prohibit us from being able to parent. Ugh. Is it a really big deal? No. His labs will be back next week and we just need the form prior to next Friday. Just a mini inconvenience.
I spoke to my nurse about the Russian medical form (the one that needs to be exact) and she suggested I talk to the office manager because she doesn't think they have email or a disc drive (huh??). I decided that rather then try to get the office manager while I was there I would call and leave a message to see if she can help me out with that form. Hopefully she'll call back and we'll be able to work something out.
The problem with these forms are that if one little itsy bitsy thing is wrong, your dossier (pile of Russian paperwork) will be rejected and back to the drawing board you go. The idea is to have all i's dotted and t's crossed before it hits Russian soil. I'm anal-retentive about these things anyway, so I really only want to do it once.
Thanks to everyone I emailed/called today in a panic over these forms. I really will relax. I promise!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Pure Panic
I had a moment this morning. One of those moments that I finally realized how badly I want this little person and how much I love the idea of this peanut that I don't even know. I was driving in my car at 6:45 this morning, on my way to our 2nd home study visit and I got an email from a co-worker. The subject was BECKY. History proves that when there are CAPITAL LETTERS in an email, it's never a good thing.
The email said "Adoptions have stopped in Russia. It's on the cover of USA Today." I immediately panicked. Felt sick to my stomach and then I reeled myself in. "Get the facts." I told myself. I found the article on my blackberry (don't worry, I wasn't driving - I was sitting on the parking lot we call a highway in Atlanta) and read through it. The first sentence said "Russia is effectively shutting its doors, beginning today, to most Americans who want to adopt Russian children. " HELP. CAN'T. BREATHE. I continued to read the article (which can be found here if you're interested) and slowly talked myself back to reality.
Russian adoptions are in a state of flux right now - I knew that. Due to several horrible situations with American families and Russian adoption (and other governmental changes), Russia has decided to put all agencies that were operating in Russia through a reaccreditation process. This is every single agency. Up until April 1st, all but 3 agencies had lost their accreditation, the other 3 were going to lose it, it just had not expired yet. This was NOT new news. The media just took this as an opportunity to put a spin on it which put everyone in a panic.
The facts: 11 out of 50 agencies have been given temporary orders to work in Russia. Ours is one of those. 9 regions in Russia were given the opportunity to accept this temporary order. 6 of those regions have chosen to continue to work with CHI during this interim period. The agency has 6 families in Russia right now and 8 court dates scheduled before the end of this month. The bottom line? CHI is still processing Russian adoptions. Russia is still processing international adoptions.
The reaccreditation will most likely go on for a few more months. Once it is complete, more regions will open and everything will flow again. There is NO indication that Russia is going to shut their doors anytime soon. Of course, the glass half empty part of me is required to tell you that yes, it could happen, albeit unlikely.
As for the home study - that went great! Took about an hour and we were asked a multitude of questions. Give 3 words to describe yourself, what was your childhood like, tell me about your parents, etc... I know I've mentioned it before, but I LOVE our social worker. She is just the best. If you are in the GA area and need a good home study agency, be sure to contact me!! Next appointment is April 21st and then we're done!
The social worker told us today that a couple she is working with received their I-171H approval (approval from Immigration/Homeland Security to adopt internationally) in 4 weeks! This is unheard of! It typically takes 90 days, so we're cautiously optimistic that we will be sending paperwork to Russia earlier than expected.
Hope everyone is doing well!!!! I'd like to make a "shout out" (I've always wanted to make a shout out and now since I have my own blog I can shout out to whoever I want!) to Shan to thank her for showing me a really cool leopard print car seat that will TOTALLY match my leopard print fuzzy dice (cause every Expedition needs fuzzy dice). And I'd also like to make a shout out to my cousin, Gretchen, for swooping in and writing me a letter of recommendation in such a short period of time since Mandy can't! (Because she is my notary... long story). Also, congrats to Gretchen and Chris - they are expecting!!
Have a great night everyone!
