Our Little Life

We had an experience this week that I'd like to share. You might notice the picture of a wheelchair above and it is that one that we chose for Claire this week. We've gotten to the point where she's getting too big for her adapted seat that acts as a highchair and can be clipped into her stroller. Since it takes awhile for funding to be approved and for the order to be placed from California, we had to make the decision now about what we should do.

It was the scariest thing I've ever had to contemplate and I had to ask Ryan to take the day off of work so that I could have some moral support. I wasn't sure how emotional I would get when I saw Claire sitting in a dreaded wheelchair. I see pictures of other families getting their 3 year olds a bike for their birthday and we're getting Claire a wheelchair. It just felt so backwards and unfair! It made me feel like we were giving up and that it would change everyone's perceptions of her, that it would delay her even further, etc.

I always worry that I'm not doing enough for her or maybe if I tried harder that she would be able to do more things. I read inspirational stories about mothers who decided that their kids would never use wheelchairs and were able to walk on their own or people who prayed and had blessings and overcame their disabilities or sicknesses. I sometimes wonder why something like that hasn't happened for us and I always feel like it's some sort of lack of faith or effort on my part. All these deep and scary feelings were lurking at the surface as we drove to the hospital to look at the horrible and clinical and metal clanking ugly wheelchairs.

But you know what, those feelings weren't as intense as I expected when we placed her in the chair for the first time. We were in a very supportive setting at the Glenrose Hospital in the physiotherapy department and all around us were kids that weren't "giving up" but were learning to overcome the challenges that faced them and getting the help that they needed to do that. No one was wallowing in self-pity like I had been earlier. No one was feeling sorry for themselves or stomping around proclaiming that life isn't fair! The other kids we saw there were really an answer to my prayers because they are making the most of what they've been handed in this life.

I'm so grateful that we live in this country where people are becoming more aware and accepting of people with disabilities and where we have so many supports and agencies to help us. I know that things aren't perfect and that many people do judge or feel uncomfortable around those that are different but I'm grateful for a family that has never made Claire feel excluded. I need to work harder at getting over my own hangups and stop worrying about what other people think. Claire is Claire and we love her and there is nothing "wrong" with her - she is the way that she is meant to be and we're lucky to have her. Of course we have our bad days and I have my crying days but I have a friend who says that "You'll never stop having sad days, but they will get farther and farther apart." I just have to think of that and allow myself to have those upset days and then move past them.

Of course the chair pictured above is designed for adults so Claire's will have lots of modifications and it will be a lot smaller. It will just be another phase that we will have to accept and get used to. We will always keep working with her on standing and walking and sitting on her own. But now she'll be supported and be able to go places with other people (especially her GRIT worker in the fall).

This is a pretty long post but it was a huge moment for our family this week and I'm so proud of Claire and how well she responds to change and how much she teaches me about love and being happy.

Ryan just had a week off for spring break and it's been so nice to have him home everyday. The week was filled with doctor's appointments, car maintenance, passport stuff, cleaning, friends over, nights out, shopping, swimming, playing and napping. It was a perfect family togetherness week. Who says you need to go on a big trip to have fun? :) Too bad it's back to real life starting tomorrow morning. :( As usual my post will have more pictures than words so here goes:




We just enjoyed watching Conference from the comfort of home. It makes it so much easier when you have kids! Our traditional crepe Sunday morning was enjoyed by all and we had fun eating and listening and visiting with friends and family.

I know I've been tagged by Brenna but it might take me awhile to think of 7 interesting things about me. I must ponder before I post.

Oh yes - Mom and Natalie and I enjoyed the Rascal Flatts concert together, although I would have preferred a more intimate setting than a hockey arena. Oh well, we had lots of fun together.