A New Beginning

Posted on by Nic
Reply

This post may seem a little late, since I’ve gotten a new blog sometime back. However, when I comment on someone’s blog, it sometimes leads them back here to this dusty ol’ blog collecting dust. :)

I never delete old blogs as I sometimes like to glance through them again, cringing at all the silly mistakes I made, laughing at all the fond memories of the past, and smiling for I’ve learned much through them.

Anyway, my new blog is currently at Blogspot, the first platform I used to blog before. :)

It’s called A Medical Student and An Author, so see you there! It’s mostly about writing, and medically related things. :) After reliving the times I had in this blog though, I’m so tempted to write on different things here, so I may do so! You never know. We’ll see. :)

Toodles!

To Be Free

Posted on by Nic
2

I don’t think I’ll be posting anything on this blog anymore. I’ve decided to write somewhere else, in private.

Its not that I don’t like blogging anymore. I do. I guess I just don’t want random people to come poking around and know my feelings and loves when they don’t even bother to come up to me and talk.

Its like peeking into a house and watching the loves and fights going on inside and then disappearing. Just being a nosey bother.

So. If you really care, drop me an email.

I would drop you one too, but well. Due to certain circumstances, I feel like I’m being a bother when I drop a bombshell of emotions to people I barely talk to anymore.

Sorry.

I love you still.

I’m just shy.

Oh oh. I’m shifting to Tumblr and still writing insanely long posts there. Just privately.

Sticky!

Posted on by Nic
2

So, I’ve decided to keep some pretty entertaining posts private because I dislike a major rush-in of viewers merely for a certain post. i.e. The Karrrl Urban post. :(

–

Anyone who wants to read through my password protected posts, can always drop me a comment asking for the password. You do have to tell me who you are though. :) That is all. Thanks!

Hateful

Posted on by Nic
Reply

I don’t even know what to think anymore. Nor do I understand what’s going on in my hearts and theirs. Who’s to blame? Me? Them? This thought sets my heart in turmoil again and then another pushes its way through. Why find fault? There really is no point to play the blame game.

Who started it? What happened on between? If there’s no point to playing the blame game then why does questions like that come up over and over again.

How do we fix it? This one question does not confound me. Because there is only one answer.

We don’t. I don’t. I can’t. Because the hurts run too deep, the pain stings everyday and the tears doesn’t stop coming.

Should we talk it over?

But what is there to say anymore. You made your choice and I stood by meekly and watched it happen.

The end.

Vivaaaaa

Posted on by Nic
Reply

I guess out of all my vivas, this viva impacted me the most. Just the day before I hadn’t had any mood to study AT ALL. I was flipping through the texts here and there, gobbling up bits of information when I can, but more often I was just staring into space, not really caring.

–

I don’t really know why, but I just couldn’t pay attention and make myself focus. I was all, “Ah, whatever.”

–

I even slept off till 4 before finally grudgingly going through certain chapters I missed. I didn’t touch one particular chapter however, despite knowing it was one of the most important chapters for this block. I was all, “I can identify the structures anyway, blah theory.”

–

And then I went to the dissection hall and found out that Sir Snarky Spitfire was going to be my Viva lecturer. Oh, how my heart fell. It fell into the pits of gastric juices and tried to digest itself. And not only that, I was the first in line of fire. Those who heard that I had him, shook my hand and gave their condolences. He was well known for tapping impatiently when you stammered, and snarking the heck outta you when you stared back cluelessly.

–

So there I was, very unprepared, scared as hell, and praying, “God, let him be nice!”

–

He sauntered in late as I shivered in my whitish labcoat, and smiled. He smiled so sweetly! The smile I knew from Facebook, the smile that could be seen on his daughter’s face as well. That sweet smile!

–

Gosh.

–

And the Viva started and it wasn’t so bad at first. But it was obvious that I had no clue what I was saying for that particular chapter I hadn’t read. And he asked me so many questions based on that topic and I could only stare at him in horror.

–

Worst of all was the way he kept smiling, and said, “Its okay.” He didn’t even snark me! He didn’t scold the way he did before! I felt sooo bad.

–

Here I was, stupid, lazy and he was smiling at me!

–

Uh. I felt so moronic not knowing how to answer the easy questions. I’m only thankful that I could at least answer all the rest that I read up on, and well too. Just that chapter. Guh.

–

Oh God, Thank You for not letting him snark snark me, and be full of smiles and forgiveness instead despite my stupidity and laziness.

–

I shall not be lazy anymore and be even more geared up for the exams tomorrow morning. :)

–

Amen.

