Honestly, I never thought I would make it this far. I dared to hope and dream I would but I've never been able to imagine it. Now that I've reached this milestone, the most pregnant I've ever been, I'm faced with many conflicting emotions. I thought I'd feel more relief. In some ways I do. Things are going much better at this point than they ever did in either pregnancy before. That doesn't many I still can't lose this baby. Fear has a strong hold on me. Now I find myself thinking how cruel it would be to become more attached and in love with this baby growing inside of me only to be devastated by more loss. I just can't go through that again. Hear that, little one? You stay put until it's time for you to come out.
I'm so happy to have made it through my loss milestones and that things are looking good. I'm really trying to be positive. Andrew and I celebrated making it to 15 weeks today. We had Indian food for lunch (I had been craving it!) and then went to Barnes & Noble to buy our first baby things, a few baby books. I really hope I get to read them to my living child one day!
We haven't ever had a day to just celebrate the baby so it was a very special day. I'm so thankful to have made it this far and hope I get to make it another 15 weeks and then some!
