Livin' the "Young" Life

That's right......Giuliana and Bill Rancic are having a baby! 

I might be a little obsessed with this celebrity couple, but how can you not be?  They are just soo real.  Maybe it's the fact that their reality show shares the good and the bad in their journey instead of just the good.  I have followed their journey for a couple of years now and I have cried right along with them.  I have been amazed by how open they have been about their struggles with infertility and with her breast cancer.  While being a celebrity means they have money and resources that many of us do not have when trying to get pregnant, they have been dealt a rough hand and have come through it with class.
I watch their show and have been on pins and needles since seeing last weeks show and seeing the previews for this weeks episode.  The preview showed them getting the phone call with the results to the pregnancy test and Giuliana bawling, but you had no idea if it was good news or bad news.

I am soo happy for them.  They will be great parents.  I wish them all the best.

Struggling with Infertility is like running a 1/2 marathon.

I trained for and ran my 1st 1/2 marathon in December 2011.  Training for a race of any distance takes hard work and dedication.

At the start of the race I was excited.  I had prepared for this.  I was ready to kick butt.  The first few miles were rough and I was surrounded by soo many people with the same goal.  I eventually broke away from part of the crowd and I began to find my place.  I knew this race would take time so I tried to pace myself.  After a while I become fatigued, but I continued on.  The end must be getting near.  At mile 10 I began to wonder why in the world I thought running 13.1 miles was a good idea.  I vowed never to go through it again.  I eventually crossed the finish line in 2:00:06, which was about 15 minutes better than I had hoped.  I was full of emotions....exhaustion, excitement, accomplishment, but NEVER regret.  After being able to recover for about 30 minutes after the race, I stated I would probably do it again some day.

Infertility can be viewed the same way.  When you start trying to have a kid, you are excited.  This is what you have waited your entire life for.  The 1st few months of trying are like the 1st few miles of the race.  You are trying to find your place, your rhythm.  After a while this journey begins to take a toll on you, physically, mentally, emotionally.  All of your friends are having kids.  You are no longer part of the pack.  You begin to question everything.  You wonder if all of this is worth it.  While I have yet to cross the finish line of infertility, I can imagine it will be similar to finishing the race.   While I will be exhausted and excited at the same time, the end result (holding a baby in my arms) will be soo much better than I ever thought it would be.  I will never regret the road I had to take to get here.  It will have all been worth it.  And while I may have told myself during the journey that I would never do it again, I am pretty sure I would.

Running a 1/2 and enduring this life of Infertility have made me realize I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week and the topic is"Don't Ignore."

Infertility affects 7.3 million people in the U.S. This figure represents 12% of women of childbearing age, or 1 in 8 couples.  Infertility is an invisible disease.  Chances are you know someone who is struggling with infertility even if you don't realize it. Infertility doesn't discriminate.  It doesn't care what race we are, what our religion is, where we live, how much money we have, our age, or our plans for life.  It effects people in every demographic. 

Because Infertility is not life-threatening, it is often dismissed by others.  Many times people will respond with things like....

"You can always just adopt." - While this may be the answer for some people, it is not the answer for everyone.  While infertility treatments are expensive and a gamble, so is adoption.  Adoption is also not for everyone.  It takes a special person to be called to adopt and not everyone is able to handle the emotional toll.

"At least you can get a full nights sleep and sleep past 6am on the weekends." - While this is true, most infertiles would gladly get up at the crack of dawn or 10 times during the night if that meant being able to hold a child of their own.

"Just relax and it will happen." - Don't you think we are trying to relax, but the stress of infertility makes it almost impossible.  This is the last thing we actually want to hear.

"Maybe you weren't meant to have kids." - Only God knows his plans for us, so please do not try to tell us what is meant for our life.  Think about how you would feel if someone said that to you.