To Be The Bigger Person

Posted on by Nic
Reply

Life is always hectic in Manipal. There’s always the catching up with work, the never ending tests, the mind-wrecking, gut-wrenching PBLs, and the SDLs. Not to mention the numerous nonsensical dramas in between. Having sleep can be such a luxury sometimes. But the key is to really study when there’s the time to. :)

–

Today is not one of those days. It hasn’t been for the past two weeks. There’s always something missing, something not there. An uneasiness.

–

And it’s multiplied a hundred-fold today. I know what’s been missing now. Is it morbid how my life is uneasy until I’ve a crisis/trouble looming ahead? It’s been peaceful the past few days. And when something big hits the shores of my life: that’s when it falls into place.

–

Lord, is this your way of reminding me how important you are in my life? Do I forget to praise you in the times when I’m happy? Do I forget to pray?

–

Lord, thank You for helping me grow day after day.

–

–

It’s difficult for me, difficult for everyone, I’m sure. It’s difficult for me to say sorry. But here I am, trying. And there you are, shutting me off. How do you want me to express my love? I know I had been difficult. I know that I wasn’t always the best for you. I know that I was never always there for you. But here I am now, trying to move pass the past, and reaching out to you. And there you are, killing me with your silences and shouts, killing me with your words. You don’t believe that I love you, you don’t believe that I care. You think me wonderful one minute, you think me utterly like dust the next.

–

What do you want me to do? I’m only human, I cannot save you. I can only love you the best I can. But you’re not even allowing me to do so. I want to take you as you are, but you say I condemn you. And here you are, condemning me for being me.

–

I stayed silent, and I suffered. I voiced it out, and it was better for a while, before it got worst again. And when I stifle the voice, there’s tears shed still. What should I do? What should I do?

–

How will this end I wonder?

–

–

Sleepy Naughty Baby

Posted on by Nic
Reply

When I came back home from India, the last thing I expected was more pets around my house. Specifically, inside my house. My housing area always had stray dogs around. I hated it, because my previous household pet, Glory, a scruffy dog, liked to pick fights with the other dogs. He died because of that as well, and I didn’t realize until I wondered why he didn’t wake up from his usual nap by the door. We don’t really chain him up, because while he’s small, he’s lethal. He can break chains.

–

With him gone, my darling neighbour decided to continuously adopt more dogs just to keep their house safe, as there’s threats of theft, etc. The only problem? They don’t give them collars, they don’t keep them in the house, they don’t feed them, and literally sets them wild after the initial, “Oh look at my cute puppy!” disappears into thin air.

–

And when I came back home, there were four dogs roaming around. Two huge giant dogs, one scruffy dog very unlike my Glory before, and a stinky ugly Chihuahua which I really disliked. They were also humping when I returned. Ugh.

–

Mum also prepared me with a call just before I came back. “Your sister and brother seemed to have found themselves with three kittens.” Also, there were two little terrapins, in which one had disappeared.

–

Oh goodness gracious me. So many pets! :(

–

Then I saw the three little kittens, barely four days old, and i sort-of fell in love. I never expected to love them, and I did. Also, I enjoy tilting the terrapin backwards and laughing at it. But still, let’s get back to the kittens! I’m not really an animal lover, because past the adorable cuddliness, there’s the poop, the ickyness, and all, which I don’t really like. Haha! Yes, not really a dog person or a cat person, but still!

–

Them kittens stole my heart. Here I am cuddling them in my lap, stroking their necks, letting them kiss my cheeks, or bite at my fingers, and I just love them. Despite them pooping and all. They’re still awesome.

–

–

–

I wonder what’s going to happen to them. My family can’t keep them, not with all of us away from home so often. Ah well.

–

Until that day comes when I’m to fly back. I’m gonna keep them close to my heart. Literally. :)

Dreams

Posted on by Nic
Reply

You leave me no choice but to bleed and to live and to survive. Sometimes the world is my oyster, and sometimes, its just a bridge, and I’m walking to see where it’ll end.

–

Sometimes there’s so much pain because there’s never really one person to hold my hand, but then thats foolish! Because there’s always one genuine beautiful one that loves me always.

–

Life goes about its funny ways, and the thing about thinking the way I do, like that in stories, in its theme, action, plot, climax, ups, and downs, and twists: is that everyone has their life to lead. Each has their own story to tell, and to know them, so difficult, but so wondrous.

–

Tangled in it.

–

Tell me your tale.

–

I’ll gladly share mine. :)