:::L:I:F:E:::

Yo.

I'm sure i'm the only crazy shit who is still online & blogging when it's less than 30 days to the end of A's.

Oh ok, even if there are some pple who're still blogging, i'm sure i'm the only sad shit who's still slacking when it's already, what, 30th Oct.....

Sian...today i kept sleeping & slacking....ytd i went to my fren's hse to study but ended up slacking too...Argghh...ytd we sort of talked abt my fren's suicidal thots and why she doesn't want to continue living, etc..depressing stuff...She said some hurtful things like she "doesn't give a shit abt us" and my sis sorta explained to me why and ok, i can understand. I'm more sad that it's happening to her. This kind of thing...Arrghhh...I juz feel so helpless against it...

i guess i'm feeling the residual sadness (?) from ytd. Juz feeling ridiculously sad and not knowing why or where the sadness sprang from....oh well...i think phy & chem pract also have parts to play in my sadness...

Tried sleeping the sadness away but it din work. Wait or maybe it was the depressing book i was reading juz b4 i slept. In it, the main character had witnessed her boyfriend's death. After his death, his best friend wanted to get in her pants but she rejected him "Because I have no love. We'll end up making nothing, and we'll end up feeling worse than before." Depressing huh?

Tried to cry but only a few tears came out....(maybe this was how u felt Jan. I don't pretend that i know the exact feeling)

Aiyah...juz feel damn sad lah...Probably PMS-ing again...this shit certainly comes in cycles...

Sorry i found so self-indulgent..haha maybe this is called "living in the moment". But gosh it's so suffocating...i feel like holding everything back like i always do. Juz shove my feelings to the back of my brain and hope they disappear.

Why am i typing this? Am i hoping for sympathy from u pple out there? I don't know. But i do know i'll feel better typing this out so bear with me.

Gosh...i might start liking Yamshita soon..*shudder* Kato is quite cute too....i found this out after watching some of the clips that my sis d/led. Ok shall check him out after A's lah. Tot i liked Kusano & not Masuda but i might convert back to Masuda again (<---after i re-watched the episode of Ai Q Gekijou in which i first liked Masuda. Kawaii~). Kusano is dynamic on stage but he reminds me of some pple in my class and it grosses me out...haha like i can really have him right? Ok what the hell

OK...this is going to be the absolute last post for the next month till the end of A's.
*I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp* *I swear i'm not going to touch the comp*

Arrrghhhh....damn nice song...it made me cry *punches Tachibana Keita*


Eien no tochuu
by w-inds.

"Kawaranai mono" wo motometari... hito wa yowakute
Those who desire for "Things that remained unchanged" are weak
kizutsuita ano hi no wakare ni
I was hurt that day we parted
tsuyogari mo uso ni wa dekizu
I could not even lie to cover it
--
I wanna believe in love
uketometa "Good bye"
"Good bye" that I took
te ni ireta totan
just at the moment I had it in my hand
sabishisa ni natta "Freedom"
the "Freedom" became a loneliness

I wanna believe in Dream
yume dake wo tada
Only the dream
dakishimeru hi mo
even the day when I just hold the dreams

I wanna believe in Love.. Again
--
"Kawari yuku koto" wo nozondari... hito wa tsuyokute
Those who wish for "Changing things" are strong people
ki ga tsuita kimi to no deai ni
I realised it with my encounter with you
kodoku ni mo imi ga aru koto
that there is even a meaning in solitude
--
I wanna believe in love
mou akiramenai
I won't give up anymore
towa yori mo nagaku
It is even longer than forever
matataki dashita "Moments"
"Moments" that dashed out in a blink

I wanna believe in Dream
yume sae kimi to
Even the dream
wakachiau you ni
for me to be able to share even the dream with you

uketomeru kara... Your pain
I will take .. your pain
--
kimi ni meguri au
Coming across you
soko ni tadori tsuku made no hibi
Days when I am finding my way there
"Deai" "Wakare" ni
"Encounter", "Parting"
ikudo tamesarete mo... mou ichido
No matter how often I am tested on...one more time
--
I wanna Believe in Love
mou akiramenai
I won't give up anymore
towa yori mo nagaku
It is even longer than forever
matataki dashita "Moments"
the "Moments" that dashed out in a blink

I wanna believe in Dream
yume ni hagurete
Even if we got separated from my dream
kizutsuke atte mo
or how we hurt each other

I wanna believe in Love... Again

ARRRRRRGGGGGhHHHH. I can't resist it.

