This week I will be moving out of my house and into a house where I will have two roommates.  I am dreading this so much.  The girls I will be living with are great.  It's not them.  It's not the fact that I will be further away from work, or that I won't have a yard, or that the neighborhood isn't as nice (that's my opinion anyway).

Well, it is partially those things. But, here is the real issue:
For the past year, I have been living by myself.  When people find this out, they seem to assume that I must be lonely because I live along.  FALSE.  Living alone is fantastic.  I can do whatever I want, whenever i want.  I can do laundry at 2 am and play my music and no one cares.  I can choose to not do dishes for a while and no one cares.  I can have people over whenever and no one cares.  Love it.  In addition to that, when I want to be away from people, I really am.

Ironically, I am most lonely when I am around other people.  I guess I am generally quiet, but overall I feel ignored, or overlooked.  Someone whose presence is taken for granted.  Which is a lot worse than living by myself.

In the book/movie , "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" one of the characters ask,
 "Why do I and everyone around me pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"
The answer: "We accept the love we think we deserve."

I think this is true.  I, at some point, chose to be friends with people or chose to date people who have treated me as though I was nothing, and I deal with it.  I, in turn, probably do this to other people as well, and they put up with it.

On some deep level, we feel that we deserve that.  Or we decide that we want the acceptance from certain people, and we feel that being around them, even if they treat us as though we are nothing, grants us that acceptance.

Lately, I have been working on giving up people that treat me as if I were nothing. It is hard, and somedays I still go back to those people.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

If there is anyone who actually reads this thing, they may have noticed that I'm not very good at posting new things.  Which is actually okay with me, because it means that I can put stuff out there, and no one will see it.  Like google plus.  Anyway... here are things I meant to blog about, and didn't manage to until now:

From February 2012: I hate Walmart. And Basketball.  I'm not sure which one I hate worse.  Walmart is obnoxious because the way it is set up, if you need to buy toothpaste and milk, they are about a million miles away from each other, at opposite corners of the store.  And if you need to buy screwdriver too, then you can pretty much just count on hanging out at Walmart all night because you will never get out of there.  So when you are finally ready to check out, you realize that there is only one check out line open, despite the fact that there are 20 plus registers (that have probably never been used).  On top of this, the employee is super mean, grumpy, and extremely inept at their job.  Several times while you are in line, a supervisor will stroll by and the checker-outer will ask when they can go on break or go home, to which the supervisor has some reply that means "never," making the checker-outer even slower and even meaner. And of course this one open register is not close to either of the front doors, so then you have to hike it out of there, to discover that the door you came in is now locked, so then you have to go through walmart again just to get out of the store.  horrible horrible place. 
Basketball is similarly horrible.  The point of the game I have yet to figure out, along with most of the rules.  I somehow got recruited to play on a team back in February or March.  I made it to two practices.  The whole time I kept thinking, "this is soooo dumb.  why am I doing this?"  Fact:  Real basketball is not fun.  It's running back and forth from one side of a gym to the other repeatedly.  Sometimes people throw the ball up in the air, and then people fight over it, and you do it all over again.  Then if I ever got the ball, I didn't dribble it right, either standing still or running, and then they all started yelling at me.  And apparently no shoving is allowed when i do it, but I swear they were shoving me around.  ugh, just thinking about it makes me sick.  No fun at all. 

To be continued. 

I think I was meant to be a gypsy. Living in one place too long really really bugs me. I'm not quite sure what it is: the people? the weather? the culture? the fact that I'm pretty sure I had a better time long ago in a different place?

It has recently become very apparent to me that I am a tad rebellious. Most of the time I am uncertain if I want to do something or not. Then, someone tells me NOT to do it and then I have an overwhelming desire to do whatever they told me not to do. And it generally works out very well for me. Here are some examples:

It finally snowed today in Vancouver. I couldn't help but stare for several minutes out my office window at the huge puffs of snow falling from the sky. We did not get enough to make a snowman, much to the chagrin of my young niece, but it was nice all the same.

I love this blog because I'm pretty sure no one but me looks at it. In any case, I'm uploading pictures from my phone before I lose them. Here's what I've been up to lately. Obviously there are no pictures of awesome things, because I was having way too much fun to take a picture.

Sun Valley Golf Course

Who knew that getting a driver's license was so difficult? being a temporary resident of utah, i started here, was rejected because I don't have a SS card (that has since been fixed). I made a few nasty comments about the state of utah on my way out the door there. Next day, went to Ogden and applied for a SS card, drove to Paris Idaho to try to renew my Idaho license, arrived 7 minutes late to the DMV. Sigh. A few days later tried to get a license in Rupert Idaho but was unable to find the place, then the next day managed to find the DMV in Twin Falls, tbut had to leave to go to a bank (who doesn't take debit? seriously). After all this hassle, I am now legally qualified to operate a motor vehicle on public roadways. Congratulations to me! It was quite the non-adventure