几天前， 做工的时候，
突然我的同事，Kelly,
喊了一句:'哇！Ferrari!’
7+1的我们便冲了出去看（其实是我罢了）
什么都没看见，
以为它太快了，所以看不见？
才发现，原来是在拖车上的Ferrari

多贵的车，也会有坏的时候。
多好的人，也会有丑陋的一面。

每个人都有自己衡量，对待事与人的方式，
也就是说每个人都有自己要求的准则。

同样的一辆车，比方说Ferrari,
也许喜欢名牌的人，
就觉得它很好，完全没有破绽，
而且又能跑得很快。
自己欣赏又可以，出去炫耀也可以。
比喻成女人的话，
可说是说成入得厨房，出得厅堂。

可是对于一些喜爱朴素的人，
他们会觉得它太耀眼了，
会惹人红眼，引人犯罪。
而且负担又很重，车油费又贵。
比喻成男人来说，
可以说成油调滑腔，不切实际。

再举一个比例。

有些女人，当你问她男友有多好时，
她会回答你，多好多好，
可是当你问她你们有没有吵架的时候，
她们却还是会说有。
他那么好的话，你们干吗吵架？

有些女人，当你问她男友有多坏时，
她会回答你，多坏多坏，
可是当你问她愿不愿意嫁给他的时候，
她们却还是说愿意。
他那么坏的话，你嫁给他干吗？

每个人都有自己幸福与满足的准则与定义。
不一定是拥有得多，拥有得好，
就一定会幸福满足。
知足的人，就因为对方的一些小动作，
或者一些小事情，
就已经足够了。

不知足的人，
就算给了他全世界，
他还是觉得不够的。

聪明的女人会选择幸福，
而肤浅的女人，会选择满足，

幸福因为满足，
满足不一定幸福。

Finally. I receive my first salary.
Hmm, tough, that's the word running in my mind.

Tough in life, tough in managing my expenses.
A shophaholic like me,
with an amount that written on that cheque,
is it enough to support my life?
I doubt that.

But I feel happy though,
that I can finally have my own life,
managing my own money,
no longer needs to take a coin from mummy,
and have the ability to supports hers
(although just minor supporting and not really visible).

Well, I just wanna say
I'm grown up now^^

很多时候，
我对会想:我做对了吗？
明明是一件普通的事，简单的抉择，
偏偏却会困扰人的思绪。

在对的时候，做对的事，是明智；
在对的时候，做错的事，是损失；
在错的时候，做对的事，是难事；
在错的时候，做错的事，是弱智。

人，往往都会被自己当下的情绪，
影响了自己的判断，与抉择。
是冲动，还是经过深思熟虑，
当中，也包含了情绪。

情绪，在高涨的时候，
可以让人变得开朗，
做正面的选择，
可是正面的选择，一定不会错吗？

比如说，
你今天见工成功，很开心，
晚上男友向你求婚，你答应了，
可是最后却离婚收场，
男人有了别的女人。
你当时候做了正面的决定呀，
可是却是错误的选择。

情绪，在低潮的时候，
可以让人变得悲观，
做负面的选择，
可是负面的选择，一定是错的吗？

比如说，
你今天见工失败了，很伤心，
晚上男友向你求婚，你拒绝了，
去换来他更真诚地对待与诚心，
你当时做了负面的决定呀，
可是却是正确的选择。

也许你觉得我的例子有点烂，
可是我想表达的是，
人是一个由情绪牵着鼻子走的动物，
很多时候我们的决定与行为，
都很难用错与对来衡量的。

也许你会不赞同一个人的作风与行为，
可是你却不可以说他是错的，
因为到底又是谁来决定错是错，对是对呢？

古人吗？

自古，有言说粪便是不能吃的，
想在却有人吃了，他错了吗？
你凭什么说他恶心？
如果你以出生，妈妈对你说粪便是可以吃的，
你还不是一样吃得津津有味？

所以说，
你可以不赞同别人，
可是你不能铁定地说他那样做是错，
因为他的行为里头包含了：
时机，环境，观念，情绪。

而这四个因素，
叫‘原因’。

Ya my poor neglected blog, I'm back.

There's probably not so many people missing my story after all.

There's no time since working,
no time for dating,
no time for dating,
no time for movie,
no time for shopping,
no time for entertaining,
no time for gaming.

So how do I find time for blogging?

These are just all bullshit.

Yup, I start working already,
just in case any of you that's reading this,
still don't know I'm no longer hanging around.

I'm working in a boutique,
that's it's seen to be selling expensive clothes,
along Kelawai Road, Beside Sequin, and opposiye Vennessa Diamond.
The boutique is called LeAnn Maxima.

Although I always know working will gets people tired,
but I never knew it will be that tired,
at least not until i ruin my daily routine.
I just can't believe the fact that I stopped fb game. My God.

Don't think that my working place is a Hell until I'm tortured till exhaustion.
It wasn't.
There just somehow existed an factor X that make us all tired.

I thought it was my problem at the first place,
but then at some random afternoon,
my colleague Kelly asked me a question,
Kelly: Lex, do you felt tired after working in LeAnn? It's just different like you're working at other places.
Me: Why? You felt the same? I thought it's my own problem.
Kelly: It's not just you and me, it's 'us'.

The I realize, there's memang a factor X that make us exhausted everyday.

But this is a nice place to work tho,
cause at least everyone is nice there,
and got free lunch to eat, kakaz.
Food is important, no matter where and when.

First week I thought that the clothes are really expensive there,
cause the price is definately high,
second week, I felt that some price are reasonable,
as the quality worth it.
It'm kinda worried about this,
cause it's not a good sign, it's representing that my mind is telling me,
'you may shop here'.
As that's what my is persuade my customers everyday.
Haha, ironic, i persuade myself as well.

But it's now in offer period,
that's why I thought so.
So guys, come to grab yourself some former and dinner dress now,
for a reasonable price and high quality outfit^^

不知道你们相信‘缘’这个字吗？

很多人觉得， 一见钟情，
都只发生在电视上。
很多人觉得， 人定胜天，
才是真理。

Ah Boy时常对我说，
我们能够在一起，
只因为一个‘缘’字。

对呀，有时候真的不得你不相信，
一个陌生人，也许你只见他一面，
就爱上他了。
一个素未谋面的人，才讲几次话，
你就知道你寻找的是他。

当然，很多人会说，
那也许是孽缘，烂桃花，
可是，不能否认，那也是一种缘分。

情侣分手了，很少可以做会朋友的。
情侣分手了，多数都是责怪对方的。

其实，该谢谢伤害你的人，

因为他，让你更坚强了。
因为他，让你知道自己要的是什么。
因为他，让你不会再犯同一个错误。
因为他，让你找到你真正的幸福。

换另一个说法，
如果当初你们继续下去，
离婚的时候，不是更糟糕吗？
所以该谢谢他。

缘分，有好也有坏的时候，
我知道不该用好坏来形容，
可是就在这一瞬间，找不到适合的词儿。
刚刚看到了朋友aniq的blog,
他说这种欲说又说不出的状态，
叫做tip or the toungue.
这形容词，来得真合适。
这也是一个我和这个词儿的缘分。

