our little corner of the world

Last week at this time, I was sitting here at work with a nervous pit in my stomach, feeling anxious about sharing a bit of heavy news with my boss. I dawdled for three hours before summoning up the courage to share my plans of resignation. To finally say what I had been thinking about for nearly three months was a huge relief. On October 12th, I will be going from full-time Event Coordinator to full-time Mom!

The decision didn't come easy. In fact, I went back and forth for quite some time about what to do. I enjoy my job, my boss and (most of ) the people I work with. I think it's rare to wake up in the morning, Monday through Friday, and actually look forward to getting out of bed. I know lots of people who dread that alarm, and not just because they crave another hour of sleep. Having a boss who respects you, appreciates your work and tells you so on a daily basis is a rarity, and one that I will miss.

Also in the back of my mind was a feeling of permanence about quitting. Would I work again? When? Would I ever find such a great job, or am I throwing away everything? I realized that none of that matters right now. Quit planning every moment of your life, Rachel! I should wait and cross that bridge when I come to it, not any sooner. Who's to say that I won't get called back to my job around peak event times for a few extra hours of work? Or maybe when I am ready to return to the workforce someday, I'll land another great position. Something else that I need to remember is that it's not all about me... I have no idea how God is using me in the lives of my co-workers or others around me, and He'll put me where He wants me on His watch (umm... can you say stuck in Lansing for 2.5 years???).

Financially, this will be a test, but it's one that I'm prepared to pass with flying colors. I truly believe that God's going to show us how awesome He is. I know that all things are possible with Him, even bridging a financial gap. Pinching pennys will get old pretty fast, but I'm excited about being able to share what God is doing for our family. It requires turning over control, something that's very difficult for me to do, but I'm putting my faith in Him, and as someone told me a few months ago, He won't disappoint!

Life changed once Morgan was born. My plans of the ideal daycare and great job were thrown out the window after meeting our new baby. And so with much prayer, thought and consideration, Scott will grab my hand once again and take this leap of faith with me.

I look forward to my future of coordinating events of a different kind... which day is best for laundry? Grocery shopping? Will Morgan and I go for a walk to the library or visit daddy at work? Should we get together with some friends, or play alone, just the two of us? And so even though my new boss can't quite speak, she smiles and laughs with me every day, and her eyes twinkle with love for me. No job is better than that.

Since having Morgan, I find that while shopping, I spend most of my time in the kiddie areas of the store... the diaper aisle, the kids clothes, you get the idea.

This evening, Morgan and I were at Target, just killing some time since Scott is out of town. On a side-note, we scored a pink onesie for 64 cents! Awesome deal. Regardless, we were at Target, as were several other moms and their kids. Now I realize that I only have a five-month-old, and that most of these moms were towing two and three kids that were at least toddler age. But while quietly browsing, my ears were pierced with a lot of:

"Sit down right now!"
"If you do that one more time!"
And sadly, even a "Shut-Up!"

These weren't just stern words of warning. These were moms at the end of their ropes, yelling at their children. Loudly. Without hesitation. I have no idea what the kids were doing, what limits they might have been testing, or how many of their moms' buttons they were pushing. But I do know that it made me feel sorry for the kids.

Is that because I'm only the mother of a well-behaved five-month-old? Is that because I have zero experience yet with boundries and tempers and misbehaving for attention? I really don't think so. My guess is that these moms were working hard all day and trying to accomplish one more thing on their to-do lists. Target? Check.

Now that I have a child of my own, I see so much more with my eyes. I understand the value of drive-thru windows, the need for convenience and the struggle to balance life. I know it is only just the beginning of trying to successfully master these skills of tolerance, patience and flexibility.

However, regardless of the situation, shouldn't every child be spared the words "shut up"? For that matter, shouldn't everyone refrain from speaking those words? I get the need for discipline and the desire to rein in the chaos - I intend to get a lot of "I hate you's" because I'm the most strict parent on the block. But the more I shop and the more I see, the more sorry I feel for kids who are suffering and hurting inside because their parents have had enough and don't know any other way to get control than to publicly humiliate them in the middle of Target by shouting hurtful words.

Maybe I'm naive. Maybe someday that will be me, and maybe someday a new mom will glance in my direction and think these very same thoughts. But I pray that I have the strength to overcome the moment of weakness that all of these moms couldn't. Because I want my children to know that by my discipline, I am showing my love.