When we first started looking for answers regarding our infertility, we didn't tell very many people.  It was new territory for us and we didn't know of anyone who had gone down this road.  I only knew of one other person that I was friends with that was experiencing problems getting pregnant.  Maybe we didn't share at first b/c we didn't know how people would react.  People in general have no filter when it comes to getting pregnant.  I was able to get pregnant about 4 months after we started trying.  I miscarried a couple of weeks later which resulted in an unexpected week off from work.  Upon my return to work, I was asked by a coworker if I had missed work b/c I was pregnant and had a bad case of morning sickness.  Being a girl that cries very easily, it was by the Grace of God that I did not lose it and go back home.  Maybe hearing things like that caused me to not want to talk about it, I'm not really sure.
Over the following year, we began to open up a little to people as we figured some knew something was up when EVERYONE around us was getting pregnant except for us.  And while I am happy that my friends are fertile and don't have to experience the pain (physical, emotional, mental) associated with infertility, it is not always easy to be around a group of people with kids when you are the only one without a child in your arms.
I have recently decided that I do not care who knows about our journey.  They more people that know, the more people that will become educated.  I have have kept my infertility off of Facebook, until last night.  I decided it was time for people to stop ignoring this silent disease and so I updated my status which some statistics (similar to the 1st bold line in this post) and a link to the RESOLVE Facebook page.  The response so far has been amazing. 


Fifteen states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover some level of infertility treatment: Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas and West Virginia.

Did you know that fertility treatments are expensive?  While Arkansas is one of 15 states that has a level of infertility treatment, not every policy covers it.  My currently policy only covered 80% up until diagnosis, then it covered 0%.  That's right 0%.  That means every time we walked into the fertility specialists office, we were paying 100% out of pocket.  In the case of our clinic, the cost of walking through the door would cost you $75-$100.  An ultrasound was about $265 and a day three blood draw was $249.  The price of medication varies.  While 5 days of 50mg of Clomid only cost me $9, 3 days of Bravelle injectibles cost me about $180.  The actual IUI procedure at our clinic costs $330.  While I have found that many others have paid much more for a round of treatment, this all adds up over time.  The financial burden of infertility takes a toll on you after a while.  Everyone has their own limits when it comes to deciding a course of treatment and when to walk away.  While you may not understand our decision, please be supportive of it.

For those of you who do not or have not had fertility problems, it may be awkward for you talk about it with someone who is struggling.  Asking questions and showing us you care means more to us than anything.  While at times we may cry when talking about it, that doesn't mean we don't want to discuss it, it is just a VERY emotional journey for us.  While talking about it may put you in an uncomfortable situation, take a minute to think about what we might be going through hearing you talk about your kids or being around other peoples kids or attending and/or hosting a baby shower.  While we don't want you to feel sorry for us, we just want you to understand our pain.  Infertility is a disease and just like any other disease, Infertility is not something you choose.

With each failed cycle comes a fresh wave of disappointment and sadness.  But life doesn't stop just because our life has been shattered.  I will have good days and bad days.  Life will continue to go on around me.  People will continue to get pregnant and have babies.  I will continue to pray and beg God to cure this disease.  I will often wonder "WHY ME??"  I will be forced to suck it up and put on a happy face and go about most of our days as if nothing is wrong.  I will NEVER lose HOPE.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~ Jeremiah 29:11

While some people in the infertility community question the above verse, I think it is perfect.  God has plans for us and while His plans may be different from our own, he has our best interest in mind.  He knows exactly what we were made to do.

Please DO NOT ignore us.  Please educate yourself so that you can support us as we fight to overcome it. 


For more information about Infertility:

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

For my take on Infertility Etiquette, please see this post.

Scott has wanted a soft top for his Jeep ever since he bought it last year, and he finally got one.  Somehow I got roped into helping install it, even though I continually tell him that it is not my vehicle and I was not the one who thought we had to have it.

