Some of you may be aware that my paternal grandfather passed away last week. This has been a really hard year for our family: this recent death is the fourth one which we have experienced in just over a year. My mom died a little over a year ago, my maternal grandfather died about six months ago, and J's aunt died only a few weeks ago. I'm so tired of thinking about death, being bombarded with death, and analyzing various coping methods for death - it is tempting to write a whiny, complain-y post about all of the mental and emotional strain that I have experienced over the past year. But I'm trying to not focus on those feelings right now; I don't want to be selfish. I would rather think about my grandfather and honor his memory.

The night that Grandpa passed away, J and I lay in bed, talking about death. J said that during his aunt's memorial service, it occurred to him how much people exist as memories, even when they are alive. When we think of a person, we usually think of our memories associated with that person. And even when a person dies, our memories of that person do not go away. So even though it's terribly sad that we can't make new memories with a person after they die (at least not in the same way as if they were alive), we can be grateful for the memories which we have of that person. Memories don't die unless we let them die.

I wanted to write a few memories that I have of my grandpa:

• My grandpa has a lot of great one-line phrases, like "You bet!" and "How 'bout some ice cream?" He would sometimes throw a "y'all" into his sentences for fun, since he lived in the Deep South for awhile. But my absolute favorite grandpa-ism (which has been my favorite for as long as I can remember), is "It's just you and me, Babe" ("Babe" meaning my grandma). I always thought it was cute that grandpa called grandma a "babe," even when I was as a little girl.
• My grandpa loved COSTCO. He worked in the grocery business for a long time, and he thought COSTCO was the best store: they have the best meat, the best produce, the best prices. I could always count on grandpa to let me know what was on sale at COSTCO. In fact, I think that the first time I ever went to COSTCO as a new member, I ran into my grandpa in an aisle (literally one minute after I had stepped inside the store). I also remember that soon after Sam was born, grandpa showed up at our house with a slew of COSTCO food. I specifically remember a rotisserie chicken and berry cheesecake. Yum.
  
• Grandpa was a great chef. The last time I spoke with my grandpa on the phone, I was asking advice on how to make his "Perfect Chili" recipe. Grandpa used to host a chili party every Christmas for the extended family, and when it became to difficult to host and cook for our ever-increasing numbers, other families began to host the party instead. Last year was my family's turn to host the Chili Party, and I used Grandpa's special recipe to make homemade chili for about 30 people. Although Grandpa wasn't feeling well back then, he made it to the party and gave me a "thumbs up" for my chili batch.
• Grandpa was very involved and interested in the lives of his grandchildren. He liked to sit down with us and talk about how things were going in our lives. After he and grandma moved to Utah, he liked to support us grandkids in our various activities. He and my grandma attended several BYU choir concerts over the recent years (especially for my brother A and sister C). I also remember that he and grandma made it a point to attend my seminary graduation, where I was an invited speaker. That meant a lot to me.

We love you and will miss you, Grandpa. Thanks for being such a good, kind man. Family BBQs won't be the same without you.

This past weekend, J and I watched an episode of "Perry Mason." For those of you who aren't familiar with this television show from the 1950s and 1960s, "Perry Mason" is a legal drama which revolves around a famous defense attorney (Mason) who defends clients that are accused of murder. And Mason wins (just about) every single case.

Watching the show was quite a blast-from-the-past for me. My older sister and I used to watch "Perry Mason" on a regular basis. This past Friday I was surprised to see how much I remembered from the show - I could introduce J to each of the main characters. I know that the acting in the show isn't stellar (that was really apparent as I watched the show this past weekend), and that each episode is predictable (i.e. the murderer always dramatically confesses in the courtroom during the last two minutes of the show), but I love it.

J says that now he understands why I love Hitchcock films and murder mystery stories, given that I grew up watching "Perry Mason." In his opinion, Hitchcock is "a step up" from the television series - I guess suggesting that my taste in murder mysteries has refined with age. Hmm. Maybe he's right. I wonder what "a step up" from Hitchcock would be? What murder mystery show/film will I like when I'm fifty?

Has anyone read any of the Perry Mason books? I know that the television series was based on novels written by Erle Stanley Gardner, but I've never read any of them. Should I try them out?

I'm a wee bit sad. This morning is our last time with J in his role as "househusband." He's just about to start his new job (which is awesome and exciting), but I'm a little sad that he won't be around so much. We've had a lot of fun during the time that he's been home - even though I know that he has been a little bored at times (but such is the life of a stay-at-home parent, right?).

Our family schedule is slowing morphing and changing. J and I both need get up much earlier (boo!), which means that we need to start going to bed earlier. In turn, that means that J and I won't have so much time together in the evenings (after Sam goes to bed). We're going to have to put Sam to bed earlier too, so that he can wake up in time for his preschool that meets twice a week. (Sam is absolutely thrilled to go to school.) But this is all for the greater good, I suppose. It just means that J, Sam and I need to maximize on the waking hours that we have together.

Really, we are excited for 2011 and the prospects that this new schedule/job will bring. But I am glad that we got to have J around the house for a few months. What a fun time we had.