Merry Christmas to all~~

Dilemma of Memories

there was this time i moved out from my first room in sheares, and lloyd practically made me throw out more than half the junk i have in my room, i thought i have grown immune to spring cleanings.

its nearing the end of the year, so i decided to pack my stuff at home to avoid the last minute scoldings from my mom on the eve of chinese new year... it was then i realised i was still a softie for the little things that kept memories here and there.

i messaged lloyd.

"i don't know how to throw away the letters i wrote in sec school"

he replied

"i always think if i want or need them.. if taking too much space then i clear.. if i keep then i pack in grps... sometimes need to be ruthless... but if u really want to keep then its ok.... until the day you can let go i guess..."

i threw away alot of things in the end... christmas cards, small letters and notes passed in class, letters bitching about one and another, letters trying to repair fractured friendships, etc etc etc... they were nice memories, but i guess i've learnt to let go of the tangible memories to make way for new ones...

how about you?

P.S: played this game on miniclip... its exciting and fun!! give it a try :)

2 weeks of holidays! but im bogged down by sickness... :(
phelgm, headaches...

just realised that headaches are caused by eye strain, head injury and inflammation of the nose... which in my case i tink its all 3... theres also another possibility, brain tumor.

i'm not kidding!!!!

i keep asking myself... do i have brain tumor? better go do a check up soon...

had carolling the past few days and all i want to say is that...

I LOVE CAROLLING!

carolling is fun fun fun! but sometimes it seems a little pointless to just go down to sing a song, and go back home again... hrmm...

in other news, i watched eragon with lloyd on wednesday.
we both agreed it is really frustrating! the plot, the sets all look good....
but the directing is terrible! the editing is horrible!
final verdict: read the book and imagine the whole thing out. if you must, check out the preview. the best scenes all in one trailer. its free too!

hokies... time to go for more carolling!!!

i know a million of you out there have been complaining to me about my demise from the blog...

BUT I'M BACK! I'M HERE TO STAY! pls believe me!

here's a change of wallpaper... not here to stay but at least it freshens up the look... right?

by the way, these few months have been really fruitful, and i have learnt much in studies as well as in life:

things i have learnt
-family is always the most important people in your life
-as an architecture student, your belief in architecture have to be consistant in your designs, so when you fail to impress your tutors, at least your conscience is clear
-friends will always be friends no matter how long you haven't seen or talk to them
-the world will move on without you, so theres no time to sulk and pout when you fail
-theres always so many ways of looking at a situation, don't give yourself excuses
-keep your composure no matter what pours in, you will manage to accomplish all you've set out to do eventually

let's push ourselves forward in this shitty world, my sisters and brothers!

yes me dearies. im so so sorry... my blog has apparently died!

basically ive been busy with a few stuff here and there... term design assignment, immediately follwed by Sheares Exposure Camp 2006. all of which finally ended!

things are quite alright now. ive checked out of hall and moved back home. of cos theres much lesser freedom, but i feel blessed in a way because i have my family with me everyday and my biological clock is slowly tuning back to normal.

but im still the same lazy old me haha!

basically what has been going on for this whole void period since i last blogged was that i went on a road trip in malaysia with team fong on 15th may night until 21st. xinjia, jon, prawn, shux, lloyd and me.

the road trip was alot of walking. but i guessed we walked as much as we ate! the food, the food! wow now thinking about it really makes me crave mildly for the food in malaysia...

we took train to KL, and reached on 16th, where we met molly, who then joined us for the rest of the trip. we then met huilian and her amazing dad in klang


then huilian brought us to town and then to the scenic jetty where she does her paintings


we spent the first 2 nights at molly's place in KL! its a huge house but deep within the suburbs. we met her mom and dad there, who really missed her alot, and her now infamous pet dog, Totti


we all got pretty comfortable with her place, esp shux, who cannot forget to maintain his classy image while sleeping...
BEHOLD! an exclusive photo! i've decided to post it Free of Charge. Andrea u better start reading my blog!


