The Taylor Times: 2014

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Autumn Review

Wow, I have fallen off of the writing on the blog bandwagon. Sadly, I can gauge my mental health status by how often I post in my blog. When I am feeling good, I post more often than I do when I am struggling. A quick glance at my closet floor will also tell me how I've been feeling- seriously! That extra two feet to the hamper is just too much sometimes.

Anyhow, since I've neglected keeping up on life here in the Taylor household, I thought that I'd do a quick review here.

For my 38th birthday we went on a short hike.

Seriously, I love this view!

I love that they are holding hands!

Jane was excited to sing me happy birthday on our hike!

I was taking pictures of Jane when Daniel came in the kitchen. She gave him a big hug and invited him to take pictures with her. I absolutely adore their relationship. Jane is always excited to see her dad walk into the room- gotta love that!

I started a new project that I will reveal soon!

In October Madeleine and I went to the pumpkin patch. She had her granddaughter Scout with her.

I love that Jane isn't afraid to wear whatever she wants to. I would never put this outfit together, but she owns it and loves it, so I love it too! (You can't really see the grey bow tie that she has on around her neck- classic)

Madeleine and Scout

The weather in October was really pleasant. One Sunday afternoon the mountains were calling to me, so Jane, Paul, Daniel and I went on a hike to Donut Falls. I'm not sure that I'll go back on that particular hike again, because the end of the hike is rather disappointing to me. Years ago, before the rock slide, you could go up to the falls, but now you can only see them from a distance. We missed the most colorful part of the leaf season, but it was still a beautiful hike and I was glad to get in one more hike before the snow hit the mountains.

Don't you love what Jane put on to go hiking?! A skirt with white tights and white shoes. She did change out of her red puffy dress with red dress shoes, so technically this was more hiking appropriate than the red dress!

A fellow hiker offered to take our picture. Jane was standing next to Paul, but then she decided that she was done standing for a picture and took off. What a character! The guy taking the picture, said, "I guess she's not going to be in the family Christmas card!"

On Halloween Seth went trick-or-treating with a friend from school, Mark hung out with his friend, Paul went to a Magic the Gathering tournament, and Daniel was handing out candy (because I wasn't going to this year!) so it was just me and Jane.

Paul drew the beard on with a permanent Sharpie marker. Thankfully we discovered that rubbing alcohol will remove it quite nicely! Phew!

Jane and I stopped by Madeleine and Ed's house after taking the boys to their friend's houses.

Jane and Scout

Madeleine and Scout playing the piano

This summer was my 20th High School reunion, but I didn't go. I really had a lot of reservations about going, so I stayed home. A group of friends from elementary school are on Facebook and someone mentioned that they'd go to an elementary reunion. John Sturm got things rolling and we had a reunion! Our 6th grade teacher even came! We had a good turn out. We had a great time visiting and just catching up on our lives. Some of the people there I hadn't seen for over 28 years!

We had such a wonderful time together that we got together again last week. Only five of us were there, but we stayed until the restaurant closed for the night! We have plans to get together again in January!

Jane loves to help me in the kitchen. She is quite animated when she talks!

She is chopping a zucchini here (not chopping broccoli!)

Here is what happens when I ask her to smile at the camera:

My parents came home from their mission in Nauvoo Illinois and they were speaking in church. All of my siblings were coming to Salt Lake to see my parents, so we had our family Christmas party the second weekend of November. We watched the slideshow of the family pictures that Kim and I scanned last summer. I started in with a terrible migraine that evening, so I wasn't the best of company that night (or the next few days).

Seth got the first phase of his braces removed the week of his birthday! He had a small party with some friends from school. They did an art project, played pictionary, then did the ice cream and brownies. Seth is 10 years old now! He is the same age that Mark was when Jane was born!

The day before Thanksgiving we went to the zoo (with half of the Utah population- it was crazy busy because it was a FREE day!) I realized that Jane just doesn't handle crowds very well (or many organized outings). I really struggle with how to do things with her because she is very difficult to deal with when she is stressed out. Hopefully maturing will help her to even out her behavior, because I'm at a loss of how to deal with her when she is being difficult.

Thanksgiving this year was kind of quiet. It was the "in-law" year with my family, but since I'm the only one in town that doesn't have in-laws that are local, we just had a small dinner with my little family. My parents went down to Arizona to spend the week with Debbie and James.

