Jason and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage today! It is so hard to believe it has been that long. We celebrated last weekend by going to Gatlinburg. Tonight we grilled out steaks and had sauteed mushrooms, salad and baked potatoes with the kids for dinner. We explained what we were celebrating and that we would stay married forever. We told them even if they have friends whose parents get divorced, they would never have to worry about that. Mommy and Daddy love each other and will be married forever. Caroline prayed tonight thanking God that mommy was married and would stay married for ever and ever and ever!

Jason and I actually met in first grade. It wasn't always love at first sight though! We both played the cello and were actually very competitive through out school. He always bothered me and annoyed me too. Sometime in high school, we started hanging out with the same group and eventually became really close friends. We went to Junior and Senior Prom together and dated off and on through college. (I'll spare you the details - Jason will thank me for that!) December 31, 1997, our Junior year of college, Jason proposed and of course I accepted! A year and a half later, May 29, 1999 we were married by his dad. We had a pretty large wedding, about 375 people or so and even though I would do things smaller scale now, it was perfect. It was one of the best days of my life along with the birth/adoption of my children.

Jason is not only my husband, but my best friend. We enjoy similar things, and always have fun together. He makes me laugh and loves me for who I am. He is a wonderful spiritual leader for our family and the best dad in the world! I am so blessed to be his wife. Happy Anniversary Babe! I love you!

Wild Olive, a Christian based t-shirt website is having a big giveaway! They have really cool shirts! Check it out here and enter to win.

This evening after bath, "Mommy, you are the best mommy and I love being your kid. I don't ever want to get big." Me - Why not? "Because then I will have to leave your house and I never want to leave, I want to live with you forever!!!" CJ age 4

Of course I promised her she could live with me forever! I also thought it was hilarious she referred to herself as kid - I never call her that. I wanted to get this in writing to show her how much she loves me when she is about 15. : ) She is such a sweet sweet baby.

Well, things have been hoppin' around here as usual! This is terrible, but I'm too lazy to download my pictures right now, so I'll do a picture post later this week.

Caroline's last day of school was this past Thursday and on Friday they had a little graduation. The kids sang several little songs and she got a certificate. Next year she will be attending preschool three mornings a week. She loved school this year, but is happy to be home with mommy this summer. She made several good friends and is looking forward to going back in the fall.

Jason and I went away over Memorial Day Weekend to celebrate our anniversary. Our actual anniversary is the 29th, but my parents offered to keep the kids last weekend. It was a very much needed getaway from the stresses and business of everyday life. We rented a cabin in Gatlinburg and had a great time. We slept, relaxed, sat in the hot tub, shopped, ate way too much food, and just enjoyed peace and quiet. It was very nice. The kids did great with my parents although I think my mom needed another weekend after the long weekend!

Silas and I went back for his third counseling session today. I am just so thankful to my good friend who encouraged us to seek help. It is going well and I love our therapist. She is an adoptive mom, and has been there and knows how hard my days are and what life is like. It is so great to have her encouragement! Silas' main struggle is for control. He wants to control everything. As I regain and demand control in different areas, he feels out of control and is reacting strongly with major tantrums. I will just say that it is completely exhausting and unless you have parented a child with RAD, there is no way to describe how hard the days can be. Some days I feel like I pray constantly to survive the day. Silas usually chooses to only act this way at home. He is very charming and a perfect angel in public which is an entire different issue. I am so thankful for nap time today!

Silas and Caroline also went to the dentist today. After a really rough morning at home, I was unsure of how he would do at the dentist. They both were great! Caroline went first to show Silas how brave she was. When she got a sticker, he wanted his turn. It was a very successful trip, I was very thankful. : )

That about sums up our week. Madelyn still has 6 more days of school left and I am looking forward to her field day on Friday. I'll post then with pictures!

Silas is having a particularly hard day today due to some changes in our morning routine. He really struggles when he cannot anticipate what is going to happen. We went to pick Caroline up from preschool and I was looking through my Beth Moore Bible Verses to gain some strength for the rest of the day. I was mindlessly listening to K-LOVE on the radio and then God started speaking to me through a Third Day Song. The lyrics were saying "there's a light at the end of this tunnel".

Tunnel by Third Day
I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
I can't begin to know what you're going through
I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you

Just remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for

There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on

You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see

So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for

I felt God saying, there is a light at the end of this road you are traveling with Silas. You will make it! Silas' heart will be healed! I have faith that God will help bring us to the other side of this journey. We just need to be patient and do the work he has set out for us to do.

2 Corinthians 9:8
"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

This week I think we finally finished up all of Silas' medical appointments. Now we can just follow up as needed with our doctors! On Tuesday he went to the geneticist to rule out any possible syndromes that can go along with microtia. We scheduled this appointment back in August! The doctor was amazing, it's no wonder she is scheduled out 9 months in advance.

She did a very thorough exam and did not see anything that would lead her to believe Silas has a syndrome. We went and had x-rays of his chest and neck to rule out lung & spinal issues and today we went to the Children's Hospital for an Echo of his heart. I have not heard back about the x-rays, but his heart looked great!

Her conclusion was that Silas has familial microtia without a related syndrome. This is great news! One of his parents likely has microtia as well, but maybe a milder form. It is possible Silas could pass microtia along to his children. They are currently working on a genetic test for this and he should be able to find out this information long before he ever marries or thinks about having children. We are so thankful Silas is healthy! What a blessing!