你们相信命运吗？
对我来说， 缘分，是命运的臣子。
吃多少，住多少，天早就注定了。
缘分，是天派来的臣子，
来告诉你该走的路，
来领导你走向他早已安排的路。

不要己人忧天你们的缘分和使用尽，
不要怨天尤人为什你和他不能开始，
不要一直揣测你的他什么时候到来，
不要一直担心你们会又怎样的未来。

当状况出现时，
你能做的只有面对。
所以就算你先担心，
也只是让自己伤心而以。

担心那么多做什么？
弄到自己那么伤心，又是为了什么？

依我说，
活在当下，最好。

是你的，就是你的。
强求，是没有幸福的。

I trap myself in the toilet today,
can't breathe.

It ain't any illness,
just I'm sick of life.

I can't be trap in here anymore,
not a moment.
I rather to be teared apart,
or to die in sudden.

I'm a hot tempered person,
I remember how people treats me,
especially those who treat me badly.

I remember every word how people comment me,
especially those people that I care.
Although I don't bother other people's comment.

I don't take revenge,
but I accumulate all the mistakes that you did.
Just like what you did.

There's no doubt I'm following your steps,
because we got the same blood in our veins.
What you did i will do,
and anything bad you have,
I got it.

Don't blame me for being bad,
cause I'm not.
Even I did,
you force me so,
and you are too.

You're the one forcing me to a dead end,
you're the one causing me my illness.

Today I might just trap myself in the toilet,
but there's no guarantee whether tomorrow,
you'll the one who trapped in the toilet.
I can't guarantee myself.

Don't force me to lose my tempered.
Cause I felt myself annoying,
for keep blaming you yet being nice to you.

A sick person may be pitiful and need care,
but doesn't means that I need to be your puppet,
just being quiet to accept all your ridiculous accuses.

keep it on,
I'm living dead.

Don't get shocked,
especially Aniq,
when you see this,
doesn't mean that I'm getting married already.

Haha, just suddenly thought of this topic.

I believe that many girls have their very own planning for their wedding since I don't know, maybe 15 years old.
At least they have their dream, about how the wedding party looks like, neither to be traditional or outrageous.
(I guess not much people dream for this but me.)

I wanted to get married,
and thought of getting married since 13 I think.
I wanted to get married by the age of 21, and give birth by 25,
cause I heard that having a baby by that age,
the baby will be smarter.

Then now I'm 22, but still not married.
And I change my thought,
from to have 4 babies, to 0.

Ok. Back to my topic.
I said I dream bout getting married since small,
but guess what, I never know how will my wedding party be,
I just simply want to get married,
and be out of my family.

I've always been thinking,
which type of wedding party I wanted?
It's a hard decision for me,
as I got really A LOT of friends,
and A LOT of relatives.
And if I do it with the traditional way,
it's gonna spend me my whole life saving.
(It's gonna be my husband's money.)

But if I don't call all my friends
(the important ones, believe me, the amount is shocking)
it's so sorry for them,
and I believe they will be blaming for my whole life.
And of course, I will regret.

Then all of a sudden,
I get a great idea,
which is the wedding that I wanted.
I will have a traditional one,
which is those in the restaurant,
doing clown and model taking pictures,
and cannot eat much even how delicious the food is,
and forced to smile even don't like to,
the type that I think is so lame,
just with my relatives and really IMPORTANT friend.
(so if you're not in it, please la, don't come and ask me why you're not and humiliate yourself! haha, just kidding)
it's just for friends that I treat them as a family member and in my DARLIN category.
They know who they are.

Ok, can't wait to tell this..
How am I going to settle my friends?

I always wanted to do it the church type.
You know, walking in with a long red carpet,
accompanied by my father,
and wait to the moment to say 'I DO'.

But I'm not a christian or catholic,
so I ain't gonna do it in the church.
Where I'm gonna do it?

IN THE CLUB!

I wanted my wedding party in MOIS.
Haha, I got plenty of clubbing kaki friend,
and I suppose all my friends will be ok and glad if I do it in the club.
(For Aniq, you'll be in the traditional 1!)
the I can walk on the red carpet,
wearing my Lady Gaga style wedding dress,
which allows me to dance after saying the important word.
Haha, I wanted a long tail wedding dress,
which could allows me to remove the tail anytime,
I wonder if there is any.

Then we gonna party all night!

Oh ya, I skipped the most important part,
I wanted 2 lengzai to bring me in on the red carpet,
instead of my father,
and I wanted a RX7 to drive me to the club!
haha, then the wedding song it's gonna spin by the deejay,
soft then follow with remix version,
the the deejay it's gonna be the one who ask whether I do or not.
Then.. party time!

Ok, why it's gonna be mois,
cause so far, for clubs that I've visit
mois have the most strategy place,
and it's the closest to the main road,
which i don't need to walk so far,
and my only deejay friend is in there,
so that makes everything perfect.

So guys, how does it sounds?
Haha, it's gonna be like this!

I'd post this on faceboook.
But i decided to post it here,
which will be a english version of my story.


If I could be just a little more selfish earlier,
would the ending change to a better one?

Human used to regret, after things has been done.
You just can't blame it, it's human nature.

There no right and wrong in handling situation
or solving problems,
because different people will have different ways
to deal with different situation.
the only different in it is that whether
you do it for others? Or plainly yourself?

The self sacrificing theory seems to be a mistake.
Because what I believe now is,
Humans should think for themselves.
This is the human nature.
A fact as in the sun rises from the east.


I would like to share a story.

He don't understand why am he the one who are finishing other people's job?
Why can't he get good rest, to settle other people's shit?
Why is he doing other people's job, while they're having fun?
Why is everyone sharing his result while hes the only one doing it?
This is what always questioned in his mind.

Still, he keep on doing it, without complaining.
Because he's thinking that if he's not doing it,
then no one is.
Other might say he wants other's to think that he's nice,
or what we called 'nice person', but no,
he just simply don't want to fail himself for them.

'Great power carries greater responsibility'
This phrase suits the whole situation,
and also became the only reason he used to comfort himself.

But, even the capable felt tired.
Even them needed help.

Even them felt exhausted.

Who you called capable, it's actually just a learner.
He's just a little bit better and responsible, among them.

Let's name him Lucas.

There's once, when Lucas is given a chance,
to work among those who are really capable.

God gave him a chance.
Seeing him so tortured and pitiful with his miserable life.
God thinks that he should be treated so,
at least be given a chance,
to prove himself and have a better result.