The truth has to be told.



I WANT TO BLOG!

haha.... Right now my fave songs at the moment are News' "Get Away","Dreams" & "Akaku Moyuru no Taiyou"... Ahhhh~~~

Imagine Taka singing to me in his low, gentle voice.....




"Naze namida afureru no? Why are you shedding tears?
Kotoba dewa ienai koto things that cannot be described by words"

Ahhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~~

(btw the japanese words in the pic says We're never alone because our hearts are always linked ;D)


Was really pissed off at myself for not reading the instructions carefully during phy pract. KNS.... Serene~!!!! Wo3 men2 zhi3 neng2 xiang1 yi1 wei2 ming4 le4....haha..But dun worry pple...i'm feeling better liao...juz a bit hungry after spending like, oh, juz 4 hrs on the comp. (HA!)


Pic of the Day: Smile! with Taka (left) & Kusano (centre)...plus a bewildered-looking Yamashita (right)





haha...tot this was a damn funny pic... smilez pple & keep going!

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Dreams
by News

Naze namida afureru no?
Kotoba dewa ienai koto
Me no mae ni yume ga aru
Mada dare mo shiranai yume ga

Tsuyoku ikinakute wa
Ikenai yo ne

Susumu beki michi wa jibun de
Sousa jibun no ishi de
Kimereba ii
Aishiteru me wo sorashitari sezuni
Ieru youni

Naze egao koboreru no?
Kimi no koto miteru dake de
Ima sugu ni shiritakute
Todoki sou de todokanakute

Yasashiku nareru no wa
Tsuyoi kokoro

Susumu beki michi wa jibun de
Sousa mune ni te wo ate
Furimukazuni
Aishiteru suki touru sora no youni
Ieru youni

Wakiokoru
Kono omoi
Itsu no hi ni mo
Boku wo sasaeru

I realize
I feel dreams

Susumu beki michi wa jibun de
Sousa jibun no ishi de
Kimereba ii
Aishiteru me wo sorashitari sezuni
Ieru youni

Here's another dosage of Japanese bishounen (mei3 nan2 zi4) while i disappear for a mth. See ya all after A's!!! Work hard pple and all the best!!

Taniuchi Shinya (gu3 nei4 sheng1 ye3)

Hiroki chomping happily on some chips (with Shun on the right)

Can't wait for tml....to celebrate Ming choo's birthday....we'll be chatting, watching my sister's NewS vcd, flipping thru mags.... in short doing stuff i'm extremely talented for..den we'll have some games...haha hoho can't wait!

Shouted at my dad juz now.....no lah, i din actually do that. Juz spoke louder than usual. Must be PMS-ing....but boy, it did feel good to retort loudly...felt damn shuang after that...hmmm... Keep the irrtation coming, menses! You go, womb! haha....

Spent A LOT of time on her present. She'd better like it...if not i'd take it back. Overall i'm quite pleased with it (I LOVE IT! I WANNA KEEP IT FOR mYSELF INSTEAD!). Slept at 5am ytd doing it lor....my xin gan baobei...can see why i can't bear to part wif it rite?

Recently my sis started liking Yamashita Tomohisa & his band NewS. (North east west south - ha! stupid name....but at least better than Elephant Hashimashi<---a selected few would know what i'm talking abt). I watched the vcd of them she bought without liking anyone and i went away liking some of them, which is saying much abt their showmanship & interest level ok (hey! my standards are high ok!)...and their looks lah, i suppose..haha... I LIKE MASUDA!



Ok, Gotta sleep liao...going to wake up at 8.30 to do phy paper 3 b4 heading out to get MC's ______. If not i'll feel damn guilty

W-inds.:You are W-inds. The popular group,
energetic and humorous! You are the Nice and
Unique kind, who is very adorable and very
special! NOW that's awsome! 'cause you know
that people around you think you are Special
and Lovable!

Which Cute(Kawaii) Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

haha...can imagine shuang han deciding never to visit my blog again...haha

Arrghhh....i've been very slack today...was online till 5am this morning so i woke up at 11am. Was abt to start work at 12pm when i chatted with my sis instead. We chatted till abt 1pm...den i felt like sleeping so i took a nap....until 3.30....oops. After lunch, i read my manga & listened to this Jacky Cheung CD that my mum bought ages ago. Then i went online at abt 5 &amp; listened to various sad songs (everything juz sounded sad to me lah). And it's like 7.20 now...shit shit shit.....

