always.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Argh!! Haha, was supposed to hand in my pw survey qns the n meet Jo today at 10.. den guess what? I woke up at 9.30!!! And I didn't rerwrite the survey qns!! Mad rush manz!! Haha.. So in the end went to cj to hand up the pw thingy with my beach clothes all inside my uniform!! And my pants were so loose!! Rolled them up under my skirt then they kept on slipping!! Malu.. heheh, so was like half-running and holding on to my pants at the same time..

Then when I reached Novena square to meet her, met Briggy having her flag-selling!! Haha, and I, being the pccg rep, indirectly organised it for her and I forgot!! Hee, so of course I had to donate to my dear friend:>:>.. And she couldn't recognise me!! Do I look that different out of my cj uniform?? Haha! Wait.. cj uniform makes people look extra fat right? =thick-skinned=..

Xianz, then when reached near east coast, it was raining!!! Everyday in cj it's a sauna! All we asked for was a nice, cool drizzle and has it ever happened?? Nooo.. So of course I expected it to be the same today but.. Haiz.. What happens?? It's a downpour!!! Couldn't cycle.. So kenah stuck in parkmall parade.. Hee, but actually that place wasn't too bad lah.. I got funky, cheap pants from there!! Must remember the name.. "Samuel and Kevin".. And we were both busy putting on extra pounds buying loads of weird flavoured ice-cream..

After all that, finally got to the beach.. And got to rent a bicycle for $5!! So cheap!! Hee, and some more it's for 2hrs!! Great deals must be taken advantage of mah.. Heheh.. And Jo rented skates so I was like cycling extremely slowly next to her.. Argh, why must East Coast have so many small little pine cones littered on the ground?? Not to mention the horrendously big humps.. Roller blades+pine cones+big humps = snail speed.. 1x10^-100 km/h.. Haiz, and my feet are so big, couldn't fit into the blades.. So sad, can't exchange.. Then went to some big rock place to sit for a while.. Miss it.. It's nice to think there..

In the evening, met up with Joanna!! Yay!! Didn't see her for such a looooong time!! Heheh, all the "Jo" people in my life.. Then Aud has two more "Joanne and Joanna" friends.. Joanna's hair is so long now! Haha, chio bu!! Couldn't recognise her.. some more stand in front of me and I didn't realise it was her.. Hee, went to do some crazy shopping, or rather trying out, with them!! Were taking stuff like tube tops and spaghetti straps and trying all of those on for fun!! Ewww.. was so damn lian.. Haha.. Don't know how they can stand wearing all those disgusting stuff..

[Feeling Bored of what I'm writing]..

Then late in the night, went to Jo's church to see some praise and worship thingy.. Haiz.. The songs were all so high-pitched.. Out of range.. Like that how to compete in the nlp singapore idol already?? Hee.. Then after that the priest was talking and talking and talking.. Was wondering when he was going to stop.. Kept on talking about some understanding thingy.. Like I'm back in mass again.. But at last got to see people getting slained.. it was FREAKY!! They kept on writhing and twitching themselves!! Heh, but I'm still a cynic.. Still need proof.. So was debating about the "gift of tongues" vs nonsense with her.. Still dont get it..

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Feel so guilty.. I know that it will happen anyway regardless of whether I was involved or not but I somehow feel partly responsible. I can't do anything to stop it now.. I couldn't have done anything to stop it at all.. But to watch it all develop like this is sad.. Don't want to see it this way. After all this is done, I don't know what will happen. I don't wish to know.. I don't think anything good will come out of it, but then, if nothing's being done, chances are things will go much worse.. All I can do is watch the consequences that come after it. Consequences have already shown during the process. It's getting worse.. It sux.. Well, things always work this way I guess.. They call it the better good.. Is it really? What about the ones that get hurt in the process? No one cares.. Even if they do, can they change the balance? By doing so, it will be done in the name of the "lesser good". There will be more conflicts.. So things have to be left this way. Hopefully time heals all wounds...

Got to drink my nice, mysterious coffee!! Coffee guuuuuuuud.. Haha, Jo probably still thinks I'm weird that I think coffee is mysterious.. But yes, it is.. only when it's hot.. There's no more "depth" in cold coffee.. and then I was busy stealing my dad's butter toast too!! Haha, didn't eat butter for like.. 3 months? Margarine too..

