Simply Victoria

Just taking time to share a Christmas giveaway from Feathers in the Nest. A lovely pair of scissors and a soon-to-be disclosed new design, regarding Downton Abbey.

When I first saw this on Feathers in the Nest, I knew I wanted to stitch it this year to have as a pretty in the home. It was just a matter of getting to it. First dealing with a wonky printer that wanted to print out 22 pages before getting to the actual stitch design on 2 separate occasions.

Then there was the need to figure out how to finish it. As I am not a fortunate girl with any silks in my thread box, I couldn't follow Jennifer's suggestions. So I decided to base the colors on the fabric for finishing. I found a classy one at JoAnn's and then spent a couple of days deliberating over thread colors while I worked on finishing up on another ornament.

Another delay, not at all begrudged, came along with Big D and his friends here for Thanksgiving - during which I dragged out my knitting and found a forgotten, pretty thready scarf on the needles waiting for completion. Big D's girl loves purple so I decided to finish it up for her. That meant knitting away on that.

"Joy" kept calling me so one Y homeschool P.E. class, I grabbed my supplies and stitched in the car and in the pool waiting area. When the border was about half way done, I decided to redo it a little closer to the lettering and more symmetrical. Between life, EBV, and finishing the thready scarf, a week ago I finally got back to stitching up "Joy." Seemed like a rather drawn out project for such a quick stitich.

All that was left was the completion finishing phase. BNH voted cube finish instead of small pillow. As I did one of those last year, it was easy. So last night he manned the band saw with the hard foam and I pinned fabric and primped wire ribbon into a piece of loveliness.

 Here you have it:

Dear Epstein Barr,

This letter is to inform you that you are not welcome to come to my house to party. NOT. EVER. AGAIN. Your recent visit has invaded my adrenals and wreaked havoc on my energy levels as well as my life. In addition to being exhausted you have left me unable to kiss my family until I am not longer contagious - completely unacceptable! You are quite persistent and will not leave when asked. As to how you are allowed in is a question onto itself. In addition to you none of your brothers, sisters or random mutant cousins have admittance - authorized or not. According to the CDC there are over 1,000 members in your family. Do not think that you can disguise yourself and still gain admittance. Take note that I have become more informed and I will be well armed. You will do well to be advised and avoid all dealings with me in the future.

Sincerely,
Victoria

Here in the North, the beauty of fall has been past for a couple of weeks now. It seems that a bit of melancholy sets in once the leaves fall and Daylight Savings Time ends. It can appear dark and dull, especially on sunless days. So, to our delight, snow was on the deck this morning as we started to gather for breakfast. Although it was melting within the half hour, it gave a glimpse that another season will soon be on the way.

However, before that can happen, a bit more squirrel-ing needs to be done around here. Two weekends ago was spent filling the freezer with squash soup and carrot cauliflower soup, along with squash cooked up for several nice winter's meals. Tonight after dinner, a huge box, almost 30 pounds worth, of cranberries was taking up major space on my counter. Much as my tired body would have liked, I couldn't ignore it. I had to deal with those berries or I would be sorry.

So they got washed...

Today for journaling, the Chili Peppers had to write 10 things for the journal prompt Happiness is... While I was trying to get them thinking, ideas poured into my mind about what makes me happy. Here they are as they spilled out with more than 10!

Happiness is:

• sunny days
• no conflict relationships
• Jesus
• cuddling with BNH
• sleeping in
• reading to the Peppers
• watching Jane Austen with Kase
• cross stitching
• long Bible study time
• girlfriend time
• walking on the River Walk
• being forgiven
• reading Jennifer's blog
• drinking tea
• reading a good book
• awesome praise and worship
• scones
• a clean house

A new tradition started in our family today. Not purposefully but rather out of the need of the moment.

Our beloved Big D had to fly back to VA this noon. Most of us took in early church so whoever wanted to could ride along to the airport. For me it was going to be one of those times when I just knew I would be a mess saying goodbye all the way there and back. So I did my kiss, cry, and goodbye at home.

Here is the story I heard when the farewell team returned:

My youngest was hungry (No surprise!) and asked for a cookie. BNH said there weren't any. But lo and behold, a package of leftover cookies was absently, and providentially, left behind from a trip last week. Best of all they were gluten free!


So Kase and Mr. Buster each had one. They asked their dad if he wanted one and he said why not? He then came up with "the consolation cookie." The cookie that gets eaten because everyone needs a little consolation after taking a beloved one to the airport. The cookie that could never make the heart feel good but give the tongue and tummy a bit of satisfaction for however long the nibbling lasts.

