La la la laaaahhhh!

Migraines suck. They just do.

I can deal with the occasional headache... most of the time but migraines?

NO.

The pain gets so bad that I become self-destructive.

I said it.

Not proud of it.

It's just that pain can outweigh migraine pain.

Helps me focus on something else.

I know.

Stupid.

I have done a lot better over the years.

To not physically hurt myself.

Instead, I take it out on my hair.

So I now have bangs.

And am tempted to go chop more of my hair off.

Hero won't let me.

I'm falling here.

No relief in sight.

Can't find a doctor.

No money to go to urgent care.

Migraines suck.

Life sucks.

And I have bangs that I hate.

Stupid depression! Stupid pms! Isn't pms the stupidest thing ever? How it totally magnifies every crabby thought? Every hurt feeling? Every crazy action?

ARGH!

I am really trying to work through it. I was just feeling so low the other night when I posted about how nobody seems to want my help. I took it personal. I shouldn't. Even if it was personal. You know? People were asking for specific help and I offered but for whatever reason... :shrugs shoulders:

Whatevs.

I say that but it still kind of stings.

Okay. MOVING ON! I have a lovely post coming up! If I can ever finish it! I keep adding to it and then think it's too long, people are going to jump ship! So I trying to be more succint. Ha. I've never used that word before. Hope I used it in the right context.... now I'm doubting.... stop! Stop Sara!

Carry on.

Do me a favor though, will ya? Smile really big at the next person you see. Smile so big that your cheeks hurt & your eyes almost disappear. Does it make that person happy to see you smiling so big or does it make them suspicious?

It always makes my Hero suspicious. I don't know why.

heh.

What does one do when they want to be of service and yet they're told over and over again, "We'll keep you in mind."  Or they say it's all taken care of and then you find out later that they're still needing help. Frustrating.

I promise I'm not a leper! I wash my hands! I don't take 23 things into the 10-item only check-out lane! I promise!

The kicker is? It's not just one person telling me this. It's multiple! What?!?

That does NOT do a body good.

Just sayin'.

Sigh.

Carry on.

This is more for me than you. So - go ahead and just go on your merry way. I know, go pin! (Not this! Egads!)

This move has done a number on us financially. Hero took a huge paycut to get into a particular company. We managed things though. But then things kept creeping in... things we weren't expecting. Like $300 a month power bill, sky-high water bill (due to a running toilet, how did we not figure that one out? Urgh!) and and and lots o'stuff!

I have been so careful to do my part to support the family by not shopping for clothes, toiletries, etc.. My clothes are threadbare and I have exactly one pair of capri pants that are passable for being out in public. I do have dresses but I ain't gonna wear them as I have to wear heels and I'm sorry, I'm just not one of those that dress up to go to the grocery store. Which I don't do anyway. (Hubby goes to WinCo which is up by his work and gets our groceries for the month.) I also make my own laundry soap, hang our clothes on the line (hello, it gets dry within 20 minutes here! Good ol'Arizona sun.) I make bread, tortillas, hamburger buns, use food storage. Swap clothes with a friend so my kids have uniforms for school. I don't have any lights on in the house until 8:30 at night when it's absolutely dark and I need to see. I make the kids stay out of their rooms and stay in the living room so we don't have to use electricity to light up their rooms. I don't blow-dry my hair.

And yet, we're a hundred bucks too short for anything! Just can't get ahead and it's killing us.

At the dinner table tonight, I told my children that we really need to be careful with electricity and water because even when (not if!) daddy gets a new job, we wouldn't see that extra income for awhile. I also asked them to remember daddy in their prayers because he's really stressed and we're not sure if we'd be able to live in this house anymore. When I blessed the food, I broke down... being thankful for the food on the table. I opened my eyes to see my precious Big Guy in tears just sobbing. I called him over and told him that I loved him and to not be afraid. That we need to keep exercising faith that things will work out. One way or another. That Heavenly Father knows we're struggling and we need to know that He loves us and wants us to be happy. And again, things will work out. He calmed down and sat to eat dinner. A few minutes later, he said, "I'm going to give Dad all of my money. That will help." He walked into his room and brought me his two pennies. Guess who just broke down and sobbed? Yes, me. Oh how I love that son of mine! I thanked him and said I'd give them to Daddy and that yes, it would make a difference.

He doesn't really know or understand the monetary value involved but you know what? His "widow's mite" showed me what a beautiful, Christ-like heart he has. He gave all he had.

Excuse me while I go sob some more.

Urgh. I need to do a word vomit. A big messy one.

My Big Guy, my middle child, was involved in a scuffle at school. Yes. We got a call from the principal who explained the situation.

He was going to the bathroom when 2 boys came in and one of them proceeded to say that he was afraid of "that kid!" meaning BG. BG thought to himself, "What? I'm only 6 years old!" So he crawled into the stall where the two boys had locked themselves in to ask him why he was afraid of him. The boys freaked out and climbed the wall and over the side into the next stall. Big Guy unlocked the stall and came out and one of the boys kicked him so my kid decided to deck him back in the side. The second boy decided to get involved and started kicking my son. During this, BG told the 1st guy to knock it off otherwise he was going to go tell a teacher. Both kids ran out and it so happened that a teacher happened to see BG on the floor. When he came out (after washing his hands no less), the teacher called him over to ask what happened. He told her a... sanitized version. The principal told my son that we do not solve problems with violence and while it was good he defended himself, he shouldve had a teacher come in right away. The other two boys? They were sent home.

The sanitized version he told the principal was he was going potty, one of the kids looked at him over the stall and he told him to knock it off otherwise he'd tell the teacher. The kid came and started kicking him so he punched him back (kudos for keeping true on that particular point!) and then the 2nd kid started whaling on him too.

Now, I don't know what to do. If he hadn't crawled into the stall, all of this could have been avoided.

help. advice?