Lucas considered about it.
He realize that this is really a good opportunity,
to shine out and to prove himself.
Besides, he'll be away from problems and unfairness.
With this chance, he will be able to learn,
from those who are better, and to improve himself.

But on the other hand,
he thought of them..

What will happen to them if he leaves?

'If I were to leave them,
what's the different with throwing a bunch of newborn babies,
into the river? it's silent murder.'
he thinks.

He thought it twice,
and so he stays, with them.
Rejected the God's offer, just because he thought of them.

He might be misunderstood as he's pretending to be good,
showing how nice he is to help them.
But the fact is, he appreciate the friendship between them,
so he stay.

They fought together after that.
And some among them, starts to carry their responsibility.
Lucas thinks that it's time to pass some work to them,
as they can handle it and willing to handle it already.
It's his time to step back.

He realize something.
They can actually do things well,
not to say all but some of them.
There's one can even do things better than he does,
but why don't she do it from the beginning?
Why are they afraid to take responsibility?
There's just one simple work to explain- selfishness

At the same time,
there comes someone, that envy what he did,
Tried to ruin his reputation,
stabbing his back, and making everyone misunderstand him.

He was really sad and disappointed.
Don't they appreciate what he did after all?
Can't they see that how much he contribute after this?
No they don't.

What to say? this is also one of the human nature.

Lucas found that he did something wrong.
He should have accept the offer.
He felt that he no longer able to co-operate with them,
because they don't believe and needed him anymore.
Therefore, he'll remain silence and watch.

"Do what you all think is good, I got no comment.' he said.
No longer contributing any further comments,
he just try his best to do his part.

He have been thinking,
What will happen if he accept the God's offer?
How nice it would be if he chose to be selfish. just for once？

Unfortunately, regret doesn't bring any meaning.
He still needs to finish whatever he started, so he continues,
until the last job with them.

And now, everything comes to an end.
The capable one become the loser at last.
Even he thought his result of work looks funny.

Do he really try his best in contributing？
Not anymore.
Because there's no more reason,
to keep him from doing so.

And then he found out,
he's just a loser, which carries lots of failure.

The moment he give up the offer,
he gave up himself,
he chose a path, that is named 'failure'.

He thought human being should have a heart,
and a feeling, called sympathy,
but now the truth is, he should selfish,
for his own good.

At least, for once.

How do you feel now?
Have you ever fought for yourself?
When there's a chance，
have you ever chose to be selfish?

'I didn't, so I regretted;
If I did, would I feel regret？'

It's just contradiction.

谁说开心 就要微笑
谁说伤心 哭喊乱叫
树叶在飘 鸟儿在叫
谁说生命 精彩美妙

谁能明瞭 我寂寞的烦恼
谁夺去了 我灿烂的微笑
谁能知晓 黎明何时破晓
谁能给我 一个快乐的管道

如果说微笑 可以画在嘴角
强颜欢笑 就不再需要
如果说狂笑 可以不再苦恼
人的微小 也变得骄傲

婴儿还小 哈哈大笑
老人虽老 面带微笑
伤心掉泪 别人偷笑
开心欢笑 别人计较

谁能明瞭 一个人的煎熬
谁夺去了 快乐的音调
谁能知晓 事情发生的下一秒
谁能给我 哭诉的依靠

如果说微笑 可以画在嘴角
强颜欢笑 就不再需要
如果说狂笑 可以不再苦恼
人的微小 也变得骄傲

我只想要。。 开心微笑

Well,
again, i don't know where to start.

My hubby fall sick yesterday,
mama fall sick today.
I hope I don't fall sick tomorrow..

I seriously hope that mum gets well tonight,
otherwise I'll be busy again,
morning taking care of my hubby and night my mum.
The worse thing will be if my mum is committed to the hospital,
Omg, I hate that life.

Many friends has start moving on their life..
Some working, but most of them,
enjoying their vacation.

Totally lost contact with college mates..
Or I'm just too lazy to contact them..
I'm like avoiding the reality now..

What should I do next?

Clover asked me when do I wanna start working,
she said I'm just lazy to say that I wanna take a break.

Maybe..

I just wanna take a short rest,
before I start my 'unbreakable' life..
(Well, I know unbreakable doesn't mean like that)

Just finish celebrating Vic's birthday last Fri and Saturday.
I hope that she felt happy this year..

Finally we cook out Western mean,
Spagetti, mushroom soup with garlic bread.
We plan it before Yiing is back from UK,
after almost 1 year she's back,
only we get the chance to make it come true..

We bought kite this year,
wanted to play at Monkey Beach,
but the God seems to envy our happiness,
it rains, never mind,
we'll save it to the next trip!

Really admires Vic's family,
to be so close to each other,
can talk whatever, share whatever,
the most important is,
there seems to be so harmony among them.

Well, nothing to envy about,
because I'm one of them now.
It's better than my own family.

Why did outsider always treated me better?

Finished my final exam.
Finished my college life.

All of a sudden,
I hate graduation.
Cause it means..

A brand new life is going to start.
New sarcastic friends, new environment,
new challenges to cope with.. etc etc etc

I ok with it actually,
i mean to have new life,
I'm used to suit myself well in situations,
but I'm just too lazy,
to get into new stuff..
sien wei..

ok, let's go into the main point..

I was so damn frustrated, pekcek, fucked up..
etc etc etc, those words that u may use to fuck up your life..

Why?

I i was given a chance to have just 1 wish..
my wish will either me end my life now
and i don wanna have karma,
or i wish that i was never born.

Seriously,
why we don't have a chance to choose our parents?
why is it so unfair, that we're raised up in a family,
that we're not suitable with or
having communication breakdown within?

i seriously can't communicate with my mum..
she's killing my patient and all my brain cells.

i think i can now join a game called 'maximum patient',
or maybe I'd have a illness called anti-nagging syndrome.

I can't take it anymore..
can't allow my mum keep on nagging me...

The situation is getting worse..
she starts nag in EVERYTHING,
from EVERY aspects..

I don drink water, (even just for that particular period)she nag
I don eat fruit, (even I'd taken elsewhere)she nag
I sleep late, (even rushing homework) she nag
I wake up late, (even I'm so fuckin tired)she nag
I growing fatter, (even I didn't)she nag
I bath for too long, she nag
(I was washing my hair and the water volume is so god damn small!)
I din tidy up the room,(because I got exam) she nag
I paint finger nails, she nag
(she said why am i so free to paint finger nails)
I got long finger nails, she nag
(she said i ain't rich people's daughter, I don deserve to have long nails)
I watch movie, she nag
(just maximum 2 hours everyday)
I go out with friend, she nag
(she said friends are more important to me)
I stay at home, she nag
(finding stupid reasons, she just NEVER STOP!)
etc etc etc..