With exception of the stuffing and the rolls, everything was gluten and dairy free. It was nice to sit down and eat what everyone else was eating!

The weather was beautiful on Thanksgiving. After dinner I went out with Paul, Seth and Jane and we played Frisbee (with the Frisbees that Daniel's parents sent us that they got from a pizza place!) I raked some leaves and really enjoyed being outside. It was nearly 60 degrees!

After we played outside, I convinced Paul to let me straighten his hair with my hair iron. It was fun to hang out with him. I'm glad that he was willing to spend time with me! It was also fun to see his reaction to the straight hair! Because it is so long and curly, the straight looked rather goofy.

I was feeling a bit bummed about not visiting with family on Thanksgiving, so we headed over to my sister's house for dessert. Dan and Taylor came over to share the abundance of pies. Sweet potato pie is my all-time favorite. I also made a lemon meringue pie that is quite delicious.

So that just about covers September, October and November. We have started our December countdown and Jane is super excited about all things Christmas!

Monday, October 20, 2014

Gathering Leaves

Quilt Front

I just finished making a quilt for my dear friend Madeleine. This quilt has been on my "one of these days" list for a long time and I'm so happy to have made it! This quilt was made as a way to say thank you to Madeleine for a service that she rendered to me in November of 2011. I have always felt that words were inadequate to express my appreciation for what she did for me, so I used the love and tears that went into creating this quilt as my way to more adequately say thank you.

What did she do 13 years ago? Well, I'll tell you- it is something that is hard for me to write about, but it is important to be told- I will not be editing this for fear of wanting to take things out, so this will be posted in raw form.

In short, Madeleine saved my life.

I'm not being overly dramatic when I say this. What she did saved my life even though she was unaware of its impact at the time.

In October of 2014 we moved into a rental house across the street from Madeleine. Paul was 2 months old and Mark was 17 months old. I was experiencing severe postpartum depression and didn't quite know how to deal with the stress of life at that time. I would spend a lot of time staring out of the window in the living room or the kitchen. I'd sit there for long spells throughout the day. Daniel was working from home so he did help a lot, but he was really busy with work (60-80 hour weeks). We honestly didn't know what to do about my depression. I didn't experience it to this degree after Mark was born, and I think that we just hoped that it would go away soon. But it didn't.

One morning in late November or possibly early December I had been staring out of the window in the living room for a long time. I just felt broken. I was in a bad spot physically, emotionally, and mentally. I had recently stopped breastfeeding because I was getting so angry at Paul every time he needed to eat. With Mark I didn't love breastfeeding, but I was never upset at him for needing me. I had to put the knives in a cupboard instead of on the counter top because I was having terrible thoughts every time I saw the knives. Something was way off for me.

While I was sitting on the couch, just zoning, I decided that I wanted to die. This was the day that I was going to end this crappy life that I was living. I felt that my family didn't need me if I was going to be so unhappy and such a burden to them. My biggest hangup was trying to decide if I wanted to take the time to write a letter to Daniel and my two boys, or just disappear from their lives.

Paul was sleeping and Mark was playing with his toys in the room with me, and Daniel was in the basement working so my plan was to put Mark in bed and go into the garage start the van and to kill myself by carbon monoxide poisoning. At that moment, I saw Madeleine go into her front yard and start to rake the leaves. There was a snow storm coming in and since her daughter didn't get the leaves off before she went to school, she decided to rake them off before they got trapped below the snow.

In the middle of all of this grief that I had, I sat and watched her rake leaves for a few minutes. Then I had a very strong feeling, almost as if it were a voice speaking to me, telling me to go rake leaves. I knew right then that I needed to go put my coat on, put Mark's coat on, go into the garage to get the rake and help Madeleine rake the leaves.

So, that is exactly what I did.

I didn't open up to Madeleine how I had been feeling (I did tell her about this day many years later) I just worked by her side and had a great time with her. She appreciated the help and I desperately needed the distraction. She was my angel here on earth giving me the help when I needed it. We formed a great friendship. Both of us have moved several times since living across the street from each other, and we have made it a point to get together. We only live a few minutes away from each other right now and I love being so close to her!

I finally did go to see a family doctor about my depression in January. He told me that "being a mother is hard work so you'll just need to get over yourself." His words, not mine. I didn't get the real help that I needed until that following September with my OB/GYN, I didn't know that I should have gone to her to start out with. It took a few years of medication to undo the damage that had been done (I was experiencing panic attacks on top of the depression at that point). Thankfully I was able to move past that dark time of my life.

