st. ar.

There was something so valuable about what happened when one became a mother. For me it was the most liberating thing that ever happened to me. . . . Liberating because the demands that children make are not the demands of a normal ‘other.’ The children’s demands on me were things that nobody ever asked me to do. To be a good manager. To have a sense of humor. To deliver something that somebody could use. And they were not interested in all the things that other people were interested in, like what I was wearing or if I were sensual. . . . Somehow all of the baggage that I had accumulated as a person about what was valuable just fell away. I could not only be me -– whatever that was -– but somebody actually needed me to be that. . . . If you listen to [your children], somehow you are able to free yourself from baggage and vanity and all sorts of things, and deliver a better self, one that you like. The person that was in me that I liked best was the one my children seemed to want. - Toni Morrison.

I will take up all your tears
Salty tissues through the years
Spread them in the sun to dry
Diamonds from each time you cry

I will treasure all your teeth
Your laughter and the pearls beneath
Keep them in a cardboard box
Through the tickings and the tocks

I will gather all your hair
Floating in the sultry air
We will make a braid of gold
For you to keep when you are old

Now I kiss your milky skin
Sheet of silk and soul within
Put this kiss upon your brow
Treasure you as you are now

The original version by Ben Harper is really nice acoustical jam...but this one is softer and still cool too. Our little family. The three of us.

 
....this is what it is like to be married to a nerd. You walk upstairs and find a lair of cords.

Also, this only scratches the mere cord-surface of the multitude of cordage we possess. There are boxes (as you can see in the picture) and vast pits of cords you can find in this household. Which is why I find it hilarious every time we have to purchase a new cord to hook something up - If only the nerd could macguyver this whole cord system up (duct tape?) and connect everything we ever needed to connect again.

hmmmmm.....then again it IS really nice to be able to watch computer stuff on our big TV. Way to go you awesome, cord purchasing, hooker-upper, nerdy husband. Yeah.

Officially the worst food for you evar.

I hope you are on a journey to peace of mind. I can only think that it truly wasn't you that went for a new pair of shoes and never returned. I cannot imagine your unwinding and grasping for pieces of paper to write out some ramblings and feeling so overwhelmed with life. You, Kurt, had just written to me about playing Tetris party soon. You, Kurt, had laughed about the holes in your shoes. You, Kurt, had just shared a dinner party. I cannot believe that you, Kurt, made that leap that night.

We'll never have the answers - although I'm not sure if you had written in a precise clarity that it would have made this all any easier. Just a different journey I would think.

I ask the Lord today to make me an instrument of His peace to be there for your beloved wife. I channel fervent prayers for everyone tomorrow.

We deeply mourn for you, my friend...