We leave in a couple of days for Silas' second surgery!  He is nervous, but who can blame him?  He is excited, but is also telling me that it is going to hurt.  I know this is the right decision for him, but it is still hard.  He had a rough night last night and a rough start to the day.  Thankfully he allowed me to comfort him and was pretty well recovered before he left for school.

I'm done Christmas shopping and everything is wrapped!  We are taking a few surprises along for the kids.  Christmas will be spread out over several weeks this year!  I've not started packing yet - for some reason I keep putting it off... Today is Jason's last day of work in 2010.  He took off tomorrow so it will be nice to have him home to help with all the last minute things.

We enjoyed two Thanksgivings this year.  The Sunday before we had my family over for Thanksgiving.  It was nice to be together and share a yummy meal!  Last week we went to Brown County, Indiana with Jason's family.  It was good to see his sisters and the kids had a blast playing with their cousins!

Now I need to check my list and keep working!  Still to do:
- buy Silas' teacher's gift cards (ok - so maybe not all the way done shopping...)
- buy Advent calendar to take for kids
- buy Sadie food and pack her things
- pick up house
- plan CJ's birthday party (it's right after Christmas in January - thinking of having it at a place away from home this year to make things easier...)
- make cookies to take
- make chex mix to take
- find lost library book (or pay $18.00)
- do laundry
- PACK

 Madelyn played in a piano recital on Sunday.  She did great!  It was a Tokubetsu recital - it means excellence.  All the kids played a piece they have been playing for a long time and had performed before.  They did great!  They all got a rose after their performances.
 Silas and the girls were playing and being silly one afternoon.  This was Silas' bed the girls made and he was supposed to be asleep!  The girls left a surprise for me in the stockings below - all of their dolls!  We have put up our tree and a few decorations early this year since Silas has his big surgery coming up soon!  We never decorate until after Thanksgiving, but I have enjoyed having the tree up early this year.

 The girls had their Thanksgiving lunch at school last week.  I had the honor of dining with the Indian Golden Horse!  She was so excited even though she wasn't able to eat the lunch because of her milk allergy.  Today she told me all she wanted for her birthday was no food allergies. : (  Poor baby!  It's getting harder as she gets older.
Golden Horse with her Thanksgiving place mat.  She was thankful for her mom and dad! 

I am thankful for so many things this year!  I'll limit it to my top ten.
1.  My Lord
2.  My wonderful, patient, hardworking, handsome husband
3.  My three precious kids
4.  Family and friends who have supported us through so much this year
5.  Wonderful teachers for all of my kids
6.  A cozy, warm house full of laughter
7.  Jason's new found love for cooking
8.  Our trip to CA this summer and I am looking forward to our next trip!
9.  Good health insurance
10. Silas' new ear!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

We are so proud of Madelyn!  Back in August, Caroline won the Stone Award for her school.  This week, Madelyn won.  Each day a different child wins the award.  Madelyn got a certificate from her teacher that said she won because "she is always doing the right thing at school and for giving everything 110%"!  What more could we wish for?

She got to say the pledge at the beginning of school, get a special gift from the principal and sit at a special table at lunch time.

I just love Madelyn's heart.  I was able to go eat lunch with her and she picked two friends to eat with us.  One was a close friend of hers, the other little girl is someone who does not have many friends.  She has behavior problems and is the "bad kid".  Madelyn wanted to choose her because no one else ever picks her for anything.  Seriously, there is nothing that could make me more proud as a mom!  We love you Madelyn and are so pleased with the precious young lady you are becoming!

This past week has been really hard for us, but out of the difficult times I have emerged so thankful for all God has blessed me with!  Silas was very challenging last week.  Add that on to our last couple months of his behavior and we all just kind of reached our max.  It felt like everything was falling apart.  After Jason and I had breakdowns, I knew something needed to be done to help us pick up the pieces of our life.  My mom took all the kids Friday night so Jason and I could go out and have some peace.  We had a gift card to a nice restaurant so we used that, went to the mall and to get frozen yogurt.  Yummy!  The goal for the night was to have fun and not to talk about Silas.  Well, we ended up talking about him, but in a really good, healthy way. 

The girls came home on Saturday and Silas stayed until late afternoon Sunday with my parents.  This was just what our family needed.  Respite.  A chance to recharge, have a break from the constant annoying behaviors and to reflect that it is not his fault!  He did not choose to be an orphan.  He did not choose to be traumatized and neglected as a young child.  As my friend Tracy reminded me, we did not create these problems, we have just been given the hard job of "fixing" them.  I worked this weekend, so Jason was able to have some time alone which he really needed.  The girls were able to play in peace and just have some quiet down time.  They needed this too!

