Our Little Russian Peanut

Jenn asked a great question on my blog re: the testing we've had to do. I'm so happy to say it is DONE. Well, if we passed Part 4 of our test, which is debatable. From what I understand, in order to comply with the Hague Convention guidelines, a minimum of 10 hours of pre-adoptive training is required. There was a "start date" for this and apparently we are part of the new process.

We had to watch 4 DVDs with different adoptive parenting info: attachment (that was tonight's), sensory integration dysfunction, the unmet need of the child and something else I can't remember. The DVD was two parts - "The Science" and "The Parenting Plan". The first 3 tests were multiple choice and tonight, to our surprise, was part multiple choice and part short answer. All about attachment. Well, goodness gracious! I paid attention but not essay-question-kind-of-attention. So that test gets hand graded (oh and I take one test and K takes one test - we're graded separately) and we'll know in a week. Something tells me we'll be re-watching DVD 4. Yikes!

My dossier made it safely to St. Louis. I called today to be sure and found out my coordinator is on vacation until July 11th. Someone else is going to be double checking to make sure I have everything I need done and done correctly so I can fix things next week if need be. Long story short, we won't know much about a region until the coordinator is back and had time to review my dossier, meet with the director and come up with a few options. I would guess we'd know a day or two after she gets back but I will NOT call her on Friday the 13th to find out. Superstitions!

I hope everyone has a great weekend and a happy 4th of July! I don't plan on blogging before then, but I am a chatty cathy so I'm sure I'll think of something to say!

Becky

Well... hopefully they will be delivering my little bundle of papers to St. Louis! :-) Dropped the package off at UPS this morning and it's scheduled for 10:30am delivery tomorrow! I'll be calling the coordinator in St. Louis tomorrow to ensure it's safe delivery.

Hmmm... I think I just realized I forgot to put all of our pictures in there. I only packaged up the papers. Oopsy daisy. Guess I'll be doing that tomorrow.

Tonight we'll be watching our last 2 videos and taking the last 2 tests. They need to be completed before the dossier can be sent to Russia and the testing agency reports scores the first week of the month so we have until Saturday to finish the tests.

I'm so relieved to have this paperwork done, yet now nothing is controllable. I'm a control freak (yes, it's true), so this next part will be hard for me. I like to know when things are happening and why so this will be a big lesson in "letting go". Those of you that have known me the longest should really enjoy watching me go from my type-a self to a type-b. (sarcasm) Or, more likely, watching my type-a self have some "moments". :-) Ohhhh... my poor husband. I really am going to try to not let this waiting consume my life. I'm going to try my hardest to be thankful for the time I have and do things I won't be able to do once the peanut is home. Yep, gonna try!

Maybe tomorrow I'll have some region news for you?!?! For those of you working with CHI, how soon after you turned in your dossier did you know what region you were going to? I'm guessing a little longer than 4 hours? :-) Wishful thinking...

Becky

... and checking it twice (more like twenty times!)

I was a busy bee tonight! Printed off all of our house pictures for our dossier, dug around until I found pictures of Keith and I together (mid-years resolution: take more pictures together) and again looking for pictures of Keith, Alex and I (ummmm... there was 1 out of 5 years worth of pictures!), organized all of my dossier documents and miscellaneous forms that need to be sent in with the dossier and updated my dossier spreadsheet (yes, I'm a geek) with document expiration dates.

Left on the list:
5 apostilles
Passport pictures
A picture of the back of our house

Am I forgetting anything? Oh yea, money! :-)

It's going to be a crazy busy day tomorrow too! Stopping at the drs office to get the last medical report, heading to the Secretary of State's office for the apostilles, then there is this little thing called work, after that - a quick jaunt home to get a picture of the back of the house while it's daylight and then I'll be dragging the family (kicking and screaming) to get our passport pictures taken.

Tomorrow night everything will hopefully be tied up in a nice, pretty little bow (or fed-ex box) and off to St. Louis it will go on Thursday (Friday is worst case scenario)!