If you think that it's all i hate,
sorry to say no,
this is just a part of it.

Okay, i know, u may say that mum is like that..
nagging is their job and it's a mum's criteria,
but wtf! this is way too much,
u can't imagine, that I'm nagged EVERY MOMENT,
when I'm at home!

therefore, i avoid to stay to home.
Sitting alone outside is better to be at home.
Then she said Idon wan ti accompany her at home.
yeah, that's the truth,
I just hate to see you mum.
H-A-T-E , hate.

Besides nagging,
she likes to create situation,
where she said I like to say that I'm smart
assuming I'm right in every situation,
and seldom said sorry to her.

I admit that I'm confident with my decision.
but I'm always listening,
and willing to improve myself,
wut what she said again?
what do she mean that I'm always right?
FUCK HER!
That happens when she realized she's wrong,
and got no way to get out of that embarrassing situation!

For example,
I said greenlane is nearer and faster to our destination,
and she said another road is faster,
so i prove to her, follow her road,
then I'm right, i was stucked in the middle of the road,
for more than half hour.

Then I tell her, 'see, this is what happen'
then she ask me to look at greenlane's car,
saying so jam there.
Wtf! at least it's moving,
but we're trapped!

Then she said I show show black face.

See? Whose the one who are saying herself is always right?
Actions shows. The God knows.

I'm not afraid to be strike by thunder.
In fact, i wish to,
so that i do not need to see you anymore.

my father told me yesterday,
'Girl, you know her well,
she's like that one,
she's your one and only mother,
you got nothing to do but take it,
it's your fate and it's gonna be just few years.
You'll regret if you don't appreciate her now.'

Ah boy says the same thing,
and agrees with my papa.
I agreed it also,
that's by I've been TAKING IT,
for such a long long period.

I can't take it anymore..
I'm going to have mental disorder..

Even my mum's god daughter,
avoid to see her, or send her regard herself..
then I'm the only one TAKING THIS SHIT!

There's a phrase,
called 'step away from trouble',
but why I am not allowed to step away?
Do I need to mess myself up with trouble?

I wanted to move out..
I don't care whether people saying me
as a not dutiful daughter,
I'm not afraid of scolding by everyone around me.
What I'm afraid is
to keep staying myself with a same house with you.

Papa said and Ah boy said,
if you do so now,
not doing your duty as a daughter,
you'll regret after she pass away..

I won't.
because I'd did my best.

Just now,
She asked me,
when you get your salary when you work.
how much will you pay me?

I was stunned for seconds,
don know what to answer her.
Cause I never thought she'll ask so.
i mean, isn't it something I decide on my own,
and give her a surprise?

Then she said she want to think what car to buy,
depends to how much i pay her.
She'll be driving the new car,
while I drive the old one.

Fair enough,
cause I wanted to pay her back also,
don't wanna hutang her anything.

the I say i don know yet,
depends to my salary.

then she said make an assumption of 1.5k,
how much will I pay her?
Then I said maybe 200-300,
then she said so few only?
Then I was stunned again..
She said I eat at home,
I should have responsible,
then I was thinking,
after I'm working, I'll eat almost outside,
but still, it's necessary to pay also,
then I say ok, then make it 500.

Then I thought it's the end.

Then she said again,
what if u get 2k?
how much will you pay me?
What the!!!!!!!

FUCK *100000000000000
Can't I manage my own money?
then she FORCE me to agree,
that I'll pay her 30% of my salary.

SEE, HOW GREAT MY MOTHER IS.

Life is just WONDERFUL,
when you have a mum that SAYANG you so much,
and PLAN everything for you.

Thanks mum,
for making me DON WAN TO BE a mum.

Looking back at the past post..

The feeling is weird,
because I found that there's many things
that I'd left it in the past,
that I didn't put it in mind.

Each time I read,
I have different feelings towards it.
I think I'd mentioned this before,
but still I'm gonna say it.

Looking back to many former things today..
my blog, my photos..
thinking back of those old memories..

I felt thankful,
to have so many friends around me..
Cause I was told by many other friends,
that they don't really have real friends to talk with,
and to help them when they needed help..
I'm lucky enough, to have you guys..

I'm always whining about my life,
saying I got a bad life,
cause always scold by mum,
and always have financial problem..

But seriously,
I seldom whine bout having bad friends,
or don't have friends to help me.

Looking back to photos I took during my birthday..

It's been 2 years,
that I celebrated my birthday for few days,
with different friends..
my mum says that I thought myself
as a superstar to have so many friends..
but haha, i think superstar don't have many true friends,
and almost all fake..

Talking back to my birthday..
I did whine sometimes,
that I always plan sui sui for my friends,
(best friends that I'm referring)
but i always needs to plan for myself..

but think deeply,
at least they're willing to come,
and to celebrate with me..

2010's birthday,
I felt happy and touched..
my tears almost drop off when I look at those pic,
I also donno why..
it's just so sudden..

I still remember something funny,
that Ivan bought RM 10 of chicken butt
and another RM 10 of chic skin,
cause we said we felt like eating..
haha,, 10 bucks ne, eat til die..
So cute de Ivan..
I'm glad darlin Wocky is with him..
cause I knew he'll take good care of her..

But sometimes i felt jealous tho,
cause it's like she's taken away from me..
I donno whether she felt the same for me..
haha, silly us..
I love you darlin..

Wah, so many that I've wrote..

Earlier I mentioned that my photos is around 9GB,
but today, it's more than 10..
haha, taken lotsa photos recently,
with ah boy, happy life^^

Finally I manages my blog today,
change the looks and pictures beside..
threw away many old pictures
and added lots of it..
And that's why I'm been viewing photo
for the whole afternoon..

Tidy up my friends' blog list,
only I realize,
friends that I cared alot,
Benny had changed his blog,
and I always thought that he just stop writing,
when I view the recent update that wrote in my blog.

Then I realize,
sometimes, it's just a small thing,
or just a small action that may affects alot.
i donno whether you've heard before the
'butterfly affection'(蝴蝶效应)
It's say that a single action like
swinging its wing of a butterfly,
will cause a tornado in another places.

Thank God that I wrote down many 'small' details
in this blog,
so that's why when I review back,
I realize lotsa things that I never knew,
learn of new experience,
and the old foolish me..

Some people may think that writing a blog,
is a waste of time,
and they might think that:
Who's gonna view your blog anyway?

But for me,
it's not for anybody else,
but for myself,
it's a reminder,
for me to not repeating the same old mistakes,
and also a sharing,
to people who are viewing,
that cares for me.

Thanks for my viewer,
and I love you my darlinz.

Is living really that important?
Lifes on lifes off,
things happens maybe within a year,
in a couple of months, or maybe a week,
perhaps a day, a minute or even a second.
A second you may be living,
but the next you may be dead.

I see people struggling for living,
some rather feels like dying.

