Another chapter closed. Actually it is several chapters closed and one of which unexpectedly holds an infinite amount of pages behind it. I have remorsefully closed, as the pain of something you can see in the future but can’t grasp. Will the chapter be reopened? Nothing is ever certain.
My last few weeks have been spontaneous. Very much unlike me, I don’t like making decisions without some thought and calculate the decision. When I have made spontaneous decisions usually having to do with purchases I’ve had buyers remorse. So, one day I was going to stay in Pittsburgh for the rest of the month working frequently and that very day I packed up my belongings hurriedly and very disorganized left for Boise, Idaho. I stopped for the night twice. Once outside of Chicago, and the other in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I drove in wind storms of 50 mph and rain/snow, and slick roads which I thought I might have to turn around. I clung to the steering wheel and prayed my car would stay on the road. Also, I drove an hour out of the way to visit with a few dear friends before turning around, back north, to Boise. That mind you is 34 hours of driving. The next days consisted of paperwork, tests, and ‘Spring cleaning.’ I cleared out my room which I had for 20 years and had kept my lifetime of belongings. I threw it away. The nostalgia of these belongings brought some pain of the happy memories, and ease of childhood. My mom was brought to tears. I was throwing ‘my life’ away. She kept a few things for her own memories.
I made a list for myself of things I which made me laugh that I’d kept for so long:
Old birthday cards for my past birthdays
Ticket stubs (one grouped from a past relationship)
Old letters of recommendation
Snake puppet (a hanger with a painted foam snake at the end)
Garbage bags full of old clothes: some made by my mom. All of them tied to specific periods, and memories in my life.
Cd’s, & cassette tapes (which I come to find my dad kept because he likes the music)
Key chains (from middle school when it was cool to have 50 key chains hanging from your bag even if you had no keys to hang at the end)
A chain made from ‘notes’ a friend and I wrote to see how long of a chain we could make before the semester ended
Fishing licenses
Chopsticks from when I was in China, and some old souveniors.
Old wedding announcements
My folder full of wedding magazine clippings, and a notebook of weddings ideas for the day when I would get married.
Mandarin lessons notes
Old talks for church, or lessons
Gratitude journal
Hist of Civ notes which I opened talked about Greece. Funny that I find that right after I went there.
R rated movies on tape that Ben hid from mom from high school. (Full Metal Jacket, Enemy at the Gates, Taxi Driver, We Were Soldiers, Snatch)
Notebooks with lists of songs when I converted my cassette tapes to CD’s
All now gone….recycled, good will, or in the trash. Done. The most important stuff I still have filed away in that same room. Much more organized. When I get home there are a few boxes in the garage that I will go through. These are the ones that may bring me to tears.
I also managed to spend some time with my best friend. We laugh together and seperately as we share our memories shared, and stories of my follies from traveling. For some reason I always manage to get myself into mischief, pickle, or some obstacle and she enjoys sharing those stories with her friends. I've always have been able to count on her.
Not even a week after leaving Pittsburgh, I spent 15 hours driving down to Southern California, stopping once for dinner in Las Vegas so I could visit my beautiful, pregnant sister-in-law and brother. I now stay night after night alone in an Extended Stay Hotel. I mostly work, read, and sleep. Oh wait, I can't forget eat. Yes, I do too much of that. There are a few other things between which I will mention afterward.