Becky
The email said "Adoptions have stopped in Russia. It's on the cover of USA Today." I immediately panicked. Felt sick to my stomach and then I reeled myself in. "Get the facts." I told myself. I found the article on my blackberry (don't worry, I wasn't driving - I was sitting on the parking lot we call a highway in Atlanta) and read through it. The first sentence said "Russia is effectively shutting its doors, beginning today, to most Americans who want to adopt Russian children. " HELP. CAN'T. BREATHE. I continued to read the article (which can be found here if you're interested) and slowly talked myself back to reality.
Russian adoptions are in a state of flux right now - I knew that. Due to several horrible situations with American families and Russian adoption (and other governmental changes), Russia has decided to put all agencies that were operating in Russia through a reaccreditation process. This is every single agency. Up until April 1st, all but 3 agencies had lost their accreditation, the other 3 were going to lose it, it just had not expired yet. This was NOT new news. The media just took this as an opportunity to put a spin on it which put everyone in a panic.
The facts: 11 out of 50 agencies have been given temporary orders to work in Russia. Ours is one of those. 9 regions in Russia were given the opportunity to accept this temporary order. 6 of those regions have chosen to continue to work with CHI during this interim period. The agency has 6 families in Russia right now and 8 court dates scheduled before the end of this month. The bottom line? CHI is still processing Russian adoptions. Russia is still processing international adoptions.
The reaccreditation will most likely go on for a few more months. Once it is complete, more regions will open and everything will flow again. There is NO indication that Russia is going to shut their doors anytime soon. Of course, the glass half empty part of me is required to tell you that yes, it could happen, albeit unlikely.
As for the home study - that went great! Took about an hour and we were asked a multitude of questions. Give 3 words to describe yourself, what was your childhood like, tell me about your parents, etc... I know I've mentioned it before, but I LOVE our social worker. She is just the best. If you are in the GA area and need a good home study agency, be sure to contact me!! Next appointment is April 21st and then we're done!
The social worker told us today that a couple she is working with received their I-171H approval (approval from Immigration/Homeland Security to adopt internationally) in 4 weeks! This is unheard of! It typically takes 90 days, so we're cautiously optimistic that we will be sending paperwork to Russia earlier than expected.
Hope everyone is doing well!!!! I'd like to make a "shout out" (I've always wanted to make a shout out and now since I have my own blog I can shout out to whoever I want!) to Shan to thank her for showing me a really cool leopard print car seat that will TOTALLY match my leopard print fuzzy dice (cause every Expedition needs fuzzy dice). And I'd also like to make a shout out to my cousin, Gretchen, for swooping in and writing me a letter of recommendation in such a short period of time since Mandy can't! (Because she is my notary... long story). Also, congrats to Gretchen and Chris - they are expecting!!
Have a great night everyone!
Becky
Monday, April 9, 2007
The Dreaded Home Study Visit
One of the biggest components to this whole adoption thing is the home study. For some people it is simple and for others it is very, very difficult. Thankfully (so far), for us it seems to be middle of the road. Our social worker is nice, patient, down-to-earth and realistic. You read all about the "big visit" which is when they come and inspect your house - all of the horror stories scare you to death!
Anyone that knows me at all, knows that a. I have six animals that are the boss-of-me, b. I hate dusting and c. I'm a big stacker meaning I don't put things where they go, I stack. I stack papers on the table (which table? Every table). I stack laundry on my dressers (it gets so high I begin to have a contest with myself to see how high I can get it). I stack things that need to go upstairs on the stairs, I pile clothes I take off on my side of the bed instead of walking over to the hamper not even a foot away.... and the list goes on. So for me to get ready for someone to come "inspect" my house is like having the Queen of England over for tea.
We have a "honey-do" list a mile long. We are in the middle of so many renovations (the bathroom is finally done, THANK THE LORD!), have materials and tools everywhere and just can't seem to get one finished. Well, as of right now, we have until April 20th to get it ALL done. I keep wondering what she is going to look at. She has promised there will not be a white glove test, she will not look under the bed and in the closets (Amen!) and she will be here less than an hour.
Things she will look at: are our guns locked up (good thing we don't have any!), are all chemical type things childproofed (yes! The child proof latches have proven to be Becky-proof as well! I curse at those things constantly!), is there room for the peanut (yes, but I am losing my "office" that I never go in) and do we live like human beings (of course!). I have no clue what to do with my dogs while she is here. I'm going to attempt to put them on the porch and hope she doesn't want to meet them. While they are very friendly dogs, they tend to overwhelm guests because they are too friendly.