I am not sure when the next consolation cookie will be eaten, perhaps deer hunting/Thanksgiving. Maybe Christmas. Whenever we get the blessing of another visit, I'll have to make sure the car is ready with the necessary goods for the trip back home.

 

Thursday I took some time for myself and went to my LNS. I was on the hunt for a specialty thread and school starts up next week. My big guys were home so no worries about a get-home time. So I figured I had better "take the gift and go." 

I am so needy for it  - RIGHT NOW!! I can't even tell ya'.

 And not just a bucket full. I need a whole ocean full.

 Dumped right over the top of me.

Yes, I'm desperate!!

I find myself in situations where I just want to explain how I feel and before I know it, it becomes a very tangled, tense conversation.

"GRACE! Need you right now, please!"

Do I try too hard to present my feelings? Do I put too much importance on being understood? Do I want everyone to get "my way" of thinking or doing?

Yeah...

I need grace because I need to learn how to interact with people. Walking in this world sinner-on-sinner is tough stuff! I would be a complete idiot to think I could manage even for a moment without grace. That's why I am so desperate.

I need Jesus! I need Him so desperately!! I need all that He has to offer and I need to ask Him to fill me with Himself continually. I need His grace to cover my sins and deal with the guilt of them. I need His grace to accept His forgiveness and to help me to forgive others. I need His grace to empower me when I am too weak to conger up His grace on my own.

I know "where the grace is." It is found at the foot of the cross. It is found in His Word. It is found when I simply cry out for it.

And I don't need to be desperate any more.


And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  2 Corinthians 9:8

My Bible study group is doing Priscilla Shirer's Jonah right now. What an awesome study! I am really enjoying the introspectiveness and the challenging "re-thinking" that it is making me do.

The start of Priscilla's study goes like this:
           I am Jonah.
       I want to serve God...as long as it is convenient.
    I desire to do His will...until it is a tad uncomfortable.
I want to hear His Word...as long as its message is one I'm suppose to pass on to
someone else...

Umm...yeah. That is me too. And this is some tough stuff to deal with when I want to have some control.

This past week we had a day to focus on the fact that we have nowhere to hide. Psalm 139:7 says, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?" The obvious answer is nowhere. He is ever present. Or more properly put: omnipresent.

Priscilla shared a small portion of a devotional from Sarah Young's God Calling which
says, "I am all around you, hovering over you even as you seek My Face. I am nearer than you dare believe, closer than the air you breathe."

When I first read this I thought how amazing it was to think about His very nearness hovering over me! All the time. Wherever I go! It's pretty indescribable how comforting and loved that makes me feel. He is nearer than I dare to believe. Closer than the air I breathe. Air is right around me all the time. It is just one breath away. His presence is less than one breath away. It is closer than the air I breathe.

The air I breathe is right up to my nostrils - there for my very life and sheer existence. When I thought about God being that close, for a minute it gave me pause. Being closer than the air I breathe would mean that He would right up against my nose - no space in between. I would not be able to breathe at all. I felt suffocated. It made me want to step back and literally take a deep breath. I felt a bit panicky thinking about His presence being right there, so close. Close enough to cut off my breath.

"Just give me an inch, Lord. To be able to breathe. You would still be super close."

 As I kept pondering this, God continued to show me more. If He truly was closer than the air I breathe, I would not be able to breathe. I would have no life from lack of air. I would no longer be breathing anything other than Him. He would be my air. I would not be living for me but living for Him and by Him. The beauty about this is that He showed me that is exactly how He wants me to be. Dead to myself and alive because He would be my supply, my breath of life. No longer would I live for myself but He would live in me.

But only as long as I did not step away, not even 1 little head movement of an inch.

 I want the Spirit of the Lord hovering over me and nearer than the air I breathe. Not fretting that I don't still get to breathe on "my own" and worrying that I will be suffocated. But rather resting in His nearness so very, very close.

"Don't give me an inch, Lord. Not even one. Be closer than the air I breathe."

"I didn't think it was actually possible to have such strong feelings for a place...an ache in one's heart to be filled with the sights, smells, sounds, and tastes of a place that is the very definition of home." JL






How can such a place feel like home when it never even has been home? Feeling homesick today... and missing Texas.

We have instituted a new National holiday. Yesterday was National "I Want to be in San Antonio" Day.

Yesterday, a lovely, sunny March 17th, we wished we were in San Antonio. Not because we want better weather. Who could ask for better than this??? Simply gorgeous and warm for mid-March.

We wished we were in San Antonio just because we love it there! Even the naysayer of the group was wishing for a walk on the River Walk and dinner at the Alamo Cafe. Now that is REALLY saying something!