I really can't get the idea,
why poor people, sick people
are struggling so hard, just to live
for maybe 1 week or even a day.
What is the motivation for them
to continue their life?
Their children? Career?
I really don't know.

For me, if I'm in that situation,
and I got a chance to die,
I'll take that opportunity,
and just die.

if I'm found to have a cancer cell in my body,
I'll enjoy the rest of my life,
eating and spending with my love ones.
I wouldn't bother to do any theraphy,
or felt unfortunate that I couldn't spend more
with people I care or my very love.

I seriously don't mind.
Maybe people might think that I'm cruel,
that my parents, lover, friends
will felt sad for my death,
but that's just for short term,
rather than them seeing me
suffering everyday,
and drag on their life by taking care of me.

Maybe you'll say thay I'm cold blooded,
yes I am if you insist,
but I'm just telling the truth,
that you might deeply know,
but just to ignoring it.

vivants ou morts, je n'aime pas
What's really important,
is to appreciate every living day,
and smile towards your dying day.

I saw this article in my babe, truthzz's blog.
It's quite meaningful,
and I decide to translate it to English,
since lotsa my friends don't understand Chinese.

Well, here the story begins...

The was a phrase,
saying that if you always eat fish,
you'll felt disgusted,
and would wanna try some vege once in a while.
In another words, if you consistently facing the same wife for long,
You'll wanna try out the other woman.

Therefore, if you determine to seduce my husband,
and he catches your hook,
I wouldn't felt weird at all.

I would wanna thank you,
to accompany my husband in his lonely days.

Humans (well here it refers to man) are weird,
they will suddenly felt lonely in the crowd,
turns sorrow in the dawn without reason,
even they have a lovely wife around,
to take care of them.

Loneliness has nothing to do with what you own.
Everyone has a secret place in your heart,
which no matter what happen,
it's still untouchable.

Maybe if you just try a little bit more,
Maybe love upgrades as well as like virus does,
But just that a little bit more,
that makes you couldn't felt the satisfaction.

If I'm too gentle, he wouldn't felt the excitement;
If I remains silent, he won't know my sorrow;
If I'm too bitchy, he wouldn't think that I'm sweet;
if I'm kind, he won't know what is pain.

Yet I don't wan him to felt lose,
Don't want him to go through the hard life without me.

Human cannot think too much,
if you does,
your tears will drop easily.

We all have our own career,
for a better life,
Therefore we couldn't stick together all the time,
and satisfied each other 24/7.

When we are apart,
I felt glad that there's another you,
to stay beside him,
because I wouldn't want him to fill up with loneliness.

The long distance between us,
bonds our heart even more closer,
He said he would like to tell anyone in any place,
that his wife did a lot for him
and he wouldn't left her for the rest of his life.

People say that love is selfish yet elegant.
If I love him,
there's no need to own him,
but to do everything just hope that he is happy.

Man cannot handle seduction,
especially from beautiful ladies.
My husband was a man,
therefore the same theory applies to him.
The process of seduction makes his life
brighten up and colourful.

Maybe he will felt sorry for me,
thinks that he hurts me.
Actually if you don't think that it is hurting,
then it isn't.

He hide the truth,
but he wasn't cheating me.
cause he hides it just to prevent me from being hurt.
it's just a beautiful lie.

What I wanted is just his heart for me,
no matter how he performed.

If you successfully seduced him,
and he felt that you're the right lady for him,
why would I remain between both of you?
If you aren't the one,
he will come back to me eventually.

I knew and forgives his weakness,
go through every torned road with him,
who else can take my place to do the same?
Who remains with him when he's in the bottom of his life?

i remembered an article I once read,
It's called [ what she gave you, I'd gave you 10 years ago!]

I was watching the tv program,
'I want a divorce', he said.
He looks so serious and
'Don't play a fool', I told him.

What appears on my mind was
he might be bankrupted,
or dying soon.
he don't wanna get me into trouble.
I wanna go through everything with him,
so I shakes my head confidently,
telling him I would stay along with him.

His second sentence drop me into hell.
'I'm sorry, I fall in love with another girl.'
'When?', I asked.
'It's been half year,
I knew her while travelling, she's a tourist.
A very cute and passionate girl.' he said.

Maybe he felt that he over praised the girl,
he stare at me, with the eyes of regret and sorry.

'How much you love her?'
'Very.'

I decided not to ask anymore,
because I knew the detail will kill me
and humiliated myself.

Think back to those days,
that we were once so sweet.
But since he decided to turn to another one,
there's no reason for me to keep on struggling.

Just follow your will,' i said after and deep exhale.
There's someone to bring a bastard like you away from me,
I should be thankful.

He's shocked.
because he knew I wasn't a generous person.

'Actually i appreciated what you'd did for me.' he said
'You treated me like as light as a feather,
so don't you want me to see you as heavy as diamond', as a return I said

he felt sorry,
so he decided to leave the house and kids to me.

Before our divorce,
he requested for one last dinner.
After a few glass of alcohol,
he started to talk a lot.
'I wish to get your wishes', he said
He even starts to talk about the girl.

'She's very energetic and a sunny type of girl,
I felt alive when I'm with her.' he said

Thinking back of myself,
I was once pretty and energetic too.
I was once that attractive too.
it's just 10 years difference.
And that makes us different.

'She's very naive.
little small things could satisfies her.
when we go for shopping,
a small soap won in lucky draw;
a Beijing dumpling, a 20 bucks watch;
These is enough for her to smile whole day.'

'I felt relax with her.
i can make the whole room smells like cigarette,
playing mahjong and
drink whole night long with my buddies.'
drowning in his own imagination, he said

But me,
I'm just like an auntie.
Compares the prices before I go shopping,
counted every details.
I don't allow him to drink,
gamble or smoking.

'My heart beats very fast when I'm with her,
felt energetic every moment.'he said
apparently he is almost drunk.

I stopped his word, I said:
'From now on, I'm no longer your old wife,
no longer your maid that you need not pay,
I can use the time of ironing to make up myself;
I can use the money to buy my own pretty clothes instead of buying yours;
I can cook and eat whatever I want,
but not thinking what should i cook everyday,
just to make you happy and satisfy you.
I can even bring our kid out for fast food when I'm lazy;
I don't need to worry bout your health and allow you to smoke and drink;
I no longer need to wash those blanket,
after you vomit on it when you're drunk;
I'll never need to worry and cry,
while searching everywhere for you when you're drunk;
I don't need to care which of your relative is getting married,
celebrating their birthday
and don't even have to give your parents money for living;
Don't need to accompany you to sit on the bus for half day,
bring those heavy luggage and walk for few kilometers,
just to have dinner with your parents during Chinese New Year.'