So, I guess what I'm getting at here is we have LOT to do to prepare for this home study. I'm tempted to push it out a week but all that will buy us is another week to procrastinate. Call my house at midnight the night before the home study. I guarantee you, someone will answer and you'll probably here a vacuum in the background.
Procrastinators UNITE! Tomorrow.
Speaking of procrastinators... Alex is the star procrastinator in our house. Alex is starting to talk about the adoption, whereas before it was a "hmmm.." or nod of the head. We were at dinner last night and Keith and I were talking about pushing the home study inspection thingy out a week. Alex says "You know, you need to make sure you push everything far back on the counters and make sure there aren't little things on the floor. Kids that age will try to get anything they can." My heart melted a little. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but it is because it shows he cares. He seems to be getting a little bit excited and I think spending time with his 3 year old cousin over spring break helped a little.
Okay... this procrastinator has things to do. Homework, a quiz to take, financial statements for the adoption paperwork, cleaning, etc... But it will all be there tomorrow, right? So, off to bed I go!
Anyone that knows me at all, knows that a. I have six animals that are the boss-of-me, b. I hate dusting and c. I'm a big stacker meaning I don't put things where they go, I stack. I stack papers on the table (which table? Every table). I stack laundry on my dressers (it gets so high I begin to have a contest with myself to see how high I can get it). I stack things that need to go upstairs on the stairs, I pile clothes I take off on my side of the bed instead of walking over to the hamper not even a foot away.... and the list goes on. So for me to get ready for someone to come "inspect" my house is like having the Queen of England over for tea.
We have a "honey-do" list a mile long. We are in the middle of so many renovations (the bathroom is finally done, THANK THE LORD!), have materials and tools everywhere and just can't seem to get one finished. Well, as of right now, we have until April 20th to get it ALL done. I keep wondering what she is going to look at. She has promised there will not be a white glove test, she will not look under the bed and in the closets (Amen!) and she will be here less than an hour.
Things she will look at: are our guns locked up (good thing we don't have any!), are all chemical type things childproofed (yes! The child proof latches have proven to be Becky-proof as well! I curse at those things constantly!), is there room for the peanut (yes, but I am losing my "office" that I never go in) and do we live like human beings (of course!). I have no clue what to do with my dogs while she is here. I'm going to attempt to put them on the porch and hope she doesn't want to meet them. While they are very friendly dogs, they tend to overwhelm guests because they are too friendly.
So, I guess what I'm getting at here is we have LOT to do to prepare for this home study. I'm tempted to push it out a week but all that will buy us is another week to procrastinate. Call my house at midnight the night before the home study. I guarantee you, someone will answer and you'll probably here a vacuum in the background.
Procrastinators UNITE! Tomorrow.
Speaking of procrastinators... Alex is the star procrastinator in our house. Alex is starting to talk about the adoption, whereas before it was a "hmmm.." or nod of the head. We were at dinner last night and Keith and I were talking about pushing the home study inspection thingy out a week. Alex says "You know, you need to make sure you push everything far back on the counters and make sure there aren't little things on the floor. Kids that age will try to get anything they can." My heart melted a little. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but it is because it shows he cares. He seems to be getting a little bit excited and I think spending time with his 3 year old cousin over spring break helped a little.
Okay... this procrastinator has things to do. Homework, a quiz to take, financial statements for the adoption paperwork, cleaning, etc... But it will all be there tomorrow, right? So, off to bed I go!
Saturday, April 7, 2007
The Paper Pregnancy FAQ
First, let me say thank you to everyone that emailed and called! We have yet to tell anyone that hasn't been happy for us, whereas, that was my biggest fear!
I've decided to make this post an FAQ kind-of-post. I'll cover the basic questions I've gotten about international adoption and about our decision to adopt in general.
Why international adoption? Why not domestic?