There is something really special about San Antonio. Hard to say just what it is because it is so many little things all added up. Like the weather, of course, the River Walk, the Alamo. Some delicioso Mexican food. Driving up I 10 with the country music blaring. Add to that the Hill Country, visits with Little Bear, and Historic Gruene. And well, you have got something not to be missed. Something to be longed for. Something to have a national day of wanting for!

If you have never been, you are missing some good times and beautiful places. And, without a doubt, yesterday you would have been dressed in your plaid shirt and cowboy boots wishing you were there too.

It's feeling a little allusive here these past days. I so want to be ok about not going on any type of get-away break this winter. Winter has been beyond mild this year. I'm not feeling snow bound.

But, when ever San Antonio gets mentioned in this house, I go to the place of longing. The place of sun and warmth and new. New from the day-to-day old stuff that gets me bogged down and discontent. Not a happy word. And really one that fills me with guilt for my lack of thankfulness for what I do have.

So does contentment really just mean thankfulness? The more and more I think on it it does. Absolutely yes.

I am thankful for a good God who knows what I really do need and exactly how to supply it.

I am thankful He takes away my desires when they are not what I really need and just get too much for me to deal with.

I am thankful that He patiently deals with me, teaching me to be content.

When I was a young, engaged, 21 year old, I read a book called Engaged. Engaging title, huh? As you would guess it was informative about a couple's relationship before and during marriage. This, of course, included parenting. There was a statement in the book that really struck me then and is the only thing I remember about the book to this day.

Here it is: Raise your kids to get rid of them.

Wow, I thought. How brilliant!! As a young woman who was out and on my own, I completely agreed. I didn't want my parents unduly holding on to me and keeping me back from the next chapter of my life.

Fast forward 26 years. Sloooowly please. And what have I done? With my man, of course, we have a raised a young man and gotten rid of him. Our 21 year old son left for VA today to embark on the path he believes God has set before him. He has carefully packed and planned the 12 hour drive. He has a bedroom rented and a job waiting for him on Monday. He is ready for his next chapter.

After waving him off early this morning, my oldest said, "Well, you guys did good. One down."

By His grace alone it has been good. We are proud of the young man he has become and his whole hearted dedication to follow the Lord.

But where on earth did that feeling from the so-called brilliant statement go? Written by a logical, left-brain dominate male, the book's practical wisdom doesn't sound so favorable now. My aching heart and pounding, cry-every-time-I-think-about-him headache confirm that.

What was I thinking when I so openly embraced that statement so many years ago? Certainly not about true giving, lay it all out there motherhood. Certainly not about connection and tied heart strings. Certainly not about family times that are completely crazy and mean nothing to anybody but us.

I was not thinking about what it truly means to be a mother. And how could I since I wasn't one yet? But today and ever since I had my first child, being a mother means wanting to raise kids and not wanting to get rid of them. Why would I want to "get rid of them?"  Sounds so heartless to this very feeling momma.

No, I prefer to think that I want to raise my kids to have an everlasting relationship with them. I want to keep them close in my heart even if I can't have them close in proximity. I want them to pursue the path that God has in mind for them wherever that may take them with whoever walks along with them. If I didn't believe that God had work for them to do, I could not resolve their leaving in my heart and mind.

So, while my son grows and goes, I will be grateful for his journey, praying for his immediate and long term future.

But for tonight and perhaps a few more days to a week, I will keep my emotions close to my heart and my kleenex box close to my hand.  

Hurts come in quite the variety of ways. Physical hurts - like how can a scraped toe cause so much pain that you cry? Just because you didn't pick your foot up high enough to clear the shower door frame? And then there are the emotional ones, more painful in their own right. How can the sadness of one of your children's pain feel like your very own? How can you ache for someone that you have never met and seen a picture of? And what about when a dream doesn't happen you feel a real death of sorts? How does this work? How do emotional feelings create such responses? Pain. Tears. Aching. Longing. Death.

A loss happened to someone we care about in our house. He is hurting and confused. And I am crying for him. I feel so bad for him and I can't say that I even know him all that well. But I care for him nonetheless. I pray that he doesn't lose his way. I pray that he can trust God when all seems so unclear. I pray that he isn't sad and hurting...

I don't like hurting. I would just as soon not feeling anything and be totally unempathetic. But I wasn't made for that at all. I feel deeply. Sometimes way too deeply. And as I ponder the why's of hurts and pain, I can only see that what comes out on the other side is what makes it ok. Somehow the miracle of grace comes in somewhere and wraps itself around the hurt - comforting, correcting, and guiding through the pain. Eventually bringing with it the peace that makes it a little better, one tiny bit at a time. Just one tiny bit at a time...

That is what I hope our young friend will stay through the process and receive.