I am fully aware that I am a mother of two, soon to be three, but I am constantly asking myself, "Moms, how do you do it???" Totally rhetorical, of course, because I'm not a mom who enjoys reading "How To Mom" books or blog posts. But there are some days, usually the days when I've "had it up to here" with my 5-year-old and my 1-year-old is a clinging vine, that I genuinely wonder, "Moms, how do you do it..."
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my babies "big much" and being a mom is the GREATEST, most difficult, most humbling, most trying, most exhausting, most wonderful job in the whole wide world. I wouldn't trade my lot in life for all of the free trips around the world or, more realistically, extra sleep and peaceful moments. I didn't understand chaos until my second came along, so totally opposite of my first concerning her needs, and now I can't believe our life was so calm before number two. Having one kid was no cake walk all the time, but I just didn't understand how moms weren't able to get it all done. What do you mean you're not getting any sleep? My kid sleeps from 8 to 8 every single night and has since she was 7 weeks old. I feel great! She's just so EASY. She obeys, she's self-motivated - potty trained before 2 years, she's so social and interactive. My house is always picked up by the end of the day.
For me, balancing the needs and unique personality of one little person was just so easy.
Three and a half years after the birth of the first, came our second, and life has never been the same. My parenting methods, in some ways, have had to change with the second and even so with the first and consistency takes a whole heck of a lot more effort. My 5-year-old is still very independent and social and sweet, but having a younger, needier sibling has changed her a little. Not to mention the general 5-year-old stage of life - more independent, attitude for days, questions upon questions, pushing the boundaries - which pushes our parenting into new stages! All of this while trying to remember what we valued when raising our first 1-year-old...
My house is NEVER picked up by the end of the day (and we have a house helper who comes for two hours every evening!). My second has words like "candy" and "chips" in her vocabulary. My first has more screen time each day than I would like. My second rarely wears clothing and my first rarely wears clothing that matches. Neither wear bows anymore. And its not uncommon for one or both to be carrying around some sort of animal, pet or otherwise, the health and sanitation of which I have no idea.
When Chandler is in the bush for days at a time, I give a silent shout out to single moms and I pray for the single moms that I know.
When my girls are fighting over a baby doll, I give a silent shout out to moms of all girls or moms of all boys.
When I read on social media about a mom's day running the kids here and there, I give a shout out to moms in America.
When I read of moms caring for kids with foreign illnesses in a place with poor healthcare or moms helping their children navigate new cultures, I give a shout out to moms raising kids in a host culture.
Having dealt with a season of depression, I pray for the moms who are raising kids and wading through various struggles of their own.
To moms of older kids: shout out. I am terrified of the years to come, navigating life transitions alongside your kid. I laid awake in bed last night drafting my monologue for when my first starts her period for the first time. She's 5.
To moms of multiples: Shout. Out. I wanted twins at one time.
To adoptive moms and foster moms: shout out. I see these processes worked out in families of close friends and I can't even begin to fathom the emotional roller coaster of love and loss that they have endured, all for the glory of God and the Gospel.
Stay-at-home moms, working moms, first-time moms, sixth-time moms, pregnant moms with littles, moms with school-age kids, step moms, moms with kids with disabilities or long-term illnesses, moms whose grown children live thousands of miles away.
Shout out.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Thursday, December 18, 2014
This Is How We Do: Haircuts
Before we moved to Africa, I had two concerns: haircuts and birthdays. I mean, those weren't my only two concerns, but they were the two concerns I never inquired about because they seemed quite petty against all of the other major life adjustments we would be making.
There were questions I had to get answered, like:
Q: What do I do if we don't have a doctor near us?
A: Buy two books - "When There is No Doctor" by Gerard S. Doyle, MD and "Where There Is No Doctor" by David Werner
(Fortunately, we have an amazing South African doctor whose family has become some of our close friends.)
Q: What will schooling look like for our children?
A: Homeschool is always an option, regardless of the schooling provided
Q: What should we take from America and what should we just get rid of?
A: Take items that will make your host country feel like home, sell the rest
You know, questions like that. My birthdays and haircuts questions were certainly not at the bottom of my list, but they were the bottom of any list I expressed publicly.
Birthdays are important to me. I just love birthdays, but more on that another day. Haircuts, on the other hand, only became important because my husband can't successfully don the "buzz cut" and, well, he's a bit of a diva about his hair. Totally understandable because he has great hair.
So, as with anything we deem important to our mental preservation, I took necessary steps to learn the art of Chandler's particular hair cut and this is how we do...
It's all about having the right tools. And I have exactly what the pros use thanks to my MIL, who completely understands her sons vanity. I have the combs, scissors, electric razor for the edges, and even a sweet, handmade bag to carry it all in. I even received a tutorial from our hair dresser in the States.. it's all on video for me to reference whenever I freak out a little, which happens less often these days.
The next most important aspect we consider is the time of day! When I cut Waverly's hair (her first hair cut!), we could do it in the afternoon while Elodie was napping because it wasn't oppressively hot; howevever, for Chandler's most recent hair cut, we opted for an evening date, after both girls were in bed, to beat the heat.