I had a great Mother's Day today! My first as a mom of three. I am not sure if they celebrate Mother's Day as we do in China, but I am so thankful for Silas' mom who gave him life and think of her on this day. I pray that she knows he is loved and adored. This morning Jason had Panera bagels waiting for me for breakfast, along with some beautiful flowers and a new watering can for my outside flowers. After church we came home and had a light lunch and then set up our new deck furniture which arrived today! This evening my whole family came over for a cook-out and we loved entertaining on our new deck. I'll take pictures of it soon and post them - it is fabulous!

Yesterday Jason and I went for our first attachment counseling appointment. I have decided to share some information about our attachment journey on our blog because I think there are a lot of other adoptive families out there dealing with some of the same issues we are.

Silas has some control issues that are becoming more apparent each day. As I am viewing his behavior differently, I am seeing more areas in which he is manipulating and controlling our family. Most people I talk to say, "he's a boy" or "he's two". Yes, those things are both true, but in my heart I knew there was a deeper issue going on. After describing Silas' behavior to our therapist, she said she would diagnose him with RAD (reactive attachment disorder).

I feel like we are starting over from day one with him. Our assignments for the next couple of weeks are to play peek-a-boo a lot. We are trying to increase positive eye contact with him. Also, we are to not raise our voices at him and are to remain calm at all times. (This one will be hard!) I have done pretty well, but it is really hard to be calm when he knows exactly what to do to push my buttons. Due to some other issues the therapist thinks he may have, I'm going to start to stay in the room with him when he is in time out. I did this at the beginning but stopped after several months. Again, this is hard, because usually when his is in time out I am calming myself down so I can deal with him.

I'll update on our attachment journey from time to time. We are planning on seeing the therapist every couple of weeks. Silas will be going along for our next appointment. He is a charmer though, so I'm sure she will not see what we see at home. Thankfully she is an experienced attachment therapist and has been there and done that!

Well, Silas has officially experienced his first ER visit. I'm sure we will have many more given his personality and daredevilness (I just made up that word!). On Tuesday, Jason was out of town, and we were on our way home from ballet. Madelyn had gone home with a friend during Caroline's class and we went to pick her up. I got out of the car, and talked to her friends mom for a few minutes. During that time, Silas took off his BAHA, disassembled it and took the battery out.

When I got back into the car, Madelyn was holding the BAHA pieces and no battery. I was calm, but concerned because Silas puts everything in his mouth. We got home, and searched the car. No battery. I start to freak out a little. I come in and call the pediatrician and then get impatient and call poison control. They were great and very helpful.

So now it's 6:30, no one has had dinner and I need to go to the ER. Thankfully my mom came to the rescue. I dropped the girls off at her house and she fed them and brought them home and got them into bed while Silas and I were at the hospital. We made it to the ER a little before 7:00 and were called back around 8:00 (his normal bedtime). He was so good. He was starving and tired and was such a good boy. About 8:30 he had his x-ray. Thankfully, he did not swallow the battery! Although I still have not found it... They assured me it would show up on the x-ray though. Needless to say we got home about 9:45 exhausted and famished. I am just thankful my little guy is okay! It's never dull around our house now!

I am so proud of Madelyn! Yesterday she was chosen to be the "Stone Award" winner for Kindergarten. The Stone Award is an award her school has for an outstanding student. Throughout the year, several kids get chosen and we were so proud of Madelyn for standing out! Yesterday, they announced her and a little boy in her class as the winners. They said Madelyn was quite in the hallways (her school is doing statewide testing right now and this is a big deal!), she is always nice to all of her classmates and that her handwriting has improved a lot this year. : )
Today at lunch, she got to sit at a special table. Caroline and I went to eat with her and she also got to choose one friend to sit with us. Silas and I have been to eat with her several times while Caroline was at preschool, so it was a nice treat for Caroline. After eating, I read several books to her class which was fun.

It's been a while since I have posted! I'm going to take the easy route of catching up and do bullet points.

• Caroline had a school program last week. Her preschool put on a "silly circus" and her class was the cotton candy. She was adorable and did a great job. She's a natural on stage.

• The girls had another soccer game yesterday. We kept thinking it would be canceled because it had been raining all night/morning. It was not canceled, and thankfully the rain held off during the 45 minutes they played!

• My sister moved on Friday and I got to watch my nephew Ty all day! Cute pictures to come.

• The deck is almost finished!! They are supposed to finish everything tomorrow. It looks so great. Yesterday we ordered some furniture for it online. I think we're going to host a Mother's Day cookout to break it in.

• The girls have been practicing hard for their ballet recital coming up in about one month. Caroline is dancing to "Funky Ballerina" and Madelyn is a "Music Box Ballerina". We think Nana & Papa from Cambodia are going to be able to make it this year while they are back in the states!
  

• Silas is doing well, but we are still having some challenging days. We have decided to pursue some attachment counseling. We feel like we need some additional strategies to help heal his little heart. Often, his behavior leaves us frustrated and drained. After 10 months we are feeling lead to seek some outside help. Please join us in prayer for this therapy to help our entire family. We are starting on Thursday.