as i read through the short story, my tears rolled.
its upset but yet it meant something.

cherish, treasure before you lost it
grab hold of it tightly
if you miss out the chance, you might not have it again

a story share by one of Celestina's reader to her

I NEVER KNEW I LOVED YOU

He had sat by her for days, for weeks, for months. He had sat by her all year, she’d never missed a day. Now she was gone. And he knew she wouldn’t be back. ‘Killed herself, so young…’ The words echoed repeatedly in his head. He slumped onto his desk and stared at hers. For just one second, he closed his eyes and pretended she was there, sitting right next to him again, smiling, and chattering at him, laughing when he didn’t. ‘Why are you always so cold? Why don’t you talk to me? It’s not like I’m diseased or something.’ She had once said, laughing nervously when he rolled his eyes. He wondered now what would have happened is he’d laughed too, if he smiled and said, ‘sorry’ He sneaked a peek at her from his peripheral vision, she looked like a kicked puppy, staring at the floor, but he just turned away, trying to ignore the little voice in his head ‘she’s beautiful, and she likes you. Give her a chance…’ He ignored it. When he rode the bus home, he saw the empty seat in front of his, and bit back a sob. Just yesterday she’d sat there smiling back at him. But he hadn’t smiled back, just gazed sulkily out the window. Pushing her away, he got off the bus, and remembered her tentative smile the day before. The last time he saw her, rain flattening her mahogany curls. She had looked so sad. And he hadn’t cared, as he trudged home her voice echoed so faint, from the day before. ‘Bye’ he’d thought he imagined that she’d said, ‘goodbye forever.’ He’s just shrugged and waved half heartedly, and he could see the pain of rejection in her eyes. He remember the voice, crackling over the intercom, ‘Students, I have a terrible news ……. is dead, there will be a service this afternoon. That is all.’ The voice cut off, in his mind he can’t heard the name. Trying to tell himself it’s not true. And he heard the murmurs, “Killed herself…’ when he got home, he flopped on the bed, ‘why do I even care?’ He asked out loud, startled by the sound of his voice. ‘Because you loved her.’ The voice in his head whispered, he shook his head. “No.” But he knew he was lying. He fell into a fretful sleep, and her face kept appearing in front of him, rain soaked, and sad, smiling so hopefully. Why hadn’t he said something, anything? Why had he ignored her, why hadn’t he cared before? He sat up on his bed in a cold sweat. He remembered her last morning, how she’d tried to sit next to him, and he’d moved to another seat, how crestfallen her face was. ‘Your fault’ the voice whispered. Oh god. He thought, it was his fault, he’d been there, watched her, seen her sadness, her loneliness, like his, and he hadn’t done anything. She’d tried to get close, to feel wanted, and he hadn’t allowed her that, he hadn’t saved her. The days blurred and the empty desk taunted him, day after day, blaming him, forcing him to believe she was gone, but he could see her so clearly, like she’d just left class early, he heard her voice, and saw her smile, sometimes, he even smiled back… The voice haunted his sleep, sometimes she was there too, smiling and holding his hand, leading him, but she always led him to the cemetery, to the cold gray stone. Then she disappeared, her sadness reappearing as she faded. But he always went with her. When he woke up, he would stare sadly at the mirror in front of his bed, he always stared till he saw her face and then he whispered, ‘I’m sorry, so sorry, I didn’t know I loved you, I did, I loved you so much, but I couldn’t let myself love you.’ But then the sweet illusion would fade, and he’d be alone again. ‘You didn’t have to be alone, you could have had her.’ The voice whispered, and he shuddered, again holding back the tears. ’Wah lao eh, that movie was so stupid.’ She’d whispered, he nodded he agreed with her, and if it were anyone else would have started joking around, but he let it drop, and he realised it had been there too, the pain. She had been so alone. He remembered every day, every conversation, every time he stared at her lips, or listened to her solf voice, and every time, he pretended she didn’t exist. ‘You should be happy, now you don’t have to pretend’ the voice mocked him, and he knew it was true, it’s too late, she’s now gone… He felt inside, the heavy cold weight of her loss, how he’d never known her, how he’d lost his chance to really love her. ‘If only those simple things I’d done, If only I hadn’t ignored you, if only I’d answered, if only I’d let myself love you. A tear ran down his cheek. I wish I had told you, I wish that I had known, I wish I had realised what you were to me before… Before you died, because of me. Because I never knew I loved you… And I loved you too late.

hope it brought a ring to you

a good dinner, a good movie
it was a good date
just Darling and i
*thanks

i cherish you
i should be posting photos of us
but sad case we didn't snap

rushed home after work, took a bath and out i go
meeting up Darling at TopShop where think most her money is spend or was
planned to have carls junior for dinner but as its like full house, we decided to have Pizza Hut instead.
a good meals before a good show that i thought will never end =D
Life As We Know It
In the romantic comedy "Life As We Know It', Holly Berenson is an up-and-coming caterer and Eric Messer is a promising network sports director. After a disastrous first date, the only thing the two have in common is their dislike of each other and their love for their goddaughter, Sophie. But when Holly and Eric suddenly become all Sophie has in the world, the pair is forced to set aside their differences. Juggling career ambitions and competing social calendars, they'll have to find common ground while living under the same roof.

rate: 7/10 - better off for couple show
headed home after the show and snap snap snap before i end the night.
*yawn* i'm tired

i feel cute in this snapshot
HaHa
dont you think so?
=P

some say the dark circles are more obvious, true it is

even after a long day,
TIO SPIN AGAIN
!!!