Attempt #1:  We started at about 5:15pm on Tuesday.  You may already realize what is wrong with the last sentence.  I mean who starts something at 5:15 after they have worked all day, gone to work out, and have NOT yet eaten dinner.  The soft top came in the mail on Monday and while we did take the fabric out on Monday, the instructions were left in the box.  After 3 hours of attempting to put the soft top on and feeling like I was beginning to STARVE (which ended in a trip to Sonic b/c really who wants to cook dinner at 8:15 at night), we gave up and put the hard top by on the Jeep and called it a night.

Attempt #2:  Yesterday, when Scott calls me immediately when I get off work and starts saying nice things, I know he is up to something.  Well, that something was "helping" him again try to put the stupid soft top on his Jeep.  Again it took 3 hours, but eventually we were successful.  At least this time we started at 4:30 and was able to through dinner in the oven during the process.
 




















This thing is not coming off for SEVERAL months.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

• My weekend officially started after work on Thursday.  Scott and I, along with about 35 other people from our church, volunteered Thursday night at CARTI's Ragin Cajun.  We waited tables and in exchange we got free food and drinks.  Well worth it in my book b/c this girl LOVES crawfish.  After it was over we got talked into going to Cajun's to how out on the deck.  It's a good think I took off on Friday b/c we didn't get home until midnight, which is way past my bedtime.
  
  
•  Friday morning I planned on cleaning the house and then we were going to mow the yard.  I like to clean with vinegar and baking soda, so I mixed up a bottle of it and headed to tackle the shower.  Apparently it wasn't completely mixed and about 10 seconds after I stepped in the shower the plastic bottle exploded in my face.  My eyes were bloodshot and red for about 3 hours, but thank goodness it was non-toxic.  Lesson Learned.
• Friday night I went to see Miranda Lambert with Julie, Christy, and Darla.  We ate dinner at Big Whiskey's, then rode the trolley over to the area.  The seats where high up, but they were free.  We stayed in our seats for about an hour of the concert, then headed out to the concession area to people watch.

• Saturday we went to CrossFit, finished cleaning the house, and then to Sam's Club to stock up on groceries.  Saturday night we headed back downtown for Holly and Roger's Engagement party at the Flying Saucer.  For the 3rd night in a row, we stayed out until midnight.  This girl is REALLY not used to staying out this late soo often.

I've been very lazy about downloading the Easter pics from my camera, so this post is a little late.

Our Easter weekend started with a Friday night trip to Gusano's to listen to one of our friends play.  We stayed until about 11:30, then like the crazy people we are decided we would go home, pack up the car and drive an hour and a half to my parents house.  Needless to say we had to stop for caffeine on the way.  We finally made it about 1:30am.

We got up Saturday morning and after breakfast we were hanging out when Oliver decided he really needed a drink of Scott's milk.  Below is what happens when you give him the chance to get a drink.  Do you think he liked it?


Later on we headed to Jonesboro to check out an estate sale.  Not much was going on there so we didn't stay long.  Saturday night we headed to Batesville to eat a Josie's.  The weather was great so we got to sit outside and had a great view of the river.



Sunday morning we got up early and had time to snap a few pictures before we headed off to church.

Mom and Dad

This is what happens when Scott is told he has to get his picture made.

Finally acting normal

As you can see Scott can't act serious for very long

me and mom

me and dad

As you can see from a couple of the pics above, somewhere a long the line Scott found a stick that he just couldn't put down.  He decided to bring it along on the ride to church.  After poking everyone in the car with it, my mother decided to retaliate with the clothes rod.  My dad eventually broke the stick and then my mom eventually broke it again.  In the end, Scott lost.


Somewhere in the past several years my parents have decided that eating out on Easter is better than cooking a big dinner at home.  We celebrated Easter lunch at Ruby Tuesday. 


Scott and I may be grown adults, but my wonderful parents still gave us Easter baskets.

After a whirlwind 10 days, Petrino was fired as the Razorback football coach last night.  I am not going to go into the details of everything that has come to light over the past week and a half, but anyone who remotely keeps up with college sports has probably heard about the whole ordeal.  If have no clue what I am referring to them just google "petrino motorcycle accident" and you can find all the crazy details.