After two and half years, about 8 hair cuts, I have successfully pared down our time from a little over 2 hours to just 1 hour. Obviously, Waverly's 'do took 20 minutes because, if you know me, you know I only cut what was necessary while keeping her beautiful locks long.
Chandler's hair, on the other hand, requires more than just a straight cut across, so it's taken a lot of practice and confidence to make our hair cutting experience as efficient as possible. And the final product is some variation of this:
I'm sure you now have a couple questions of your own, like: What about your hair, Kelli? Well... Chandler's attempted to cut it once, just straight across, take off some dead ends, and while it wasn't disastrous by any means, he's sworn he'll never do it again and I just can't have a hairdresser who doesn't have confidence in his abilities. So, I let it grow and cut it off when I get a trip to South Africa.
You may also be wondering: Kelli, you do such an amazing job with Chandler's hair! Will you continue cutting it if you ever move back to America? No. It's worth the money.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Bekily
The job we get to do is an exciting and time consuming one. It requires a ton of prep work and even then we feel like failures more often than victors. It is mentally draining, physically exhausting and uniquely humbling. All of that being said, we have experienced times where God goes before us and prepares things in such a way that we can see that He is about his mission and his glory. Our last trip was one of those times.
We set out on a Thursday night to go to a town called Bekily (Beh-kee-lee). Bekily is a town that will be the base camp for our partner church, Berea Baptist Church in Augusta, Georgia when they come to work along side of us. We live on the opposite end of Androy land from Bekily so it is quite the trip. All-in-all it is nearly a 10 hour drive over rough terrain that really wears you down. That being said, it is worth getting to. There are nearly 200,000 people that reside in the district of Bekily (in villages spread far and wide), most all of whom have had no access to the Gospel. The purpose of this trip was to receive paperwork that would allow us to work in the district, meet a person of peace in town and establish a relationship with the people of Bedona (Beh-doo-nah), a village we had passed by our last trip through the area.
Normally, this is an incredibly slow process. Rarely do I expect to accomplish all the tasks I set before a trip, but as I said, sometimes God makes it clear his mission is paramount and moves obstacles out of the way.
On our trip into Bekily we were to pass close by the village of Bedona so I just stopped the car and hopped out, hoping to meet the ndaty be (chief) of the area who was not present on our last trip through. As a white person jumping out of the car you inspire a variety of reactions, one is curiosity, typically the young men have this reaction, they want to know what is going on and who you are. The old men are skeptical, they what to know what you want and why you stopped. The women and children’s reaction is best, sheer terror. They are petrified of the ‘palakate’ or liver-takers, whom as their memory serves is typically a white guy in a red truck. My truck is white with red details on the outside and I am white, so this reaction is a bit normal and one I have come to expect. Well, as I said, I was in search of the ndaty be and praise the Lord he was there. It is respectful and expected to go and talk with him before you do anything else in his area. So we squat (heels down with your bum just above the ground) and talk. I introduce myself and my companions and explain what brought me to his place. Normally, it takes them a bit to get past my speaking their language, so I have to repeat myself to make sure he caught everything.
Our conversation with him was excellent. He said that his village, Bedona, has about 600 people living there and they are all ‘Gentiles’ (their description for a lost person). They have no church, do not know how to pray, and have never heard the Gospel. I asked if I could begin a relationship with him and his village in the hopes of teaching the Bible there eventually. He and his wives (of whom there are 2) were incredibly excited and invited me back anytime. Then we were served food as is the Tandroy custom to show respect and welcome. After ‘asking for the road’ we left with handshakes and an open invitation back to Bedona.
We bounced our way into Bekily in the early afternoon on Friday and had a chance to meet with the Mayor’s adjunct (right hand man) who remembered me from last time through. We exchanged the normal appropriate pleasantries and greetings before I brought up my questions for him. Before I had a chance to talk business with him he said he would love to have the Mayor sign our papers as soon as I get them done. He told me what the papers should say and as soon as I bring them back he will put the very official stamp on them and we will have permission to work in the district of Bekily.
From there our task was simple, walk, pray, talk, eat, talk some more, and discover. God has clearly worked out two of our three tasks so we just needed to be present for the third. We had planned our trip to coincide with the market day in Bekily as we hoped to meet people from all over the countryside and find our person of peace. Market day is quite the experience with thousands of people flooding into town to buy supplies for the week, greet friends from other areas, buy necessary fetishes and tools of witchcraft (post to come), and sell goods. We enjoyed our time walking around, sitting at booths with sellers from the area and just visiting. We found that there was not necessarily one “person of peace”, instead, there were many! People wanted to know why we were there, what we were doing and who we were. It opened doors to conversations and friendships that I hope to follow up on in the coming weeks.
It was a great trip that answered many questions, opened many doors and cleared the path ahead for the future. I will be going back to Bekily in the coming weeks with the papers for the Mayor to sign, with my tent to stay in Bedona and with expectancy that the Lord will continue to make the way clear.
The entire trip was a fantastic reminder that God’s mission will succeed. He desires that the Antandroy come to know him. He works out the details, I just go. He saves, I just speak.
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