We decided to go with international adoption for a few reasons. I had researched both and was scared to death of domestic adoption. Most domestic adoptions are "open" adoptions. What this means is that the birth mother/parents choose you from the scrapbook you create for them. You have full contact with the birth parents throughout the pregnancy. Each state has their own rules and in most there is a time period in which the birth parents can change their mind. In Georgia, it is 14 days from the day the baby is born and I believe, in Colorado, it is 30 days. That is too much of an unknown for me. The other major reason we decided against domestic is because in an open adoption you keep in contact to the birth parents throughout the life of the child. To put it bluntly, I just don't want to share. I apologize if my reasoning offends anyone... it's just how I feel. There are so many arguments for domestic adoption as well.
Why Russia?
We researched a few countries - Guatemala, Columbia, Kazakhstan and Russia. We decided on Russia because we knew we wanted a boy, we had some friends that have adopted from there with great success and because we could break our visits to Russia into two trips vs. having to spend a month in country.
Do you get to pick your little peanut?
No, we do not. The Russia government reviews our hoards of paperwork and matches us with a child. This is called a referral. We can expect a referral for the little peanut about 4 - 8 months after our paperwork is submitted (provided nothing changes in policy, procedures or law).
What happens after the referral?
Along with your referral, you receive an invitation to meet your peanut. That travel date can be as little as 2 - 3 days afterwards or months. I've read about both happening. We make our first trip to meet our referral and that is about one week long. We are introduced to him and have him reviewed by our own doctor in-country and we send video/photos to our international adoption (IA) doctor back in Atlanta. We get as much medical information they can find on the peanut and send that as well. We are allowed to spend about 2 hours a day with him and have to formally apply to adopt that child if we believe he is healthy.
What defines healthy?
Healthy is a child with "none or minor correctable issues". Most children have something wrong with them on their medical records. The trick is to determine fact from fiction, thus, the multiple doctors. We need to look for things like fetal alcohol syndrome, severe development delays, etc.... A little fact for you: For every 1 month a child is in an orphanage, he/she is 3 months behind developmentally. Interesting, isn't it?
What happens after you've officially accepted your referral and submitted your petition to adopt?
Now comes the hard part.... I probably cry and throw some hissy fits because we have to leave - without the peanut. We are sent back home for 2-4 months while Russia reviews our paperwork, takes care of everything on their side and then sends us a court date. During that time, the peanut stays at the orphanage and we bustle around here baby proofing, setting up his room, making alternate plans for work, etc...
So there are two trips?
Yes, the first trip is about 7 days and the second trip is 10 - 21 days depending on whether or not the court waives the 10 day waiting period.
Where in Russia are you adopting from?
We don't know yet. Once our dossier (the load of paperwork) is ready, we'll work with our agency to determine what regions have a long wait time, plenty of boys, are processing adoptions, etc...
How much is this going to cost?
Too much! :-) A rough estimate would be about $25 - $30,000, which includes travel. If you adopt 2 children at once you get a discount on the second. For all of you shoppers, it's like a buy one, get one half off sale. :-) We are only adopting one child right now, but hope to eventually adopt a second.
Where are you in the process?
We are required to complete the following prior to being able to send our paperwork to Russia:
I've decided to make this post an FAQ kind-of-post. I'll cover the basic questions I've gotten about international adoption and about our decision to adopt in general.
Why international adoption? Why not domestic?
We decided to go with international adoption for a few reasons. I had researched both and was scared to death of domestic adoption. Most domestic adoptions are "open" adoptions. What this means is that the birth mother/parents choose you from the scrapbook you create for them. You have full contact with the birth parents throughout the pregnancy. Each state has their own rules and in most there is a time period in which the birth parents can change their mind. In Georgia, it is 14 days from the day the baby is born and I believe, in Colorado, it is 30 days. That is too much of an unknown for me. The other major reason we decided against domestic is because in an open adoption you keep in contact to the birth parents throughout the life of the child. To put it bluntly, I just don't want to share. I apologize if my reasoning offends anyone... it's just how I feel. There are so many arguments for domestic adoption as well.
Why Russia?
We researched a few countries - Guatemala, Columbia, Kazakhstan and Russia. We decided on Russia because we knew we wanted a boy, we had some friends that have adopted from there with great success and because we could break our visits to Russia into two trips vs. having to spend a month in country.
Do you get to pick your little peanut?
No, we do not. The Russia government reviews our hoards of paperwork and matches us with a child. This is called a referral. We can expect a referral for the little peanut about 4 - 8 months after our paperwork is submitted (provided nothing changes in policy, procedures or law).