My gosh, I am so going to die tomorrow.. Haha.. It's like I have 7 more hours to school and I'm busy writing this although I've not finished 2 maths tutorials, 3 weeks worth of newspaper reflections, econs trial test paper and chem tutorial.. But I don't feel like doing a thing!! Lazy lazy.. Spent the whole afternoon sleeping and playing "Game of Life" with my sister.. Haha, she just bought that game and just couldn't resist playing it again and again.. I played with her 3 times in a row!! Argh, and don't know why I'm so sui lah.. Kept on getting a lower salary than her so obviously I did not win a single game.. Haha, and she kept on moving her car so fast that all her "babies" kept on dropping out.. Actually my dad wanted to see Shrek2 but I refused to watch it again.. Hate watching repeats cuz you know what's coming.. no surprises.. Haiz.. so kind of pissed him off.. He kept on saying," I want to bring you all out but all you want to do is stay at home.. " Not that I mind going out with him.. Just not to watch Shrek2 again.. that's all.. but he was so fed up I refused to watch that he called the whole thing off.. Shrugz..

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Haha, slept in today!!! After soooo long.. Mum wanted to treat my bro and me to Van Helsing so we were like.. yay!! So ok, was taking my time to choose what to wear and when I came down, I realised we were all wearing the same colour!!!!! As in all of us, me, my mum and my bro... all light-blue shirt and dark-blue pants!!!! Nooooo!! My gosh, it was soooo embarrassing.. then I half wanted to run back up and change but then I made all of them wait for me while I was choosing what to wear so argh!! Went out all colour-coded.. Wanted to dig a hole and bury my head in it..

Haiz.. so went to cine which made it even worse cuz chances of people who knows me and sees me all in the same colour with my mum and bro were much higher.. Argh, I feel like my individualism is gone.. So crowded!! And there were no more seats left for van helsing!! And no more seats for troy either!! So just had to make do shrek2..

After buying the tickets, there was sooo much time to kill so we decided to indulge in sweet, sinful temptations in taka.. Oh my gosh, the brownies are simply THE. BEST. Gooooood Goooooood chocalatey taste.. Then couldn't ta han and ate Mos cookies!!! Haha, have to go and exercise again.. Can feel my weight increasing.. can picture it increasing.. Argh, this is psychological torture..

Since it was packed, we were all sitting in separate seats for the show.. haha, which was a blessing in disguise.. For one thing, it's a 2hr salvation to my individualism and also, the popcorn was far far away so I couldn't be tempted to eat any.. Haha.. The show was soooo farnie!!! The best was Pinocchio!! Hilarious!! But shan't say too much or I'll ruin the nice part for everyone..

And all the hc rugby guys shaved their heads?!! Ahaha.. don't know whether to laugh or to cry..

Friday, May 21, 2004

Everyday I attempt to write a blog, everyday it gets thwarted... Argh!! Usually I'll be like halfway to 3/4 done with a nice, long long blog then my dad comes and looks at what I'm doing so I have to close everything so that he doesn't find out I have a blog (I'll be so dead if he reads it.. I can't even mention the word "he" on the phone without getting interrogated.. Hellooo, I'm in jc now.. you know.. where it is no longer single-sexed.. If I totally don't talk to guys or don't talk about any guys then there's obviously something socially wrong with me..) So to take extra precaution, had to come here late in the middle of the night.. Frustrating!!

Was not supposed to go to sports day today but I still went anyway.. Hee.. Mum was like saying,"You're not strong enough to go.. still sick right.. hear your voice, still not healed.. Must get more rest!!!" But how could I miss out on all the fun?? In exchange for rotting at home sleeping in the burning bedroom.. (not allowed to switch on air-con in the afternoons unless it's a gd reason..) Besides, I didn't want to be MIA when I was supposed to be playing Bolleyball for my class.. Yes, its Bolleyball with a B.. not V.. some weird game where we had to use some type of yoga ball instead of a proper volleyball..

So met up with Darsha at TP mrt.. then after that, we took the wrong bus to SMU.. so Darsha was saying get down at the next stop.. Fine, so next stop I got down and before I knew it, the bus door closed with Darsha still on the bus!! With my bag!! Argh.. was stranded in the middle of Toa Payoh!! Luckily there were other cj people who took the wrong bus and came down too.. So I was like saying to them ," Er, do you all know the way to SMU?" Then they were listing the whole bunch of buses to get there.. Then I asked them," Can I borrow some money cuz my bag is stuck with my friend on the bus that just left.." Damn malu!!!And the worst part is that I don't know who I borrowed the money from so now I can't return it.. Kz, next time if it happens to somebody, I shall do the same..