I juz feel worried/sian/sad...must be menses coming soon...i know emotional problems can't be solved overnight but still...i can't help but worry.....haiz, i feel weighed down by her problems...After i know abt her problem, i dunno whether i can treat her the same as b4...it juz feels strange....ima dekiru koto wa kanojo no soba de iru (what i can do now is to be my her side), make her happy so she won't keep thinking of depressing stuff...Arghhh...was suppose to post my story on our KS forum but i feel really dumb & rotten to be thinking abt frivolous stuff now like my idols & daydreams...

Grrr....trying to numb myself by staying on the comp & playing spider solitaire....I suppose it doesn't solve any of the problems & my chem needs my attention urgently but...haiz....zhen1 de4 ti2 bu4 qi3 jing4 to study....not wif my fen's prob hanging over my head...arrgghhh

Oh FINE. i'll study acid equilibria after Singapore Idol. Gotta be strong right? For my fren, for myself & for Ryuichi & Sho....

"so good so shine so sweet so shine
itoshii namida ni deatta no wa
kokoro ga fureaeta yoru
kono yubi de sotto nuguitai yo (i wanna be baby)
kimi wo mamoritai
-----------------
When I encountered the beloved tears
it was the night when the two hearts were able to touch each other
I want to wipe them off with my fingers
I want to protect you

aishiteru...... aishiteru dake de wa (baby all my life)
tarinai kurai (let me feel so good) love you
------------------
I love you..... Just by loving you
doesn't seem enough to love you

ano hoshi ga sora kara (heavenly your tears)
oritekita you na (heavenly for real)
kagayaki chiribamete hikaru yuki wa
miageru namida wo (believing your mind)
egao ni kaeru yo (believing you smile)
kimi dake wo (forever) miteru eien ni
------------------
That star that seemed to have descended from the sky
The snow that shines and is inlayed with light
The tears that i see
will change into a smile
For eternity, I'll look at only you"

Got a shock today. Found out that one of my friends is actually suicidal and has been s for quite a while. She meant it for real, not in jest & i'm really appalled. But at the same time, i am concerned & i really wanna help but i dunno how. I've never felt such intense feelings before so i really dunno how to tread. But i'm glad at least she's opening up to us. I'm quite a passive & selfish person so this kind of thing, i'd prob think everything is fine if the person chooses to keep it frm me. Yes, yes, watashi wa sonna baka da. (wo3 shi4 zhe4 yang4 de ben4 dan4) I mean, all along, i'd tot she was a regular girl who led a normal life, not much problems & stuff. I'd even tot i was more screwed than her cos i was bullied by my sis in my childhood. But i now suppose everyone has their own family problems....

X, if u're reading this, juz wanna tell u i'll be there for you. Hontou. sorry for being so baka & so chi2 dun4...If i sound too preachy sorry ah....it juz slips out..i'm a Bt Bk ah soh after all

Did some personality test in Mc's junon mag. The advice for me was to be more helpful towards pple ard me. I agree with that advice cos seriously, i'm not alert/empathetic enough. And my sis said, "You can only feel more by giving more..." So i really wanna help, as a fren & to improve my character.

Eh anyone who needs help, juz tell me hor!!! (haha i'm acting popular here =P)



Don't they juz look cute here? =D

chuan2 dao4 qiao2 tou2 zi4 ran2 zhi! Everything will turn out fine in the end!! Dakara akiramenai ne! (dun give up!) You can ride out the storm!
(haha u can ride out with the storm<--Arashi means storm in Jap)

Sakurai Sho

Shit i'd better start mugging soon!!!!

*~18 sai Birthday Celebration w/ Kimono Shimai~*

Thanx so much to the Kimshi gals!!!!!! Hontou ni arigatou gozaimashita!! (thx) Otsukaresama deshita!! (xing1 ku3 ni3 le4!) Thx for the presents & the cake & the fun & the laughter!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! Haha muz see that video clip one day.....*laughs*


The afternoon part of the celebration wasn't that great but everything was good after the sun set...

