Pagdadapit-hapon, kita'y magbabalik sa pinanggalingan,
sugatan ang paa at sunog ang balat sa sikat ng araw! Talagang ganoon... Sa dagat man, Irog, ng kaligayahan, lahat, pati puso, ay naaagnas ding marahang-marahan... (Idelfonso Santos)
viernes, noviembre 25, 2005
who would have thought?
i used to hate this song because of the annoying vocals. but i never could get it out of my head. i've been playing it non-stop for a few days now. plus my laptop's filling up on all the hed kandi stuff my brother keeps bringing home.
omigod. i've totally flipped.
well, you know what they say about couples rubbing off on each other:
Ever After (Bonnie Bailey)
Three years ago, my journey began Chasin' down this cure, no plan in hand Just your pulse, my reason guiding the dark Just no wind with conviction from the start
The moment your eyes made an introduction I felt my second violent breath of life Flawless to the point of being godly Yet I fell for all your imperfections Now it's slightly weathered, it's slightly worn Our hands still together until after the storm I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride I still believe in ever after with you
Nothing compares to the good times Feels like we're floating when the rest of them climb You made me believe in love and not the perfect kind A real messy, beautiful, twisted sunshine
Emotions, volcanic eruptions We both took care so were still alive Tunnel vision, determination I want you, I want to make it right
Now it's slightly weathered, it's slightly worn Our hands still together until after the storm I still believe in ever after with you
Cause life is a pleasure with you by my side And there ain't no current in this river we can't ride I still believe in ever after with you You are my twisted sunshine You are my twisted sunshine
* * * i owe a few more entries but my head's hurting from the cold. more later. *mwashes*
i've actually missed writing in (on?) my blog, not really minding if anybody does read what i have to say. so, as a sort of pambawi for my unintended hiatus, an extra long entry in fragments:
* * * buntis. my friend had her ultrasound the other day and was showing off her baby's first pictures (though i really can't make anything out). we're expecting a baby girl for christmas! isn't that grand? she let me feel her tummy and i felt the baby kick. it's so amazing and i'm absolutely excited for her. yes, i admit i'm also excited about having my own some day but definitely not anytime soon, if at all. (ahem) we're not really that close,this girl and i, but i can't help fussing over her when i do get to see her: reminding her to rest her feet, eat well, and moisturize like crazy to prevent (or at least minimize) stretch marks. and she's so funny; not minding that we've taken to calling her 'buntis' and obsessively feeling her belly (she says her clothes get badly soiled at the end of the day from getting one too many belly rubs). hee. the truth is, i admire her for handling it all very well. i don't know if she's getting any support from the father of her baby and don't want to pry. when i first learned of her condition, i couldn't help feeling a little shocked because she's very much like a kid and is our resident funny girl. then i figured out, hey, it could happen to anyone. we're just about the same age. could have been me, could have been you (if you're a girl, at least).
though the circumstances are less than ideal, i still refuse to call it a mistake. if it were, then i would honestly say that i am a product of such a mistake as well and don't give a hoot. to hell with people who judge single mothers and love children. kids, 'legal' or not, are gifts to be thankful for.
* * * love actually. lately arrived in this phrase called adulthood, family and family friends (ie, them older people at the brink of entering the make-up-won't-hide-wrinkles-anymore stage) have been offering unsolicited advice on not marrying early (why the hell not?) and waiting for the good-as-a-myth perfect guy (more elusive than iggy's unicorns) because marriage has a "no return, no exchange" policy, particularly in this country unless you're willing to spend money at an annulment court.
gee, do i look like a ditz? (okay, i probably don't want an answer.) i learned that three siblings ago. gawd.
anyway, besides being appalled at their (misplaced?) idealism, i wondered about what underlying regret prompted the need to dispense such "sagely advice". thanks to theo131 (hi, sir aldem!) and m. scott peck (hehe), any illusions i had about love have been replaced by realizations. that and personal experience. i know what it's like to fall in love and to fall out of love. and lately, i've been discovering what it means to truly love. for the life of me, i can't figure out why some people want to be rid of their spouses, if only in jest. "jokes are half meant." ewan ko. i just find it very uncomfortable. perhaps i'm the one who's being idealistic. love is a constant choice, not a one time vow made at the altar.