Xianz xianz.. the bolleyball was a disaster.. maybe because I was there.. haha.. Couldn't hit the ball high enough.. but for one thing, it was extra heavy.. Then this Richard was like,"Use more strength, use more strength!!" Ah.. I did already.. shrugz.. So argh.. our bolleyball team lost.. But on the bright side, our J-stick people did real well coming in 2nd.. Yay!! Go t31!!

Heheh.. finished so nice and early today!!! 1.50!! Really appreciate being let off at afternoons now.. it's always officially 4.30.. like the teachers ever let us off at the correct time.. So, since there was some free time, of course I went back to visit the juniors!!!! Yay!! So fun to see them.. Haha, was to lazy to take the bus, or more like forgot which bus to take so had to walk from the TP interchange to the old school.. So nice to see them again.. miss the IJ warmness.. Never felt it for sooooo long!! Haha.. wanna visit some more!! At last I don't feel conscious of what I say or do or worry whether I said something accidentally offensive.. Haha, it's IJ!! Even if I did insult someone, I'll be immediately forgiven!!

They were having selections so I was standing around giving lots of added pressure.. Was soooo hungry!! Heheh.. so took out a big pack of oreo goodness and passed it around the "selections" people.. Then so sui, when Jac was eating halfway, Mrs Tay came in and she didn't even realise it.. Haha.. then when she saw Mrs Tay, she passed the oreos until it somehow came back to me.. My gosh.. wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide!! Haha.. Then was moving here and there playing games with the rest of the juniors.. Halfway playing with Hui Min then suddenly Stephanie, a Sec1 junior was asking," Are you two sisters?" ?! Me?! Sister's with Hui Min?! Ahahaha!!! I look like her meh? Then Hui Min was telling me, " How come I look like everyone ah? The other time someone told me I look like Theresa!" Aahahahaha!! Farnie manz this gurl.. After that, when everyone all zhaoing, Minz said she didn't mind playing bball so I pei her all the way.. I say again.. All the way from St Raphael's to St Michael's then.. her mum came.. cannot play.. Haiz.. Minz ah!! Haha.. never mind, got extra exercise.. Met Fizah and Swathi there so just played bball with them for a while.. Hee.. catch up with old friends..

Monday, May 17, 2004

So grateful to my dear friends today. I totally lost my voice and then they all were so concerned.. Then it was like Briggy, Sijia and Darsha somehow started mouthing words out without their voices too when they started talking to me.. subconsciously. So stupid ok.. My chinese teacher thought I was faking it juz cuz she gave us an oral test for us to do and I couldn't read out a single thing.. That doesn't mean I can't read the words.. Horrible woman, always anyhow assume people are cheating or faking.. Then when Aud got to hear about it.. literally.. she juz couldn't stop laughing!! Dis woman ah.. laughing at me until I found it so funny and started laughing with her.. Laugh but got no sound come out.. Then after that, was late for gp remedial(gp sux) which was held during our break cuz there was no other time to have it, was furiously whispering away to that fierce fierce shirley ting to give my excuse and the rest of e peepz all found it so farnie.. haha.. I see the expression on her face I also wanna burst out laughing.. I want my voice back!!!

Am so super tired... went through another mass pe hell..It was of course, the usual 10 rounds but this time, cuz my legs are still aching from bball training and was dying there!! Pe.. not only physical torture but also mental torture.. had to psycho myself so many times to not get bored and just stop because we were running and running around with nothing else better to do.. And was so malu.. after running my 5th round, this Gizmoz had overtaken me 3 times!! Haiz, all these rugby people lah, can run soooo fast and can last so long.. Think he sprinted all his rounds.. He's so high profile.. It's like all the "high up there" people were all cheering him on.. after that, he just lay on the grass with this pained expression.. Then when he recovered and I was at my last round, he was giving this jia you sign to me. Heheh.. and I was still jogging like an old grandmother.. but was encouraging. Then after that, the sadistic teachers made us hop on one foot and change it every minute.. Fine, that's not that tiring.. But it was damn pain!! It was what I had been doing for so long for bball until I can't even walk up the stairs properly and they make us hop on one foot!! Suan manz..