What happens after the referral?
Along with your referral, you receive an invitation to meet your peanut. That travel date can be as little as 2 - 3 days afterwards or months. I've read about both happening. We make our first trip to meet our referral and that is about one week long. We are introduced to him and have him reviewed by our own doctor in-country and we send video/photos to our international adoption (IA) doctor back in Atlanta. We get as much medical information they can find on the peanut and send that as well. We are allowed to spend about 2 hours a day with him and have to formally apply to adopt that child if we believe he is healthy.
What defines healthy?
Healthy is a child with "none or minor correctable issues". Most children have something wrong with them on their medical records. The trick is to determine fact from fiction, thus, the multiple doctors. We need to look for things like fetal alcohol syndrome, severe development delays, etc.... A little fact for you: For every 1 month a child is in an orphanage, he/she is 3 months behind developmentally. Interesting, isn't it?
What happens after you've officially accepted your referral and submitted your petition to adopt?
Now comes the hard part.... I probably cry and throw some hissy fits because we have to leave - without the peanut. We are sent back home for 2-4 months while Russia reviews our paperwork, takes care of everything on their side and then sends us a court date. During that time, the peanut stays at the orphanage and we bustle around here baby proofing, setting up his room, making alternate plans for work, etc...
So there are two trips?
Yes, the first trip is about 7 days and the second trip is 10 - 21 days depending on whether or not the court waives the 10 day waiting period.
Where in Russia are you adopting from?
We don't know yet. Once our dossier (the load of paperwork) is ready, we'll work with our agency to determine what regions have a long wait time, plenty of boys, are processing adoptions, etc...
How much is this going to cost?
Too much! :-) A rough estimate would be about $25 - $30,000, which includes travel. If you adopt 2 children at once you get a discount on the second. For all of you shoppers, it's like a buy one, get one half off sale. :-) We are only adopting one child right now, but hope to eventually adopt a second.
Where are you in the process?
We are required to complete the following prior to being able to send our paperwork to Russia:
- home study (3 meetings with a social worker who will write up a case and submit it to the state)
- USCIS (Homeland Security) has to approve our petition to adopt orphans
- all of the paperwork required by Russia needs to be completed (notarized and apostilled)
We have completed 1 home study meeting (other 2 will be done by April 20th), are being fingerprinted by the FBI on May 1st for our USCIS approval and have started the paperwork required by Russia. The USCIS approval is what takes the longest - probably about 60 - 90 days from the time the home study and fingerprinting is submitted. We will most likely send our paperwork to Russia September-ish.
Well... I think that is about all for now! I hope this wasn't too much information overload.
Hugs -
Becky
Posting to the blog
Just a quick note to let you know that anyone can post to this blog - you don't need to have an account. Click "Post a Comment" and then under "Choose an Identity", choose "Other" and then it will give you a spot for you name. Hope this helps! :-)
Friday, April 6, 2007
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
Yep! It's official! Keith and I have decided to adopt a boy from Russia! "Holy cow!", you say?? Or "What the hell??" Both are very valid comments so let me start out by rewinding a bit.
Without getting into the nitty gritty details, I have been going through infertility diagnosis crap for quite a while. To put it nicely, infertility is a very fun thing (read LOTS of sarcasm here). It takes a toll day in and day out until finally you have to make a decision. What is more important to me? Having a biological child or having a family? We talked about going down the road of IVF, but our fear was spending $15,000 per procedure to wind up with nothing. We've talked about adoption for a long time, always knowing that we would love to do something like that.
One week, I sent a request in for information from an adoption agency, Children's Hope International. They were having an information session that Saturday and so I decided it's now or never. I told Keith about it and we decided to go. We learned about the process, the cost, the risks, etc... and we walked out of there knowing, without a doubt, that we were going to do it. As corny as it may sound, I believe it's what we were meant to do. If we were meant to have a biological child, we would have and who knows... someday we may. Until then, there are tons of children that don't have homes that need mommy's and daddy's.
We researched a handful of agencies and ultimately decided on Children's Hope International (CHI). I read every message board there is (and believe me, there are tons!) and there was nothing negative about CHI and in any situations where things went wrong, CHI always took care of the problem in one way or another.
