The Mind Won't Rest

Well, I went to do the forms this morning for Brad's dental/hospital visit, and then unfortunately had to cancel that and go back to we will try doing them in the chair. Don't get me wrong I knew it wouldn't be free **but** I was not expecting her to tell me it was going to be $780 + the dentist fee on top of that. I nearly hit the floor, the procedure is only half hour and it's for 2 small fillings. I really didn't want to put him through the needles and drills at this early age, but unfortunately that is just out of our financial reach at the moment. :(
*sigh*

I am now on antibiotics as I have an infected finger (grr) the guy that does my nails and does a brilliant job normally had a bit of a slip with the machine and I have a slight cut on the side of my nail, which you guessed it - has become infected. Oh well :(
I am starting to feel like the doctors clinic is a regular drop in for our family at the moment!!

But all in all after a rather stressful shopping expedition with the kids this afternoon I am still in fairly good spirits.
Hate this heat though !!!!

A friend and I went for a walk this morning after dropping our boys at kinder. We found this great little track not far from kinder and walked for 1 1/2 hours. I feel great, alot more relaxed and alot calmer than I have felt in awhile. I think exercise is a help and the fact that I have started catching up on some sleep :)
I then went out to meet a friend for a coffee, and the kids were well behaved!! so all around I have had a really cool day. Tomorrow is catch up on the housework day I think!!

I had to take Sian to the Doc on monday arvo :( Brad was playing pretend police he tells me and Sian's elbow was pulled, so the doc gave it a twist and you wouldn't even know she was hurt 5 minutes before!! I gave him a talking to about being more gentle when playing, but sometimes I think Sian plays as rough as Brad anyway. I am sure there will be worse than that to come yet (really hope not though).
I have rand today and Brad goes in for his xrays tomorrow to make sure his missing tooth is somewhere about and also wether he will have enough room for all his teeth on his bottom jaw as the dentist thinks they are a little too crowded. He has teeth like his dad's in that regards. Funny how the missing upper tooth runs in Gareth's family too.
I have also booked him in to the dental hospital to have his fillings done and made sure Gareth has the day off. I think it is going to be a hard day for me. But all round I think it will be less traumatic for him.
But we will get there :) I have now started making him brush his teeth more times in a day in hope it may help in the future. But from what the dentist was explaining, he would like Brad to have seals put on his back teeth when the permanent ones start coming through, so that they are protected better.

I have always hated going to the dentist, as most people probably do. But today was horrible for me, more so for my DS than myself. I make him brush his teeth and also help him brush his teeth, maybe I give him stuff that I shouldn't, but I was sad when they dentist told me that he has 2 holes that need to be filled :( So the options are general anesthetic - which I think could be better as he can have them both done at once and it will be a little less traumatic, although I don't like the idea of him going under general anesthetic. OR he can have them done in the chair, I think this is a option that will get him used to dentists a little more, but I think it could also make him terrified of dentists like I was and have been most of my life. So it is a call that we have to make and after discussing, I think we may go the general anesthetic option. It will be horrible either way and emotional for me (remembering I am a big sook) . The dentist has also sent us for xrays as he has a tooth missing at the top and the teeth at the bottom are over crowded (just like his dad!!)
On other fronts, I have been struggling for motivation with my scrapping, so last night I had a play with some digital stuff, I am quite happy with the result.
Gareth has finally got me to give in on the pay tv issue and we are having it installed next monday! But when the guy was showing us all the iq stuff I must say I was extremely impressed. I just kinda feel like we don't need MORE tv lol. But this way he gets to see his beloved team Man City play in the English Premier League :)


Paper & elements - Murano by ScrapKitchen
Hessian Flower - Lauren Bavin

good outlet for anger I have found......
a friend had made some comments the other night that I found to be really nasty, but I didn't realise how angry I was until this morning when I decided to not sign into my chat client so that I didn't have to talk to her. I know this is being cowardly but I really don't like confrontation. So anyway last night before bed I scrubbed and cleaned the whole bathroom and then today I have tidied scrubbed and rearraged my kitchen. I feel SO much better and I have a lovely clean kitchen :)
Only problems is ... it's 11.45pm and I have to be up before 7 again in the morning.... never mind it's nearly the weekend

I have decided I have to get me a copy of Bobby McFerrin's 'Don't Worry Be Happy' song. It brings back so many memories and never fails to bring a smile to my face.
another reason to smile is being told 'you look like you have lost about 5kg' -YAY!! people are starting to notice my weight loss and thats a real boost to my moral.