We watched the entire press conference last night even thought the news had already broke that he was gone.  AD Jeff Long handled himself very well and it was sad to see him get emotional when talking about the players and the staff that have been affected by this.  No doubt Jeff Long made the right decision in firing him, especially after hearing more details come out regarding the situation late night.  I can only imagine how hard this was on Long, as he was the one who hired Petrino in the first place.  

It is sad that Petrino thought so highly of himself that he thought he could do whatever he wanted and their would not be any consequences.  I personally am still in shock that he lied over and over again when presented with the chance to come clean.  It was only when the police report became public that he finally decided to tell the truth.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  I mean I am talking about the man also known as BMFP.  I am sure more details about his inappropriate relationship will continue to come out over time.

Bobby Petrino was a good coach.  That's undeniable.  Look what he has done for Razorback football.  He, however, it not that great of a man.

Scott and I were REALLY looking forward to what looked to be a AWESOME year in Razorback football.  We even bought season tickets for the 1st time ever this year.  With the coaching situation in limbo, part of me wishes I could get my money back.  Hopefully the team and staff will rally behind whatever coaching decision the university makes for the 2012 season.  This could still make for a pretty good football season. 

In the words of my husband....."The team is built to win."  I only hope they can get a coach, whether it is Interim or Full-Time that will help them do just that.  

In the end U of A chose morals OVER popularity and the goes a long way in my book.


"No single individual is bigger than a team." ~ Jeff Long

With the start of April came another trainer creating the WODs at CrossFit this month.  If Monday and Tuesday were any indication, it's going to be a month full of killer workouts.

Monday's WOD:
5 Rounds for Time (20 min cap) - RX weight was 95/65
5 Power Snatches
10 pullups
15 Thursters

Before Monday, I had attempted snatches only once.  I decided quickly that 65 lbs was a no go and chose 45 lbs instead.  The 1st round wasn't bad, but once I finished the thursters and had to go directly into snatches it sucked.  Luckily I finished just under the 20 min cap with a time of 19:21.

Tuesday is open gym in the afternoons, but we usually do the same WOD that the morning class did.  I walked in assuming that it would be a strength day, but I quickly realized it would be the day I came very close to puking during a WOD instead.


Tuesday's WOD:
50,40,30,20,10 reps of each of the below
Double Unders
KB Swings
Burpees

That's a total of 150 of each exercise.  As I stated a few days ago, I am just now getting the hang of double unders and I have to take a hop between each one.  Also, I HATE burpees.  I knew it was going to be bad and that was confirmed when less than 10 min I was already drenched in sweat.  It took me 37:19 but I finished.  I was pretty sure I was going to lose my lunch at any moment, but I luckily held it together.  Luckily I had eaten pretty good all day or I probably would have lost my lunch.  It was a great reminder of why you shouldn't have a cheat meal on a WOD day.

Luckily they told us Tuesday when we were leaving the Wednesday would be a strength day or I might have skipped class.  Of course it was not our usual strength day.


Wednesday's WOD:
As part of our warm up we did three rounds of
3 deadlifts
3 hang clean
3 front squat
3 push press
3 back squat
We were only using the bar, but we were never allowed to put the weight down until 3 rounds were complete.

Once that was done we moved on to finding out 10 rep max on back squats.  Lucky for me, I hit it on the 1st try.  Once you found your 10 rep max and completed 10 reps, you removed 5% of the weight or roughly 5 1bs and then did 10 more back squats.  After that, you removed another 5% or 5lbs and did 10 more back squats.

After all of that, it was time for the actual workout.
21 Deadlifts
200m run
15 Deadlifts
400m run
9 Deadlifts
800m run

I finished in 11:12

There are days when I HATE the killer WODs but I know they are kicking my butt into shape.

Have you ever wondered about your purpose here on Earth?

Ever wondered what Jesus is calling you to do?

