sábado, mayo 21, 2005

feeling old

i had lunch with ac friends rae and jade today (rhesa could only stay a while). we got to talking about the future: getting a job, earning enough money, evading taxes (they end up elsewhere anyway). that kind of stuff.
they asked me why i still didn't have a job. or if i were even looking. sure, i am. i need money for books and my other eccentricities. but more importantly, it's about time i got started on really making my own life, whatever that may mean. but i haven't applied for anything because i don't know what i want to do (reality bites: i want to get paid to travel, like those lucky folks on discovery channel). mind you, the future seems pretty bleak for us: few job opportunities, inadequate pay, increasing prices. more and more people leave home and country every day but that's not what this entry is about.

rae voiced the question that has been haunting me for a quite a while now: what do you want? it's essentially the rut i'm (still) stuck in. i can say, "well, i want to be happy: good job, nice house, loving husband, wonderful kids, etc, etc..." who doesn't? but somehow it still doesn't answer the question. figure it out then, she said, then you can take the next step.

coach, i do hope i return to where i belong. and that you'll be there, too.

* * *

i couldn't sleep last night so i took alex out and went through my pictures again. reminiscing college days, not that they are so very far away. but they are gone now. anyway, i had a good laugh watching my videos: of the bears having a tickle fight, crisgee singing/dancing with a coconut, jilly & dean blowing out their birthday candles.*le sigh* i miss those days.

and i feel really old now. my age is creeping up on me. when i went to the dfa to submit my application for the fsoe, the lady i happened to be with actually asked me where i was working. and then earlier, i was walking rae to her stop when this guy came up to me and offered flyers for "my kids". oh god, now THAT was a first! 0_o

sand scribbles by isea , 10:32 a. m. | 1 shell-cut feet

lunes, mayo 09, 2005

happy mother's day!

as i join the worldwide celebration of motherhood, i write this entry not to praise my own dear Marmee but in recognition of other great women i've had the pleasure of knowing.

among my friends' moms, there are three i feel particularly fond of. tita violy, rae's mom, makes me feel as though i were one of her own: calling me 'anak' and preparing her special rosemary chicken dish when i come to visit. in high school, my barkada usually went to sherrie's house in makati for group projects because it was the most convenient and tita shirley kept us well-fed with chocolate. (i miss those lindt truffles o_0.) having met tita tin personally (and reading jilly's blog), i'd say she's just the coolest mom ever (although my mom has her cool moments, too).

inay beni santos is practically everyone's adoptive literary mommy. it was her poem (sa aking mangingibig) that led me to first appreciate filipino literature. i still get kilig whenever i see her, and especially when she replies to my text messages.

of course, when it comes to lit, achi cathy candano comes to mind with her older sister-motherly ways of nurturing her "baby fellows" and nagging, erm, encouraging me to start writing poetry. she "threatened" me once: i WILL wait. achi, you're the sweetest bitch ever. i love you.

and finally, there is a certain woman i lately realized i had a lot of respect and admiration for. i summoned up just enough guts to text her the requisite "happy mother's day" greeting and nothing more--it would have been too weird and embarassing. it must be already unusual for me to revere her so but the reason i do is really very simple. and i do hope i'd be able to tell her so someday.

dr. porio used to tell our class, "there are three ways of achieving immortality: plant a tree, write a book, have a child."

(okay, before you get any ideas, that's no excuse for another population boom. sheesh.)

happy mother's day!

sand scribbles by isea , 6:04 a. m. | 0 shell-cut feet