'Ya, divorce was a brilliant idea!' I said.
After saying these,
I can't control my tears anymore.
He's shocked,
cause after he wanted to divorce I was always calm.
Alcohol was running in my veins,
I couldn't control my emotions anymore.

I'm more than 30 years old,
how would I don't care about my marriage?

Suddenly, I smile and said:
'Let's divorce,
I would wanna see how long you'll be in love after that.
You said you love her and she love you a lot too right?
After a few years,
I shall see whether your heart will beats for her.
Cause what she gave you now,
I'd gave you 10 years ago!
Keep on your life.
You'll soon find our that you're just repeating the same old story.

'Are you drunk?'
he seems very nervous.

'Didn't I naive before?
Didn't I pretty before?
I treated everything you gave me as treasure,
even a cheap ring or a book.
I even make you a hand glove during the winter.
Didn't i sacrifice for you?'

I once give you all my love.
But after a woman get into marriage,
her life and responsibility changes.
She played a lots of role.
Hes loves was divided out.
10% for your parents
and another 10% for hers,
some part for children.
The 100% of love that are once all yours,
left 70% after marriage.
Therefore when the husband met another 100% love,
she lose....', I cried and said.

We didn't get divorce at last
cause he changed his mind.
He said that I'm more rational and clever when I get drunk.
Well at least I could express myself.

Thanks for that someone,
for seducing my husband.

Chinese version please view:
http://mytruthzz.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-post_27.html

I seriously tried to low down my temper,
but stil i felt angry.
The madness in me is drivin me crazy,
and I find no way to release it out.

What I can do now is just take it,
keep it to myself and have a volcano that explodes in me.
There's no one to talk with,
or I should say talking doesn't not solve it well.

I couldnt' let it go,
I really remember things that I hate very much.
The way you treated me is driving me crazy.
And I remembered every sentences you push me to hell.

I could stay in this house no more.
living here irritates me alot,
talking to you makes me makes me felt disguss,
being patient driving me felt so fake.

I'm not a family person,
I'm not a hardworking person,
I'm not a housewife type of person,
I'm not a good daughter type of person.

Say it, say that I'm spoilt,
under your good care,
but think of it clearly,
did you really show me love that may spoilt me,
making me a spoilbrad?

HELL NO!

You just never know how annoying you are,
thinking that you're always right,
thinking that you're the best in any moment.

If I'm spoilt,
try me, you'll die under my words,
If I'm spoilt,
Either you or I are already sent into the hell.

Say it,
that I don't care about you much,
Say it,
that I don't care about this house.

I wouldn't care,
not because you're right,
but i wouldn't wanna care it that much as well.

I appreciated what you did to me,
and I remembers what you cause me bad.
Everything has it's cause,
you might thing that it's all my fault,
but guess what, I don;t care.
You'll not listening to me anyway,
I don't wanna waste my time talking with a stubborm.

And ofcourse,
I'm a stubborn myself,
therefore I'm not listening to you.

Guess what,
you're the human kind that I hated the most,
but unfortunately,
I'm tied to the human I hated the most.

I thought I'd escape myself,
since I completed my class with Mr. Old man.
I thought there wil not be any so-super-boring class;
but unfortunately I'm again, now into it.
But no one can be worse than him tho.
after all, Mr. Old man is the lecturer I hate the most.

I just don't get why,
there's so many different types of lecturer,
which makes my hell unique.
There's variety types of them,
majority are weird,
boring amount can be found and
pathetically, there's just few that are really nice and knowledgable.

Some are nice while they don't know how to teach;
Some are boring but they do know how to teach;
Some are boring and yet they don't know how to teach;
Some are not meant to tach but they do teach.
But thank GOD, there stil few that are knowledgable and good in teaching.

How ironic.

Teaching method here are unique.
Some are knowledgable, which is good for us;
Some are draggy, which force us to sleep;
Some are pointless, which you think that they teach for teaching;
Some are rubbish, which they are not really teaching.

I guess this happens in every college.

But still, i love my hell,
I just hatredly love it.

The story behind,
i actually thaught that this is a sentence,
that you use when you think that
you are/ to show that you are INNOCENT.

' Why are you commenting while you don't know the story behind?'
This sentence is used,
when someone wish to declare that he /she
has nothing to do with the mess and
they have nothing to deal with the problem/ incident,
or maybe they are just forced to commit some crime.

It is actually a very good sentence to be used.
cause the implicit meaning is very clear
that to tell the listener that they shouldn't
think that you're bad or it's your fault in some matter,
and you're the victim that are suffering
for the bad's accusing.

Most of the time,
people buy this sentence,
they simply thinks that you really do meant it,
when it comes to people who have the innocent face
that are telling 'the story',
or I should say people that are born to be actor/actress.

It's REASON or an EXCUSE to be use,
for sorry things to be happen,
the only one that will know,
will just be the victim,
or the one that shouting that he/ she
is the real victim,
so it's really hard for people around to judge,
that's why most of the time,
friends are just to LISTEN and give support.

Who cares about what really happens anyway?
You're friend will believe youur story,
while his/her friend will support his action.
there's no need to tell 'the story behind'.

Different angle of viewing will most of the time,
causes misunderstanding and arguement.
People always find ways to support that
their statement are right,
and it's correct to do just what they do
at their very own point of view.
Well, I could say this is HUMANITY.
and that's the reason why war are declared.

It's all about THE STORY BEHIND.

Get my first rose from ah boy yesterday.
and it does cheer my mist away.
But it's the mist before yesterday but not today.

Just finish tidy up my photo folder in my lappie.
guess how much storage does it used?
9Gb.

I can't believe i needed 9Gb to keep all my photos.

Looking all those pictures of mine,
from a 'innocent' girl to a mature lady,
(well, i would like to describe myself as innocent,
although there's alot that do not agree)
I'd changed alot.

Make-ups are added on my clean face,
dirty thoughts had poluted my clean mind,
and time had added my ages,
these is all the prove that I'd grown up.

But apparently I'm still a little girl for someone.
Someone that enjoy rulling my life.

Do whatever you wanna do,
until you or I die.
or perhaps, until I'm mentally ill.

Hmm.. wearing ah boy's spec now,
laying my fingers on keyboard that i'm not familiar with,
sitting on a chair that have a crack on it
and donno when it'l hurt my butt,
typing words that i donno what to type next.
this is just another random post.

Life changes as usual,
a dramatically change on me,
comparing to the moment i post the earlier random post.
at least, i'd change my status from single to engaged,
and from a tough tomboy to a shy lady.
(well, that's what i assumed)

I wasn't really engaged,
haha, just donno y the stupid boy applied for that in fb,
while i ask him to apply for 'in a relationship with'.
but don't care tho, cause in a relationship,
and engaged both means that u'r OWNED and not available.

how amazing, that i finally get myself into love.
hmm, i mean, i no longer flirt around,
and available for everyone.
(although i could say i'm in love all the time)
This is just an particular 1, and only 1.

hmm.. finally i get to trust someone,
that he might be the 1 who bring me happiness,
and appreciates me,
but not as like i'm a trash or toy last time.
it really takes me time and courage to throw another chance.