-_-"

"you spin my head right round right round"

tired but still i wanna say thanks for over the weekend
i had fun even thou tears dropped.
IMU VAN

gonna be a long week, but my week are much packed with gatherings
tired thou but im happy with it.
gonna movie and do some shopping.
eye eye on birkenstock :P
and HeHe lets not forget about my big saving plan for upcoming month of November.
no good good food and expensive stuff for Shanon

i kept some in heart rather than saying all out, crying out does makes me feel better.

*sorry for the Saturday. but friends, i'm fine. was still a good gathering and celebration.
*thanks Sis and her Bf, Samuel for the Sunday lunch @ DinTaiFeng. Yummy
*thanks Harry, Joses, Janice, Nana, Leo and not forgetting Chris and Steph for making up for the Ktv @ TeoHeng with Darling and me. a little pamper for myself, a top from Topshop thou i wanna save HeHe... really gotta stay more saving prog

+ shan0n @ 9:42 AM

_________

Saturday, October 16, 2010

lets make it a black parade

a night of celebration for Aj
thank god no sentosa today
weather's really hot

+ shan0n @ 8:22 PM

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loverboy call and was complaining about my lappy to him
he telling me to throw away my laptop as normal laptop usually last for 3 years or so. its time to get a new one
but prob is its only 2 years old and i like it very much.
then saying "the vaio give you and use, i'm not using very often."
replied him "dont want i like my lappy and you keep that just incase. i dont wanna hear you wanna or buying laptop again. keep some money incase you need it and spend more on food!"
as usual he replied "when i come back then say"
-_-" -_-* -_-" -_-*
he's always just wasting money. but long as he's happy and full, i'm still fine with it

+ shan0n @ 1:06 AM

_________

♥ my 1st red tee

home from Giant Tampines with Van Darling
met her up after heading home from work to check out the prices for the grocries.
and funny me was telling or say advising her not to buy just take from my Dad's or even Bro's stal
HeHe so bad but who ask them to call me 大小姐

start from next week can't afford to be late and have to forgo my trip to Genting all thanks to his goal. wasted $55 and gone with a trust. *tsk tsk

hopefully during the next few weeks, things will be smooth for Jacinda, Teri and myself.
had another long day @ work
looking forward to tomorrow night's birthday celebration and Sunday's TeoHeng

*thanks Darling. gonna wear it as often when you're not around. didn't know we're exchanging gift HaHa

snacks are human's best friend

recommended by Darling
longer and slimmer

+ shan0n @ 12:38 AM

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

i dont have to explain my actions
i own my life to myself
everything has got its limitation

+ shan0n @ 12:16 AM

_________

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

having a little fun time webcaming
Hey my fringe grew longer le~

i'm gonna give it a go for
Rosemount, sparkling wine

+ shan0n @ 11:29 PM

_________

my Dell Mini 5 Tablet's coming to me this November!
oOOoh i can't wait (:

was on phone with loverboy and webbing for suite @ HardRock
but so sad that all of the reservations are fully out
checking out Marina Bay Sand and Gosh i'm hell confused
there's so many type of deluxe room and suite available
don't really know which one to pick.
gonna check out again when i'm much awake as i had another long day at work.
getting breakfast for Jia, Jacinda and myself then Starbucks for the UK visitors
doing of adverts, doing callings, and end of the day teaching Jeremy's admin and owner about recruitment.
turn down MBS as i was tired but to make myself feel better i got myself roasted chestnuts and cabby home

+ shan0n @ 10:51 PM

_________

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

it makes you who you are
Music is everything

i'm falling deep for this song

+ shan0n @ 11:59 PM

_________

rose and carnation for a strong yet gentle character mum

heading bed soon
today, tired but i believe its all worth it
a trip to AMK Hub to pick up the flowers from Xpress then down to Lor. Chuan for a short visit and greeting of Happy Advance Birthday to LoverBoy's Mum.
was so lucky that i bump and board Mum's friend's cabby and it was a free ride home

relieve that i've done with my newspaper adverts
drafting out a template and advert for JobsCentral posting
(WooHooo tomorrow's the day of submission)
gonna be spending tomorrow doing more adverts as well as editing
calls and email, as confirm this week i'll be packed with activities and celebrations
Thursday, Night Safari
Saturday, Sentosa and PowerHouse
we'll see if there's Barrage for this Sunday

burning up my lazy time =D
and Gosh, i was silly today which causes colls of mine to laugh out loud

+ shan0n @ 10:50 PM

_________

really what the hell
now my plan for November got cock-up

love is selfish !!!