the second day in KL, molly's mom brought us to a dim sum eating place, where they are long time customers of... THE DIM SUM WAS GREAT!!!


not abandoning our architectural values we went to the petrona's tower. all i can say is that its really a piece of work that deserves recognition for the consistency in concept and design
one of my favourite photos


on the 3rd day made our way to ipoh where we met up with chinwei! he brought us around to one of the most famous temple around. the catch is this: the temple is built IN a cave! a truly spectacular piece of work. we bought food for the countless tortoises that was in the enclosure. what i found a little amusing this that they actually have a greek fountain at the courtyard


then we had a mid-breakfast/tea at one of the coffeeshops chinwei brought us to. we bought the famous white coffee and then proceeded to taste one of the best breakfasts in modern history


the rest of the day we walked around the city area and we met chinwei's good friend, er. i cant remember his name. but hes a nice chap who likes swimming. somehow it turned into a scandalous affair between molly and him, HAHA! for scandalous photos of them, please refer to jon's blog!

we spent the night at hotel lucky. its really small and cosy, we had a family room thats dirt cheap! oh IPOH!
heres jon chilling out in the early morning in front of the tv watching malay shows that made no sense to us


then we proceeded on to penang the treasure island of georgetown. we got lost in georgetown, and we are HAPPY! we landed upon a stationary shop and it was CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP!!! food was STUPENDOUS! but we finally found the wonderful shophouse down cintra street... and we walked around and took ALOT of photos. funny enough the place really reminded us of our first field trip in malacca


we heard there was a beach... right. its just the coast! where we sipped F&N orange juice out of glass bottles and tried skimming pebbles in the choppy waters


the last day we reached malacca after a long almost 10 hours bus ride. i swore my butt muscles and fats turned stone cold. malacca! it was totally like home sweet home to us... every corner, every street! nostalgia! we went on to eat the milk fish the girls have been craving for, and the night market was bustling with activities!
the only hiccup was we got split from jon and prawn in the market!! but all's well ends well~ :)

for more pictures, videos and stuff, refer to jon's blog!

then after the malaysia road trip i had secc. it was quite fun, at least for the campers, while i haf to admit i never had the leadership qualities in the first place but im glad everything went as planned and everyone was alrighty happy in the end! i'll upload the photos another time!

on thursday me and lloyd went to mich's bdae bbq at sentosa! it was really nice because it was just the few of us, and we all had a fun time with each other. thanks mich! and happy 21st!!!!!! *huggies*

on friday we had a mini 29/03 BBQ at mel's place! haha it was like a showcase of each other's better half! i guess we've all changed, but still remained the same in some ways :) and i wasnt a TIGRESS ok joan!!! AHH!!! oh ya. joan came back from london, and haha i reallllllyyy miss her alot! thinking abt the last time i talked to her on the phone, i was at the field trip while she was at the airport. and i couldnt help it and i cried over the phone. now we're all happy again! im glad she still loves us as much/ more than before! :)

well with regards to joan's post, i guess its right that some Christians do go a little overboard about their evangelising... but i guess i understand its because of their little impatience on helping their friends to be saved. sometimes i too want my loved ones to be saved but such things cannot be forced... so i guess we'll just have to be a little patient to make things work :)

rainy days are here.

has anyone thought about whats happening now? new generation of politicial leaders, new generation of citizens. many of my eligible friends have voted for the opposition parties, and just by looking at all the pictures of people going to O.P rallies amazes and scares me at the same time.

i live in a block that happens to belong to a walkover constituency (my family realised that couple of days ago) but the excitment can be felt just the next block away. we live in bukit panjang, and by geographical and logical reasoning, we belong to the bukit panjang constituency. ALAS, when we failed to receive our voting cards on 2nd may, we realised we are still stuck to the holland-bukit timah constituency.

i wish i really belonged in the holland-bukit timah area. then i wouldnt be living in a HDB flat with canto profanity-spouting, mop dripping, tatooed neighbours. the reason why holland bukit timah is a walkover? its HOLLAND and BUKIT TIMAH for Gods sake. how many singaporeans can truly afford a place there? zoe tay? fann wong?