Off to take my neglected puppies for a walk, at 10:45pm none-the-less!
Becky

Happy News! Happy News!

We should have our last document in our hands this week! I left a message for the drs office today and hopefully they'll call me tomorrow to tell me we're good to go. I'm so excited to be over this little bump in the road and ready to hand all of our papers over to our agency. My goal is to have everything Fedex-ed by FRIDAY! Even if it's next week, I'll be happy.

Still left to do:
Print pictures of the house for our dossier
Get passport photos taken for the 3 of us
Get 4 documents apostilled (2 notarized, then apostilled)
Double check everything and then BYE BYE dossier! :-)
Watch the last 2 lessons on the DVD series and take tests (before next week)

On the home front, Alex is starting to ask more questions. I guess his mom's side of the family asked him about the adoption this weekend. He said "Are we still requesting a 2 - 3 year old?". I told him yes. And then he asked "Well, will he have a name or do we get to name him?". I told him that the peanut will have a name, but we can change it if we want too. It's still up for debate and so we started talking about naming children (and about the little boy someone wanted to name 4Real but the judge denied it). I can tell that he feels very awkward discussing the adoption and I feel just as awkward. I can't figure out if he's just 15 and doesn't want his world disrupted anymore or if he doesn't know what to think or if he's just being a teenager. :-) I'm sure, if I was 15, I wouldn't be thrilled about having a young one joining the family - at least at first. Has anyone ever dealt with this before? I'd love any feedback or advice you have!

I think part of the problem was that we told him about the adoption and based on his reaction we went mum about it. We didn't talk about things in front of him and didn't "involve him" in anything. Granted, it's all paperwork, but still... So, after last nights awkward conversation we've decided to bring him into it more. I filled out his Visa application tonight, with him, had him sign it and we joked about some of the questions on there. He seemed genuinely excited about going to Russia. Of course, he is the jet setter - been many more places than I'll ever go!

I love Alex more than anything. I, of course, want the perfect little world where everyone is 100% on board and this is the most exciting thing ever. And then reality hits! :-) This is a learning experience and I'd guess, even with young ones, adding someone to your family is always an adjustment and not quite so easy and rosy.

Well, I hope to post on Friday to let you know our dossier is on it's way to St. Louis! One piece of advice to anyone starting out (someone else posted this too) - when you start your dossier/home study, get all of the documents that require you to wait on someone else done first. You will wait the longest for things like medical, decrees, birth certificates, etc... so start there first!

To answer Carey's question from earlier, I'm not quite done with my dossier so I'm not sure what happens next. I've heard that some people get assigned regions and others pick their regions based on having adopted there in the past or being drawn to a particular region. I'm really excited to take that next step and see what happens! I promise to blog about it though... it's the only way I'll remember what has happened 6 mths from now. :-)

If anyone can think of anything I might be forgeting to include with the dossier, please let me know! I know everyone has some "gotcha" things!

Night!
Becky

I have nothing to report... we're in a holding pattern. Ever been in a plane waiting for clearance to land and you keep circling and circling and circling? Yep! That's us! :-)

Accreditation rumors still lurk... the latest is that there are 5 agencies that will be accredited and one rumor speculated that it was based on a particular list and if that turns out to be true, CHI is #4. As frustrating as it is to want to know, I have a lot of respect for our agency and their unwillingness to substantiate the rumors. I believe they have been in this business long enough to know that things can change at the drop of a hat and until they have the "smoking gun" (aka the accreditation certificate) in their hands, they seem to be very cautious of people's hearts. Most of us call this a roller coaster ride and it truly is!

I added the visitor map to my blog on Friday (bottom left hand corner) and that has been so much fun to check on! I see a little dot from Vladivostok! I think it's probably Adrienne and Sira! :-) So exciting to see them on the map and now I realize how FAR away they are. It's also been a true test as to how well I know my geography. Yea, not too well. :-) In high school, I took geography and had a very nice older man as a teacher. Well, the poor man left the big pull down map up on the blackboard whenever we had tests and I sat right next to it! And no Dad, I didn't cheat. Think of it like an open book test!

