First, we are still alive! After The Sickness, we are finding our routine again and life is getting back to normal. I have pictures to post of Halloween and hope to do that very soon!
Onto today's topic - Control. This is Silas' deepest desire right now and is so very hard to deal with. His intense need to be in control has always been an issue, but as we resume more and more control he spirals deeper and deeper into seeking control. It is not pretty or fun to deal with. Here are a couple of areas we are struggling with.
Food. I wish Silas would understand that he will be fed. He will be fed food that is yummy and good for him. He will get to eat when he is hungry. He will get a drink when he is thirsty. It might not be his favorite food every time, but he will not go hungry. I am making ALL of Silas' food choices right now. We have had several hour long battles concerning food. As of today, he will not be eating out for a while. Usually on Tuesdays we stop and grab a quick lunch after I pick him up from school. Caroline has gymnastics right after and we do not have time to come home for lunch and make it to gymnastics. On Thursdays when I pick him up before lunch, we always have a huge battle about not going out to eat. As soon as he gets in the car he starts asking for
McDonalds or Chick-
fil-a. We have not been to
McD's in a few weeks because of a huge battle I won several weeks ago. This battle involved him screaming for 30+ minutes, unbuckling his car seat 5 times on the way home, ripping of his
BAHA and losing part of it in the car and kicking my seat the entire 20 minute drive home. All of this because we did not go eat lunch at McDonald's. As of today, Chick-
fil-a is gone too. I hate taking special treats like a Happy Meal away from him, but he must learn I am in control. So until I have resumed control in the area of food, I will have to pack our lunch and we will eat in the car. It stinks for me and Caroline, because we enjoyed the special treat of eating out as well, but he must learn.
Clothing. I am also picking out all of Silas' clothing now. I cannot even give him a choice between two shirts because at this time he is not able to handle making a good decision. He has favorite jeans and a favorite shirt, but I purposely have to not choose them very often. He must learn that I can take care of him. I can pick out his clothes and help him get dressed.
There are a couple other areas we are working on as well. If you can name it, we are probably having control issues with it! Being in battle mode all of the time is exhausting. I am thankful that I am working part-time because it does give me a respite. Silas is in a wonderful school and his teacher is fabulous. She is on the exact same page as I am and handles him perfectly. I pray often for wisdom, peace and calmness. I have gotten much better at controlling my anger with him, although at times I still loose it. I try to not get emotionally pulled into his schemes and behavior, and try to remain in control. Any sign of weakness on my part is a win for him. I do wonder if this constant battle will ever end.