why am i NOT in bukit panjang constituency when i still have to take the fucked up LRT and squeeze with the same smelly people who belong in it? not forgetting to mention how outraged my modesty has already become.

this is the first time i felt so strongly as a singaporean. finally something where everyone has a part in, where everyone has as much right as each other to make a decision that matters to everyone. this is perfect... democracy. that is what we have all pledged for the last 3 decades, every morning, in every school.

how many singaporeans have felt that they haf been living under a deteriorating government for the past 3 decades? i dont know, i dont want to be caught by the government and make a public apology and get jailed and having to pay fines for the rest of my life for defamation. but just look at the pple who went for the rallies and the cock ups that PAP made by accident.

they are not as steadfast as we thought they are. maybe they were. but they have been down on their guard for too long, and unable to recover when a sudden surge of pple who are desperate to improve things emerge. thats when u start to make mistakes of saying things wrongly, start sounding too arrogant more than enough for the public to notice.

after all, what do you new politicians know? how many of you dont drive a car and live in HDB and have to take the LRT to work every fucking day? how many of you come from average secondary schools and junior colleges? how many of you pass your time hanging out with friends to find the best local food in hawker centres? thats how many of the opposition politicians there are up there, who are more likely to relate to us common public, politicians who dont call others donkeys, selfish and cheaters.

that being said, its the time for us to make a decision, which in any choice we will change our future, slowly but surely. singapore's political scene may face a new revolution yet. good luck to all fellow singaporeans :)

yes much compromise is necessary but i'll never suck up the self-implemented house rules, especially the "must"s. dont give me that tone like ive committed a heinous crime and the next moment apologise with that doe-eyed look. all that big talk with self-indignance puts me OFF. the irony.

maybe i just need to go over less.

and it ended in a flash.
its the weirdest exams ive ever taken.
just 10days to study for 3 papers. and its over.
i dont feel relieved, i dont feel happy. and im not the only one!

thomaso and geraldine feels the same way. rest of team fong has yet to finish their papers.

looking back at year one... its been one hell of a big change of working environment. im sure everyone in archi would agree. we've seen 90 over people come and now we're left with 79. in just year one. i dont know how we're gonna pull through all the way...

team fong is still intact :)

how long can we survive?

tomorrow will be the start of the sem 2 exams
im terrified but calm in a way

since end of crit i spent the whole 9 days with lloyd studying for exams
hes already done with bu and archi con
im still stuck at bu
i havent touched formulae since jc
i havent come across the world of Physics since sec sch
help...

halfway i broke down and cried non stop
i dont know why
i think it might be a stroke of depression
lloyd said "u're scaring me"
then i looked at myself in the mirror

omg i look fucking ugly
then i stopped crying and started studying

my sis and bro are going orlando for 9 days
i hope they enjoy themselves
they're going places like times square st pauls and trinity church
they promised to take more photos of architectural buildings
i feel so excited for them
going to see the buildings that i hear jumeng talk about...
but i tink they werent as excited as me
they also get to go to visit the kennedy space centre
i love space
i want to be an astronaut
but im scared i'll be lost in space
ive asked for an orlando magic jersey
i hope they wont buy just that.

they are flying off at 4am later
im really sad i cant send them off the airport
my mom will be alone and lonely
i love her... i will ask her to come live with me in hall
while i study for my exams

ahhh... im wasting time now...
shall go for last min revision now

maybe later cook noodles to eat
shit im not supposed to eat supper
:(

love can be a really scary thing.

one moment you're so in love, and the next its all over.

Perhaps love really needs God to guide the way right from the beginning.

----------------
i feel whats holding us together is our belief for God. and the belief that neither of us will ever give up on each other, that He has given us the sacred gift of love, and love from the heart cannot be easily given and retrieved. and of course, the special something we feel for each other deep inside.

what i fear is that we'll fall into the footsteps of many others, gradually immune to the little things we do for each other, taking love for granted, more easily irritated with each other, forgiving each other less easily.

its times like this u need Him to be there for the 2 of you... to pull both back together to forgive and appreciate each other more than ever.

to my friends who've fell badly... He is waiting for you accept his help and guidance.