Alex is home from his vacations and we've started summer football practice. They have strength and conditioning on Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 8am - 11am and then football practice without pads on Tuesday, Thursday nights from 7pm - 9pm. On top of all of that, he's working with Keith during the day to earn some money. This will be a big year to teach Alex about personal finances, budgeting, etc... Of course someone has to teach me first! (HA!) Practice what you preach, right?

One quick thanks to all of my fellow bloggers! I love starting my morning by reading everyone's updates and then checking back in at night. It's a great community for support, there are a wide range of experiences to learn from and just so many great people out there!

Oooo... and I added an "Email Me" link in the top left. Sometimes it's nice to be able to talk to someone on email vs. posting a comment for the world to read. If anyone wants to/needs to chat on email, just click it and you'll get my email address. Yes, I'm a techy geek. It's what I do for a living and I love little gadgets.

I'll be back when the plane finally lands... hopefully early next week!

The rumor mill is such a scary place! A place where sometimes rumors are facts and sometimes rumors are just rumors. It's definitely a place to remain cautious and to be sure to shield your heart until you know if those rumors are true!

FRUA is a board I lurk on. It's called Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption and you can find tons of good information on there. Things like how to get a cellphone in Russia, travel info, parenting tips, court procedures for specific regions and even support. Well, today on FRUA, someone posted some info hinting that accreditation is just around the corner and that Cradle of Hope (an agency) has received word that all 4 Russian depts have signed off on their docs and they are just waiting for their accreditation certificate.

For those of you not in the adoption world 24/7 like some of us, let me explain as best as I can. Agencies must be accredited with the Russian government in order to process adoptions as an agency or and NGO (non-governmental organization). Currently, there are no agencies with their accreditation. I don't know the details, but the jist is that the Russian government decided that they needed to take a look at their accreditation process. They have been asking for documents from the US government and agencies regarding US laws for orphans (aka are they treated the same as US citizens), post placement reports, etc... So, throughout this process, agencies have been complying and some are even "on hold".

By "on hold", what I mean is that they are unable to process adoptions, even "independently". Certain agencies (ours included) are able to process adoptions independently - basically acting as a liaison for the person wanting to adopt. My agency is one of them. There are other agencies that are at a dead stand still. Families that have met their children on trip one and then their agency's accreditation expired are STILL waiting for trip 2 to pick their child up. We're talking a year, sometimes more!!! I can't even imagine the sadness they must feel.

I hope that this is true. I hope that the MOE (Ministry of Education - the governing body on international adoptions in Russia) is ready to start handing out certificates in the next few weeks. I hope that families will be reunited with their babies or children and that they can bring them home! If this is true, this will be an exciting time for so many people. I, of course, am cautiously optimistic as we wait for "the word" from our agency.

If our agency does get accredited, it simply means that they can process adoptions in other regions that are currently at a stand still. For some families, nothing will change because they are being process independently. For others, it means they can start moving up the line again.

You know, this post was going to be 3 sentences long. I swear. Why is it that I can't ever just keep it simple? I always feel the need to babble on and "explain" things! :-)

So there you go - your lesson in re-accreditation 101. Of course, I may have things wrong so those of you that have been going through this, speak up!

Fingers crossed folks!!
Have a great weekend!
Becky

P.S. (Yes, there is more!) Went to visit a daycare today with Laura. Scary. They let us in without knowing who we were, we had an appt and they acted like it was a surprise, it was rather run down and was quite a bit cheaper than all the rest! Needless to say, it's a big fat uhhhh NO! Back to the drawing board...