And guess what?  I by Saturday night, I missed Silas!  Our family did not feel complete as I was going to bed and doing my nightly check in on the kids.  I missed him.  It did not feel right with his room empty.  And he missed me too!  He has been more affectionate since he came home.  He wants hugs and kisses.  I think the time away allowed him a break from us and he was able to come home refreshed.  I think the constant attention at grandma's house was good for him! : )  So what was a huge crisis last week, has left me so thankful for what God has blessed me with.  Great friends, wisdom from friends who also have a child like Silas, family, people who pray for us, my precious kids and for Jason who is willing to continue on this journey with me to heal Silas.

I am so thankful that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 

We are 5 months out and Silas' ear is doing beautifully.  Unless you look closely, you would never know it wasn't a "real" ear!  It occasionally has some flaky skin and there are very small fine hairs growing on the back of his ear from the skin graft.  We are excited to do the next ear.  I am hoping it will look the same.  It will be hard to make it match the first ear perfectly.  Only a few weeks left until the surgery!  It hasn't hit me yet, still SO much to do before we go.

 Last weekend the girls participated in a production with their ballet studio!  It was called "Alebrijes!"  It is a Mexican art form and the director created this ballet about it.  It was fabulous!  Very creative and fun.  Caroline was a bee and Madelyn was a rose.  They spent many hours at practice last week.  The tech rehearsal, the dress rehearsal, two shows for schools, a Friday night show and a Saturday afternoon show.  They were tired and so was I!  I chaperoned at the rehearsals and the school shows and then enjoyed watching both of the performances.




They both had a lot of fun!  They also do a Nutcracker ballet but since we will be in California for Silas' surgery the girls participated in this one instead.  In the spring they will have an end of the year performance.  I have said it before, but I love their ballet studio!  It is such a quality place.  It is very diverse, affordable, excellent teachers and there is even a group of mom's who make all of the costumes.  I am thankful for such a great program for my girls to participate in!

This video is of our previous babysitter Tara and her husband John.  They are adopting a child from Ethiopia and we are so excited for them!  Take a few minutes to watch it and see their heart for orphans.  If you don't have time to watch all of it, watch the first few minutes (you might recognize some of the people) and watch the last couple minutes (I love Tara talking about bringing their baby home!).  We miss John and Tara and love them!  Leave me a comment with your contact information if you would like to support them!

Life with Silas is an ever evolving cycle of ups and downs.  Lately we have been down.  Really down.  He started the school year up and during the month of October cycled back down.

Silas can be the funniest, most charming, cutest little boy in the world when the "real" Silas is around.  Unfortunately, I don't get to see the "real" Silas very often.  Only small glimpses here and there.   Lately the "real" Silas has been buried and I can't seem to find him.

Silas has shown us some new behaviors in the past month he has not tried before.  This has been discouraging.  So many rough weeks in a row is discouraging.  Lots of crying and screaming from Silas is discouraging.  Lots of fear and anxiety from him is discouraging.   He has almost ruined several fun family outings with his behavior, that is discouraging.  His efforts to set Jason and I against each other is discouraging.  His behavior at school has been discouraging.

But - I WILL NOT give up on him!  I am encouraged when I read my new book "The Connected Child" by Karyn Purvis and get new ideas to help me parent him.  I am encouraged when his teachers tell me how smart he is.  I am encouraged that Jason and I have a strong marriage that can withstand these challenges.  I am encouraged when he had fun trick-or-treating (this was HUGE).  I am encouraged when God continues to give me patience and love for Silas.  I am encouraged when Silas asks me for a hug.  I am encouraged that Silas has given my girls compassion and tolerance for people who are different.  Madelyn won the PE award last week because she invited a girl in her class to be in her group since none of the other kids wanted her.  Having Silas for a brother has been challenging for them, but God is using it for His glory.  That is encouraging!

In a state of frustration a couple weeks ago, I told my mom, "I did not sign up for this!  It wasn't supposed to be this hard!"  Thankfully, God doesn't make mistakes.  He knows what we need and even though it is not always fun or easy, I thank God for Silas!  I heard of another family disrupting their adoption this week.  I understand their struggle, I really do.  But I cannot imagine not having Silas in our family now - he is ours, forever.  I have been doing the Beth Moore "Esther" study - it is awesome!  I love this quote from the study,

"Esther's superficial life was about to be shattered, and a woman much deeper than her skin was about to be unearthed.  If we're blessed, the same will happen to each of us.  As painful as the process may be, that which shatters our superficiality also shatters the fetters of our fragility and frees us to walk with dignity and might to our destinies.  We are not the fragile flowers we've considered ourselves to be.  We, like Esther, are the warrior princesses of God."  

Silas has shattered my life to the very core.  But how blessed I am that God used him to change me into His "warrior princess"!  I fail daily as Silas' mother, but hope that God can work through me to restore the "real" Silas I know is inside of him.  Praying our November is a nice climb back up so we can chip away all the pieces and see our "real" Silas again.

They  have a huge playground.  The kids had so much fun playing!