Cease the circus act
Thy random innocent knife-throwing
For thou knowst not the pain
That thy blunt self-justified sighs
Can inflict upon

God showed thee
Not a face
Nor a body
But a single heart that now the soul ebbs from
Thou art but just man
And like the moon
Can never have a constant hold on
His ideals

The heart is worn and weary
Thus can never blame
Thy earnest eyes
And Mother's creations

Only to wither alone
Which proves to be
A merciful balm of death
Than the blade
Of words and love juxtaposed
A concotion of pain

i miss lying/sitting on my ass. now what happened? you ask.

i fell down. slipped. in the washroom. while bathing. it was quite a horrible experience that i have no desire to renarrate out in the blog. the main point is i cut my right butt cheek on the tile that was jutting out. a real bad abrasion.

lloyd immediately came to the rescue. not much to rescue though. the pain had by then subsided then he attended to the wound by making me air it. after that we went to watch zoolander and had char kway teow at selegie. bad choice.

day two the wound got infected. red and pussy (i meant there was alot of pus) which made me panicked for real. day 3 the doctor easily dismissed my case as "superficial abrasion" and gave me anticeptic cream. it was better than nothing...

so today is day 4. im here lying on my tummy, or on my left side and i cant sit properly. tomorrow school starts. GREAT. wad holidays again?

lloyd took care of me and bought me my meals and applied the cream for me regularly. im starting to forget how life was without him during such treacherous times. my ass would have probably rot 5 times over before it finally gets healed.

i know im supposed to keep it dry but i HAVE to bathe. so everytime theres the possibility of getting much better (dry) it gets wet and the bloody wound gets tender and painful again. fuck it man.

tomorrow sheares production begins. im involved in the preshow and seems like i have to perform with a pain in the ass. literally. ah what the heck. through all this pain, at least i have the love of a good man.

read a studio mate's blog and saw this quiz... its eerily accurate...

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

finally finally FINALLY. submission OVER.

we're making a blog!!!

:)

i find myself blogging in the busiest of times, where everything around me requires me to commit (drama archi swc shaca) all at once, i just need to run away and sort out my thoughts. thats where blogging comes in.

so many things have happened, so many thoughts, so much feelings, i cant write them all down right now. but what i can say is im not in the best of moods, to put it mildly.

its not necessarily "bad mood", but more of being in the "grey area". so many things presented before me, and i dont know what and how to make out of it. things that are neither good nor bad, but just makes me re-evaluate things ive always thought were enough. or right. or good.

its worse than being in a bad mood, at least u noe you are supposed to be frustrated or displeased. hanging in the middle of nowhere just makes things less clear, i have this freaking urge to computerise everything in my life, so that i can clearly decide how to feel right now.

do i want what i have right now?
can i handle what im doing right now?
is what im doing right?
what am i doing things for?

yes. thats the most impt question. what am i doing things for? what are YOU doing things for? the model answer should be "you do things for yourself." but no one does that. because that will automatically earn you the label of "selfish", or "insensitive".
hence when things change, you cannot expect yourself to lead the same life as before. there are more things and consequences to consider. especially the people around you. humans ARE complex animals. they have feelings that you are directly conscious of. yet by conveniently being indifferent or choosing to ignore or thinking that things will run smoothly is an obviously erronous conception. humans are smart. they interpret things and derive EMOTIONS that no one can ever say thats right or wrong to have. however, what they THINK can be evaluated as right or wrong. perhaps you believe things can work out by adopting a certain way. but the truth is it CANNOT. not when humans are involved.

after talking for so long, you still have no idea what this is about?

neither do i.

dont worry. its a classic architecture gesture.

being outrageously ambiguous.

nevermind. im just very tired.

chinese new year. again.

arent you all sick of the same old boring stuff?

i'll go, eat, watch and greet the same places, shows and people as i did last year, and the year before, and the year before before and the year before before before, and... you get the point.

dread aside, i could use this break. not like ive been working hard recently, but at least theres this perfect opportunity to slack without guilt. and eat. whoops.

looking at the resolutions ive made... i really THINK ive been following them strictly. BUT ive tried! i havent touched the indonesian food stall, no real supper! er... didnt really eat fruits, ran... twice?

ARGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

enough lamenting. came across something frm anne morrow lindbergh... have realised and understood alot.

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and
flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but
living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides."

nope... not breaking my resolution of healthy living by sleeping early. just bathed and waiting for my hair to dry, might as well blog something. havent blogged for a week plus!

studio so far has been ok. cos i didnt put in much effort (group project, and being the only girl) today we begin a one month project on the colonial core in singapore, along the arts house. this place is mightily important to me. it stores a huge part of my life and passion, with the arts house and victoria theatre and concert hall, as well as old huiguan. i hope i wont screw it up this time round!! btw i love my tutor. hes a set designer for many singapore productions and hes so encouraging and so deep sometimes i feel like a speck of dust particle next to him. fong is funny, but that doesnt change the fact that hes an obnobxious MCP.

i miss team fong. i miss the songs, i miss the jokes and i miss the yaya papaya feeling that im in the most happening studio group. sigh.

hall has been piling me with so many things i just feel like fainting. or quitting hall and renting a place near sch. ok the latter sounded absurd. anyways, i like my room, and the people, but not the activities!!! TOO MUCH LER!! H.E.L.P!

shaca opening for funka at taka was ok... i made a huge mistake (whats new) by missing out a whole chunk of words, but i managed to remember my lines and finish the song. errrk. jon forgot to come (?@#$#@%$) while lloyd sat behind the huge stone lion breathing in 2nd hand smoke. diao. sis happened to be in taka, so she also watched. happy :)

and i have a freaking huge craving for sashimi. i remember in kushinbo i hardly touched any, but after that 2.5 pieces at genki with team fong and shawn, oh my goodness. it just DOESNT die off. darn.

God has been good to us so far. though i still feel like wringing the necks of the girls who talk to lloyd, i know at the end of the day, its me who has seen the ugly side of him and his deep dark secrets. hahaha!! *rubs hands together with evil look* important things ive learnt is never to use your template of how things should be done or said onto anything, be open about your thoughts, and to compromise whenever possible.

my hair's dry. everyone, do try to sleep early... HEALTHY LIVING!

just barely 40 hours of the new year and a WHOLE lot of work piled up!!!!

quick announcement!!!

into hip hop dance and bling blings? come watch NUS funkamania dance competition... semifinals/prelimanaries!!

ok i dont exactly know when's the finals cos shacapella is only scheduled for the semi's opening!!

venue: taka
date: 14th jan (sat)
time: 7pm (i think)

shaca's only singing 2 songs, one by juniors and one by seniors, which means i'll haf 2mins of stage time hahaha... plspls all come and support the event!!! junsheng toad (dunnno if tat is in or not) mark fangxi waylon i tink janice too are all dancing!!

brand new year... same old shit...

these are my new year resolutions:

1. i will focus on healthy living
2. i will run at least twice a week
3. i will eat a fruit before my dinner
4. i will not overeat
5. i will stay away from uncle vincent's supper
6. ok maybe except the chicken wings, once a fortnight HAHAHA
7. i will train myself to be focused with speed and accuracy for my assignments
8. i will continue to be nice to my friends and family
9. i will TRY to be nicer to the people i dont like
10. i will continue to lead my life with laughter and without regrets
11. i will try not to break my promises
12. i will read more and play less
13. i will pamper myself with movies like i did before
14. i will bury myself with work and music to drown out the negative feelings that i may feel
15. i will donate 10cents to every needy i see
16. i will start going for cell with sueann and live in His way
17. i will manage and spend my time wisely

happy 2006 to everyone!