Argh.. got loads of stuff to do.. horrible econs test tmr.. And then got econs remedial (sheesh, getting into all sorts of remedials.. arts subjs sux!!) so I have a stack of econs extra hw to do.. And my maths teacher is crazy.. trigo trigo n more trigo like nobody's business.. I can stare at a trigo sum for 45 mins and still not get anything done cuz I don't know how to do the question.. Argh.. miss the times we were doing gp and ap for maths.. much better.. And my chem tutorial is like one week late.. now have to do the next chem tutorial.. And I have to do 2 gp reflections.. supposed to do itover the weekend.. And bio and chem test is on Wed but I have to study for econs tonight.. Argh.. way behind time.. Hmmz.. anymore? I think that's about it to stress myself for the night.. Kz, shall start now..

Sunday, May 16, 2004

At first, I didn't feel like writing anything cuz I don't have a template.. Then, now I think.. why let a silly template hinder me from not writing at all.. It's weird how sometimes people don't want to get near others because of a judgement they have passed on others.. but isn't that judgement a hindrance to friendship? A potential true friend can be lost.. but then again, a true friend is a true friend cuz u perceived that person to be one.. In other words, perception is a limitation in a way. Gosh.. what's wrong with me?? Haha.. but me having something wrong is just a perception too.. So if I perceive myself to have nothing wrong then there is nothing for me to bother about..

Went for nlp today. Today is the d-day for the nlp weekend class and also raj's farewell.. So sad, he's gonna leave.. Knew him since Pri4.. Haiz, thought I could go there and slack around then found out dat they were shorthanded so I became their free labour and the day's photographer.. Kept irritating loads of pple by snapping full of nonsense and makg them blinded with my flash.. ok, just one.. RabbitZ looked so pissed the whole day.. took his picture and woah.. got some type of a murderous glare.. time to back off.. Well, doesn't hurt to have nice memories once in a while.. kz lah, maybe he didn't mean it.. shall lay it off.

First time today I also got to hear a bit of stuff abt what some of e peepz had to say... Was walking with XCatX after lunch then she was suddenly saying.. "Shifu B was askg me what part of a guy attracts you to them.. Then I said.. eyes. Then Shifu B asked.. who has eyes like that? Then I said.. Boatman." My gosh.. That kinda stunned me.. Makes me wonder if she likes him.. Then she was also messaging me the whole week asking if he was coming today. Asked her why then she said she wanted to see how he and Gizmoz click.. or rather clash. Makes sense but.. suspicious. Then later in the evening, SweetSignz came to see Raj off then was telling me how cute Gizmoz is and wishing she was younger.. Heheh.. that I have to agree.. He's hot lah.. but too high profile.. very intimidating. But not bad.. she got her wish.. Shifu B paired them up together to do some process.. At least she got her fair share of eye candy.

Yay.. so happy for the whole bunch of them.. graduated at last!! After 12 long, torturous days!! Wanted to compile all their pics together on ppt but there was no time.. And all of them broke the board after their first try!! Haiz.. at first I thought I did so well for nlp then after seeing their scores all above 90, want to faint already.. turned out I'm one of the lan-est students.. After that, immediately celebrated raj's farewell. Was hoping boatman would turn up.. but.. yea, as usual. Nvm, shan't let my life revolve around that.. Wonder what XCatX was thinking..

And they were so mean can!! Sweetsignz was telling me that it's good that I have a sore throat.. would have no choice but to learn sign language.. Haha, but I would still go for her workshop even if I didn't have a sore throat. Then Shifu B was thanking god I had a sore throat cuz it shut me up.. Was so pain when I started talking.. Horrible... Just because he hates putting on a seatbelt and I would nag till kingdom come until he reluctantly puts it on. Then this sadist kept on talking about eating chilli crabs and kang kong with belachan for dinner.. making me so jealous.. Serve him right lah.. Heheh, the restaurants were all out of crabs..

But after having the sore throat, I came to realise something.. I somehow felt more me.. As in without the sore throat, I would talk about things totally irrelevant to anything because I'm uncomfortable with the silence. Then people somehow sense that it's very forced and.. fake. But because of this sore throat, I only talked when it was absolutely neccessary and it felt better. For once, I feel real. And it helped that I couldn't talk fast.. it made me feel more sure of what I was saying cuz it felt slower and steadier. Should try that out sometimes when I get rid of this sore throat..

Hee.. sorry Jo and Aud and whoever else.. I noe you all can hardly relate to what I'm saying but I really had to get it off..