We applied to CHI, were accepted (3/15) and then applied to another agency (Adopt an Angel) for our home study. We had our first appointment for our home study (3/30) and have already scheduled visits 2 and 3 (there are 3 total). There are soooo many steps to the international adoption process. I'll post more about the process later, just want to give you the high level overview tonight. (Sorry for just now telling you about all of this, but we wanted to get through approvals and make sure we told our families first... As a side note, Alex was a good sport about it. We're not exactly sure what he's thinking, but we're making sure he feels like a part of everything throughout the process.)
Long story short (too late, right??), we have requested a "healthy" (more on that later) boy, less that 24 months. We have a while until we get referred a little peanut, but patience is key here. And we all know that patience has never, ever been a problem for me, right?? :-) :-) Okay... stop laughing now. I'm trying my hardest to be realistic about this process, I promise. :-)
We're looking at about a year before any of this comes to fruition. When you are going through an International adoption change is imminent. The country can change processes, laws, procedures, etc... at any point in time. Heck, they can even close the country to international adoption if they feel like it (please pray that this doesn't happen!!). All I'm hoping for is a happy end result, regardless of how long that takes. And the end result is? A little Russian peanut. :-)
I promise to post more tomorrow. I've been messing around with this blog FOREVER tonight and am just about over it. Please post comments, questions, etc... or email me. I love to talk about the adoption... I'm sure Keith and my sister are already tired of listening to me babble on and on and on about it! :-)
Love to everyone!
Becky (and Keith, of course!)
Without getting into the nitty gritty details, I have been going through infertility diagnosis crap for quite a while. To put it nicely, infertility is a very fun thing (read LOTS of sarcasm here). It takes a toll day in and day out until finally you have to make a decision. What is more important to me? Having a biological child or having a family? We talked about going down the road of IVF, but our fear was spending $15,000 per procedure to wind up with nothing. We've talked about adoption for a long time, always knowing that we would love to do something like that.
One week, I sent a request in for information from an adoption agency, Children's Hope International. They were having an information session that Saturday and so I decided it's now or never. I told Keith about it and we decided to go. We learned about the process, the cost, the risks, etc... and we walked out of there knowing, without a doubt, that we were going to do it. As corny as it may sound, I believe it's what we were meant to do. If we were meant to have a biological child, we would have and who knows... someday we may. Until then, there are tons of children that don't have homes that need mommy's and daddy's.
We researched a handful of agencies and ultimately decided on Children's Hope International (CHI). I read every message board there is (and believe me, there are tons!) and there was nothing negative about CHI and in any situations where things went wrong, CHI always took care of the problem in one way or another.
We applied to CHI, were accepted (3/15) and then applied to another agency (Adopt an Angel) for our home study. We had our first appointment for our home study (3/30) and have already scheduled visits 2 and 3 (there are 3 total). There are soooo many steps to the international adoption process. I'll post more about the process later, just want to give you the high level overview tonight. (Sorry for just now telling you about all of this, but we wanted to get through approvals and make sure we told our families first... As a side note, Alex was a good sport about it. We're not exactly sure what he's thinking, but we're making sure he feels like a part of everything throughout the process.)
Long story short (too late, right??), we have requested a "healthy" (more on that later) boy, less that 24 months. We have a while until we get referred a little peanut, but patience is key here. And we all know that patience has never, ever been a problem for me, right?? :-) :-) Okay... stop laughing now. I'm trying my hardest to be realistic about this process, I promise. :-)
We're looking at about a year before any of this comes to fruition. When you are going through an International adoption change is imminent. The country can change processes, laws, procedures, etc... at any point in time. Heck, they can even close the country to international adoption if they feel like it (please pray that this doesn't happen!!). All I'm hoping for is a happy end result, regardless of how long that takes. And the end result is? A little Russian peanut. :-)
I promise to post more tomorrow. I've been messing around with this blog FOREVER tonight and am just about over it. Please post comments, questions, etc... or email me. I love to talk about the adoption... I'm sure Keith and my sister are already tired of listening to me babble on and on and on about it! :-)
Love to everyone!
Becky (and Keith, of course!)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)