My mother recently passed away... 10 days before my birthday. My bro and his wife were over for dinner and when we were cleaning up, we got the call. My bro comes into the kitchen, puts his hand on my shoulders and says, "Mom just passed away." My mind went wheeling and all I could think of to say was, "Are you teasing me?" (Yes - there's a LOT of history with teasing - but more on that later.) A look of shock crossed his face and he said he wouldn't kid about something like that. I KNOW that... but it was just an elbow-jerk of a reaction to what he said.
My mother's health went downhill back in the fall of last year, 2005. After a long period of time, she began rehabilitation and was at the point where she could walk 20 steps... 10 of them being unassisted by a claw-footed cane. But then... she started having grand-mal seizures. One thing led to another and her health deteriorated again to the point that she passed away.
I know I'm leaving out a lot of details - I'm not ready to write them yet. The thing is... I don't know how I'm supposed to grieve. I guess I shouldn't rely on what society says I should do but I feel so lost. Little things keep making me cry. Like... Dobies - the washing/scrubbing thingies. I would visit my mother and she always had one that was just nasty - old. So I took it upon myself to supply new ones ever so often. I was at the store the other day - and I saw a pack of Dobies and just teared up. I was at a fabric store and saw a wind-chime that I remember my mother having, and tears just started streaming down my face.
All of these reminders - little inconsequential things I never would have thought would pack a wallop of a memory during this time....
And all I can keep thinking is the (likely mis)quote from the "Pirates of Penzeance" movie - where the Major-General asks the pirates, "Are you saying you're an Orphan as in fffrrrequently? Or Orphan as in one who has lost their parents?"