We kicked off the celebration with a very wet game of tennis. It was drizzling & the ground was wet, the ball was wet...it was basically a game that totally drenched our spirits (haha bad cliche)

After that we went swimming. In the cold water. When i got in, i tot, "Ok, this is it. We're crazy. We're all gonna get colds the next day...hmmmm....But quite romantic huh? Everyone gets a cold together" (haha i see u pple peng-ing already) I actually tot of giving up on swimming but since jan & sara were already desperately trying to warm themselves up in the water by swimming, i decided to continue as well. True enough, i managed to warm up after some time.

Swimming is really quite shuang....heh heh....until i choked on the chlorine-tasting water. There was this fountain thing by the side of the pool spraying water into the pool in an arc. I was standing underneath the arc and tilting my head upwards & admiring the arches of water (the arches of water look really nice against the black sky!). I was happily mouthing 'wah' when some water from the spray entered my mouth. And this was the story of how i choked on swimming pool water. Not because i got my head in the water but becos my mouth was wide open. Hurrah.

Sara came over & patted me on the back to help me recover...i was really touched.

But after i was done choking, i started laughing instead cos the whole thing was so dumb, it's so damn funny!!

Next, we showered & went back to jan's hse for dinner. Dinner came and went. i went to the toilet to wash my hands & jan told me stay inside for 10 mins. Heh heh....something's gonna happen at last huh...The moment of truth was finally here. Wonder what they got me? A Ryuichi pic? Naughty lingerie?

When i came out frm the toilet, everyone was standing in a row in jan's room. Then someone (shit, forgot who!) passed me my present: sth white & furry. No, it's not a bunny suit lah! It was an Arashi CD case!! I din know what it was at first so i was like "huh???" but then i flipped open the thing & the first thing i saw was sho's face & i was like "HUH???!!!" <---starting to get ji1 dong4 Haha...i hid my face in a corner to hide my excitement for a while b4 continuing with the rest of the CD case. Then i found out that every page has sth on it: pic of an arashi member or arashi pic or notes from each of the Kimshi members....yay.....very nice, very nice...... But where's my ryuichi? *sad* =P Then they asked me to close my eyes & they led me to the dining area. When i opened my eyes, there was a delicious-looking choc cake in front of me, complete with lighted candles. and the lights were off for dramatic effect. Oh my god....Looking at the cake, i really felt like melting... very happy & very touched. I felt like crying & would have done so if i were given more time. But then they started singing "Happy Birthday" which was a happy song so my tears got chased away immediately. And i realised that jan's parents were watching tv in the living room which wasn't very far form the dining area so i quickly stopped my tears....dun wanna freak them out. The cake was good! Very creamy and very nice...until i got to the 3rd slice....By then i was already damn full. 5 of us ate (devoured/consumed/demolished) one whole cake ok! After that, everyone gave me their individual presents: Sara - a stand with my name on it (kirei! pretty!); Mc - The final contestants list of the Baofei's Super Lover Contest (kirei na otoko! pretty guys!) ; Stella - Baofei's 2005 - 2006 calendar filled with my fave jap idols complete with their brithdates marked out every mth (yes, yes, it's highly useful. & the paint work & the pics r really gd)

Then i took out my Arashi "how's it Going?" concert vcd & proceeded to show them the private footage in btwn their concerts. And we had a good time laughing at the antics of the 5 Arashi members. "Lucky lucky lucky man! YEAH!" "Yeah!" "YEAH!!!" "YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" hahaha...i swear, after watching it, ur perception of each members' character will never be the same again....hahaha...Thinking abt makes me laugh.

Shit, muz make sure there r no jets of water near me while my mouth is hanging open...

Note: Abt the naughty lingerie thing, i have to say that it's not that i'm being dirty or what k. It's cos there was one day i asked Mc what they bought for me. And she replied it was sth that i wouldn't scream over. Not sth i wud scream over? Naturally I tot it shud be some non j-pop-related thing then....and since i'm already 18, they might juz get the crazy idea of getting lingerie aince i'm turning 18 & i'm approaching womanhood mah.....(but if they really got me that, i'd be quite sad lah....though it would have been an unforgettable present(?!). So it's not my fault for having such a weird idea k! It's Mc's fault! That's why we aren't celebrating her bdae for her this yr.


One of the pics in the CD case. Dun see them so dead here ok- they're all stark raving mad!!!!! Esp Nino & Ohno & Aiba!
(from left: Nino, Sho, Aiba, Ohno, Jun) "YEAH!!!!"


Juz kidding (abt the mc bdae thing. the lingerie thing is true k!)