+ shan0n @ 1:02 AM

_________

♥ them
10Oct: the night @ Marina Barrage

+ shan0n @ 12:11 AM

_________

Monday, October 11, 2010

upcoming company duties and planning, further recruitment!
and this time round we're stepping into Advertisement Board, Newspaper and HeHe PR'ing

Adrian and his admin team from RedWoods will be assisting us in coming 3rd week
gonna stress stress stress
but all the way!!! never to give up easily!

+ shan0n @ 11:37 PM

_________

have been a good 2 weeks thou i was pretty sick before
meeting up with beautiful people that brighten up my days and nights
thankful to god that i have a chance to know every single one of them

for last weekend, it was one of the best out of many months
a night back to PowerHouse on Saturday (and Samuel plus friends came along) after steamboat to celebrate with Charlene @ Xian De Lai and Ah Chew Dessert.
caught up with those missing ones and glad to see them doing better
Sunday was lunch and catch up with Lina Mummy before K & L Bro came by with roasted chestnut and koi then follow up with a night gathering with Andy, Chris, CK, Robin, Stephanie, Van, Val and YangFeng @ Barrage then T3 for "project"

sorry guys, more photos will be up and try to find them in FB
*lazy lazy*

9Oct: PowerHouse

2Oct: night @ XianDeLai and Iluma

27Sept: night @ MOF

+ shan0n @ 11:18 PM

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Friday, October 08, 2010

remix of Yolanda Be Cool and Dcup
WooHooo enjoy

+ shan0n @ 6:34 PM

_________

yes she's too a people person
offering a position in JobsCentral, but let me think about it 1st.
*thanks for the Teddy Bear, its cute. Shall leave it in the office for company (:

was having a short meeting with Amy from JobsCentral about the credits and its web
chatted chatted, soon its passed 7pm
ended the meeting and realise there's 7 missed calls.
WooHooo
a long day at work, i ended up pampering myself with nasi lemak from QiJi and a cab home.

have been sleeping early right before 12am.
good good but felt im like sleeping lesser.

its TGIF already and whats up for tomorrow?
Charlene's Bday @ Jurong, Chillout night @ oOOoh Nana's new home?
HmMmmm partying @ PowerHouse?
HmMmmm...
we'll see

+ shan0n @ 10:32 AM

_________

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

"just be patient, good things will happen" and thats what i'm telling myself
gotta know that J.Kor and Gf will be taking the day off to USS
Woah so good i also wanna go, so envy
a call from LoverBoy, shared with him and answering me back, "wait for me to go together"
(:
i can't wait but i have to wait

still at work
done with my newapaper adverts and more names to come
gonna head home and watch tv. what should i get for dinner?
HmMmmm

+ shan0n @ 6:07 PM

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Tuesday, October 05, 2010

words of concen made me feel better
my voice still sounded as sick but im not ready put callings to a stop
gonna rest well tonight as i've been running bad headaches this 2 mornings
3 more days to go another counting week
reconfirm on another trip but looking more forward to the one in next year (:

lastnight was a short celebration for Da Sao, Janice
got her a small gift with Lina Mummy, hope she'll like it.

anger makes you smaller

+ shan0n @ 3:43 PM

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Monday, October 04, 2010

flea market @ Haji
dinner @ Xian De Lai
slackout @ Koi Iluma
everything was great, thou i'm coughing very badly
good gathering with good old friends
(Darling, Steph and Bf, Chris, Tyler, Jickson and new emo friend Ian)

still,
more to come ...

*we won't want to say good bye but when the time comes, its 再见(see you again)
gonna miss Darling so so much

+ shan0n @ 12:13 AM

_________

Saturday, October 02, 2010

because i'm still sick,
i gave it a missed

no go
fun wont go

+ shan0n @ 11:28 PM

_________

tell me, ain't this a perfect shot?

i miss the sun shine girl that tanned up
i miss the sun shine girl that kicks her early morning by the beach with lotion(s) or not
i'm just being so fair now
i missed the tanned and i want back my tanned
maybe not that tanned ba
=D

away from lappy due to rest
waking up to today, i felt much better
mopped the floor alittle, washes clothings and back to rot on the bed watching Frame
family and friends have been checking me out, *thank you guys so much, shanon's much better already
strength slowly slowly gain back
soon, its back to Monday and back to work, let hope the sun wont get me knock out and pray everything will be smooth for me as part of my hearing is being blocked.

5 days 4 nights @ Bali Rama Beach Resort, girls, we've learn and growth more independent not just on work but as well as on daily life
hopping on cab, visiting places on our own, opening our mouth to bargain mixing malay and english, giving feedbacks, hearing sharings, trying to solve issues given, trying to do public speaking when feeling frighten
yeah was feeling abit negative before the trip but think back of it, having a very nice room mate to share the room with and the tasteful breakfast served by the hotel and oOOoh was good esp when i see A&W after so so long, i would wanna return to Bali again for not just shopping or food but massage and spa
things there are way cheap cheap cheap

+ shan0n @ 9:02 PM

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