* * * pitter-patter! if my calculations are correct, it's been a year, three months and sixteen days. fell in, fell out, and i'm falling in again, if you could still call it that.
Of lovers whose bodies smell of each other Who think the same thoughts without need of speech And babble the same speech without need of meaning - T.S. Eliot
as you say, we fit.
* * * mga kwentong UP. i've been haunting their campus for a while now. it all started with a quest for spanish 3 classes that would fit my schedule and prepare me in time for the FSO exams. took a cab the first time i went there by myself, not because i'm a priss (which i actually am, to some extent) but because it was raining and there weren't any jeeps. after a quick visit to the foreign languages department, i went on a on-foot road trip of sorts (because someone got sick, hmph) and ended up walking through most of the campus, which made for a really good romp. i only regret that i'm not of the sort that gets lost easily, if at all. it felt good to walk with air newly-washed by the rains. here are a few things i discovered:
1. contrary to popular opinion, UP has become burgis and conyo in its own right. on a poster advertising an anti-GMA rally: patalsikin si gloria, pahirap sa masa! wear retro on september 20!
2. interesting class #1: a discussion on how geographical location and environmental conditions affect sexuality and fertility.
3. interesting class #2: a workshop on sexual positions. let me guess, course title: kama sutra 101. i decided right then and there that, yes, UP frightens me.
it has a charm all its own; old if not rundown or deserted-looking buildings and wild foliage everywhere that reminded me of jurassic park. i half-expected to see a mangled body, not dinosaur dinner left-overs but a forgotten plaything of either crazy activists or crazy frat boys. yes, sue me for stereotyping but it makes my visits even more interesting.
* * * food for thought. i was at greenbelt (again) last night. after dinner at kitchen, my sister (my usual date because she's my yaya) and i went to look for dessert. found a new ice cream parlor called cold rock or cold mountain, something of the sort.
nostalgia: does anyone remember coney island ice cream? i love that! when i was a little girl (okay, a little-r girl), we'd go there for my favorite pink bubblegum ice cream topped with chocolate sticks and candy sprinkles. omigod, just the thought makes me drool. i've yet to find a new place that serves something like that. such a pity.
my appetite has improved significantly these days, i don't know why. a bunch of my HS friends and i went adventure-tripping to divisoria a few weeks back and we took the long route through chinatown. i insisted on having lunch there first, food being the foremost thing on my mind these days. and being the brat that i am, of course i had my way. sniff, never say no to chinese. or to me, for that matter.
accompanying coach for reg the other week, we were pleasantly surprised to find sir ediboy back from france. he was chatting with father dacanay, whom i thought looked anxious to smoke his cigar. ang cute nila. santa and the bulldog. hehe. since ediboy missed the dinner party, avi wants to cook for him again and that means i get to make dessert. yay! i like cooking for people who appreciate food. there was this one time i tried a new recipe that called for dry white wine (mom freaked out when she learned i'd opened a bottle) and my brother miko snubbed it. as in, he asked the maid to open a can of corned beef. unbelievable.
* * * my worst nightmare has happened: my tita, who's fed up with my neglectful non-maintainance of my atm balance, has gotten me a credit card. you DO NOT give credit cards to people like me: impulsive-compulsive shoppers with a lust for new eye-candy. really. i buy all sorts of odds and ends, a lot of which i don't really have a use for. i have a penchant for collecting just about everything, too: from the usual coins and stamps to the more expensive coffeetable books. i have paper, beads and earrings in between. ack. i'm a real junkie. and she just got me a credit card that will inevitably finance my vices. i don't have a job and, in effect, the money to pay for these things. *whimper* and there's this really pretty peacock fan i've been eyeing in firma. *sob* i seriously need rehab.*
* * okay, okay. i'll end your misery with a story in honor of the upcoming festivities (and don't forget to add me to your christmas list!) from the adorable Englishman:
Nicholas Was older than sin, and his beard could grow no whiter. He wanted to die. The dwarfish natives of the Arctic caverns did not speak his language, but conversed in their own, twittering tongue, conducted incomprehensible rituals, when they were not actually working in the factories.
Once every year they forced him, sobbing and protesting, into Endless Night. During the journey he would stand near every child in the world, leave one of the dwarves' invisible gifts by its bedside. The children slept, frozen in time.
He envied Prometheus and Loki, Sisyphus and Judas. His punishment was harsher.