Many ask, why so sudden?
well, i donno either,
it's about feelings,
I'm a pisces, pisces that follow their thoughts,
just in a moment and maybe second.

I'd stated this before in fb,
'love is nothing to do with your status, your age and others,
but it's just simply about timing.'
a clever guy grabs good timing while approaching women.
well, that's how i get on ah boy's fishing hook.

well, I'm no longer a wish that belongs to the sea,
but his.

I'm just bored.
This is a title of my friend's blog- Clover's

I was always wondering,
why do blog sounds so boring to her,
She say she's not gonna touch her blog,
until she's bored to the max,
and so desperate to find something to do.

Look at her blog post,
it's just 2 of them,
i kinda pity her blog,
if it gotta spirit,
cause I'd already pity mine,
for not updating it for long time.

I don't know what to write also,
I'm just bored this afternoon.
Finished a hand made hp accessory just,
to present it to a special friend of mine,
and i realize there's totally nothing to do at all.

I'm lazy to wash my clothes so early,
lazy to go sleep,
even lazy to eat even i'm kinda hungry now.
What i did is just staring at my lappie,
listen to adam's voice,
and reply messages once in a while.

I could have many things to do actually.
was avoiding from it,
why am I so lazy lately?
I got no idea.
or.. I was always that lazy.
haha

I gonna say this again.
I Love You Adam Lambert.
never get bored for his song,
listening over and over again.

I'm a simple person i guess,
never get bored with things i like.
no matter it's a person, a song or a thing.
haha, if you know me enough,
then u'l know,
i've been playing my solitaire and listening to the same tracks,
for the whole boring afternoon.
I'm even too boring to buffer my beloved bleach,
and too lazy to plug in my ext.hard disc
to watch some movie.
I'm totally lazy!!!!!!!!!

Been having insomnia lately.
ok.. it's here AGAIN.
I seriously don't know why.
there's really nothing much i'm thinking about,
but stil I can't sleep.
is there anyone living in my mind,
that are active at night?
I doubt that.
hmm..maybe it's my evil twin..
oh no.. my angel twin,
cause i'm d evil 1..
but wait, it's not suppose to be angel,
cause angels sleeps at night..
well i assume bout this..
then must be the vampire side of me..
hmm, felt like biting..

Talking bout biting,
my teeth hurts,
omg it's been so long and i nvr get it healed.
even darlin vicky repair hers.
I'm just gonna run from this fact,
that i got broken teeth and vein!
haha, leave it aside.
I'm not gonna see a dentist.
without my right teeth,
I still got my left side functioning!
haha

My darlin vicky says that she's going to eat at ENO
for dinner this coming friday..
T.T i wanna follow....
I never tried there before,
and always heard that it's super niceT.T
but it's touched,
cause she did ask permission to bring me along.
But unfortunately her cousin donno who i am..
haha, things wil be different,
if it's san yi ma they all having a dinner,
cause i'm always welcomed..muahaha

Hmm.. what am I goin to do this few days?
Next monday, it's goin to be school reopen.
I can't wait for it! haha..
It's not that i'm hardworking,
but I miss my friends.. alot..
I love school life..
It's goin to end soon..at august..

My life will have a big change after that,
guess i got no more spare money for entertainment.
friends wil be going off somewhere else,
there's no more spare time,
to have fun with everyone..
just by thinking of it,
i felt sad already..

Luckily my darlins is always with me,
otherwise I'l die..
but poh yin.. she'l not gonna be here anymore..
i mean after graduation
I'm gonna experience the second time,
just like when benny left.

Until now, i'l never forget the feeling,
the sorrow and how i cried.
I think it's gonna happen another time.

I miss all my darling this afternoon..
all of them.. long time din see them.
(erm.. it's like more than 1 week d)

I'm really a sticky person,
haha, always like to stic with my friends,
that's why i could never accept LDR
it's totally sucks for me..
to my darlins, don't ever leave me alone!

I donno what to write d..
guess i'l go back to my beloved solitaire..

婴儿，刚刚出生，
身上带着的，
就是那香香的婴儿味。
那时候的女生，最纯洁了。
那时候想着的，
也就不过于吃得饱，睡得好。

小孩，每天玩乐，
身上带着的，
就是那快乐的汗水味。
一生中最好的回忆，
多数都在那儿了。
那时候的女生，最真了。
每一天跟玩伴们玩耍，
无忧无虑地，过着每一天。
听爸爸妈妈说童话故事，
时常幻想着，
自己将会是童话故事里的公主。

少年，上课去了，
身上带着的，
就是淡淡的水果香味。
没有太多的掩饰与装扮，
那时候的女生，最天真了。
每天嘻嘻哈哈地，
所要求的就是
可以简简单单地和朋友过着快乐的日子。
他们开始渴望爱情，
希望他们的爱情可以写下美丽的故事。

青年，朋友多了，
身上带着的，
就是淡淡的香水味。
开始学会装扮了，
为了吸引更多的朋友和异性，
也就开始在身上加了很多不同的元素，
那时候的女生，最美了。
虽然已经开始会为不同的事情烦恼，
开始为爱情而付出，
可是还是非常甜蜜的，
要求的，就是那轰轰烈烈的爱情。

女人，变成熟了，
身上带着的，
就是诱惑的女人味。
拥有自己的思想了，
清楚知道自己要的到底是什么，
也找到了人生的方向。
那时候的女生，最抚媚了。
拥有了自己的事业，
经历了不少的烂桃花，
也看了不少笑话。
轰轰烈烈的爱情，
他们不要了，要的却是，
可以给与他们保障的爱情，
也就是说，一定要实际。
什么有情喝水饱，
想都别想。

中年，平平稳稳，
身上带着的，
就是香香的饭香味，
那时候的女生，最死板了。
每天做着一样的事情，
为孩子和丈夫忙碌，
要求可以保住丈夫的心，
希望他不要在外头惹花粘草，
也希望孩子在外面不要被人欺负，学坏。
为的都是别人，
再也没空装扮自己。
什么样的激情，
他们都不要了，
只要丈夫好好守在身旁。

老年，身患疾病，
身上带着的，
就是医院恶心的药味。
那时候的女生，最可怜了。
忙碌了几十年，
女人生病了，
不能在为丈夫服务，
也不能在为孩子效劳，
可是心里一直牵挂，
不懂自己会不会拖累家人。
幸运的，他们会有丈夫，孩子照顾；
不幸的则要在老人院孤独终老。
想回以前的山盟海誓，
觉得自己好傻，
当初怎么会相信呢？