Because Madeleine and I both share a love of quilting and autumn leaves, I felt that a quilt with leaves scattered on it was a great way to say what I just can't seem to say with words. She took me on a drive through Alpine Loop to see the fall leaves for my birthday this year and that is when I decided that I needed to make this quilt that has been living in my head a reality.

I titled this one "Gathering Leaves"

I made the striped patterns and cut them to make the leaves. The center square is white to signify the impending snow storm. It finished at 53"x74". Machine pieced and quilted by yours truly.

Our trip to see the leaves

On the drive I took a picture of this grove of trees
(Birch and Quaking Aspen are two of my favorite trees)
When I looked through the photos I noticed that the tree on the bottom left had letters on it
(a practice that I heartily do not condone, by the way)

M+S
it is perfect!

Quilt Back

Label detail

Out of the wash with it's crinkly goodness

I am very grateful to Madeleine for being a wonderful person. I always feel so lucky that she includes me as one of her friends. During a dark time of my life I was blessed to find a friend who has continuously added joy and light to my life. Whenever I spend time with her I come away a better person. Spending time with her in the mountains seriously rejuvenates my soul and re-energizes my life. I smiled all day after going on the canyon drive with her!

I will forever be grateful to Madeleine for gathering leaves on that cold autumn morning.

Life truly is wonderful.

From the scraps of the quilt I made a little quilt for me. It is inspired by a quilt made titled "Bright Birch" by Amanda Jean from Crazy Mom Quilts. I think of Madeleine every time I use it!

quilt front
Pick Up Sticks

quilt back

Friday, August 15, 2014

Jordanelle Reservoir 2014

Last year's trip to Jordanelle Reservoir was such a great success that we decided to do it again this year. We were able to borrow a kayak and a paddle board from my sister (thanks Denise!) and Seth came with us this time, which meant that we didn't have room for all six of us and the gear in the van, so Mieren and Alys drove separately! The reason that we decided to include Seth this time around was because Mieren and Alys are moving to California at the end of the month, so we wanted all of the boys to spend some time with their cousins before they moved.

We got to the reservoir a few hours before we could check into the cabin. Our original plan was to play in the water then eat lunch and check in, but it was really windy, so we just played along the edge of the water for a while. The kids started throwing small rocks into the water (it is good to know that no matter how old they are they still like throwing rocks!) and then they started to collect big rocks to make a sort of dock for them to stand on.

Seth

Alys, Paul, Mark, Mieren

Collecting rocks

Team work!

We ate lunch in the van while we warmed up from being in the wind. It started to rain, but it was a small sprinkle. After lunch we checked into the cabin and played around. The weather cleared up a lot and we all got into the water. Yep, this year I got in the water! I really like the small kayak that we used. I am just at the top of the recommended weight limit, so I have to be careful with my balance, but it works really good for me!

The water level was still low this year, but not as low as last year. It will be interesting to see how it looks when it is at 100% capacity!

Mr. Mark, my hero!

After we showered we played some games in the cabin. I was on the top bunk reading and I fell asleep for about 10-15 minutes. The kids had started some new game that they made up where they each picked different countries and had wars with each other. They rearranged furniture- the bunk bed represented the northern hemisphere, the table was the dividing line and the futon was the southern hemisphere. At one point they were all on the northern hemisphere- all at war with each other. It was happy chaos!

After dinner they got back into the water for a while. Jessica (Mieren and Aly's mom) came up to visit. The clouds we getting bigger and we saw a beautiful rainbow!

Mark has powers you've only dreamed of!

We watched an amazing lightning show behind the mountains and then the lighting and thunder got close enough to us that we put the fire out and called it a night. I am so glad that we were in the cabin and not a tent because the wind and rain storm that we had was pretty impressive. The storm finally calmed down around 12:30 and I was able to go to sleep.

The next morning we played in the water one last time and then packed up and headed home. (I swear that I was there, I just didn't step out from behind the camera!)

I have to admit that I am sad that the girls are moving to California. I am really excited for them because of the great adventures they have ahead of them, but selfishly I'm sad. It will most likely get us out to California more often, which isn't a bad thing! Looking back through last year's pictures I was stunned at how much the kids have grown up. It was a real privilege to spend some time with such amazing people.