My beautiful DD had her first ever haircut today :) - and the little poser that she is now says 'cheeese' whenever she sees the camera hahaha

After my down, I am on the way up again, life is such a roller coaster.

Friday, Brad had his first day at kinder and LOVED it. I met some mums and they all seem lovely. Friday night I bought (thanks to Gareth) a shape boss and some card stock. Then we had kfc for dinner, which all helped 'retail therapy' lol. Then home to cyber crop with some wonderful ladies and I managed to finish all my cards for the swap I am involved in with LC's (www.lcscreative.com.au) which is great. Although I didn't get any of the challenges even started.(oh well) I am now moving on to the circle journal entry I need to do. I have a few ideas but so far nothing is gelling for me. Will have to sleep on it I think....

Saturday was swimming for the kids in the morning, followed by a relaxing day around home which involved more scrapping. yay!! But by this morning I was dead tired... self inflicted, 2 nights of bed at 2am and waking up to the kids before 7am and I am feeling it now, yet I keep doing it to myself haha... here it is nearly midnight and still not contemplating bed yet even though I am totally buggered.
Gareth (DH) is off work tomorrow to watch the superbowl, so I might just have to try and snag a lie in :)
We have watched Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde 2 tonight and I think they are pretty cool movies... I always was a sucker for a happy ending :)
Sian has been a little under the weather the last few days, she has not been her normal self, she has had a very mild temp and is so clingy, poor little love, gave me the biggest cuddles for about 15 minutes or more when I got her out of bed this afternoon. She is like a magnet (I really don't mind and think it's quite cute) but every time I walk past her this little hand comes out and grabs hold of me anywhere she can. She is really a little angel. I am so blessed to have 2 gorgeous and mostly well behaved kids. (remind me of this when they are being monsters).
The only bit of sad/upsetting news I have had is that my brother and his fiancee have broken up. I am hoping they will sort things out, they have 2 darling little girls who are really going to suffer if they don't.

Ohhhh I have lost another kilo too, which always helps on the positive and happy feelings.

til next time :)

ps - thanks for all the lovely comments

Well, I managed to do a heap of cleaning today and the place didn't look too bad. But you wouldn't know it now...Give the kids 5 minutes and they can easily undo a whole days work!!
I had a fairly good day with kids being really good and getting stuff done, but then BAM this afternoon, something happened and all of a sudden I was back in a hole :( I feel anxious and insecure again and want to hide myself away in a little hole. I don't know what triggers it or why, but it really is wearing me down. I just want to cry, maybe it's just hormones.
I feel so alone at the moment, I am not that the thing, I have people around me, so how can I feel alone? I just don't know, I need something I wish I knew what. Maybe I really do need to consider seeking some counselling or something, I really don't want to live like this, I want to be happy and not care what people think of me all the time and worry that people don't like me. I have to learn to accept that there are things that I just can't change no matter how hard I try.
Oh well I think maybe I should just sleep on it tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one emotionally.

We had our weekend away with friends camping and it was truly wonderful (apart from the weather !!). I haven't been camping for so long and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed it, although this site we were at had showers and toilets!! Don't know how I will go when we go without showers and toilets haha. The kids played in the rain and had mud fights, which they loved too. By Sunday night I think everyone was glad to be home though. Soooo tired. Here it is Wednesday and I don't think I have caught up on sleep yet!! Brad had his first day at kinder today, it was like an orientation day, he loved it and is looking forward to 'Big' Kinder this year. The teachers are lovely and the kinder itself is nice and quiet and in a beautiful setting. I think it will be a wonderful year for him. On the weight front I have been rather slack with exercise and eating habits are sliding backwards :( I think I need to get back on track with this and soon. At this point I haven't gained weight again, but if I am not careful I will. I spoke for nearly 2 hours on the phone to a friend tonight. I am really glad we became friends as she is a wonderful person and is very understanding as she is in the same boat as me, but she has been through some stuff that is so much worse. I have officially finished my first BOM page today. I am doing an 8 x 8 album and totally love it. I think this size will be better for me. I like 12 x 12, but struggle to get them to a point that I love. This 8 x 8 is something I am really pleased with. Not so much blank space. I have to get myself into gear as I have a birthday card swap that I need to finish cards for. I have today signed up for another swap, I have a CJ on it's way for me to do and there is also 2 more challenges that I want to do. But in saying that, I do have until the end of Feb to finish most of this stuff, so I should be ok. Well that's me pretty much up to date for another week. :)