This is something that I never thought much about growing up.  Heck I never thought much about it in the early years of my marriage.  It actually was something that never crossed my mind on a regular basis until I was diagnosed with infertility.  I always thought I would grow up, get a college degree, find a job, get married, and have a kid or two.  All of that has happened expect for the kid or two part, but now I often wonder what God has in store for my life.  Infertility has caused me to really take a step back and look for purpose in my life.  

What is He asking me to do?  I am not completely sure yet, but I hope and pray that part of his plan is for me to be a mother.  This is something I struggle with almost daily anymore so when I opened my email this morning and read the daily blog from PrayFit, today's message hit home.  If you want to read the full post go here.

The post focuses on Luke 19:30 - “‘Go into that village over there,’” he told them. ‘As you enter it, you will see a young donkey tied there that no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here.’” 

This donkey was nothing special to ordinary people, but Jesus asked for him specifically.  Jesus could have chosen any mode of transportation, but he chose THIS donkey.  The donkey was going about everyday life when BOOM he found his purpose.....to carry Jesus.  How amazing is that? 

The real purpose in life is to spread the Word of God.   I often wonder how I can do that.  I'm not a public speaker (I literally turn red in the face and my legs shake when forced to talk in front of a crowd) and I am pretty shy around people I don't know.  Maybe the best way I can do it is through my actions.  Trying to live my life for God instead of always begging God for something.  I don't know what God's purpose/plan is for me, but I pray daily that He will show me the way in a way that can't be missed (big flashing signs or lights would be great).  God knows His plan for me and He knows the desires of my heart.  

Many times in life I have felt insignificant.  I made good grades, played sports, had friends but never felt like a standout at anything.  While I may not have felt like much at the time, God knew exactly who I was and what was meant to come of my life.  While He gives us the freedom to choose, I know he has been with me every step of the way.

I hope to one day figure out my purpose and make God proud by carrying out whatever He has in store for me.  While I may feel insignificant like the donkey, I know that God has a purpose/plan for my life. 


On another note, please pray for all of the people effected by the tornadoes in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area yesterday.  We have some family down there and they are OK, but a lot of people lost their homes and cars.  I don't think any fatalities have been reported so far.

• Well I didn't win the MegaMillions Friday night.  I don't even think we won $1.  Guess I will continue working to pay the bills.
• Saturday we went out to a deer camp and had a cookout with a bunch of people Scott works with.  The weather was awesome and the food was great.
• Yesterday we had church at 11 instead of the usual 5:30pm, then I went to watch The Hunger Games for a 2nd time with one of my friends who hasn't seen it yet.  For lunch, Emily introduced me to a yummy lil place called Taziki's and it was fan-tabulous!
• I haven't really been closely following the Trayvon Martin case, but something about the case is plastered on the front page of Yahoo about every day so it's hard to not know something about it.  I don't know all the facts and I'm not going to pretend that I do.  I do believe however that the media has twisted pieces of the actual events to make a better story and we will probably never know EXACTLY what happened that day.
• Two girls were killed and  boy was injured Saturday night in NE Arkansas after prom.  Please keep their families and friends in your prayers.  I didn't know any of them personally but it is 20 miles away from where I grew up and one of my sorority sisters worked at the school where the kids attended.  You can read the story here.
• CrossFit kicked my butt on Saturday morning.  Saturdays are Team WODs and the workout was 300 squats, 300 situps, 300 double unders (jumping rope but the rope passes under your feet twice in one jump instead of once).  Your team could consist of 2 or 3 people.  Scott and I paired up and hashed out a plan.  While one person did 50 squats, the other did 50 situps.  After we knocked those out we would attach the double unders together.  (Note to self:  never decide to do 150 situps without a mat under you again.  I now have a HUGE strawberry b/c of this.)  For anyone who couldn't do a double under, they were allowed to do singles.  The trainer stated that even if you could only do a couple you still had to attempt double unders.  Well Scott and I are fairly knew to being able to do any, but we tackled it anyway.  Needless to say we were the last ones finished and my calves are on FIRE today from trying to stay on my toes while fighting through them.