Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Miscarriage
Ugh. I've been dreading coming here because I knew that was the word I had to write. "Miscarriage." What a horrible thing to have to tell the Internet. I lost the pregnancy. It seems the baby stopped developing before it could even be technically be called a fetus. Everything passed fairly easily and peacefully here at home Monday night. Of course, I'm sad. Of course, I am disappointed. But, I am OK too. It helps me to know that my body did just what it was supposed to do under such circumstances (as my brilliant and sensitive cousin pointed out). It helps me to know that the cells just didn't divide like they were supposed to; I understand that it is no one's fault. And most of all it helps to snuggle the three beautiful babies I have successfully carried and birthed, one of which still nurses and sleeps at night with her fat little hands cradling my face. When Smoochy and I are ready again, I know there is a fourth baby floating around the cosmos waiting for its time. A time I am fairly sure will come. So, until then I've learned a great deal, not least of which is to only post about a pregnancy on social media after the first trimester is passed. I don't ever want to title a post like this again. Thank you so much for all your love, prayers, and concerns. It means so much to both Jacob and I.
Friday, January 13, 2012
8 Weeks
I know it is far too early to be making an announcement like this but I am terrible at keeping secrets. Plus, at a scant 8 weeks pregnant my little tummy seems to be betraying me. I supposed that's to be expected for a fourth pregnancy. That little bump just pops right out! I did read on some highly reliable site like Baby Center or the like that the uterus doubles in size by the seventh week, so I guess that accounts for it. We hadn't planned on telling the kids, but my preceptive little Georgia notice my belly and said, "It looks like there is a baby in there... (puts her head on my tummy and listens) Wait! There are TWO GIRL BABIES in there!!!" Can you imagine? Smoochy would have a coronary. Anyway, as far as I know it is not twins. One baby is exciting enough. We are thrilled to be expecting our new little Smoochy baby in mid-August. It feels like an eternity from now... plenty of time to get organized, right? Whatever, four kids, I've got this!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Climate Change
What is going on with this weather? These pictures were all taken January 5th, and though we have all truly enjoyed each and every moment spent outside this "winter" I can't help but pine for snow. This fall I devised a plan to stay outside with the kids as much as possible through the winter. I stocked up on boots, snowsuits, and gloves for all the kids figuring that we would just bundle and go. Freezing temps be damned, we would play outside! Well, Lola's boots are caked with mud, the snow suits hang in a closet unused, and I can't so much as keep a sweater on Georgia.
As an unfortunate consequence of all this "good weather", I am suffering from premature spring fever. Instead if sitting on my couch knitting and drinking tea, I am pacing our yard frantically scheming about where to put hugelkultur beds and a chicken coop. Perhaps if the world was covered in a blanket of snow I could forget all the piles of wood to be dealt with and the garden beds to be created in the new patches of sunlight created by Smoochy's clear-cutting.. Instead, I look out and I want to start digging in the dirt NOW. I have started a little bit. But, I feel thwarted by my inability to wield the massive muscle power of a man. Plus, my dear sweet sweet hubby has to spend his time elsewhere... like at his pesky JOB. What I really want is a man-slave to put to work building fence, lugging wood, digging out garden beds, building wood sheds, putting on our missing balcony, mulching tree debris, and whatever else I deem to be of importance. I might need to slow my roll before I drive myself (and Smoochy) absolutely crazy. Oops, too late.
Yesterday we had a wee bit of snow. It was so soothing. But, it wasn't enough to blanket anything and will be melted in a few days. So, we're still caught in this strange purgatory between fall and winter that feels like it will never end. I have become so dependent on the cycle of seasons in the few short years I have enjoyed them. It's funny, in spring, when the world looks all brown and muddy like it does now, I think it looks fresh and full of possibility. Now, I look out and think how the landscape looks worn out and exhausted. The earth looks tired... like it just wants to be put to bed already. Two years ago it dumped so much snow we were all praying for it to end, now i'm praying winter would hurry up and come already. I suppose it goes to show the grass is always greener. At least he kids are loving it!
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