女人的一生，
就这样子过完了，
当中到底有多少段爱情，
是值得他们怀念的？
当中又有多少个男人，
是值得他们付出的？

孩儿时要的童话爱情，
少年时要的美丽爱情，
青年时要的轰烈爱情，
成熟时要的华丽爱情，
中年时要的平稳爱情，
老年时要的不变爱情；

说到尾，
女人要的，
也只是一个会疼自己的老公，
一段至死不渝的爱情。

女人，也只不过如此简单而易。

People say i'm the life of the party
cause i make a joke or two
although i might be laughing loud and hearty
deep inside i'm blue

so take a good look at my face
you see my smile looks out of place
if you look closer it's easy to trace
the tracks of my tears
i need you i need you..

since you left me if you see me with somebody else
seem's like i'm havin fun
although they might be cute
it just no substitute cause
you're the only permanent one

so take a good look at my face
you'll see my smile looks out of place
if you look closer it's easy to trace
the tracks of my tears.
i need you i need you..

outside i'm masquerading
inside my hope is fading
just a clown since you put me down
my smile is my make up
i wear since my break up with you
babe babe babe

so take a good look at my face
you'll see my smile
looks out of place
if you looks closer
it's easy to trace
the tracks of my tears..

A song from Adam lambert,
he's cool man and this is a really nice song to share.
i love him very much and a big fan of him!!
I LOVE U ADAM!!!!

记忆模糊了 慢慢
血液还流着 旧伤
拿起潇洒的背囊
看着遥远的西方
脑袋不停地旋转 很忙

朋友说受了伤要去流浪
我却说 麻烦
何不直接往床上躺
继续陪在寂寞身旁

还记得你温柔的模样
手掌扶着淌血的胸膛
终究是我当初鲁莽
还是你太会伪装
转过身就露出狐狸的模样
是我傻 还是你高章

下定决心 不想
偏偏你像个孩子一样
跑进 心里 乱闯
悲 痛 哀 伤 乱
怎么 感觉 不一样

朋友说受了伤就去流浪
我还是觉得 麻烦
温软的床也该被冷藏
寂寞 用来疗伤

还记得你温柔的模样
手掌扶着淌血的胸膛
终究是我当初鲁莽
还是你实在太会伪装
转过身来露出狐狸的模样
对你的记忆我已埋葬
不再感受你的心房
你说你只是将它隐藏
别傻 我不再彷徨

不再记得你温柔的模样
再也没有淌血的胸膛
也许我实在是太过鲁莽
连你的谎言都不能拆穿

猛然发现 都是假象
我放弃了狐狸的肩膀
却爱上 另一只狼

Happy Chinese New Year guyz!

I wasn't really awaiting for this CNY earlier,
cause i don't really feel the atmosphere earlier,
but now, I felt glad for the whole CNY,
it's quite a wonderful one.

Gathering with friends and family everyday,
gambling, eating, wearing those nice outfits,
wow, this is the first time i really enjoy it that much.

Although I start working by the fifth day of new year,
but it's quite a nice working experience,
cause we get the chance to visit snake temple,
and khoo kongsi, and those famous places in Penang,
that i never paid any attention of it.
I never knew, these places are that happening during big events,
I memang katak tempurung and shame to be a Penangaite.
The third day of work we planned to shoot the 庙会 around jetty,
it's a event that show's the diffrent surname's culture around that area,
and was so super happening there.
My senior fall sick and the shooting was cancelled.
But i wa glad tho, not about my senior felt sick,
but that I get the chance to visit there with
Pei, Yee Yean, Kit Zai n Seow Wei before they're back to KL.
Unfortunately Mel cannot come along with us,
otherwise it will be more fun!

Took lotsa picture that night,
and met Cun, Yang ming n Gene,
they were performing,
miss Chun n Bian so much,
luckily still c one of them.

Last night, is the 8th day of Chinese Lunar calender,
which Chinese celebrates T i Kong Seh.
Very happening around jetty area,
because of the Chew jetty,
they are having big celebration.

Wow, the fireworks are marvellous!
you can imagine how long they put it,
and it just above me,
i dare not look up as i'm scared that it drop into my eye.
my flesh get burn tho, but just minor burned.

My boss and senior, they're are cool,
no fear facing the firework and keep on shooting so near.
Broadcasting seems to be a hard subject after last night,haha,
need to really work hard in it.

I hope all my friends are having fun in this CNY,
and all the best wishes to you guyz!

It's hard to be the only man in a family,
it's even harder if the 'man' is a girl,
it get worse when it's a divorce family,
and suffers if theret is a nagging patient.

It's really difficult to be the only child.
people always says,
owh, how good to be the only child,
must be spoilt and can do whatever u like.

HELL NO!

maybe that's for majority,
but definately not to me.

Being a man in a family is not that easy.
I am the 'man',
not physically, but i was like doing everything a man did,
besides of my mum's is still paying for the fees and leavings.

Girl will never be man,
no matter how strong she is.
at least I'm applied to this theory.
I always tried to be strong,
and act that i can carry any problems,
but deep in my heart,
i doubt that am I that strong?
I felt tired and to be spoilt,
just like other kids,
and don need to do all those rough works too.

haih, this is about life,
something that cannot be decide,
whether to born in which family,
and also your own fate.
is fate in our own hand,
or we are born with our own fate?

suddenly remember something called karma,
which is one of the teachings in Buddhism.
there's once mr. old man give us a topic bout this,
saying that karma is that
Buddhism believes that if u do bad in this life,
after you die,
u might experience karma and have bad destiny
as a return in your next life.

i didn't actually study this,
but been heard about it since i was small,
cause i'm a Buddhist.
but i'm not really so into it tho,
I am because my family are,
and I don't bother about it.

back to karma,
through my understanding,
i got a couple of question.
okay, this is the question I asked melissa,
she's saying that in Buddhism,
a soul that leaves it's body,
get into another new born body and rebirth,
or to be a goddess in nirvana,
if u did good deeds in your lifetime.
okay,that's da question,
if it is so, there wil be oni a certain amount of soul,
but why is human rate increasing
instead of decreasing since some of them had reaches nirvana?

second question,
if the karma theory is saying that,
people wil get their punishment if they commit crime
in their previous life,
and live a bad life in the future life,
then do you think it is fair,
since the person don't have the old memory?
this causes a person suffers from sins
that he don't remember he committed before,
and keep whining for his whole life,
just because something that 'another person' did before?

okay, if you were saying,
you may do good deeds this life,
so that u might have a better afterlife,
c'mon, this is not convincing,
cause since you do not remember what happens previously,
you will definately don't know what happen next,
human are selfish.
they will not be good because of something they feel unsure.

ofcourse, doing good deeds is encourages,
cause it is something suppose to do,
for your own and for others,
but the questions above is just my curiousity,
and may be my misunderstanding about karma.

there is totally no offense to any religion.