A few updates on the adoption front... have two more documents collected and notarized, just need to get them apostilled and then we're waiting on one more! I think that one of the hardest parts about adoption is all of the worrying. It's a constant worry of "did i do this document right?" "will it be rejected?" "will the Russians reject us?" "do we qualify for adoption based on their criteria?" (which is much different than you would think) "will they figure out that I'm really, really close to being certifiable and if I'm not, I surely will be after this process is over?" Boy, oh boy... it sure is waring on the nerves. God Bless my husband for being the calm, cool and collect one. HE may wind up being certifiable after having to deal with me all of these months! :-)

I'm a pessimist at heart. I always expect the worse so that I can be overjoyed when something good happens or prepared when something bad happens. Yesterday I let myself be optimistic about our last document and low and behold it didn't go the way I expected it to and BAM. Right down on my butt I landed! So... so much for that optimism stuff... it's for the birds. We need lots of prayers, well wishes, thoughts and anything else you can think of to get through this last hurdle. Heck, if you're near one of those fountains where you throw a penny in and make a wish - that wouldn't hurt either!

We watched the 2nd DVD in the "Because They Waited" set. It was about the met and unmet need of the child. The basic jist is that a child has a need and if that need is met, the child sees it as a positive response and grows developmentally, emotionally, etc... Example: a newborn has a need - he is hungry. He responds by crying. The primary caregiver swoops in and feeds the baby. In turn, the baby's need was met immediately offering comfort, warmth and emotional support. Now, using that same example, if the baby is hungry and begins to cry and no one meets that need, ultimately the baby will stop reacting when he is hungry. That leads to delayed motor skills, emotional issues, and so on.

Well, as you can imagine, in orphanages there are many, many children and not as many caretakers. (In one baby home in Vlad, there are 3 - 4 babies per crib (that includes 2 year olds!) They don't have a "primary caregiver" that responds to their every waking need. The "unmet need" causes the children to be delayed. The rule of thumb is for every 3 months in the orphanage, a child is behind 1 month. I'm reading about some families now that have only been with their children for a few days and they are amazed to see the immediate "growth". They smile more, react more favorably and are growing like weeds emotionally. It's so exciting to watch the difference people can make in a child's life.

Also on this dvd was the importance of a child having a "primary caregiver". They discouraged daycare or preschool and encourage you, as parents, to figure out a way to remain the primary caregiver. Unfortunately, not using daycare isn't an option for us. Not now anyway! I can't begin to explain the guilt I felt after watching that video, but I guess the purpose of it is to help you understand that you may be faced with more delays if you can't stay home past your leave from work. I could go on and on about this, but I'm starting to feel guilty again, so time to switch subjects!

I believe it is worth it to mention that I scored a 100% on my test on DVD #2 and Keith got an 81%. Let me tell you! The bragging on his end stopped quickly and I geared up to brag quite a bit! Two more DVDs left and I'm in the lead. By the way, for the record, Keith insisted on a competition, not me. :-)

That's all for now...
Becky

P.S. A very special thanks to Rachel and Mandy for being my sounding board yesterday. Sometimes I just need to rattle on and on and on and they, unfortunately, got the brunt of it! Thanks, girls!

So many exciting things are happening in my little blog land! Sira had her court date and is officially Max's mom. The 10-days are not waived in Vlad. but she'll get to visit with him! Congrats to Sira and Cliff!!!

Adrienne and Jim are leaving on Sunday to go through the same process Sira just went through so they can bring Owen home! I'm so excited for them! Adrienne is someone that has been so sweet to me during this beginning part of my journey and I wish her nothing but the best! I hope I can be 1/4 as poised as she is when I'm in her shoes! :-)

Please keep both of these families (and everyone else that is traveling that I don't yet know about!) in your thoughts and prayers! The adoption roller coaster is a crazy and wild one and the second trip is no exception!!

On a side note, there was a show on the Discovery channel Tuesday. It was called "Siberian Adoption Story" and it follows two families through their journey to adopt. The funny part was, when I recorded it, I had no idea the families used the same agency I am! It was a great show because it shows you the current process (for the most part). I'll be burning it to DVD for our parents so they can see how complex this is and, especially, how extremely emotional it is. I checked to see if it was going to be on again soon so I could tell you all, but it doesn't appear to be! I'll keep an eye out.

Have a great weekend! Good luck Adrienne and Jim!!
Hugs -
Becky

Just to clarify, the 9 days was from home study submission to approval. Our prints were done back in May and the application itself was submitted in March.

From what I understand through the rumor mill, the Atlanta office had moved, was reorganized, etc... to be able to handle the influx in applications prior to the May 1, 2007 change in China adoption restrictions. I think I may have gotten everything to USCIS just in time to get pushed through quickly.

Either that or I was dang lucky! :-)

.... after just 9 business days, we have received our I-797 (otherwise known as the I-171H - it's a different form depending on where you're adopting from apparently)!!!!!! What does this mean, you ask?? Well, it means that the Department of Homeland Security has said it's okay for K & I to bring our little Russian peanut home!! Let me tell you that 9 business days from the date they received our home study is REALLY quick.

So, just 3 more documents left and with any luck we can accomplish that next week. Maybe I'll beat my self-imposed deadline of mid-July for having my paperwork turned in? Regardless, I'm happy to have my I-797 and the rest we'll just take in stride, right? (go ahead, laugh :-) ... I'm not sure I take much in stride!)

While I was getting ready thing morning I was thinking about the I-797... thinking that since I wasn't going home tonight, we were sure to get it in the mail because I wouldn't be there to see it! Low and behold, my gut feeling was right! My darling husband is just so calm. I called him to see if anything came in the mail today. Here's a bit of that conversation:

B: Did you get the mail today?
K: Yep!
B: Did we get anything in the mail today?
K: Yep!
B: Okay... WHAT did we get in the mail today?
K: Let me look.
(pause, pause)
K: Oh, loooks like something from the.................. Department.... of (as he shuffles through mail).... Homeland Security.
B: (read really fast) We did?!? We did?!?! Open it! Open it! I knew this was going to happen the night I was coming home. I just knew it. I wonder if it's questions we have to respond to or maybe it's our approval letter. And if it's our approval letter than I'll be really excited but upset because we still have more documents to get done and I was hoping we would be waiting on this so I didn't feel like I was the last one to get things done. Oh well, at least we got something. What is it??

Then K proeeds to read each box "The United States of America." "Receipt Number XXXXXX" "Petitioner - it shows your name"........ OH MY GOODNESS, JUST FIND THE GOOD PART!

K: Notice Type: Approval!
B: Really? Fax it to me.
K: You really want me to fax it to you? But I don't want to wrinkle it! (You can't have any of your documents that need to go in your dossier wrinkled, smudged, etc... trust me - it's been fun!)
B: Uh yeah, I need to see it! (As if he was lying, right??) Just do it carefully!

And so continued the crazy conversation. I'm happy to say that my darling husband did fax it to me, was really patient when I called back again and reminded him NOT to wrinkle it and to put it in my red adoption binder in the folder labeled "dossier documents" and to be sure not to bend the corners of any documents, etc, etc, etc, etc.........

Boy, I'm tired of myself just writing this back out again! :-) Sometimes, I'm a slight control freak.
So, congrats to us! :-) And congrats/thanks to the Department of Homeland Security in Atlanta for reorganizing and being lightening fast!

I'm off to scrapbook for the weekend with some friends! I can't wait... lots of laughs, tears (from laughing so hard) and probably not much scrapbooking because we'll be talking so much! I need a weekend like this and I'm sure Keith will love his Becky-less weekend just as much. :-)

Hugs!
Becky

Today has been one of those days... an emotional roller coaster to say the least.

Let's start with the worst part. The Present.

I am so sad to tell you that one of our four legged children has passed away. Gizmo, one of our cats, is in kitty heaven. Keith and I are both so sad. I've balled like a baby (what else is new!). We found Gizmo a little over a year ago as we were driving near the lake on our way to Keith's eye drs appt. He was a great cat - one of the best we've ever had, actually... a little daredevil, always wrestling with the other cats, taunting birds, chasing the laser beam in a circle over and over and over again, being scared to death of water and at the end of the day, he was never afraid to come plop in our laps for some lovin' and attention. I'm going to miss my little gizzers!


And on to the lightest part of my day. The Past.

I went to my sisters to put together the highchair for her friends visit. We spent most of our evening watching an old video she and I took in Florida about 17 years ago! We laughed so hard. Mandy was 11 at the time and I was 14. I was camera shy, bossy and a total teenage diva. Mandy was pesky, happy-go-lucky and in her "awkward" phase. It was great to look back and laugh at ourselves.

Also in Mandy's VHS tape stash was a tape from college. It was (Col and Shan, are you ready??) our dancing debut! Col, Shan and I took a dance class as our fine arts elective and we had to break off into groups and choreograph a dance. I am totally going to find a way to burn this to dvd (I think my dvd burner can do it now) and send a copy your way. We were DANCING QUEENS! Everybody was Kung Foo Fighting!! :-)

And the most satisfying part of my day is all about... The Future.

I successfully made it to the Secretary of State's office and got 33 documents apostilled! One weight off of my shoulders! We still have 4 documents outstanding but those will get done in due time.

I know this blog has turned from "all about the adoption" to "all about everything" and I'm okay with that! I hope you are too... it's too hard to share our adoption experiences without throwing everyday life into the mix because that's reality, right?

Night!
Becky

• 33 documents notarized today. I will be heading to the Secretary of State office to have them apostilled tomorrow (for real this time)
• If this missile issue between the US and Russia ruins this adoption, someone is going to get a serious talking to. And I mean a SERIOUS talking-to. I'm not sure to who, but when I find them, look out.
• How do I not know a single real estate agent in the entire state of Georgia?
• Why does it take 5 days for my home study to go from ATLANTA to ATLANTA? Seriously, folks... I could have walked my home study from the post office on Piedmont in Atlanta to the USCIS PO Box somewhere in Atlanta at least 100 times in the amount of time it took for the mail to get there.
• I think I'm getting sick... again. I was awake for less than 5 hours on Sunday and still feel like I've been hit like a freight train. I'm going to chalk it up to the stress from the past 2 months crashing down.
• K & I watched the first DVD in our mandatory training as required by the adoption agency/Hague Treaty. It was about Sensory Integration Dysfunction. We had to take a test afterwards and my husband beat me. He got a 94 and I got an 88 (1 question difference). We have to take 3 more tests... soooooo... GAME ON, Keith Mixon! :-)
• What is Sensory Integration Dysfunction, you ask? A lot of children that grow up in orphanages are either over sensitive or under sensitive to one or many of their senses. For a child that is over sensitive, loud noises, lots of touching, multiple things happening at once sends them into a frantic state. For a child that is under sensitive, they tend to not notice things unless they are above and beyond the norm. Hot things aren't quite as hot, loud noises don't cause them to bat an eye, etc... Sensory integration dysfunction is something we will have to watch for with the peanut. If the peanut has problems with this, there are things we can do at home as well as working with an occupational therapist. (I have no idea if I described this right... someone correct me if I'm off my rocker!)
• Alex is in Savannah - enjoying the beach! He'll be home on Saturday and then will turn right around and head to Myrtle Beach with a friend that afternoon. 16 days without the Little Squirt, what's a step-mom to do! I sit on the couch at night waiting to yell at him to quit procrastinating and get to bed - but, alas, he's not here!

Signing off... going to try to get to bed EARLY tonight! I hope to have a picture of an apostille for you tomorrow!

Becky

The lady that was going to notarize everything for me today was out of the office, so it didn't get done! It's okay though - I didn't have time to go to the Secretary of States office today anyway.

I don't have much of an update but wanted to say CONGRATS to Adrienne and Jim! They received their court date today to go pick up their little boy, Owen! Also, CONGRATS to The Norton's! They received their referral yesterday for a little boy and girl! I've been following Adrienne's blog for a while and came across The Norton's the other night and am so excited for both of them! As you're going through this process, it's so comforting to read other people's experiences. I'm hoping it will help prepare me better in the end!

Have a great weekend!
Becky